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sewingmachinesavior Archive

View 19 posts and 1,269 comments by sewingmachinesavior on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
3345

MALE DEPRAVITYsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:59 PM
459

ROAST-A-SCROTEsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 10:24 PM
409

FDS HUMORsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 12:29 PM
394

RANTsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:25 PM
372

MOOD FOR LIFEsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 02:01 PM
325

RANTsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 05:49 PM
257

LIES MEN TELLsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 03:05 AM
186

STRATEGYsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 12:04 PM
182

STRATEGYsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:34 PM
115

MALE DEPRAVITYsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:08 PM
104

ROAST-A-SCROTEsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:36 AM
62

MALE DEPRAVITYsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 06:12 PM
56

SCROTES MADsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:23 AM
44

How-To High Valuesewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:27 AM
30

MOOD FOR LIFEsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 12:15 PM
25

RANTsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 11:46 PM
7

sewingmachinesavior/r/askFDS29/09/20 01:03 AM
1

STRATEGYsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:46 AM
1

STRATEGYsewingmachinesavior/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:37 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,269 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
21

If you Google “nice vs kind” you will get a lot of helpful resources to understand this phenomenon. It’s something I’m actively teaching my children, and something I think is hugely beneficial to understand as a dating person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 04:01 PM
14

Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 11:54 AM
189

I just tell them when it seems like it might become a possibility. “I require current STI screenings before we get to that point” or however you want to word it. Those who don’t go get one ASAP, you need to drop, bc they are hoping you’ll forget.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 09:14 PM
25

I NEVER would have gone on a first date. Cops are DANGEROUS. The levels of abuse in their relationships is SKY HIGH. Plus there are so many red flags here it’s your own parade.
/r/askFDS21/04/22 02:52 AM
45

Giving him an eviction notice could put her life in danger. Given that she owns the property in her name fully, I would personally change the locks, and pack his stuff, and stick it in the garage. Set up a date for him to come get his stuff with a police escort (you can call them for this, it’s not uncommon). I would DEFINITELY talk to a family law attorney, to see if they agree with this plan, it’s a bit legally ambiguous, but probably the safest. But also, so the attorney can file the parentin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 11:04 PM
6

That is so crazy to me. It’s so strict here to prevent exactly what this thread is about serious criminals and sex offenders getting a new lease on life with an untraceable name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 05:30 PM
37

Spectrum people and people with ADHD (which often goes hand in hand w ASD) often have weird food issues. I have my own weird food issues due to having oral sensory issues. As long as they manage themselves and don’t put extra burden on the woman, weird food stuff doesn’t bother me. In fact, it means they will be more sensitive and less pushy and rude about my own sensory challenges w food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 12:17 AM
35

So name changes aren’t public record in the UK? It’s quite a process here in the US unless you are getting married or divorced then it’s included in the process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 12:12 AM
20

Wow. I can’t even.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 01:23 AM
359

Been “scary” since I was 15. Can confirm. If you aren’t brave enough to approach me, that’s gonna be a no for me. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 12:05 AM
6

Yup. I can’t really add anything better than this. I also always have a rule that I say I already have vacation time planned for X dates (half to full week), before I start a new job. This gives me time off when you wouldn’t usually get it, as a new person, and if they give attitude about it I know it’s not the right place. You tell your job when you are available, not them. I’ve used this tactic to get 4 day work weeks too. Though this may not have as much success in a super corporate environme…
/r/askFDS04/04/22 03:52 PM
14

“you’re not asking too much. You’re asking the wrong man.” If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 02:18 PM
17

Oh I know. I had all female staff except the doc, but he is the best doc in town for what I needed and he has been great. Every nurse kept telling me I was so lucky I got him. I’ll take it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 11:23 AM
52

I almost choked on my hospital issued cranberry juice. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 01:57 AM
400

Men know. Lundy says it over and over in his book. THEY KNOW, and they don’t f*cking care. Every man in that thread defending the actions is also an abuser, GUARANTEED.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 11:37 AM
107

Giiiirl, if he’s already wanting a parade for the most basic stuff, IT WILL GET WORSE. I was with someone who wanted this all the time and was horribly abusive to me for not “stroking his ego” enough. 🤢🤢🤢 Block and delete before your next breath.
/r/askFDS30/03/22 01:44 AM
26

Sweet! I have hard copies but wanted a kindle copy! You can add Audible for $7.49!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:49 PM
44

Oh I know. Once you’re past what? Like 16-18, WE KNOW exactly how creepy “innocent old guys” can be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 03:37 PM
151

Good men can spell, and don’t leave their baby mamas literally pregnant. 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 03:20 PM
194

Absolutely report him. That is vile. If there was a god I wish they would immediately strike all men of bad character from the earth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 03:19 PM
40

This would be a no for me. Taking a woman and introducing her to a group of MEN, when you barely know her just screams that he doesn’t care about your safety and comfort. He sounds like a dumpster fire in the making.
/r/askFDS29/03/22 01:28 AM
33

Ah yes, I too learned this lesson the very very hard way. It is the hardest truth of waking up and seeing patriarchy for what it is. No one is coming to save you. That’s not what we were told in the fairy tales. I have chosen to tell my daughters the truth while they are young, so they are more prepared, than I was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:44 AM
69

It sounds like you did amazing for what was forced upon you! How scary! I’d def file a police report, I’m sure they’ve done it to other women, so it will be a nail in their coffin when they get caught. If it’s been less than 24 hours the club should still have camera footage also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 01:35 PM
52

Women are having babies in their late 30s early 40s all. The. Time. It’s true that some women’s eggs/hormones have already declined and it’s not possible. But a large majority can. I’m over 40 and still fertile AF, but I’m DONE having kids. This has turned me into an absolute freak about BC/vasectomies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 09:14 PM
227

I live in a deep red state and I do not date Republican men. You have absolutely NAILED IT, as to why. Some of them are catching on so they pretend to be centrist or apolitical, and then get defensive when you ask them tough questions about their politics. THEN they act like it’s “shallow” to not date someone bc your politics are too far apart. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 07:59 PM
131

We can’t even trust men to wear condoms and not stealth, and we are supposed to trust them to take a medicine once a day? I will NEVER trust that. #vasectomy (with recent proof of no sperm)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 12:10 AM
44

Makes me want to chop my hair and never shave. But damnit, I love my long flowing, well, as much as curly hair “flows”, hair. I did actually quit shaving my underarms and lady bits as a deterrent. Works great. 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 04:15 PM
280

The men in my life I’ve known who while I can’t say for certain are HVM, but who have shown the most respect etc, NOT ONE cared about my looks, clothes, if I wore make up or not. Like there is baseline attraction between people, but if your attraction to me centers on stuff I have to buy (make up, eyelashes, surgery, designer clothes), I’m gonna NOPE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 01:42 PM
37

You are waaaaay over thinking the reactions of a stranger. He’s 4hrs away. If you want to keep the convo going then ask him another question. Long distance is tough though and not recommended by FDS standards.
/r/askFDS24/03/22 12:37 PM
280

That woman is a QUEEN! And that losers mom will have the tattoo that his hopefully STBX girlfriend gave her FOREVER. 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 09:02 PM
27

Yup. I bet if you search “wife appliance” on this sub you’ll get a lot of hits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 06:52 PM
778

Dont want to date sex workers. Consume so much porn they get ED. Something doesn’t add up here. 🤬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 06:27 PM
36

I hope so too. Women don’t come home and tear their families apart bc they had a bad day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 05:45 PM
26

Oh I know. I lived it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 05:44 PM
144

If this is literally a one off, he can maybe repair, but she is 100% right to make him sweat it out. Remember: removing attention is the only “punishment” for men. But I have a feeling it wasn’t a one off, and she’s reconsidering the whole relationship. Or it was a one off, but it’s an area where she has a lot of trauma/was made fun of as a kid etc, so it hit hard and he knew it would. It’s situations like these that have me reconsidering ever living with a man again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:46 PM
71

If men have to “prove” how much they are a feminist/good person/respect women by running their mouth all the time about the issue, they are trying to convince you they are, and they are lying liars. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 03:14 AM
14

Oh I agree. Men who aren’t cheaters don’t ask questions like that. The problem is thinking they deserve a parade for existing. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 11:10 PM
167

Love is an action. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry for your loss (been there). I will never forget how horribly I was treated after a really traumatic pregnancy loss I had. So I loved reading how attentive your partner has been to your needs. There is hope for those of us over 40! 😅😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 10:44 PM
17

Women have ZERO problems with men talking to them in public, UNLESS that man is being a creepy perv in some way. This comic is just telling me creepy perv men have become an epidemic. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 04:47 PM
83

So…men should get a pat on the back for…doing what they said they would do? Being faithful is part of the whole commitment thing. Nah. I don’t throw parades for men for acting like a basic decent human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 04:40 PM
256

When men complain like this they are ALWAYS leaving stuff out. You should hear what my ex tells people about me. It’s LAUGHABLE, but if it were true it would be extremely horrible and tragic. My life became easier overnight leaving a NVM. It wasn’t EASY, but it was so much easier. My best guess: gosh babe, why are you ALWAYS in a bad mood when you get home from work? Her: I’m tired. Did you do that one thing I really needed you to get done today? Him: ah, forgot, sorry. Wanna get high? Her: Stom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 04:38 PM
27

My GRANDPARENTS were that age when I was in my 20s. Ewwwww. I’m sorry this man was a disgusting manipulative pervert.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 02:11 AM
97

We were all young once. We all have had our share of hard lessons because we believed we were different/better/not going to be a statistic. I’m nearly twice your age and I’ll you this: you learned a hard lesson, at a young age, that, if you TRULY learn from it, could make the rest of your life INFINITELY better. At 23, I MARRIED an older man, and procreated an above average number of times. At 35, after multiple attempts at leaving his abuse, I was successful. And we were destitute. It was a har…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 07:15 PM
40

Successful women have a smaller dating pool, because there are even fewer successful men who are HV. Some men get success through honest means, but there are a lot that have compromised their values to do so. I’m not interested in them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 03:33 PM
16

When men whine they can’t travel/volunteer/do whatever the thing is, and I’m like NEXT, bc they are single with no dependents and I’m solely supporting multiple kids, with no regular child support and STILL manage to do all those things. Go cry that river somewhere else. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 03:28 PM
23

I’m so glad you posted this! One of my core values and one that I require in a future partner is giving back to the community. My volunteer work is currently women and child centric, but this was a well thought out post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 03:02 PM
118

The risks of dating older men is not worth. I have dated men from 35-55 and found no greater maturity or stability at 35 than at 55. While that is my anecdotal story, research supports that dating men much older than you is a recipe for disaster at worst, and long term caregiving at best. I will no longer date someone who is not within 5-7 years of my age (I’m over 40). Also, so so so so many men over 40, especially if they aren’t fit have some type of ED. it’s kinda the first thing to go when m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 02:57 PM
12

Vetting success! Do something nice for yourself! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 03:53 AM
77

There is so much concern about “ruining their reputation” that needs to end. I know of a situation local to me, where rape and drugging of a 13yo girl was involved. Boy was also a minor and got off with a slap on the wrist and a sealed record. In my state if you are 14 or younger YOU CANNOT LEGALLY CONSENT. So this incident should have involved a felony conviction and years of prison for one and years of therapy for the other. But alas, his “reputation”. 🤬 Plus the amount of women I know who wer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 02:12 PM
257

CP doesn’t exist in a vacuum. May that man get everything he deserves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 02:00 PM
384

FEMALES reward them with the “love” they are ENTITLED to. Last I checked NO ONE is entitled to anything about me, ESPECIALLY in the name of love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 03:22 AM
41

Brene Brown has been impactful in my life. My grandmother. My aunt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 10:56 PM
190

Single motherhood is TOUGH. I’m going to lay down some facts, do with it what you may. I’ve had multiple pregnancies, pregnancy losses, and became a single mother when my children were toddlers. If you are one of the unfortunate women who get extreme morning sickness to the point you are non functional or forced to hospitalize, what is your plan? Are you prepared to use all your vacation time for time off when your baby is sick? OR pay for a nanny, who comes no matter what? Is your job able to g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 12:16 AM
27

As children, our bodies and minds instinctively do what needs to be done to protect ourselves. Your body did that for you! And now grow up you, is setting protected child you free. It takes bravery and courage to do that. It’s worth it. YOU are worth it. You’ll move from surviving to thriving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 12:52 PM
41

“Not all men”…but most of them. This is why we vet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 03:31 AM
65

Block him and read the handbook.
/r/askFDS17/03/22 01:55 AM
154

Bahahahaha. I hope you laughed him down the block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 01:50 AM
77

I’ve been drip feeding FDS to my in person friends. It’s going well. 🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 09:17 PM
30

Some states in the US have somewhat easier stalking laws. But my state, even if I got a restraining order, it’s only for one year. Then you have to do it again, but if there were no recent incidents (because there was a restraining order there usually isn’t), then it’s not renewed, and these guys begin stalking again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 02:46 AM
265

Almost all these men STALK FIRST, but it’s SO DAMN HARD to get men prosecuted for stalking. That’s where the change needs to happen. If my abuser had been prosecuted for stalking, I’d have full custody of my kids. But, in the words of the officer, “I see how he’s harassing and stalking you, but he’s just under the line of me being able to do anything.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 07:19 PM
51

Well, I’m opting out of his little fantasy. I’m not paying half of anything if I get married again. Literally not worth it. 😂 But I’m planning to be single for a good long while, so I can raise my children in a safe home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 05:21 PM
5

Eyes wide open. Vet vet vet. Trust your gut, not the tingling in your nethers. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 03:20 AM
199

I don’t compete with men, because it’s a race to the bottom. 😂 I prefer to think of myself as making choices that constantly uplift and support women, at home, in the work place, and with my money (to the extent budget allows). When you look at everything that is a disaster because it’s been controlled by men for 10,000 years, is that REALLY a competition you want to be in? 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 01:34 AM
166

