We are all works in progress, and today I'm in the thick of practicing being unmoveable. I've got my queen shit together in most fronts, but I discovered this weekend that in practice I am way too anxious about whether a man can keep themselves in check in difficult to banister situations. The anxiety of 'what will his reaction be' is about to be SHUT DOWN LADIES. My post is for all you queens currently in the process of setting good boundaries and holding down your standards. It can be difficult but it's so so worth it every time.

I just got out of a 7 year long relationship with a HVM that backslid into LVM behaviors- we have a daughter and I'm VERY prod of how I handled everything. I cut it off swiftly without much drama and I can tell you right now that the respect I have from him now is more than I've seen in the past 4 years. We are amicable, have an agreement for financing and time that we created without needing to pay for lawyers, he has expressed regrets in the way he treated me which I appreciate and we are working on our co-parenting skills and friendship. it's the best case scenario for loving someone deeply but cutting them off when i am not being treated like the queen I am, especially with a kid involved. She is happy and healthy and well in her way to overthrowing the patriarchy. Proud mama.

Anyway, I started dating this guy who has been amazing. Asked me to be his girlfriend after 3 weeks of dating- sharing music, stories, laughing A LOT, he shared a lot about his life and I shared just enough, and he bright be on several amazing dates. He's helped me around my house with various projects, proceeded to make me handmade pine bookshelves, continued taking me on high value dates and has been extremely kind and complimentary....BUT.... He's sober. This doesn't always have to be a definitive red flag imho bc I believe in the power of reform and growth. many of us are former pickmeishas, and besides that I just personally hold the view that anyone can better themselves. BUT, the FDA hand book is clear about addicts and even though I was willing to look past his past, I'm not willing to accept addict behavior just because he's still learning. you show growth from that through your current actions 100% in EVERY scenario. Sobriety wasn't the issue, it was his insecurities that came out like a bat out of hell when he went down on me and I told him to do it differently.

The whole weekend digressed from there. He couldn't get a boner the rest of that day and the next day I could tell his ego was bruised but he wasn't connecting it. We eventually had great sex because I figured out how to boost his ego, get a boner and have great sex, but at that point I was aware that my body was betraying me (oxytocin crave!! I reeked with desperation bc he want giving it to me!!). Now, I'm glad I got off because I couldn't think straight 😂 but the next morning he threw a temper tantrum when I brought up that he needed to work on why he was feeling insecure- and not with me. Please note, he had already expressed that he was feeling insecure and that's why he couldn't get a boner, so it wasn't me being harsh it was me circling back in our conversation in a point blank way. he just didn't connect that it only started when I 'criticized' his down town techniques.

When he left in the AM he did so with a huge fucking tantrum. There was some other factors to this happening, I have 2 insecure pickmeishas friends who both happened to come at me with passive aggressive bullshit (specifically that I shouldn't be dating this guy because it takes away from me giving them attention...🙄) and so that morning I was DONE and wanted to be fucking left alone. I'd actually requested to be left alone the previous night but he slept over because it was too late to drive the hour home. Either way, he had 2 options ladies: 1) recognize that I needed space because that's what I said I needed and feel secure that me talking that space would only strengthen our relationship-AS WELL recognize that maybe he's not ready for a fucking relationship or sex and should maybe take some of his own space to understand what was going on with him 2) have a tantrum and project on me that it's not about his sobriety. He chose #2.

I journaled a lot last night, am focusing wholely on my daughter this week and weekend, and writing this out has helped with the mindset shift in me. There's a soft dull voice telling me to text him that I 👏am 👏 shutting 👏 down 👏!! The only thing I will get from that is more BULLSHIT. Oh and darlings, you should have seen the dance he did trying to leave my house in a huff like I was going to chase him... When I didn't he kept coming back to me like - this is it! I'm going to leave! This is your last chance! And I went stone cold bitch, let his ass leave and had a great day. I'm officially distancing myself from him and both of those friends. BYE FELICIA ✂️