Should a parent warn their daughter that how they dress in certain environments may attract more predators?

EntertainmentNeat592 · 2022-03-29T06:19:06+00:00

It’s a misogynistic myth that clothing attract sexual predators. So, no there is no reason for parents to perpetrate misogynistic myth to their daughter.

Research on male apex predator shows that men are more attracted to and aroused by women in sexy clothes but it also states that the amygdala in male brain can tell the difference between “rape” and “sexy fun time,” so while wearing sexy clothes may arouse men, it doesn’t not lead them to prey on women.

Research on male sexual predator shows no correlation between how a women dress and her chances chances of being preyed on. In fact, male sexual predators cares about clothing to the extend it’s easy to remove, nothing else. And, yes male apex predator are not “normal.” They are opportunistic and their victims are often based various situational opportunities than clothing itself.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-03-29T18:48:47+00:00

I'm a believer if you can't control yourself. Pluck your eyes out.

Regardless I know the dangers of this world for women and I will make sure she dresses appropriately until she is 18. In secnarios when that needed, not always. After that it's up to her.

This isn't a perfect world you need to accept the dangers of reality.

QuantumPsk · 2022-03-29T10:38:30+00:00

Absolutely not. Because it doesn't matter what you're wearing. There's no "pros" and "cons". My mom did it to me after constantly being approached my grown men as a child, wearing children's clothes. She essentially scared me into sweatpants and hoodies. Now as an adult I lived in a bubble of fear I had to grow out of because I wanted to dress up and look nice. Put on some cute heels and have lunch with myself. But everytime I'm stopped and her voice pops up into my head with the same "watch what you wear, men wil_", "you shouldn't have cleavage because men will_". But in the end, none of it matters because in hoodies and sweatpants, I still get creeped on. You know why? Because men don't care! The "apex predator" preys on ANYONE they deem a weak target, correct?? Guess what you look like in sweatpants and a hoodie??? A self conscious woman. They prey. You're dressed up? A loose woman, probably easy. They prey. You're just wearing a tshirt and Jean's?? You look like you don't care enough about yourself so you probably have low confidence. They prey! And it's not always a physical attack, its negging, its insulting you, its putting you into a position where you feel the need to defend yourself against a strangers in hope that they get some kind of interaction out of you. At every stage in my life since I started wearing bras in the 3rd grade, there's been adult men trying me. TRP tactics are extremely similar, if not exactly the same.

Recently, I was having a solo drink one day and a guy walked up to me and told me I'll sas a red flag for being by myself. That clearly nobody loved me because I was alone and he REALLY thought I'd give him the attention he desired. That man was a predator. He watched me and preyed on me when he realized I was alone and probably a weak target! But since I am confident now and know that people actually do care about me, it didn't work.

Teach her to have a great group of friends and to speak up for herself and her safety. Teach her to be confident so WHEN, not if,she gets preyed on she can spot it and walk away (in my experience it starts with negging a LOT) Teach her to be vocal about things that make her uncomfortable. Teach her to defend herself! Teach her about men 100%! Teach her not to feel the need to answer or entertain some random dude just in case he can't handle rejection and chooses violence. Teach her that the clothes don't make the woman and other people's assumptions aren't her problem.

I'm only saying this because it's a much better alternative to consciously or unconsciously instilling fear into your daughter. I got told what i should and shouldn't wear, change my clothes because certain people are coming over, etc. When learning how to handle myself in situations would've been more beneficial in the long run. When actually being taught about the opposite sex and how they think would've got me much further than "Zip up your hoodie because men are looking at your boobs"

Buy her protection and teach her how to use it as well!

Inareskai · 2022-03-29T10:56:18+00:00

I think there are multiple things going on here.

Firstly - clothing seems to have very little to do with whether or not someone will get raped. I know you're talking about 'apex predator' things, but time and time again people talk about how they were raped whilst in their pyjamas, in modest religious dress, in sweats and a t-shirt. The majority of sexual violence takes place between people who already know each other, they're not seeing a girl in a miniskirt out and about and dragging her into a dark alley.

Secondly - women are told what we can or can't wear all the time. Parents do warn their daughters about how to dress. We're also taught to text when we get into a taxi/share our location, we're taught to message when we go out and get in, never go somewhere alone, don't outright reject in case he's violent, give a fake number rather than refuse - even better give a fake number that looks like it works, just in case. Trust me, what you consider 'the best approach' is already happening. But I think it's insulting to a lot of men to suggest they can't do anything to make this situation better.