I got a warning from FB for saying “men are wild” and detailing how men I barely know have sent me pictures of things at their work places that they are not supposed to (other people, proprietary equipment, and so many things I can’t name them all). It was flagged (and upheld) by Facebook as hate speech. Why do women keep protecting LVM?! It’s infuriating. (And I know why, bc I was one of them once) Ugh, patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 09:34 PM
75

I get a lot of flack for this, but I don’t believe in compromise. Men use “compromise” to coerce women into doing something they often don’t want to do. When a man throws around the word compromise…look at what benefit this so-called compromise has in it for you! A lot of times is nothing. Sometimes things do need to be adjusted, and in that case, we hash it out until it’s a beneficial YES for both of us. Don’t act if you feel coerced or unsure. In your example, maybe there’s a neighborhood you’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 08:52 PM
102

And much like it’s white womens job to educate themselves on the issues WOC face, and not place another burden on them, so it is with men needing to learn on their own about women’s issues (minus educating our own sons), and not place that burden on women. Not sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 04:31 PM
140

Protective mothers the world over, lose their children every day. I wish I could feel shocked at this, but I don’t anymore. In my state, it’s legal for a child to marry at 16 with only one parents consent. Abusers in “high conflict” divorces have been using this as a weapon, bc once a child is married they are independent under the eyes of the law here. Remember, (in the US) judges are voted in. When was the last time you cared about the politics of the judges sitting in your family courts or cr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 04:28 PM
95

Awwww, hell nah. Pick up your own Gatorade and apple at the store. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 12:42 PM
69

As someone who came from an abusive religious background, this is a great post! I no longer participate in religion, but for those who do, this is top notch advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 03:10 PM
31

I’m not caring for an elderly parent, but I am a single mom. I think our concerns are similar. I have a complicated (to the outside world) parenting schedule. I have many years left of having dependents and my life revolving around their schedule. I have the concern that bringing a man into my home is high-risk for young children(as it also is for dependent adults). I have found men don’t want to enter into a relationship where extra work or less priority is on them. Ive personally decided to no…
/r/askFDS12/03/22 12:58 PM
21

There isn’t enough support for this very real, very hurtful thing. I have experienced it before. I’d faded away from friends before or vice versa, but having it all go down in a nasty way I was not prepared for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 05:21 AM
57

Friendship breakups are hard. But you deserve someone who won’t just stand by and look past you getting groomed and abused. It gets better. And you WILL make new real caring friends. Be gentle on yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 05:01 AM
74

I don’t accept asshole behavior from anyone, regardless of diagnoses. Part of that comes from working with special needs kids and lots of kids w autism over the years. Unfortunately, parenting can also create monster children whose behavior is all blamed on their diagnoses when CLEARLY it’s bad parenting. It’s sad, but I’ve seen it so many times. And just like nuerotypical adults, non-dependent adults have to take responsibility at some point even if they were parented poorly, to integrate and b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 05:32 PM
20

I thought she seemed actually willing to give Shake a chance, and it seemed that way through most of the show until she realized he wasn’t going to change. And she could have had a “traditional American wedding”, but she chose to wear Indian wedding attire etc. To me it seemed like Shake wanted to get as far away from that as possible. (Also, I could be wrong. I’m white, so my judgment may be skewed by my own internalized biases. I’ve been reading books to educate myself on the vastness of syste…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 05:13 PM
25

He needs to ask you on a real date. He also shouldn’t totally ditch his real friend for you. But maybe one date at the beginning of his visit and one date towards the end? Make sure you have plans so you aren’t at his beck and call. Also, if you haven’t talked on the phone or FaceTimed during his absence, I’d assume he just wants sex. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 01:23 PM
88

They are both Indian. Both only dated white before. Shake wanted a blonde who “he could put on his shoulders at music festivals”. So I felt like he was being very colorist and anti-his own race by constantly saying he wasn’t sexually attracted to her and that she reminds him of his aunt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 01:19 PM
15

Never EVER give the time of day to a man who confuses you. This guy is a parade of dangerous red flags. Focus on your degree. I got married to a man like this in my early 20s, and it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I had kids with him which amplified the awfulness 10fold. Save yourself. Your mind and body are screaming DANGER!!! Listen. Trust. Level up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 12:15 AM
9

You are NOT responsible for a man behaving like a monster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 02:05 PM
38

Rape is basically legal in the US. SO few people are actually ever prosecuted. And the vast majority won’t call it rape if you are in a relationship, unless you have bruises or injuries. It’s a sad state of affairs. I think your best bet is to focus on healing yourself. The best revenge is success. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 10:41 PM
21

I wasn’t speaking to you specifically, but to myself and all of us. When I was reading about people being turned away at the border it was a reminder that we must be vigilant, there will always be men who are power hungry even on small levels. I think most men in developed countries haven’t developed a character of strength and bravery due to lack of hardship. What we see in Ukraine is LITERALLY the behavior of men who have a purpose and goal, something they are willing to fight for, die for eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 05:32 PM
35

Let’s keep some perspective. There is a lot of racism happening at the Ukraine border as refugees are trying to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 12:59 PM
504

Soooo, he was all gung ho about the idea until he realized she was going to have way more money?!?! 🤣😂🤣 Bye boy. I hope she dumps him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 10:52 PM
72

My post from the other thread: No one can touch your body without your permission. This is appropriate starting at age 3. Boundaries. Say your boundary once nicely, then in your mean voice, then do whatever you have to, hitting punching kicking whatever to keep yourself safe (mom will NEVER get mad for you protecting your boundaries) Endless talks about boys, crushes, romantic expectations. Things like “if he wanted to he would”, men pay for dates, men need to be able to provide nicer things tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 10:04 PM
28

OMG, I want to do this when my girls are older. Putting it on a list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 10:02 PM
759

Online dating and Reddit have made me not want to get married (again). The amount of married men doing inappropriate things, many who even claim to be “happily married” and “love their wife” but want “passion and excitement” on the side, is mind boggling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 04:25 PM
125

No one can touch your body without your permission. This is appropriate starting at age 3. Boundaries. Say your boundary once nicely, then in your mean voice, then do whatever you have to, hitting punching kicking whatever to keep yourself safe (mom will NEVER get mad for you protecting your boundaries) Endless talks about boys, crushes, romantic expectations. Things like “if he wanted to he would”, men pay for dates, men need to be able to provide nicer things than you provide for yourself, no …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 03:42 AM
235

When I was trying to sell myself on my marriage, I posted on social media whenever he did some basic thing he should’ve been doing daily without needing a parade. Lundy Bancrofts book saved me and my children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 12:08 AM
40

I like plans. I won’t even entertain a man who won’t make planning a priority. If you can’t plan a two hour date, how are you going to plan for buying a house, retirements, long term travel, or any of the things on my goal list?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 08:16 PM
43

I work with children, so I get a lot of naughty nanny or hot for teacher comments. It’s disgusting. No, I will not come over and pretend to be your child’s babysitter who you are f*cking. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 06:53 PM
62

As someone in my 40s, I already feel so many of these things. And I’m stealing “I am not pond sediment” and “fuck you fifties” HELL YES. 🥳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 06:46 PM
48

I quit telling women what I expect from a man. I got too many eye rolls. Don’t care. I’d rather be single than settle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 04:34 PM
18

Racist and misogynist, time to cut him loose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 04:30 PM
30

I don’t have RBF, but there is something about me that makes men afraid to approach me the vast majority of the time, it’s been that way every since I was a teen. By all counts I’m conventionally attractive. I see men look at me often, but approach me? Nah, they scared. 😂 And I don’t need a man who’s afraid. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 04:24 PM
29

Telling people, online and in person, was a big step in really leaving. Once you air out the abuse and insanity, and stop lying and covering, the good people in your circle will rally around you. Others will drop off, and yet others who you maybe consider an acquaintance can surprise you and step up in a big way. You are in the hardest and most dangerous time right now. When you feel like you want to go back, remember you are ADDICTED to the high-low cycle of emotions, NOT him. Take a long break…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 04:10 PM
339

Unless he’s love bombing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 12:46 PM
53

Common law marriage varies by state and by country. Many US states have done away with it. Another important thing is to check TENANT LAWS. Some states, a guest becomes a tenant after 3 day, and then tenant laws apply. You don’t want to get trapped w a man bc he’s a hobo sexual and knows landlord/tenant laws better than you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 01:39 PM
120

I always thought in war situations children were protected bc they are the future, and women are protected because they make the babies who are the future, generally one at a time, for 40 weeks, plus recovery, on average once every 2 years. Men however, can impregnate many women, quickly. They are physically larger and stronger, they can’t make or feed babies from their bodies. It’s not that anyone is more valuable or expendable than the other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 11:09 PM
16

If you live in a state with open court records it’s easy to do yourself. You need a first and last name, and age (so you can make sure you have the right John smith). It’s pretty easy to guess a year and narrow to a month. Also check the sex offender registry. Also check the state they lived before they moved to you if it was less than 5 years. I have found some CRAZY stuff: DUI, domestic violence, animal cruelty, murder charges that were then dropped, evictions, multiple small claims actions (s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 09:55 PM
18

😂😂😂 Nailed it. The more FDS aligned I’ve become the less I can tolerate reading erotica written by men. It’s so painfully obvious now, is all penis and male orgasm centric with no foreplay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 12:29 PM
104

Where I live men who “aren’t political” are “moderate but had to choose lesser of two evils” or “don’t discuss religion and politics” are 100% trump voters. It’s like THEY KNOW women don’t want to date them. (Not entirely true, as I live in a deep red state). I never before cared that much about a man’s politics. But I do now, because I’m a political minority in my state, and I don’t want to be with someone who refuses to allow women access to healthcare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 12:01 PM
100

I am SERIOUSLY considering requiring a man to fund a generous fuck off fund, if I ever live with someone again. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 I no longer feel bad about any requirement or expectation I have of a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 08:45 PM
48

I’m a single mom and this list is on point. Though I’m slightly more flexible about height and penis size. Slightly. Oh, and no tats for me thanks. 😂😂😂 Single for life! 🥳 Even at my age (over 40), it’s DIFFICULT to find men who meet these basic requirements.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 08:43 PM
2

Grandbaby is blood. Men who cheat while their wife is pregnant or with children under 5 are the lowest scum of the earth right after pdos and rpists. I have a policy against dating men with very young children for this reason. If your wife divorces you while having literal babies…you did something SERIOUSLY unforgivable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 08:32 PM
130

There are men who are asexual. But your post reads to me like you are choosing not to have sex based on fear and past trauma. I’d really consider getting therapy to address those things. If you still feel like you don’t want sex after that, cool. But our trauma response does not usually make the best choices for our well-being.
/r/askFDS01/03/22 01:07 PM
225

I realized at a young age it’s impossible to dress to to please others. So I dress to please myself. Purity culture is equally as detrimental as lib-fem sex posi culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 09:45 PM
151

Lundy Bancroft maintains its very rare for abusive men to change. What we call LVM/NVM are often abusive men. Barring some kind of personal trauma/catalyst, it’s unlikely a man will change. I used to look at a man’s potential. Now I look at him and his life and behaviors exactly as they are and ask myself “if he never got better than this, could I live with that?” So far the answer is no. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 02:29 PM
107

Studies show that what puts women most at risk for postpartum depression is LACK OF SUPPORT. A N/LVM, can LITERALLY thrust you into depression after a baby. Whenever I see those stories about women who snapped and killed their babies or kids postpartum, I always look at the man and wonder…WHAT WAS HE DOING? How cruel was he being? Also, “lack of support” often also means “coercing into sex” before 6 weeks, or anytime before it’s comfortable again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 02:12 PM
2

As someone who got married at your age, PLEASE wait to have a baby. If you want to get married now, go for it. I find myself in my 40s, with no degree, no child support, and supporting multiple children on my own. I’m okay, thanks to family and a couple strokes of luck, but would I recommend my path? HELL F*CKING NO. I say that as someone who LOVED my time as a SAHM. I loved being with my children, planning play dates, managing the home. It was a good fit. BUT, I married a NVM, who did not appre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 02:41 AM
9

I’m so sorry your break up was done in such a heartless way. A HVM would never have left you that way. You deserve so much more than that. It’s going to hurt for awhile. Have compassion for yourself. But know, TO YOUR CORE, this was not about you. It’s about HIS lack of character.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 07:55 PM
63

My rule is never date men in transition. Job, divorce, grief, start up. I’m older though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 04:13 AM
10

I tell men now that I don’t like cooking and don’t cook that much. The number of men who ask “do you cook/are you good at cooking?” Is INSANE. I’ve come to the conclusion that my past relationships have been based on “what I do for them” than “who I am”. I’m no longer willing to accept that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 05:55 PM
73

Look at you all generous with 48 hours. I block and delete after 24hrs unless they let me know they were going to be busy, out of cell range (ahhh rural life), etc. For me, my experience has been if they ghost for 24hrs it never recovers. So now I’m very strict on that. It’s unspoken, but it’s there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 04:18 PM
24

Omg. This totally triggered memories of when my ex was telling me how he wanted to k1ll his first wife.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 04:12 PM
54

Most of the world has bilingual studies from elementary school…except the US.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 09:56 PM
184

As The Minimalists say, “You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:18 AM
117

A man with NO friends is a NO for me. Sometimes I like to ask: who would you call if there was an emergency? If the answer is “no one” or only his mom…personally that will be a no for me. You’ll end up being his whole world, and he will prob smother you.
/r/askFDS21/02/22 11:48 PM
5

Oooh, this is on my list too as a traveler. Especially because some of these countries routinely exploit CHILDREN. 🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 10:24 PM
18

Oh dear, he’s missed his mark. I expect men to pay for every date forever. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 10:12 PM
54

I’m twice divorced. I always tell. If you turn out to be a bad apple, I WILL LEAVE YOU. Unsaid, of course. I def get some judgement sometimes. But whatever. All my children are from marriage 2.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 10:05 PM
21

Sahara desert, here I come. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 10:02 PM
92

