Yesterday's thread about FDS and vetting posted by /u/RedPillDetox made me think about dating strategy in general, including the one promoted by TRP (yeah, I'm aware they want to spin plates but the existence of married red pill and advice on how to avoid certain women for serious relationships makes me think a significant number of redpillers use TRP for dating).

Something most of us seem to ignore is that we respond to subtle cues that signalize that the person we're attracted to has the qualities we're looking for, and this process happens subconsciously so our power over the selection of our partners is much more limited than it seems. This is why some people jump from one uneventful relationship to another while others keep attracting abusive partners over and over again.

Dating strategies are generally an attempt to correct defective attraction patterns by controlling the selection process. A man who's been cheated on or settled for by a woman uses slut tells, n-count and apparent submissiveness to weed out women he sees a threat. Women who've been abused look for men willing to court and pamper them to filter out potentially dangerous men. Both these strategies seem effective because they're part of the traditional dating protocol: "don't make a ho into a housewife" or "a good man will wine and dine you" some of the phrases that come to mind.

Nevertheless, there is a problem with dating protocols and it is that they create compliance, not better people. Women know that they are judged by their sexual experience, so they avoid behaviors that make them look slutty regardless of their actual level of sexual experience. Men know they're expected to court women and act benevolent towards them, so they act like gentlemen regardless of their toxic tendencies. This is not to mention that slutty behavior and disinterest in the traditional courting process might actually be red herrings and not the problematic behaviors one needs to avoid.

The point I'm trying to make is that the use of a conscious dating strategy doesn't alter our pattern of attraction. If you find yourself constantly dating unreliable women or men that's because this is who you're attracted. The reason for this deserves its own thread so I'm not getting into it, but this is something that needs serious consideration before you jump to the RP/FDS bandwagon.

The subtle attraction cues I mentioned earlier still act upon us leading to the type of people we're attracted to. What's more, the people we desire aren't passive objects waiting to be picked up, they're equally capable of detecting cues we signalize and to react accordingly. The cheating woman you desire will also perceive your strategy and mask her behavior accordingly, even if she isn't fully aware of it. The abusive man will do the same. When these two individuals pass the vetting process they take off their masks and you find yourself hurt and at the same spot you were at in your past relationship.

Because this rinse and repeat dynamic is not something we're aware of, we start accusing the opposite sex of being bad as we don't realize that something about our attraction needs to be taken care of. This is why it is professional help that is needed and not some internet strategy when your dating life needs a fix.