Thirdly - You seem to be buying into the idea that there are Horrible Men who rape and assault women, and then Good Men who would never do that. And the good men are just that, and the horrible men are unchangeable. When a not insignificant amount of the time, the men who assault their partners, or rape them, might not even realise that's what they've done. There have been numerous reports and interviews with men who realise after the fact that what they did wasn't ok - they thought it was at the time. Which I think feeds into the idea that's tacitly in your post about predators preying on women for how they dress - not all rape or sexual assault involves the woman screaming no and trying to fight him off. It's a whole messy area that gets more and more difficult to say 'well, only predators do that'. Because people of all genders are raised in the same cultural soup and simply don't always see what they're doing as an assault - those people need education and a change in our culture, not for women to change what they wear or be written off as well, guess they're just predators.

I'm sure I'd have more to say on this. But I think fundamentally I disagree with your assessment.

Meat_Mockasin · 2022-03-29T06:52:26+00:00

I think it depends, as a parent you have to guide your child into adulthood and let them know what's appropriate. With that said I think you might wanna talk more generally about predators and not so much about how the kid is responsible for not attracting them.

It's basically just a cope to think that there are ways to avoid predators, I know it comes from a well meaning place but you can't guess their intentions. Predators usually go for vulnerable, insecure targets so it's more about the mental state than the state of undress.

I think it's best to let women talk to girls about these things while men talk to boys.

Darklillies · 2022-03-29T16:59:43+00:00

If she gets assaulted she will forever blame herself.

Also, rapists look for clothes that are easy to cut, a skin tight dress is actually less safe than sweatpants.

Also also, if clothes played any factor then the rape in places with burqas would be nonexistent, but it’s actually really fucking high,

Teach her self defense, boundaries, and get her a weapon, also look into a lot of methods that can make her look less like an easy target (like talking on the phone about being tracked, or always walking in packs)

Clothes don’t make a difference

Vynxe-Vainglory · 2022-03-29T13:00:01+00:00

No, because guys who approach women in unwanted ways shouldn't exist, and therefore they do not exist.

And they certainly aren't more likely to approach someone who catches their attention with revealing clothing, leading to imagining them naked.

I know they aren't, because women should be able to wear whatever they want and feel like they won't be bothered.

JUMPsuperstar · 2022-03-29T15:20:57+00:00

Yes, a warning seems reasonable. Saying,"it's not you but their actions" is pretty idealistic, as if that will stop it from happening. It's good to be prepared and aware of potential dangers. Saying you shouldn't talk to them about this is like saying you shouldn't talk to your daughter about how she shouldn't accept drinks from strangers because it's the personal responsibility of men to not spike a drink. That is daft logic and isn't an actual proactive solution.

Personally, I have hopes that if I have a daughter she will dress modestly to begin with, speaking as a Muslim. Many women do themselves a disservice by dressing up any kind of way. Shout out to r/modestdress Of course this isn't to say a woman won't be harassed if she dresses modestly. Women will unfortunately be harassed no matter what she wears. Doesn't mean you shouldn't respect yourself.

Naus1987 · 2022-03-29T12:32:31+00:00

I would warn kids about bad people and arm them with pepper spray.

We still teach our children to look both ways before crossing the street. Even on one way streets!

The cold brutal truth is that other people can be incredibly dangerous, reckless, stupid, and greedy. And any good parent would prepare their kids to be aware of that.

I wouldn’t force a kid to dress up, but again with the pepper spray and ask them to keep in touch.

oldfashion_millenial · 2022-03-29T18:33:15+00:00

Male predators look for women who look like easy targets and won’t fight back. Oftentimes they are women dressed normally with a quiet demeanour. In cases of college parties, women are assaulted because they are incapacitated by alcohol or drugs, not because they are dressed sexy (many college women wear outfits that show skin at parties).

AntiVictimhood · 2022-03-30T00:11:24+00:00

Could you give an example of an outfit that attracts predators?

I get your general point. Sartorial choices influence the way we're perceived whether we like it or not. Men who wear suits are more likely to evaluated as competent and dominant relative to casual attire. The act of wearing a suit is correlated with better negotiation skills relative to when the participant is negotiating wearing casual clothes (study here). Women who wear makeup to work are taken more seriously than those who arrive bare faced.