I like to do projects, to see if they get unreasonably angry when something goes wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 03:10 PM
53

You are absolutely NOT OBLIGATED to have her in your home. My ex doesnt set foot on my property without consent and he’s NEVER set foot in my home. I finally even got it so he is only allowed to park on the street and not leave his vehicle. You can be civil, and set wicked firm boundaries. I would also advise transitioning to email only communication with your ex. If you want advice on how to do this specifically, PM me and I’ll break it down step by step. I’ve helped several women do this proce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 03:59 PM
14

Oh right. I’ve never been with one, but I’ve heard about them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:28 PM
313

You can’t control your ex. She’s likely temporary. It’s time to start teaching your kids “safe adults don’t ask kids to keep secrets” and then explain secrets vs surprises. When you act like you care at all about him having a girlfriend, you are giving him power. Men like him get girlfriends bc they can’t handle the kids on their own. So your kids are likely getting better care w her in the picture. It’s impossible to replace a kind, loving mother in a child’s life. If he’s actively doing that, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:21 PM
54

Public kindness means nothing. It’s how they treat you in private and how they treat and talk about people they have power over, that matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 01:13 PM
4

Financial disclosures are mandatory as part of the divorce. But he could hide stuff from you too. And remember, ask for way more than you want and “settle”, so he feels like he won. Laugh all the way to your freedom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 12:53 PM
11

Yes. All true. That’s why there has to be a cost benefit analysis, between fighting and cutting losses to get out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 08:36 PM
8

All of this. I watched one special, where she was pregnant and was super disappointed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 12:31 PM
111

You’ve been apart for two years, with no legal filing, he may have dissolved assets already. You CAN hire a forensic financial analyst which looks over stuff for sketch activity, or finds hidden accounts. If you live in a community property state, you get half, the end. But that could also mean half the debt. At $250/hr, your average hearing in court will be $1500-2000 a pop. Your attorney will take their fee from the divorce settlement. So you usually only need the retainer upfront. Is the mone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 12:13 PM
18

Oh yeah, safety is worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 11:45 PM
39

Yes, same. And really coercion vs force aren’t that different. It sucks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:36 PM
44

I’m sorry you had to go through it too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:31 PM
139

I have such a strict rule about never giving men money. I wasn’t always so strict, but after marrying a leech, I’m so sensitive to any request of money or goods from a man. If they even JOKE about a woman(or me) giving them money or trips or things, BLOCK. Sounds like you were low level conned. I’m sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:09 PM
310

I’m white, and I lived this too. Once I started setting boundaries around sex, and refused to play his game of “Ill do fun things with the family if I get sex”, things spiraled out of control real quick. It was scary. And it’s not the type of abuse there is much support for. So few people know the level of sexual abuse, coercion, and torture (he wouldn’t let me sleep, or would wake me in the middle of the night) I endured.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:42 PM
54

A HVM would likely reach out to his network before he even got home so he could say: I was laid off today but I’ve got a couple friends who think they can get me on there in a couple weeks. OR He has an emergency fund to make a job loss nothing more than a blip on the radar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 12:22 PM
434

I did this too! He was always saying I misremembered stuff and had a bad memory and stuff. My malicious compliance was after awhile, when he would ask me to do something for him, I’d say “email me so I don’t forget”. He would often forget to email me. 😂 Made less work for me. And then if he got upset, I’d be all “you know I have a hard time remembering and you didn’t email me” (My memory is fine, of course)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 07:11 PM
6

You don’t deserve that. Women have it so much harder in male dominated fields. Remember: The best revenge is SUCCESS. I’ve intentionally avoided corporate work like that, so I do not have practical advice. Hang in there! You’ve got this.
/r/askFDS13/02/22 04:16 PM
187

I always assume men are projecting until I have proof otherwise. Don’t want a liar and a cheat, you are one. Dont want drama, you bring it. Don’t want a woman w XYZ issues, yeah, probably you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 02:28 PM
29

Honestly, if your working relationship is manageable except for the fact that he’s kinda cold towards you, I’d just keep on doing what you are doing. His demeanor means he knows he can’t mess with you (and he doesn’t like it). BUT, if his actions are interfering with your success, then that’s a whole different ball game.
/r/askFDS13/02/22 01:08 PM
48

Please read all the posts about NEVER going 50/50 with a man. The woman ALWAYS loses out. Literally always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 01:03 PM
332

You know what to do! You aren’t ready to move in and you want to have your own place to focus on your studies. And that’s what I would tell him. His reaction will tell you whether you should keep dating or break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 06:13 AM
6

Oh my god. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That guy deserved to be laid out on the spot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 06:11 AM
9

For me, loving my body is choice. Love is an action. If you catch yourself shaming yourself body, stop and say something positive. For example: ugh these thighs are too big. MINDSHIFT: these thighs did insert positive thing here maybe they worked out hard at the gym. Maybe you danced. Maybe they walked you to work. Etc.
/r/askFDS13/02/22 04:58 AM
265

Men will not protect you from other men. I’ve literally NEVER had that happen. They will get mad at what that other man did to you, while they did nothing though. This is a tragic, but needed reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 01:53 PM
62

That level of age gap sets you up for abuse. Please reconsider. Search “age gap” in this sub and read read read!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 12:05 AM
88

I have a Google voice number. But I don’t give it out until after a successful second date. Men who want to get off the app ASAP are almost always pervs. That is what made me institute the two date rule even before giving them my Google voice number. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 08:32 PM
17

Congratulations! It only goes up from here!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 02:42 AM
193

There is a dance studio near me that has a “men connect” night. It’s men only, for supporting men and dancing. I think it’s so neat, and I agree, I hope this trend continues. Men NEED to have male support and friendships and not rely on women for all their emotional needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:15 PM
13

I would say if he ONLY follows young attractive women regardless of whether they are an influencer or inspiration, I’d question it.
/r/askFDS09/02/22 05:20 PM
13

What is your point in posting this question if you want to be argumentative?
/r/askFDS09/02/22 02:33 PM
25

What kind of content is the woman putting out? Some head shots with lots of written word/videos about interesting topics, or is it all provocative content?
/r/askFDS09/02/22 12:33 PM
55

Women mostly follow people for inspiration. I follow Brene Brown for example. I do not follow any male celebrities. So is he following women who are accomplishing great things? Or is he following “hot” women hoping to see pics of their bodies? If it’s the latter it’s NO DIFFERENT than following influencers or porn stars.
/r/askFDS09/02/22 12:00 PM
2

Just do a search on Etsy. There are several for various aesthetics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 08:21 PM
97

Please read “When Dad Hurts Mom” by Lundy Bancroft if you are or think you will be in a “high conflict” aka abusive divorce. It’s true that you get Zero leeway for mistakes. It’s also true that in these situations, dads “win” more. Protective mothers have to be so so careful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 08:11 PM
68

This writing is everything. I got a sticker from Etsy for my fridge: We are the granddaughters of the witches you weren’t able to burn. I want to remember every day, that what intimidates men about me is my womanly power that I never want to lose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 03:52 PM
5

I agree, so I also constantly go over HOW to set boundaries. Ask nicely, ask in your mean voice, DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY (including physical violence). They are under 10 and have still experienced sexual harassment at school. I have stood in front of their teacher, with them, and made it clear in no uncertain terms, that my children would use physical violence, if required, to make it stop and that I would support my child 100%. I role play w them using their mean voice, and shoving, etc. It’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 08:23 PM
15

I tell my girls that we are kind to everyone…except people who don’t respect our boundaries. It doesn’t have to be either/or. We can teach kindness AND boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 08:11 PM
10

No. Men know quickly. If men aren’t asking for a commitment in 4-6 weeks, it’s very likely to turn into a situationship. You deserve better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 01:06 PM
26

If you have a 5 year age gap AND he hasn’t locked it down (aka made a commitment) in 6 weeks, he’s likely not going to. That’s also a really questionable age gap at your age. Study after study shows age gap is a huge precursor to abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 04:11 AM
58

If he is having a 3 hour argument over $5 tea, what is it going to look like when you are arguing over what school to send the children to, the purchase of a vehicle, or a home? This is the beginning of losing financial control. I know, because I’ve lived it. You will end up broke and dependent on him, which makes it very VERY hard to leave, doubly so if you procreate. Remember, little red flags become the whole parade if you wait long enough. So DONT WAIT LONG ENOUGH.
/r/askFDS06/02/22 06:44 AM
8

Probably true. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 06:26 AM
48

He has the guilt he should and I hope he uses it every day to make the world a better place for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 02:21 AM
208

If he wanted to stop looking at porn and scantily clad women, he would. He lives with you and your mom, he’s a leech. If you have babies with this man it will be the biggest mistake of your life. Follow your dreams.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 05:50 PM
78

Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 03:24 PM
48

He swindled millions and barely got a slap on the wrist. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 05:49 AM
26

In my conservative community growing up they were referred to as promise rings. I was given one. I stopped wearing it the second I had full understanding of what it meant. 🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 07:56 PM
16

Yet another reason I’m thankful for zero men on my socials. And I have max privacy settings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 01:45 AM
71

So glad to be single. My friends and our kids are having a little day trip to the mountains for some fun on that day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 10:07 PM
153

It’s not just you. Sometimes I’ve said “I don’t actually need your approval”. 🤣 It’s not all about catering to their likes. But I think these comments create dependency for those who don’t have firm boundaries. Definitely sits wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 09:59 PM
83

Yup. I’m living it. 😅😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 05:34 PM
46

Age gaps are a MASSIVE precursor to abuse. It’s also because the man can’t date women his age, they don’t want him. Read tbe handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 05:28 PM
203

Oh my heart is breaking for her. She needs to get out, and decide if she really wants to be tied to him forever with a child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 05:26 PM
51

Getting rid of all men on my social media, even relatives, has been amazing. I cannot recommend it enough!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 06:49 PM
31

There is also prob resources on Lundy Bancrofts blog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 03:26 AM
109

I read this whole thing. The AUDACITY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 12:48 AM
153

I say within 4-6 weeks too. If they haven’t asked for commitment in that time frame they aren’t in it for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 08:45 PM
37

YES!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:00 PM
58

I’ve been doing this, and it’s great, and hilarious. 😅 By hilarious I mean pathetic. Weed them out early and often ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 08:55 PM
20

To change their diet to better/healthier food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:46 AM
112

This is so dangerous. I had an online stalker. Back then I had all his personal info. I told him to never contact me again. I would have gone to the police. Stalking is THE BIGGEST INDICATOR of a likeliness to murder. Most murdered women have an abusive or stalking person in their life. Please, for your safety, end this once and for all, get a restraining order if you must. Be careful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:24 PM
51

This is a very interesting perspective. I’m generally anti-male friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:27 PM
9

I recommend reading or listening to all her books in order. They are fantastic and have done so much for my personal growth. She definitely advocates boundaries and creating the spaces to be vulnerable. Her work on shame is unparalleled. I’ve read or listened to nearly all her books at least twice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 01:48 PM
11

Any sign of aggression when angry: aggressive driving, flipping people off, throwing tools or object in anger (even if not at you). Men do not have to hurt to to keep your behavior in check with fear tactics. They just have to be scary and intimidating, so you think they MIGHT hurt you. And then they waltz around like “but I never hit you”. We need to redefine what violent relationships are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 05:19 PM
20

Oooh, I hadn’t thought of it in those terms. But damn. Nailed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:30 PM
32

Or Fantasy Football. 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 08:12 PM
21

Edited my post since I meant American football. But Im not into any sports obsession at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:22 PM
137

Regularly watches (American) football. Has a sports jersey in his bio. I abhor everything about football. Too many tattoos, or creepy tattoos of any kind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:14 PM
70

Hahaha. Exactly the response I would expect. That’s why lying about age is a HUUUGE no for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 10:33 PM
87

This is such a great description. I experienced something very similar as part of my abuse. A securely attached man does not feel jealous and insecure if other men look at you. Nor do they expect you to manage other men’s behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 05:57 PM
197

He’s got a forever girlfriend who he lives with…that’s like…the opposite of FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 04:43 PM
14

AA is known to be rooted in religion, and that alone is enough for me to question everything about it as a non religious person. I’ve never attended an AA meeting. But this isn’t the first time I’ve heard a story similar to yours. I’m SO SORRY that happened to you. Addiction is rooted in trauma. Anyone who ignores that, is going to do a great disservice to someone who struggles with an addiction. When you heal your trauma, you don’t need your addiction to cope anymore. You can be free. You’ll fi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 03:56 PM
65

Talk to him. Seriously. Ask his opinion about something. Then wait for 5 minutes while your crush leaves your body the longer he talks. 😅 We build up all this POTENTIAL when we have crushes that does exist.
/r/askFDS16/01/22 03:32 PM
63

So you’re moving out? 😅😕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 04:20 AM
61

If he refuses to sign, she will get a default divorce for whatever she asks for. So I hope he actually does give her a default divorce. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:44 PM
310

I’m over 40, and I look WAY BETTER than most men my age. Don’t believe their lies. Men over 40 who are not in at least moderate shape often have high blood pressure and erectile disfunction. BP meds and erections don’t mix I had to learn that the (not) hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 12:04 AM
14

This is a GREAT list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 10:27 PM
34

Victim blaming isn’t tough love. Yes, we need to learn boundaries, and red flags, and hopefully places like FDS will help women learn about those things before they get involved with a bad man. But, I maintain, that victim blaming does more harm than good, and we need to be very very careful about that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 06:00 PM
11

I’m not on apps currently, but when I decide to torture myself like that, I tell them I don’t give out my number unless there is a successful second date. This has been MAGIC. Some guys just unmatch you right away. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 05:54 PM
82

I’m not willing to blame women for ending up with bad men. We are BRAINWASHED, GROOMED, and have all of society against us, but not screening well enough is our fault? Nahhhh, I’m not buying it. The reality is that many men, abusive men, can keep a very very good facade to the public, and be monsters behind closed doors. This significantly isolates women and makes it difficult to get help to get out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 05:50 PM
57

