Now that you have killed your hope of rekindling your relationship of the past and future, to live in the present, and have went through the stages of loss (whatever that looks to you) it is time to decide if you need your family or you want your family.

Need and want have very similar if not identical actions but the intentions are different.

And in life the golden rule of achieving something relating to human interactions is…

It’s not about what you say do think feel but why and how you say do think feel it.

Intent is everything. It is King.

The intent of a needy person is to essentially get the needs that makes them need things met to feel “secure”

In relation to humans the above in a neediness mindset tends to relate to doing things to feel validation; feel love, acceptance and other things that relate to fulfilling the desire we all have to feel we belong in the world.

And usually if you need that from others it’s because you do not have it and or trust what you have is enough to fulfill those needs in yourself.

Thus you chase others for those needs and when they do not fill the need to your expectations you become upset hurt, resentment, contempt, etc.

Yet if you fill those needs yourself you become full and can then focus on making others fuller because once you have those needs internally fulfilled it’s no longer about what you want, it’s about what we want.

And the number one reason you probably lost your family is because what you wanted was more important then what was best for everyone in one or more key areas.

Starting the day you fix the above and move from a need base scarce mindset to a want desire abundance based mindset it becomes about everyone involved no longer about you.

It’s about seeing relationships with humans for what they really are.

A way to add and compliment your life, not revolve around it.

It’s about how can we repair grow and strengthen bond and move as one together not how can you do all the above for me.

And to do this, you essentially need to change the lens in which you see others in your world, which means you have to now understand the baseline of how you perceive your family in relation to how you bond with them.

And the best way to do this is to understand the four types of attachment styles all humans have, the behaviour patterns you have in them, and which ones are present in ourselves with the family members we interact with.

Attachment styles are fluid context based lenses in which we view others.

Meaning we may act in one style with one person and another style with another person or a mixture of styles and levels with another.

We all have people that make us feel insecure; avoidant, disorganized and secure. And they have the same.

For example, if you act from neediness chances are your attachment style is disorganized within the family members

Tomorrow I will talk more in depth about the essence of the four styles and give examples for each.