Sartorial and styling choice can influence perception. So I do get the general point that minimal clothing or sexy styles will cause you to be perceived differently than if you're wearing modest attire. That's a fair and well supported point.

The flaw in your thinking is that sexy clothes is responsible for victimization. This is demonstrably wrong.

For both your son and your daughter, sure, talk about fashion choices and how styles influence the way you're initially perceived. I'd also encourage you to talk to them about high risk settings. While women are at greater risk for sexual assault, men are at greater risk for violent victimization, especially in bar settings, after 11pm, in situation where alcohol is involved etc.

So I think it makes more sense to discuss the risk associated with certain environments with any children you have, rather than perpetuate the myth that sexy/minimal attire turns men into predators and women into victims. A predator is predatory because they're messed in the head, not because they saw a babe in a mini skirt.

Ithrewallofitaway · 2022-03-30T04:10:36+00:00

There will always be creeps, that I know. However, the more modest you dress, the less attention you will have. That is also is a known fact. People judge you for how you appear. If you dress sexually appealing, this will attract heterosexual men and homosexual women. When I was in college, I dressed in leather when I went to nightclubs, and would get hit on all the time by women. I also have been sexually assaulted by women as well, because I dressed sexy. I had a great body because I was working out everyday and danced salsa. I had my butt grabbed, catcalled, and called a bitch when I turn down girls. You think men don't like being told no. Wait until you deny a thirsty girl. When I met my girlfriend, I stopped wearing those clothes, going to those bars and night clubs, and it died down. I still got hit on, but it was not so much because I didn't put myself in those situations. My ex was also a very jealous woman and would blame me for their reactions. It goes both ways, but I understand how you appear to another can make others make unwanted sexual advances. If you are naturally attractive, you can't stop it sometimes from happening. Its a catch-22 for being attractive.

heytheredelilah91 · 2022-03-30T23:58:56+00:00

First of all, that already has been taught to women for centuries. Are you new to this planet?

Second, it's shown to be ineffective at deterring sexual assault/abuse because predators don't discriminate based on how someone is dressed. They look for the easiest targets, not the hottest ones.

Hence why the narrative has changed on what we've been teaching girls.

thr0waway4748 · 2022-04-11T21:56:58+00:00

Absolutely

dottywine · 2022-04-17T04:17:23+00:00

I know from a man's point of view, it really seems different and it seems like it matters. But as a woman, I can tell you that how you dress can attract more eyeballs and attention -- but you're just as likely to fall victim of a predator in a potato sack as in a bikini. So that's the message I think is more important to teach your daughter. Let her know that, with statistical evidence backing it up, it doesn't matter what she wears if she gets assaulted.

Of course, I think making sure she dresses appropriately for her age as a minor is really important! But teaching her how she dresses affects if she gets assaulted is wrong to me. That's not what women actually experience and that's not what the stats show. How she dresses will affect who talks to her, though.

sunkized · 2022-05-07T23:13:48+00:00

Will it matter? That girl who was killed in England just walking was fully clothed.

oldfashion_millenial · 2022-05-17T00:11:47+00:00

It is a dangerous dangerous (did I say DANGEROUS) and sexist myth used by propagated media that women's clothes and appearance will cause them harm. If you look at rapists, murders, and men who have been arrested for sexual harassment...their victims are almost never walking around in sexy clothing or even looking all that great. Seriously. Just look at the True Crime threads or YouTube and see what these women were wearing the day they were victimized. Usually jeans and a t shirt. Predatory men aren't looking for sexy clothes, they're looking for women who are alone, vulnerable in some way, or won't be noticed missing immediately. The reason this thought process is dangerous is because it takes attention away from actual victims...who usually aren't dressed overly sexy. Sexy clothing may get a lot of stares and gossip but it hardly ever leads to women being taken advantage of.

Title	Should a parent warn their daughter that how they dress in certain environments may attract more predators?
Author	5MinuteMentalFitness
Upvotes	11
Comments	43
Date	March 29, 2022 4:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/tqs5w0/should_a_parent_warn_their_daughter_that_how_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/should-a-parent-warn-their-daughter-that-how-they.1109652 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109652

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