When I went on Bumble BFF, it was a hot mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:05 PM
214

He broke up with you for another woman. Then lied about meeting with her after you got back together. What more do you need to know? He isn’t trust worthy.
/r/askFDS11/01/22 09:53 PM
32

Anyone who says “no liars or cheats” is a liar and cheater. 🤣 I love when they tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 04:41 PM
70

Has he showed you his business plan, and broken it down? I think I’d require it in this situation. You’re smart. You can look at his business financials, marketing plan, etc and have a good idea if it is realistic or a pipe dream. The big flag to me is that it sounds like he had a couple successful businesses, but what happened? Did he sell them and blow the cash? If that’s what happened, I think that speaks to his lack of financial responsibility over all. We’re they successful and then closed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 04:14 PM
48

And this is why I don’t go back to court to try to prove my ex’s ongoing abuse of my children. I have a decent parenting plan. But my BIBLE to surviving and thriving with my kids has been “When Dad Hurts Mom” by Lundy Bancroft. If you are thinking of leaving an abuser, READ THIS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 10:10 PM
72

Definitely start. Also, if you ever redo your parenting plan, make sure you get “pro-rata share”. This means you will likely pay maybe 20-30% vs 50%, bc they take into account who makes more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 05:46 PM
279

I think if it was a one time thing, it’s a forgivable offense. Men CAN grow and change and level up just like women. Most don’t. But some do. I think if his present day actions are where they need to be, that is what matters most. We have members of FDS who did sex work in the past, are they undatable bc they made a mistake in their past? I think not. It can be easy to fall into black and white thinking, but the reality is most of life is lived in the gray area. Listen to your intuition and your…
/r/askFDS10/01/22 01:20 PM
54

If they have real feelings for you, they won’t push the move-in/marry/need citizenship thing. Most places you can leave for a particular number of days and get a new visa. It varies between countries. This would be a super red flag. I hope your friend sees the lovebombing for what it is and doesn’t give up her security to be fleeced by this man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 01:20 AM
7

If you are happy with all other aspects of your relationship besides “the sex”, I’d suggest reading the book “Come As You Are”. It’s really amazing, and may help you decipher why you and your husband don’t have matching libidos right now. I’d also encourage you to be completely honest with yourself: has he been helping that much? Has he been attending to your emotional needs? Does he make you feel special? If your answer is actually “wellllll, sort of” to some of those, you may need to pull back…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 11:02 PM
218

I’ve actually been rejected for having pubic hair/being adamant I will not shave for any reason. I thank my lucky stars for avoiding a pedo. I don’t care how you slice it, being completely repulsed by women’s body hair is not a healthy trait in a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 01:34 AM
10

She’s gone two weeks a month. He’s going to cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 09:17 PM
100

This is terrifying. I’ve had a couple major emergency surgeries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:47 PM
48

Lundy Bancroft talks about this exact thing in Why Does He Do That. Abusive men getting therapy only helps them manipulate better. And that is why I refused “couples therapy” with my abuser prior to leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 11:33 PM
4

This is what makes me mad. Yeah, she’s bad. But there’s hundreds or maybe thousands of men to blame, and she’s the “fall guy”. And now “But Maxwell” will be the refrain of LVM everywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:03 PM
17

There are not enough upvotes. Only single is SINGLE. Dont date men who haven’t been fully divorced for a year or two.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 05:52 PM
89

I have a requirement of a one week road trip with he and I, AND a one week road trip with the whole family, before marriage, for this exact reason. If you can survive a week road trip and all it brings, unexpected things, fatigue, etc, you can get through a lot. 😅🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 10:38 PM
83

I personally think it helped me get better at rejecting men faster. One tip: Only message men who message you first. 99% won’t be a good fit still. But NOT ONE man I ever messaged first did I ever actually have a date with. I (used to) message first when I was super bored. I had a cut and paste message. And most of them were 50/50 or coffee and a walk types. I basically used to run low key science experiments on dating apps. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:04 PM
352

Say it with me: P R O J E C T I O N. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:00 PM
100

He didn’t introduce you to his family over the holidays? He’s not that into you. Men know fast. They lock it down when they know they want a woman. A man who EVER makes you question his intentions isn’t the right one. I live and die by this now. Confuse me? I’m gone. Make me question your intentions? I’m gone. Make me feel so anxious I want to post on the internet for advice? I’m gone. You deserve better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:54 PM
3

I’d love to have random camping adventures…but not with a STRANGER. I think it’s a massive red flag when men want you to do something not public for a first date or early date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:34 PM
16

The way I view men paying for dates is that it’s the very early stages of them showing they can support you/a future household. If they can’t pay for weekly dinner, how are they going to afford to buy a house, have children, and so on. And also, the ONLY WAY men “protect” women in today’s society is with financial security. HVM know this, and have no issues paying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:23 PM
52

I wouldn’t. But sometime in the future when you see a trinket he would really like you can surprise gift him. If he lasts long enough to get to that point. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:18 PM
194

You get a second chance to do right by yourself and your children. I’m so glad you are taking it seriously. Your glow up will be incredible. It’s okay to not be sad that he died, but be sure you honor your children’s grief and help them navigate this tragedy. I wish you the best of everything going forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 07:21 PM
23

I like to say “I’ve decided not to pursue this connection any further. Best of luck!” Block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 12:26 PM
100

Insanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:59 PM
567

I’ve had this happen so many times. Guy acts like he’s going to take you on a nice date, they “don’t have reservations”, so he asks you for coffee, or whatever. Bye, boy. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 12:26 PM
48

I have said “I don’t believe in putting other women down to feel good about myself, it’s not a competition” THEY GET SO TRIGGERED. It literally offends them if you don’t buy into the competition they try to create between women. I refuse. Now that I’m above 40, men also try to compare me with younger women as a means of making me feel insecure. Me: oh I absolutely love getting older. Them: blink blink 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 01:28 PM
78

I usually say something like “I’m not that close with my parents, but that’s a conversation for another time. Insert lighthearted change of subject question.” For anyone with any social grace whatsoever it’s fine. For anyone looking for someone with “daddy issues” they will latch on to that statement and get weird and then you know they lack healthy boundaries and can end things.
/r/askFDS19/11/21 11:52 AM
199

This has been totally true for me. Any glimpse of aggressive driving and I’ll be gone immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:38 PM
79

I was on a date once with a guy who made an awkwardly big deal about walking on the car side of the sidewalk to protect me. It was weird. And then when he asked to grab my boob (wtf we are in public on a first date), he DID IT ANYWAY. So Mr. Overt Show of Fake Masculine Protection assaulted me. Blocked and deleted without another word the moment I was safe. Also called him out on it IMMEDIATELY when it happened. Didnt press charges bc we know no one cares.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:09 PM
26

Learn about investing yourself. From what I understand, slow and steady index fund investment can be done on your own through brokers, and you have full control. As someone who was previously married to a “wealth manager” let me just say so much if it is a rip off. So be exceedingly careful. I’m no expert so I hope some others with more experience weigh in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:42 PM
5

I don’t have any of that stuff and men have been intimidated by me since I was a teen. It’s not you. It’s them. NEVER dim your light. But brave men are few.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 10:53 PM
130

Always listen to your intuition. Cancel.
/r/askFDS01/11/21 08:16 PM
41

Boys will lie for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 03:46 AM
28

I’m extremely against 50/50 as well. It’s NEVER EVER in the best interest of the child. No adult would ever want to live week on/week off with just a backpack to go between houses and we are fully realized adults. Who in their right mind thought this would be good for our kids? I held the line and refused to agree to 50/50.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 05:04 AM
19

Yikes. Yiiiiiikes. This came at me like a sucker punch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 05:55 PM
62

All of them. 😂😂😂 I really don’t like tattoos. So hard no for me are any on face, neck, hands, anything creepy or scary, anything racist/nazi, anything religious, faces, really dumb tattoos that I can’t see myself looking at during sex for the rest of my life, words across backs or chests, full sleeves/legs/backs, anyone who wants more tattoos. Basically, I side eye any man with more than 5 tattoos. The fewer the better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 09:37 PM
42

Lundy Bancroft wrote Why Does He Do That. Gavin de Becker wrote The Gift of Fear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:40 PM
145

I’ve raised children who are in their early 20s. I am 100% not sexually attracted to people under 25. To me they are like my children. Their baby faces are adorbs. But sex is NOT on the table. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:38 PM
71

If his own sister told him he’s and @$$hole…you know it’s bad. Glad she found out now. Because you know after mulling it over she will conclude: he doesn’t think I’m worth a $10k ring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:00 AM
75

Your intuition always knows. I’ve done this too, even when I didn’t have a concrete reason, just felt off. Way to go!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 07:57 PM
71

She built a billion dollar company. That’s no small feat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 04:31 AM
76

Public area only computer use. No phones until 13-16 depending on how involved in extra curricular activities they are. No kid internet access past 9pm. Im strict, and don’t care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 02:08 AM
41

Because, at least around here, men go missing because they had a hunting or fishing or other wilderness accident, or dementia/mental health. And there is almost always a woman/family looking for them. Men don’t go missing Bc their partner murders them or keeps them prisoner, usually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 02:46 AM
111

Just BEING a teacher/nanny/nurse ups the nasty significantly. Even as a teen, before the internet, when I was babysitting, I’d get occasional breathy calls from men wanting a “babysitter”. Fuck those guys. I was 13/14. Just within the last year I was offered $100 for two hours of “nanny service” (which is outrageous for this area), by a dude of course. It’s disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 02:39 AM
42

This type of behavior is abusive. My ex blew up my phone all the time if he knew I was out having a good time and he was home w the kids. Or while he was at work to keep tabs on me. Eventually he’d freak out if I didn’t message back in 15min. By “freak out” I mean verbally abuse me by calling me names or making derogatory comments about what on earth could keep me so busy I couldn’t get back to him. (I’m certain it wasn’t the multiple small children I was caring for) It gets progressively worse.…
/r/askFDS23/10/21 02:29 AM
66

If they gotta brag it’s a figment of their imagination. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 09:48 PM
4

Right?! The visceral reaction is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 06:46 PM
110

Oh this is super encouraging. I’m replacing the flooring in my bathroom and want to pull up the toilet and put down a fresh ring and put the new floor all the way under the toilet and caulk around it all proper like. I was feeling intimidated about taking the toilet off. So yay for this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 03:39 AM
87

Honestly, so many women have taken nudes, to me it’s not even a scandal. Like some dude comes to my hypothetical company and is like your employee sent nudes…I’m gonna give zero fucks. Now I don’t ADVISE IT, but I also think it’s not the trump card men think it is, or that we women imagine it to be. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 09:12 PM
13

I thought about it. But then I decided Unmatching him while he was typing was more fun. 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 05:31 PM
18

I don’t suggest dinner. I just say I don’t feel safe doing hike dates with men I don’t know and the majority come back with “dinner at x” but this guy, is the top tier example of WHY!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 04:23 PM
9

Exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 04:05 PM
50

He’s prob friends w her boyfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 03:32 PM
32

Well, hopefully BLOCK was the reaction he wanted. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 03:03 PM
39

Well he asked for a hike date…so I was like…I guess you don’t know who Gabby Petito is. And then what followed is here. So scary. I live in an outdoor area. Hike dates aren’t an uncommon ask, but the vast majority of men are like “oh right, let’s do dinner, no worries”. This was a far outlier, but literally WHY we don’t do these kind of dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 02:54 PM
64

Yeah, my body did not react well to that. It’s so so so scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 02:34 PM
168

I did not take it as a joke AT ALL. Some men literally think this way. It’s terrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:24 PM
657

The thing is, I only did dinner dates even before FDS. My reasoning then was: if you don’t think you can spend 90 minutes talking to me, why am I getting dressed up? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:21 PM
233

Reason #865 why I like to set boundaries early and often.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:08 PM
60

So many red flags. I’m so sorry you are hurt. I personally would not continue this relationship.
/r/askFDS18/10/21 02:57 PM
290

Your mom is fierce! So glad she was there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 10:05 PM
4

It’s a massive massive red flag to me when couples have a joint FB. The man is abusive almost 100% of the time, from my anecdotal evidence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 05:38 PM
7

Welcome to womanhood. Ugh.
/r/askFDS09/10/21 11:35 PM
13

Maybe rethink the men as friends thing. They are so so so rarely just your friend.
/r/askFDS09/10/21 11:28 PM
14

My go to: I’m sorry I don’t “hang out” with men. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂
/r/askFDS09/10/21 11:00 PM
27

I agree with all of this. I am one who does want to be walked to my car. But not all women like it/feel safe, so it’s also personal.
/r/askFDS09/10/21 10:51 PM
1

Sounds to me like you’re being discriminated against Bc you’re lesbian. I’d bet anything they are afraid if they get too friendly with you people will think they like you. It’s quite silly really, but human brains aren’t always logical. You can’t make people like you, so personally I’d stop trying. I’d also look for a new job if your work environment is that hostile. No one deserves that.
/r/askFDS09/10/21 11:16 AM
28

I’m a mom, so I get “you’re a great mom” a lot, when they don’t even know me. I block/unmatch. I view it as a type of love bombing. You probably are a good person, and I am a good mom, BUT they DONT KNOW THAT. So those early compliments like that are appealing to our good and true nature, but completely inappropriate because they have no idea what kind of person we are…except that we own a p*ssy they want access to.
/r/askFDS09/10/21 11:10 AM
3

One of my dear friends was once in an abusive relationship. I tried for years to help her leave. Ultimately, I went the tough love way. I told her that my door was always open, and I loved her, and when she was ready, I’d do everything in my power for her. But, that she could not complain to me anymore if she was not willing to take action. We didn’t talk for 2 years. He almost killed her. But, this story had a happy ending, and she did leave. And we are still friends. I would talk to your frien…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:35 AM
14

I went to a really nice tea house once. I only accepted Bc it was somewhere I had really been wanting to try but hadn’t had the chance yet. We had several dates, but weren’t a good long term fit. All the dates we had were lovely and fun though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:27 AM
1

Follow your intuition, always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 04:56 PM
6

Music to my ears! Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 11:10 AM
118

Whenever I feel confused about a man’s actions or intentions, I quit seeing him. Men who want you NEVER leave you confused or questioning. It took time to get there. But it’s so freeing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 11:55 AM
29

As much as I’d like her to take this to court and win, my children’s father left them with an actual convicted registered sex offender, multiple times, and the court did not find it to be an issue worth limiting his contact with his children. The system is broken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 11:53 AM
33

I don’t do breaks. 🤷🏼‍♀️ we are together or we aren’t. Most “breaks” are so men can go have sex with someone else and not feel bad, but then still come back to all the benefits of a committed relationship. I’ll pass.
/r/askFDS06/10/21 11:42 AM
16

It looks like a d*ck he could only WISH for. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 02:27 AM
14

I can’t stop laughing. 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 02:25 AM
19

For a grown ass adult you better make it $10. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 01:20 AM
14

Well, it’s a real profile where I live. Even though I reported it, it came back. I think I may have saved a screen shot of the words. I’ll have to check.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 11:49 PM
44

Wow. This just added a whole extra layer of understanding to my (now long over) marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:16 PM
59

When my sons were little, I would charge them a $1 if I found something I told them to find and they said it wasn’t there. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:15 PM
67

Omg. We must live in the same area. I’ve reported this profile before. For “hate speech”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:01 PM
84

I bought this lie so hard in my marriage. But guess what? I didn’t have trouble communicating with my friends, or at work, or with the repair guy. Sooo, guess what? I’m not a bad communicator. They just don’t care or don’t like what the communication is about. And THAT is no longer my problem. Happy to show myself out. Bye!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:30 PM
15

I've met two men that seemed HV, but we were not compatible on some level. Its disappointing, but a very good reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:59 AM
13

Yes. I realized since starting FDS that’s exactly what it was for me. It was ingrained in my extremely traditional religious childhood. It was incredibly difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I don’t ENJOY or derive pleasure from cooking. Other things in the kitchen I do, but not that. It honestly has felt like a big step in my healing journey and I’m still unraveling it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 02:22 PM
30

Cooking as a part of performative femininity. Obvs I cook for my kids. But I’ve started telling men I don’t like/am not very good at cooking. (I’ve been cooking since I was 12).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 12:51 PM
37

Go mama! Changing the world one son at a time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:12 PM
4

Love this! 🔥🔥🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:32 PM
45

Cue me swiping left on all the “my kids are my world” dads for this exact reason. If you have to brag about it, it’s not true, most likely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 12:48 PM
95

And this is why I won’t date a man who is into football. 😅 It is a dumb, dangerous game. It supports sex trafficking and domestic violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 12:25 PM
7

I love this every time I see this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 12:16 PM
76

It’s exactly why I believe women of the world should collectively withhold sex until we get healthcare for all, family leave, equal pay, etc. Men are so obsessed with sex (their peen), that they would literally change the world to gain access…if women demanded such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 10:18 AM
238

They obviously never read any of the posts where we help women leaving abuse, getting better jobs, education, learning to set boundaries, and engage in self care. They must also skip the posts encouraging women to seek therapy and be an active participant in their own healing. 🤔I have not read any of that in the incel movement.🤔 So just another classic case of male projection. Yawn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 09:34 AM
11

My favorite saying when a guy asks me to ice cream or something is: That’s not an appropriate date for a woman my age. They either argue, or step up. If they argue, block. If they step up, do the date, for experience but realize they are prob LV. Though rarely that one correction makes them come correct for all future dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 01:57 PM
48

You set a boundary. Remember, if he wanted to, he would. Men who push back on small boundaries in the beginning are the types who coerce you sexually. This is FDS in action and WORKING! Ditch the dude. Cheers for FDS.
/r/askFDS30/09/21 01:42 PM
56

There is a speed dating event in my community that I will try if it ever falls on a weekend I don’t have kids, it’s speed dating and ballroom dancing combined. I love to dance, so it seems like it would be fun. And dancing is a great way to see what kind of person someone is. There are pre-made boundaries in the dance world, do they respect them? Are they leading properly? Do they jerk you around? Etc. Do they show up smelling like booze? 😅😂 But still, no matter how you meet men the majority are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 01:39 PM
98

You’ll get through this. It’s like withdrawal from a drug. Your brain is used to the highs and lows. It sounds like it’s worth considering not drinking for awhile if you tend to make poor decisions/over drink once you get started. It’s HARD. But it’s WORTH IT. Once your mental addiction to this person is broken, it will feel like seeing blue sky and sunshine after a long scary storm. You CAN do this. I believe in you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:56 PM
182

The amount of men who have asked me if I can cook…I can’t even. It’s become an instant next for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 12:19 PM
11

Forcefully drugging a pregnant woman with the intent to kill the baby…I hope they both get maximum sentences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 12:08 PM
41

I’m so sorry you had to go through that, all of it, the boyfriend, the abortion, the terrible doctor. I hope you’ve gotten some therapy to work through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 12:31 AM
447

I refuse to see male OB/GYNs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 08:25 PM
30

I identify with your last paragraph a lot. I DO like co-habitating, but I don’t think it’s important while I’m raising my girls. The older they get the less I feel like I want to bring a man into the picture, even though sometimes they beg me for “a nice dad”, which breaks my heart. But, there are just NO guarantees with men. And we have SUCH an amazing time as a girl trio. So I’m trying to figure this all out because it’s a new train of thought for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 05:52 PM
70

Idaho is pro-gun and with simple divorce laws. A couple who stipulates their divorce can be divorced in 21 days. UNFORTUNATELY, it’s also quite racist here, and we have a law on the books that will trigger anti-abortion legislation when the Supreme Court upholds it for another state (but for some reason TX situation didn’t count) So, I’d say it’s difficult to find a state with both that is Pro-woman. I don’t think any are. Also, I’m exhausted with the alt-right rhetoric that is the underpinnings…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 08:12 PM
23

Sooo, we are supposed to accept men getting off because…they are too lazy to have sex with us? Bahahahahaha. NO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 07:45 PM
98

If I had a dollar for every time a man has said this to me I could FIRE. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 05:27 PM
25

😂😂😂 I wish this wasn’t true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 05:26 PM
29

They make asmr porn type stuff, just saying. It’s a whole thing.
/r/askFDS24/09/21 10:48 PM
112

As the mother of older teens, I’ve been telling them (and even my youngers), that the brain doesn’t mature until 25. That you change and grow so much during that time that it’s best to wait until late 20s or early 30s to get married. I married young and it’s the worst mistake of my life since I have a NEX.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:36 PM
10

Oh daaaaamn. Saving this epic comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 05:22 PM
111

I bet a “no” shirt can be found on Etsy. Edit: I just ordered this one: https://etsy.me/3hPjjL5 No affiliate or speaking as to shops quality since it’s my first order w them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 02:39 PM
35

Yep. I get this feeling in my stomach. I had it ALL THE TIME when I was married. It took about 3 months to go away. Then I felt it come back during an interaction with him. And since I’ve realized right from the beginning with men who are not healthy. Sometimes before I’m conscious of WHY they aren’t healthy. So now, if I feel that on a date, instant next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 07:24 PM
2

I took me awhile of sending “closure for myself texts” and blocking before I could go straight to blocking. You’ll get there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 05:14 PM
99

Yup. Listen to the complaints about the ex. Specific things like that are almost always 100% true! I’d next that man so fast. Men who TELL YOU how great they are, rarely are. Real men don’t care what you think, they live by their principles in action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 04:16 PM
6

Give men the respect they DESERVE? Soooo, NONE. 😂Unless they’ve earned it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:36 AM
44

Dying. 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 09:00 PM
22

This. Was. Awesome. I can see you all stone cold, then performing like an angel. 🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:31 PM
16

[State] court repository gets you access to court cases for states that have public access online. Idaho and Washington are very open. Sometimes First name, city, industry will give you their linked in. Anyone who is in a profession requiring licensing can be looked up on their state licensing department Bc it’s public record: electricians, plumbers, doctors, cpa, etc. Again, first name, city, profession can usually narrow it down unless they have a name like “John”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:25 PM
122

Sing to the tune of “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 10:36 PM
87

Correct. Not women’s fault. But we can keep ourselves safe by abstaining from alcohol with intention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 07:42 PM
78

Always make men come to you for a first date. Your comfort and safety should be the most important factor.
/r/askFDS18/09/21 05:26 PM
312

I don’t consume alcohol with men I don’t know. I rarely drink anyway. But I don’t drink when I travel, when I date, Etc. I’ve had this policy my entire adult life and I firmly believe it has spared me some bad times. I’ve still been assaulted as most women are, unfortunately. But drinking increases your risk SUBSTANTIALLY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 05:24 PM
141

I don’t know about the article, but the book Sex at Dawn describes this in detail. The first half is pretty dry, but the last half is INCREDIBLY fascinating. The premise being that until modern day agriculture required paternity certainty to pass wealth from generation to generation, men didn’t really have claim over just one woman and all women and children were cared for because no one really knew who fathered whom. Some tribes believing that multiple men needed to be with a woman to get her p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:39 PM
5

I always overdressed in my 20s. No regrets. Own yourself. As a firmly middle aged mother, you won’t regret rocking every inch of your 20 year old body. Don’t let them win. Learn to glaze your eyes and pretend like they don’t exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:47 AM
118

This is called affirmative consent. Where only yes means yes. Most of US society operates from passive consent (absence of no, means yes). This is a narrative that we need to work on changing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:04 AM
18

I’m an introvert who loves dating introverts (but especially men more introverted than me.) You don’t have to fill the silence. I think one of the best things about dating another introvert are those moments of comfortable silence. Take a pause, then ask a question. If the silence is too awkward, it’s not a good match.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 11:16 AM
34

I think they are low value. I found out the hard way that some men are a hard no for pubic hair. I’m a hard no for them. Not even sorry. I am disgusted by men who act like normal hair on women is gross, and only like the hair free look akin to prepubescent girls. Too pedo for me.
/r/askFDS15/09/21 10:05 PM
10

I’ll never again marry someone whose family I don’t like/can’t stand. I’ve had good in-laws and terrible ones. The terrible ones are NOT WORTH IT. They even lived far away, but then MOVED CLOSER. It. Was. A. Nightmare.
/r/askFDS12/09/21 11:01 PM
29

I would 100% be a single mother by choice, if I had it to do over again. Having NVM as a co-parent has been the worst, most painful experience of my life. Do NOT have a baby with a “friend”. Just fly solo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 08:42 PM
7

I’d do the Brene Brown books, and the the Complex PTSD book. Body Keeps the Score is really dry and has some really graphic war stuff in it. I had to stop listening. I have read both of Gavin de Becker’s books!
/r/askFDS12/09/21 06:20 PM
55

I found Brene Browns books to be life changing for how I deal with the shame surrounding things I had no real control over because I didn’t know better. Start with Daring Greatly, and read them in order of publication. I’ve been through most of them at least twice. And in the words of Maya Angelou, When you know better, do better. We can’t change our awful childhoods, but we can learn to keep ourselves (inner child) safe now.
/r/askFDS12/09/21 05:23 PM
184

My response to men who give me unsolicited opinions: “If I wanted your opinion, I’d give it to you.” 😂 Said with a saccharine smile. Works every time. Or… “Oh, good thing I wasn’t asking for your opinion.” But the first one is my fave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 04:29 PM
11

I watched this last year and loved it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 09:08 PM
24

How they take a “no” is key!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 09:05 PM
252

The biggest benefit of this is that they both wrote one, read them together and made a mashup they both agreed to. We ALL set relationship expectations (or lack there of) from the beginning. While the entirety is not in alignment with FDS, it’s still high level communication between two people, and something they both agreed to, which is far more than most early 20-somethings do before starting a relationship. So, even if they aren’t each other’s “forever”, I believe the outcome of the experienc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 09:00 PM
33

I’m unapologetic about not having male friends. They. Are. Never. Just. Friends. I have no males on my very limited social media, not even relatives. Male friends get free emotional labor for what? Nah, sis. But also simultaneously wait to pounce. HARD PASS.
/r/askFDS11/09/21 02:56 PM
25

And who knows if it’s true when they say she cheated. My ex has a whole story about my rampant infidelity…that never existed. But it existed in his mind. He’d wake up PISSED at me bc he had a dream I cheated on him etc. All I have to say is…projection is a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:47 PM
34

His actions were some subtle mindfuckery! Great job on seeing that early on and cutting your losses. It’s a huge example of the growth you’ve made personally. May your shoulder injury heal up good as new.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:07 PM
7

You were brave. It only gets better from here. Faster for you since you have no children. But I am 6 years out, even with kids, I am LIGHTYEARS healthier and happier than I ever was married. When you have a moment of fear, doubt, or insecurity, when his voice is playing in your head, remind yourself that everything he ever told you was a lie. These moments will come. But you are strong enough to get through them! One year from today your life will be drastically different. Keep moving forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 06:33 PM
23

As someone who spent a long time married to a gold digging broke ass man, I was young, and believed in his “potential”. He took me for everything I had and then some. Never. Again. There is no potential. Only today. And reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 05:44 PM
29

I did it. With 4 kids 10 and under. It’s possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 10:10 PM
7

I’m pretty sure I’m very allergic to MJ, my experience w second hand exposure and CBD, has been BAAAD, hence the never actually doing it. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 01:24 AM
128

“Say more” demanding much? Girl, this was a disaster waiting to happen. Glad you saw and got out fast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 01:10 AM
44

It’s a no for me. If a man can’t afford to date me, how is he going to afford a life with me?
/r/askFDS07/09/21 01:08 AM
31

I’m so curious about psychedelics as a way to process trauma. But I’ve never done any drugs ever, even MJ. Thank you for sharing your story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 01:06 AM
135

I won’t move in unless we are signed on the dotted line married. There is no reason to disrupt my children’s lives for anything less. I have a 6 month rule before introducing, AND we also have to be seriously talking about a future together. My partner is not my children’s father. He is more like a fun uncle unless the CHILD comes to him in a parental role. He should defer to me regarding all things children. And make his opinion that differs from mine known only in private. I am personally agai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 06:29 PM
53

Yes! It’s so weird when men demand to have pubic hair a certain way. You want access to my womanhood? You’ll love it exactly as it is, the way I keep it. Otherwise, bye boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 05:36 PM
46

It was a big deal for me, bc I was most obsessive about shaving my armpits. But, I have daughters. And I’ll be damned if they grow up thinking they need to look prepubescent forever. But I’ve had guys say…I’ve never been on a date with a woman with underarm hair before. 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 05:34 PM
321

I love this! I haven’t shaved my pubic hair in decades, though I do trim when it feels uncomfortable. I also quit shaving my armpits, bc I was like no one can see my pubic hair on a regular basis so I felt like I needed to make a more obvious statement. I have had men refuse to date me bc I don’t shave off my pubic hair. 🤢🤢🤢 It weirds me out when men can only be attracted to bodies with no hair as it makes me question if they have pedophile tendencies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 01:16 PM
10

You need a new therapist STAT. She WAY overstepped AND losing custody is not that easy. Additionally, people who maintain “neutrality” empower abusers. You are not safe to continue with someone with such disregard and threat towards your circumstances. I’m so sorry you had that experience. I would STRONGLY encourage you to read “when dad hurts mom” by Lundy Bancroft. It was so empowering for me in divorcing an abuser.
/r/askFDS31/08/21 07:36 PM
3

I think receiving can be a challenge. There are a lot of articles on masculine/feminine energy. If you Google and read what you’re drawn towards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 02:34 PM
67

Feminine in context of this post doesn’t mean pink, girly, lace. It doesn’t mean classic beauty. It doesn’t mean damsel in distress. For lack of a better word it’s your vibe/energy. When you are “receiving” as described in this post, you are in your feminine energy. As women, we have had to use a lot of masculine energy to compete in this patriarchal capitalist society. But masculine energy typically doesn’t attract the type of mate most of us are looking for (one like the FDS handbook). So that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 02:15 AM
9

Oooh! So. I live in a red state. I will not date trump voters. I have noticed the only men who refuse to give a straight answer about their politics are…trump voters. 😅 I’m a third party voter and tend to look for same. Neither far left or far right are a good fit for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 10:12 PM
235

If only I had understood number 4 in my early 20s. Dead run from any man who claims they were physically abused by a partner. I now believe what my ex claimed as physical abuse from his former partner was likely her protecting herself from his abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 07:41 PM
67

I don’t put it in my bio bc I feel like men will lie to get sex. So I’d rather screen them from a place of them being their authentic selves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:02 PM
73

Please don’t ever ever leave your daughter at a single man’s house. Ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:50 AM
193

Yes! The nanosecond I feel confused, I’m out. I spent a decade “confused”. NEVER AGAIN. It’s now a full hard stop like a railroad track guard with flashing red lights.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:07 AM
22

Omg. I’m going to start doing that. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:17 PM
55

I’ve started sending really really obnoxious gifs back. 😂 Like a really sparkly one. Or something way over the top feminine. It amuses me. Still get no response. 🤷🏼‍♀️😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:25 PM
9

They tried it. And when the studies showed checks notes men having all the same side effects that women have had since starting the pill…it was deemed unsafe or some such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 02:39 PM
1

It’s only a matter of time until current BF violence is turned on her. A HVM would never do this. He would elevate his woman’s status and ensure her safety in non violent ways unless the ex came back as a direct and intentional threat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 04:02 PM
28

I will go on activity dates, as long as I feel safe (aka no hiking even though I genuinely enjoy it), fairly quickly. I think you can learn a lot about someone from them. Things like: Are they extremely competitive? Are they encouraging? Do they offer to let you have the first turn? Do they offer you a drink/food if it’s an activity place with that? Do they make sure you are having fun and comfortable? But this is only for public things like bowling, mini golf, or similar types of things. And I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 12:52 AM
13

I was being stalked by my ex once at a kids sporting event. Finally after moving for the 5th time, and he followed, I walked up to him and loudly said “Quit stalking me”. The men right behind them averted their eyes. Men will not protect you. That is why I am firmly grounded in “modern day protection is financial stability” And I wish I would’ve called the police that day. But I didn’t bc I didn’t want to ruin the day for my child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 04:16 PM
86

You’ve been with your BOYFRIEND, for 6yrs and no ring…time to clean house and figure out your life goals and priorities.
/r/askFDS10/08/21 02:02 AM
48

You are far FAR more likely to end up in a dangerous relationship with a large age gap. At your age, 2-3yrs should be your max.
/r/askFDS10/08/21 02:00 AM
214

Scientifically speaking she needs an extra 500 calories a day. But omg, the body shaming that is coming after she gives birth is going to be unreal. I gained some excessive weight in a couple of my pregnancies, despite walking two miles a day. I lost it all by 6 months. Women’s bodies are weird and do what they need to do. This poor woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 01:24 PM
5

1.Only women Max of 100 friends. Only those who add value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 08:40 PM
55

Creeper vibes. I’m sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:13 PM
66

My go to is “Can I help you?” The second you acknowledge those guys they bail usually. Usually a slight sarcastic tone or some other WTF sort of tone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:09 PM
305

I adore introverted men. And they 100% will make the effort if they really like you! No excuses for the weird lurking in the shadows nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:05 PM
86

When someone asks me what I want in a partner, I always say “someone who is kind and generous”, the LVM always run away bc to them “generous” = gold digger. Works like a charm. Try it. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 10:29 PM
3

Time, date, location or it doesn’t go on my calendar.
/r/askFDS21/07/21 01:31 AM
71

In the end w my abuser, I would say exactly what he had just said to me back to him. It shut him up. Even though I don’t like talking to people in such ugly ways. It helped end the moment more quickly. And still makes me giggle a bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 10:13 AM
1

The most important thing I think is teaching our daughters that no one should touch them without their permission. This can start very young. Teach them about boundaries, and how people are allowed to treat them. Don’t blow off those mean boys pulling their hair at school. Stay involved. Put teachers on notice. Second Protecting the Gift. It helps us preserve children’s natural intuition for safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 03:20 AM
12

Let it go. I’m sorry he hurt you.
/r/askFDS17/07/21 12:46 PM
1

I honestly have the best agreement out of everyone I know who has divorced an abuser, in large part thanks to that book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 02:06 AM
2

Yes. I always recommend women divorcing abusers read “when dad hurts mom” by Lundy Bancroft. It’s INVALUABLE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 12:54 AM
2

Also gift of fear (I think) says men do not ask women for directions unless they want to hit on her. They only ask other men when they actually want directions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 12:11 AM
17

It’s already started. 😕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 11:56 PM
2

Omg. Yes. I did the same. Lundy’s book changed my life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:01 PM
2

Never second guess added facts to help women! Like you said, experiences vary widely by state (and country) so the more armed women can be the better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:00 PM
99

Well, if my choice is to date fuckbois or be celibate well…let’s just say I’ve been celibate for awhile. 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:45 PM
2

You and me both. My kids dad married a woman younger than his oldest child (from his first wife). 🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:42 PM
2

I’m allllll too aware of the court system have been part of it as a child of divorce and divorcing as an adult. 50/50 is the dumbest thing ever. Where I live the vast majority of 50/50 is cases with a protective mother who settled out of court for the reasons you listed (like losing custody). But your info is invaluable. Thanks for adding it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:36 PM
3

I’m only on one social media platform and it’s male free. No men. Yep. I cannot recommend it enough. Not even male relatives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 01:59 PM
23

It’s really not that hard to keep it separate. My kids have met only one man in the 6+ years I’ve been divorced. I think vetting for men who understand and respect that your children come first is important. You’ll only get dates every other week until some months have gone by and I decide I’m willing to leave my kids w a sitter for 3 hrs to have dinner w you on alternating weeks. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 01:03 PM
1

In my state the 15yo could possibly be charged with a crime. Any sexual stuff under age 15 in my state is blah blah “with a minor”. The hard part would be proof, and how the courts don’t give a shit about sexual abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 01:33 AM
36

Two years and no ring? It’s probably not happening. If you buy a house together/cohabitate, you’ll be a forever girlfriend.
/r/askFDS11/07/21 01:12 AM
176

Pickmeishas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 09:39 PM
260

Yup! Had a guy ask me to dinner for 7pm several days in advance. The day before he asks if I can change it to 3pm. Hahahaha. No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 08:45 PM
13

I think she’s meh. And I don’t think her dating tips actually apply to most women. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 03:22 PM
49

I actually have travel requirements for any future partner. It’s an excellent stress test. And I have kids. Sooo, you wanna marry me? You’re going on a week long road trip with us as a family before I say I Do. 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:57 PM
3

This is a superb example of early manipulation and such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 05:35 PM
29

That is disappointing. But he still won’t stay, ya know?
/r/askFDS06/07/21 05:18 PM
65

Guys who are moving just want a fling. They aren’t going to stay for you.
/r/askFDS06/07/21 05:15 PM
6

You’ve known each other a long time. She clearly feels safe with you. Pick her up, bring flowers. Introduce yourself to her parents. Let them know you’ll have her back by X time, and where you are going. Side note: someone should always know where you are going on any hikes incase something happens. Pack water and a snack for both of you in a backpack you carry. If it’s a long drive, see if she wants a coffee. Throw some toilet paper in your car, bc vault toilets at trail heads are often out of …
/r/askFDS06/07/21 04:59 PM
13

What if he knows and it’s his plan to take you somewhere less nice last minute, and pretend it’s an honest mistake? 🤔
/r/askFDS06/07/21 04:37 PM
1

If she will take a suggestion from you, see if she will listen to the book “I’m Still Here” by Austin Channing Brown. I cried my way through this book. I’m white and was raised in rural white America. Some of the struggles, I was aware of, others not so much. But also, it’s not your job to educate her on the difficulties of being a black woman. There are hardly any POC where I live, but I am educating myself, so I can educate my children. I don’t have any black friends (because seeing any black …
/r/askFDS06/07/21 04:32 PM
8

Men who TELL YOU they need verbal accolades are sooooo insecure, no matter if they are 20 or 40. Your man should BEHAVE in a way that makes you want to verbalize your appreciation. And it’s starting after two dates? Nah, sis. RUN.
/r/askFDS06/07/21 04:17 PM
145

Oh hellllll no. Block him. Walking ahead of you like that is a no. And just so many no’s.
/r/askFDS05/07/21 10:27 PM
2

I think the vast majority of men GET THIS BOOK WRONG. They look at it as: physical touch is my love language, so when we do the sex it means I love you. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT. It is SUPPOSED TO BE, if your primary love language is acts of service, that he makes sure to do acts of service for you so that you feel loved. So, I do think it can be a beneficial source of information regarding a partner BUT only if the man is willing to do it right. And not conflate sex for love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:11 PM
2

I have dedicated my life to working with and for children. We cannot end racism, misogyny, oppression, without ending the ways we oppress children through school, religion, and parenting. I would encourage anyone interested to check out the following: When dad hurts mom by Lundy Bancroft Happiness is Here (FB/IG) Carol Black Books by John Taylor Gatto and John Holt Racheous (FB) Books: Raising your spirited child, Real Boys, I cannot stress enough how the modern day system of education ENCOURAGE…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:06 PM
33

HSV1 and HSV2 can be found both orally and genitally. HSV1 is more common orally, but can be transferred from mouth to genitals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:06 PM
18

This is precisely why I am going to INSIST on him purchasing us a house if I ever get engaged, that we move into after marriage. I will not move into his house, and he will not move into mine. Not even sorry. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:28 AM
10

You need to take your photos/evidence of any abuse and get a restraining order. It DOES get better. So. Much. Better. You are NOT crazy. One step at a time. You’ll get back to yourself. Please get a copy of Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. If you absolutely can’t afford it PM me and I will send you a copy. Be brave. Your life depends on it.
/r/askFDS02/07/21 04:20 AM
40

Please read the handbook. You are spending 1:1 time in your home, with a man you are not dating, cooking him food and so on. Recipe: Serves 2, with a side of disaster.
/r/askFDS02/07/21 04:10 AM
45

He has a track record of not noticing people like him? Giiiirl, don’t take the bait. And men aren’t your friends. Why are you cooking for him?!
/r/askFDS02/07/21 04:05 AM
81

Men love all kinds of breasts. But also, there’s NO WAY I’d augment my breasts for the male gaze. Breasts aren’t always perky. My breasts have literally never been perky. Maybe do some reading about “breast shapes” to see all the varieties that women’s breasts come in. Lastly, your breasts are literally NOT USELESS. They are made to lactate and size does not dictate ability to lactate. You may not WANT to lactate for awhile or ever. But that’s why breasts exist. To feed babies.
/r/askFDS30/06/21 04:12 AM
413

I have this approximate age gap…WITH MY SON. I cannot fathom dating someone young enough to be my child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 10:57 PM
29

I would tread extremely extremely carefully. Could be a good guy. Could be love bombing. And you aren’t in a place to tell the difference if you are just leaving narc abuse.
/r/askFDS29/06/21 03:28 AM
12

If he doesn’t respect you and value your now, he won’t ever. This was a big deal and he messed up. I would break up with him and tell your friends the truth.
/r/askFDS28/06/21 07:57 PM
30

I like to say I’ll pay 50% when men are doing 50% of housework and childcare AS A SOCIETY. I think it’s pretty easy to find a study that shows women do a VAST majority of that, and show how unbalanced it is if a woman pays half the bills and STILL does all the child/home care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 07:54 PM
5

You are spot on. Trust yourself. If he truly had no $, or few $ YOU should have been his priority. He lied basically.
/r/askFDS25/06/21 02:24 PM
10

It’s his WIFE…is he too cheap to spend the $85 on precheck for her so they can be together? 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 02:17 PM
6

You did it!!! You did the hardest thing! With the odds stacked against you. I can’t wait to see how you are doing 3,6,9,12 months from now. You’ll have some down days as you fight through the codependency/emotional addiction stuff. Be gentle with yourself. It’s LITERALLY a brain chemistry addiction that happens when you live in constant fight or flight mode. Stay aware. Grieve what needs grieving. It will clear space for so much goodness and joy. We are ALL rooting for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 02:14 PM
3

Where I live men outnumber the women at dance classes. I love dancing! Edit: I dance at dance studios NOT dance bar type places.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 01:10 AM
6

I just think of how bad sex w someone I barely know is. Sahara. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 01:09 AM
62

It gets better the more you see it, work to fix it, set those boundaries and so on. One thing that has helped me is to keep telling myself “Do I even LIKE him?” Being a Pickme is: does he like me? But it’s ALLLLLL about yourself and choosing yourself. Do you even LIKE him? What are his values? How has he showed you he’s worthy of your time? Also, apps suck. But I do think they can be a tool to check your progress like you are talking about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 10:52 PM
12

Check yourself for marks. If there are any, even tiny ones, get yourself to a police station and get him charged w assault. I’m so so sorry this happened. It sounds so incredibly scary. I hope you all can find a way to rescue your aunt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 01:47 PM
35

Omg as someone with a collection of vintage stationery this made my heart melt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 01:42 PM
60

So I have a similar thing based on where I live. I pick a particular nice restaurant that I love, that’s closer to me than them, bc I say I live about 20 min farther out than I do for safety. But the guys aren’t usually rude like this guy to you. I’d honestly block that guy, he’s treating you like a secretary. But, after doing some various experiments, what I have found is 100% of the time that a guy doesn’t come out the gate with the day, time , and place upfront, it’s a trash situation, and it…
/r/askFDS19/06/21 01:15 PM
5

You have some work to do to get from anxious attached to securely attached. Block that abusive loser, he doesn’t deserve you.
/r/askFDS19/06/21 12:02 PM
5

Dead. 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 04:31 AM
2

Stay strong. This proves you made the right decision. Continue with your PHD. This is HARD, but it will be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made. You owe him nothing. You are brave. I hope you tell us about your level up too!!!
/r/askFDS18/06/21 07:02 PM
21

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 06:08 PM
44

Ahhh, first I hear Alanis, then I hear Samual L Jackson…You! UPGRADE! 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 05:36 PM
23

I’m in my 40s and raised children who are the age of many of the young celebs posted. I’m like “ew he could be my kid” 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 12:34 PM
33

I actually won’t date men who don’t have friends. It’s a massive massive red flag for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 12:11 PM
5

STIs seem really scary, but you are something like 10x more likely to get pregnant than an STI. Yet we fear monger the ever living f*ck out of STIs. Not saying you should change your standards, at all. But guard that womb, when the time comes. Reading some statistics about STIs might help relieve some of your anxiety around that as well, and give you some ideas for boundaries that help you be proactive in your avoidance/decreasing likelihood of getting one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 12:08 PM
35

Ahhh, a fellow anxious attached person. Instead of telling him to not text, take waaaay longer to respond, so you can work on your anxious attached feelings. You will get hurt by not keeping them in check. Instead of thinking “does he like me?” You need to be thinking “Do I even LIKE this guy” Also, good morning/goodnight texts are a KEY component for sucking you in early. I would really encourage you to check out Alan Robarge on YouTube, his stuff has really really helped me move closer to the …
/r/askFDS18/06/21 02:47 AM
6

I wouldn’t call them “green flag” AT ALL. But, it’s a jumping off point, maybe. You still have to vet for all other FDS standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 01:44 AM
11

Hence the “Potential”…they still have to pass the FDS standards…and we all know how that goes. 😂🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 01:42 AM
12

Thank you for weighing in on this from personal experience. I’m sorry for your loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 01:41 AM
29

As I stated the good ones are a MINORITY. And absolutely I hope every person on this forum reads Lundy Bancroft’s books. They are the gold standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:57 PM
21

Oh! That reminds me of a point I need to add! Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:42 PM
23

I think if you are over 35, and you’ve had talks w people who have done it, both good and bad, you can certainly proceed with caution. You need rock solid boundaries. And still vetting per the FDS manual. Always. Do not recommend marrying a man with multiple children in your early 20s like I did. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:41 PM
19

Also in my 40s. You are correct. Turns out playing video games and bingeing on doordash w your kids all weekend doesn’t give you that “active lifestyle” vibe. Whowouldathunkit? 🙄😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:15 PM
27

It’s totally fair. Many of us are single moms, and some of us are in our late 30s and early 40s, where the pool gets much much smaller. But yes, for all the teens and 20s on here, it’s still good info to have when Ultra Charming Hot Single Dad of One comes trying to lovebomb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:24 PM
55

Ugh that last line is chilling. I’ve mostly spoken to men who’s wives had cancer or died in a car accident. And you DEFINITELY don’t want to be competing with a ghost, which is why I think widowers having therapy, or in some way being proactive about their healing is important.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:21 PM
51

I’m an “elder”, which is why I wanted to write this post. 🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:19 PM
26

Love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 05:31 PM
70

Love the wealth vs competency comparison. I literally just laugh at supposedly wealthy future fakers. Money doesn’t impress me. Consistent actions over time impress me. Stepping up when it’s hard or inconvenient impresses me. Your money doesn’t buy my approval or my p*ssy. GTFO with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 12:45 PM
21

Say it with me: Men are NEVER “just friends”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:10 PM
95

I’m always saying, when women say yes to a date it’s ALWAYS weighing the likelihood of sexual assault. And then men wonder why we won’t do parks or hikes for many dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 01:51 AM
4

The downside is that the parents being openly scornful of her relationship is creating the isolation that her husband probably wants and he doesn’t have to do a thing. It means when she’s ready to leave she will wait longer bc she feels like she can’t go to her parents. This happened to me (not exactly, but similar) and I stayed way longer and had more kids, than if I had felt like I could go to my parents. But for a long time I felt trapped, and the need to prove everyone wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:54 PM
3

I’ve really been enjoying this one too! Just found it recently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:17 PM
7

I would not get married/have babies until 30+. I would spend my 20s getting my education and traveling the world. I came into my 20s with some extreme privilege. And basically blew it all on NVM, one of whom has “ruined my life”. I would be in a different place if I had gotten therapy and spent my 20s learning about myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:40 PM
2

Fantastic explanation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 01:04 AM
77

There’s no “probably” about it. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 04:23 PM
7

I have found men who proudly profess their Viking/Norse heritage are extremely extremely racist. I refuse to even converse w such men these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 12:26 PM
299

Dodged a bullet. Did not have to drive hours to find out. You aren’t a princess. You’re a queen. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 11:47 AM
96

I know someone who had a full signed confession…charges were still dropped. Rape is legal. That’s really all there is to it. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 10:52 PM
31

This poor girl. My kids dad married someone a few years younger than his oldest child (not mine). My young ones are already starting to have hmmmm moments. They aren’t old enough to completely get it yet. But they will be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 10:49 PM
41

Sure, hundreds of likes for MAAAAAYBE one date and zero HVM. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:08 PM
6

Someone who has a sexual fetish for long hair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 05:38 PM
11

Hair fetishist, almost guaranteed. I’ve had long to very long hair most of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 05:03 PM
6

Congrats on making here. I’m in the over 40 crew too. So you aren’t alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 02:59 PM
36

Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. I’m glad you were able to level up and grow as a person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 09:03 PM
230

Take pictures of yourself. Get to a doctor if you can. If you are feeling strong enough, press charges. But if you can’t bring yourself to do that, it’s okay. Your safety is paramount. The national domestic violence hotline can put you in touch with resources in your area. It takes the average woman something like 5-7 tries to leave her abuser. It took me 3 tries. But you’ve got support here. One step. One day. One week. One month. And before you know it, a whole year has gone by. Abusive people…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:53 PM
35

Fantastic. Well written.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:46 PM
43

Yup! Had a date the other day, that was rather similar. My in person vibe was that he wants sex for as little investment as possible. We do have a lot on common. But bye boy. And don’t show up in gym shorts on a first date. That’s the least dressed up a man has ever been for me. Like what?! 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 04:16 PM
59

Interesting list. Almost all these are on my “no fly zone” list. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:12 AM
52

Gather as much evidence as you can. If divorce is shameful in your country, hopefully being publicly outed as an adulterer is as well. You are SO SO SO lucky you did not have children with him. This will make your break easier. He may go the devalue, discard, smear campaign. Google “narcissistic smear campaign” for info on what to expect. You ABSOLUTELY have the strength and power to get through this. One baby step at a time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:09 PM
23

He can pay for doggie daycare so he can have a solo date with her, without her pups. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Also, he pays for her dogs on dates. Did you all catch that? Yes, Queen. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:59 PM
40

Have you read the handbook? You really should read the handbook.
/r/askFDS05/06/21 01:14 PM
71

Divorce this loser. Can you imagine? I told my ex after my last child I wasn’t having sex w him until he got a vasectomy. 😂😂😂 It worked. He was still a whiny bitch for weeks about it, but whatever. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 01:05 PM
88

I have taught my kids what a real apology is: I’m sorry for the thing I [yelled at you] Next time I will [calm down, then talk] Make up: ask forgiveness, make reparations, hug, whatever the situation requires. Because, I got these non-apology apologies allll the time, and no, want my kids to spot that garbage from a mile away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 01:03 PM
25

You’ll get there. I survived my early days of separation/divorcing my ex by saying over and over “everything he ever told me was a lie” and I meant it for what he said about my body and value as a person and for the actual lies. Your life will be so different and magical one year from now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:49 PM
14

I was so in shock, so of course I thought of all the witty comebacks later. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 11:15 PM
7

I am. But in the past I would’ve just “let it go”. But I am working really hard on asserting my boundaries and calling men out when it’s necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 09:54 PM
9

I do too. He was otherwise quite straightforward, showed me all my ex rays and talked to me like an adult. There are no female dentists in my (insurance)coverage area, unfortunately. But, especially post-FDS and having personal boundaries, being called terms of endearment by strange men is gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 09:32 PM
7

Dang! Lucky. I do not know of any around here. Probably just across the state line, but my insurance isn’t accepted there. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 07:49 PM
10

Not in this rural red state. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 07:43 PM
84

And why can’t he just call me “Miss”? How hard is that? 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 07:04 PM
277

I’ve been saying for months and months, if women could collectively withhold sex, we would change the world in record time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 04:39 AM
41

Except the court does give them custody. Over and over and over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:22 AM
41

Hahaha. I’ve put that I loathe football. 😂 Guys still expect you to be a football widow. Um no. Wearing a jersey on your profile? LEFT SWIPE. Not that I’m on any right now. My first foray after FDS was like WHOA. Don’t know that I’m willing to do that again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:20 AM
44

If it feels cheap to you, don’t go. I have an expectation not to be taken to a chain restaurant. But there are a lot of really good midrange restaurants here that I would find appropriate for a first date. I live rurally so that is a factor. Like if your vibe is that he’s being ultra cheap, trust it.
/r/askFDS03/06/21 03:13 AM
17

She co-writes a book called “Burnout” with her sister. It’s AMAZING. Every woman should read it. I haven’t read this one yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 08:07 PM
7

It’s all a lie. Keep telling yourself that and get out. You got this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:31 PM
30

Yes. This info needs to be known. I settled out of court as quickly as possible. But when I HAD to open a case, the “professionals” overlooked abuse/child endangerment. So I settled again, with a plan I can live with, but still means my kids go to an abusive, dangerous home regularly. When they are older, I will tell my story. But for now I need to get them safely through childhood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 09:22 PM
57

Snort. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 09:08 PM
2

EXACTLY. That was the one and only time I ever posted for advice. 🙄 Turns out,I’m completely fine w high standards. I’d rather go on 1-4 decent dates a year than 30 with the likes of coffee date bois.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:27 PM
12

Oh, I’m a solo traveler, and guys are forever saying they can’t afford to travel. Like, I’m a single mom with many children, all minors, no child support to speak of, low income if you look at the $ amount (I have some advantages in other ways) and I STILL afford to travel. Boy GTFO with your sob story. But, this is why I only date men with valid passports. I will NEVER be with a man who doesn’t actually travel ever again. Not my problem if they prioritize porn and video games over travel. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:23 PM
2

I didn’t do coffee dates before FDS. Then I posted in a dating advice sub asking if I was being silly for not accepting coffee dates bc I didn’t like them/I don’t drink coffee. Of course the consensus was yes. So I went on my first and last coffee date as a trial. Never again. I feel that if a man doesn’t feel like I’m worth spending 90 minutes with over dinner, what is the point? Like, every date is weighing the possibility of sexual assault against the hope that this might be a dateable person…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:12 PM
97

Not talking to my mother is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Still hurts sometimes. But the more I heal and love and mother myself, the less I think about her. I will always miss the mother I never had. But I do not miss the mother she actually is. I’m SO proud of you for taking steps to protect yourself (and your inner child).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 04:08 AM
27

Body shaming is a hard no for me. If she’s a very good friend I’d have a frank conversation. “I feel like you are making digs at my body when you know I’ve worked hard to get here” and see what happens. If she’s defensive, I’d probably close the chapter on that friendship. But if she’s a meh friend, I’d just slow fade.
/r/askFDS30/05/21 12:39 PM
6

I think the ones that are have been married a long time, like tom hanks, my long term fave celebrity crush, are maybe HV. But who can say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 07:12 PM
17

I’ve never liked brad Pitt. He’s always given me bad vibes. It makes it all feel hopeless when even wealthy celebrity women face the struggle that so many of us do leaving abusive people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 01:59 PM
12

I like “If he wanted to, he would”, because it’s a constant reminder that if a man is NOT doing something you want him to he DOES NOT CARE, thus does not want to, and you should dump him. I think women (and very much old me), get caught up in men’s potential. And potential doesn’t mean a damn thing. So phrasing men’s actions (like abuse) or their inactions (like not doing something you find important in a relationship), as a literal choice they are making, is a really important distinction for w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 01:53 PM
6

Finally someone who doesn’t look young enough to be my son. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 03:48 PM
8

I’m bossy (and proud). 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 02:51 PM
18

As a middle aged (white) woman, I will tell you what I tell my daughters: How you look and how you dress is something ONLY YOU need to like. You do not need to impress boys. Brains are not fully developed until 25. You will get SO far in life if you learn about money management, spend some time figuring out your values, really truly learn that the only person who can save you or make you happy is YOU. Being a teen is TOUGH, but we all have to to do it. When I was 16, the vast majority of boys we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 02:49 PM
3

Oh wow. I did not know this. I was just stating my personal observations. That is truly horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 11:46 AM
15

Soooo, giving someone an incurable STI isn’t mean? 🤔 And cheating isn’t mean?🤔🤔Gosh, I’m glad men are so lOGiCal. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 12:27 AM
56

I’ve realized that “postpartum depression” has more to do with lack of help and support post baby, than anything being “wrong” with the woman. Of COURSE we slide into deep depression realizing that the father of our children is at best useless and at worst downright abusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 09:19 PM
77

The first time I wanted to divorce, and was saying he was mean to me, my mom basically said “you made your bed, now you get to lie in it”. If she had for one second, said “that’s not okay”, I would’ve left in a flash, while still preg w kid 2. I still had some financial autonomy then. But nooo, I stayed, doubled down on “being a good wife” popped out more babies…until finally FINALLY I grew the courage to leave with little support. I am doing the work so that I will NEVER be as cold and callus a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 09:04 PM
190

This is why we have standards above bare minimum. My ex was famous for saying “but I don’t hit you”. 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 06:36 PM
7

Don’t beat yourself up. It takes time to figure out boundaries, and be brave enough to assert them. Keep reading the manual, and do the work to level up emotionally. 🌸
/r/askFDS27/05/21 05:50 PM
12

Blocking men is never mean. Blocking people who use you is never mean. Tell me, when have you EVER been truly mean to someone who did not deserve it? For many women, it’s actually rare, except for pick-me women who still compete with other women. Just because patriarchy calls “having boundaries” mean, doesn’t make it so. 😉
/r/askFDS27/05/21 05:40 PM
10

Confronting does no good.
/r/askFDS27/05/21 05:34 PM
3

I thought it was well done. I bawled my eyes out even though I KNEW the ending was going to be tragic. Also I say this as someone who first came on the Selena scene with her cross over album, so it may feel different to someone who was a huge fan before that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 10:06 PM
6

The laugh I needed today. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 06:02 PM
117

I quit a job last year for a one man show small business. I overhauled years of unfiled paperwork, tracked down and accountant, but it only took me 10 weeks to get sick of him. He hired my replacement, a gorgeous woman in her late 20s. She was brilliant. I trained her. Not even 10 days in, his girlfriend (of just a couple months) demanded she be fired. And the girlfriend quit her stable government job, to work there. I laughed all the way to my new job where I got a 50% raise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 02:36 PM
26

Hahaha. When I was on the verge of divorcing I was BEGRUDGINGLY allowed 3 hours of kid free time once a week. I was a SAHM. I straight told him “you realize if we get divorced I’ll have every other weekend kid free?” 😂🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 12:44 PM
14

Having a good public persona doesn’t mean anything. Following your intuition is always the right choice.
/r/askFDS26/05/21 02:37 AM
48

Remember: narcissists use your JUSTIFIED ANGER, as a weapon against you. He deserved every bit of whatever you told him, for whatever he put you through. You will get past this and level up. But you need to take time to heal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 01:03 AM
13

This is just the beginning. It WILL get worse. Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Leave this bad person. Level up. Also, I’m sorry. But REALLY, it will get worse. Next time or ten times from now it might be you he hits.
/r/askFDS25/05/21 11:44 PM
8

My dad is similar. We have a very very limited relationship, but I also cut him completely out for over a decade. I live far away. I see him less than once per year for a few days, and text less than once a month. It won’t ever really be worth explaining your position. I would slow fade after you move out, to whatever level you want to be at in regards to him. There’s a big wide world, and you can find your chosen family. 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 11:42 PM
76

Ending things with men got SO much easier for me when I made myself responsible for my own closure. Hasn’t texted in 24 hours…”I’ve decided not to pursue this any further”. Bye boy. You don’t need a man to give yourself closure. Someone hurt you and you wanna cry? Block them. Give yourself 24 hours to mourn (longer for longer relationships), and let it go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 04:39 PM
16

I’m so glad to see a plug for “When Dad Hurts Mom”. It’s not as popular as WDHDT, but it SHOULD BE! It was and still is an invaluable resource for me. And has helped me raise my children to spot abuse and use their own critical thinking to see the truth WITHOUT me having to say a single negative thing about their father.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:52 PM
1

You have to go with your intuition. I’ve had far worse experiences with female therapists, personally. But I think it’s a crap shoot with therapists in general.
/r/askFDS23/05/21 11:19 PM
21

Personally, and especially bc he’s 22, I would consider it a neutral. However, if things keep going great and you get closer to sex, I’d absolutely make sure he gets you off a few separate times, when he’s clothed, to see that he does have the necessary skills without using his penis.
/r/askFDS23/05/21 11:07 PM
169

I wonder if my ex ever told anyone I accused him of rape? 🤔🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:15 PM
2

Remember,the best revenge for a shitty man is being better than they will ever be, and looking upon them with cool indifference. Get that education paid for, because that is the ticket for you to rescue your mom and build and a new life for both of you. You are brave.
/r/askFDS22/05/21 01:48 PM
7

I am VERY SPECIFICALLY teaching my girls “we are kind to everyone EXCEPT people who don’t respect your boundaries.” For this exact reason. Because I wasn’t taught it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 01:39 PM
16

Multiple night a week sleepovers w the kid home? Nope nope nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 01:32 PM
13

Yup dump. He’s probably seeing someone else there.
/r/askFDS22/05/21 01:23 PM
33

One of the biggest ways in the western world you can help protect children is to fight for courts to have laws that say abusive men are not fit to parent. At all. Lundy Bancroft writes extensively about this. Protective mothers often lose parenting time when fighting to keep their children safe. We need to normalize all levels of men who abuse their children’s mothers as unfit parents. What state does this girl live in that her parents have not already put statutory rape charges?! Like the dad n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 01:22 PM
13

Yes. I have so much more leisure time than anyone I know who is married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:04 PM
22

Yes. I have so much more leisure time than anyone I know who is married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:04 PM
47

Oh this is so so so so true. I’ve known it since I was 16. And even then, I was like, I’m not dating someone to scared to approach me. Still that way. I don’t mind being single at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 03:20 PM
19

Men are never just your friend. There have been a few threads on that in the last couple weeks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 03:03 PM
2

Secretly hoping my girls decide they want my last name as they get older. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 02:59 PM
69

I used to use tinder + one other supposedly “better” app like bumble or hinge at the same time. Turns out the exact same guy w the exact same photos will have a “relationship” bio on the relationship apps and a “FWB/casual/whatever” bio on tinder. Without a doubt whatever was on their tinder bio was the truth. I’m old enough to be your mother, but I thought this was an interesting experiment to pass along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 12:45 PM
4

So many red flags he’s his own parade. ALWAYS LISTEN to those “niggling feelings”. It’s your subconscious picking up on danger signs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:03 PM
41

I don’t have a degree, and I’m old enough to be your mom. It has never stopped me from having an amazing group of friends. I tend to be entrepreneurial minded, so I’m always planning and doing the next thing. I am currently working on a degree, but it doesn’t define my value. It’s a means to an end for a goal I have. I would encourage you to learn about “growth mindset” that’s what really sets people apart IMO.
/r/askFDS16/05/21 11:28 AM
30

Sorry you’re tired of hearing our “trivial” complaints of (US): being one of the worst countries in the world for woman and infant mortality in the birth process, massive amounts of murdered and missing indigenous women, for not knowing a single woman who hasn’t been abused by a man-many during childhood, for being abused by the justice system when raped or leaving an abuser, for not being equally represented in government and corporations, for having some of the worst education in the first wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 02:49 PM
24

Same. Same. Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 02:41 PM
179

I removed my own iud. It was simple, painless, and I barely felt it. So I can see how a man could easily do this undetected especially if the woman was aroused. (Also, I DO NOT RECOMMEND DOING THIS, I was in a bad situation, and yeah, so much could’ve gone wrong)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 12:40 AM
5

Bahaha. Love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 06:53 PM
20

Men understand consent when their anus is involved. Men CHOOSE to ignore body language, and to take advantage of women in compromising situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 06:37 PM
41

Men take you to their house for sex. He’s expecting sex. I wouldn’t recommend allowing getting hot and heavy in a vehicle if you are wanting exclusivity before sex. You gotta keep it public.
/r/askFDS13/05/21 11:38 AM
16

Purity culture is grooming for everything FDS is against basically. It grooms you for abuse. For no boundaries. For self sacrifice. It is often well aligned with “covert incest”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:42 AM
10

Contact with my parents is very minimal. I’m at peace with it these days. But I’m outspoken about the dangers of religion and purity culture to anyone who cares to listen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:37 AM
12

That is a great read. Unfortunately, it’s completely exacerbated when they are also extremely religious and alt right. But I have found the non engaging and refusing the propaganda works well. Also very very limited contact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:29 AM
47

The alt right and ultra religious Venn diagram is basically a circle. I grew up this way. I’m completely repulsed by both groups at this point. It is absolutely a cult upbringing. Learning about cults was one of my first steps in breaking away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:15 AM
3

He’s saying you are thinking about killing him? GET OUT. It’s projection. YOU ARE IN DANGER. Buy a smaller place. Upgrade in a few years. Stay safe.
/r/askFDS13/05/21 02:23 AM
27

Aggressive driving, for any reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 02:03 AM
45

No male friends here. I learned this lesson young, and it’s a PASS for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:33 AM
36

Hell yes. Way to go. Putting these creeps on notice is the only way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:30 AM
14

Definitely check ASAP to see if the preschool has cameras! Some only store info for 24hrs. Check/Monitor for bruising and make a police report. I’m sooooo sorry. What a creep. If there is bruising, he can def be charged w assault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:29 PM
7

As soon as they hit you with the “maybe we should go out some time” drop them. That’s my experience. The dates end up sucking or they ghost anyway. Bye boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 06:11 PM
9

“I’ve decided not to pursue this connection any further” and block. I prefer to give this courtesy, UNLESS, dude was an outright perv or started being creepy.
/r/askFDS11/05/21 01:10 PM
43

It’s low key violating your sexual boundaries, which is GUARANTEED to lead to more. That’s why I don’t tolerate even the lowest level of sexual boundaries pushing. I had an ex who constantly groped me in the kitchen, sometimes even while kids were there. It was so gross. I don’t mind a little pat on the bum or something, but full body groping while I’m over a hot Pan or in front of the kids, GTFO. You want to foreplay? Do some of those damn dishes.
/r/askFDS11/05/21 01:01 PM
804

NEVER DATE COPS. I cannot tell you how many horror stalking stories I have heard from women who have. Or marriages where leaving them was horrible bc they know all the judges, no one will speak about their abuse, etc. I don’t date: cops, military, ex military who spent more than 10yrs in OR who are always like “I’m a vereran”, prison guards, etc. Not worth the risk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:57 PM
74

Omg. I did not know what that was from, but it’s allllll over dudes trucks in my town with other stuff like: pro-trump, confederate flag, assorted inappropriate bumper stickers, military stickers. So, I always assumed it was jerks. Haha. But now I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:54 PM
11

4 months and multiple arguments?! 4 months and passive aggressive w insults? Dump him. Work on healing yourself.
/r/askFDS10/05/21 09:50 PM
41

Something that helped me a lot when I was feeling (and still do feel occasionally) epically lonely, is to envision loneliness like a pie. And the “lonely for a partner” is just ONE piece of that “loneliness pie”. Because it sounds like you aren’t lonely for filling work, friendships, hobbies, etc which ARE other pieces of the same pie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:44 PM
24

Women expect men to cheat, aka it’s not entirely a surprise. Men expect their ownership to be enough for the woman. I have seen women devastated by cheating. I’ve been cheated on, but never took it personally. It has everything to do with them, their insecurities, morals, etc, and absolutely nothing to do with me. BUT, I don’t do second chances. I won’t go lookin for cheating. But if I find out, or have a gut feeling, it’s OVER. Edit: Men take a huge hit to the ego when a woman cheats is my poin…
/r/askFDS10/05/21 04:59 PM
18

No drama means they cause drama. They ARE the drama. LEFT SWIPE, as fast as possible. 😂
/r/askFDS10/05/21 04:28 PM
19

You can also use your bookkeeping skills if you have other (self employment) business goals and dreams!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 03:54 PM
10

Yes. Yes. Yes. High functioning alcoholism is a thing. I rarely drink, so daily drinkers are not a good fit for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 10:21 PM
9

Ten days is not even a relationship. And you’ve already met with him 5-7 times? This is what love bombing looks like. THIS IS LOVEBOMBING Schedule your next real date 7 days from your last one or longer, do not do anything in between except one short phone call half way. I would bet the tides shift. And he ghosts.
/r/askFDS09/05/21 10:19 PM
1

Do not marry this person. Look at things exactly as they are today. Do you want this exact thing for 10, 20, or 30 years? Because it is what you are going to get. I’m so sorry. But I am extremely thankful you came here, before making a mistake that could cost you your future happiness. Let go. Level up. You DESERVE love and consistency.
/r/askFDS09/05/21 10:15 PM
91

Bc you know the same men who are forcing them to make the sacrifice are the ones crying “divorce rape” in ten years. 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 01:49 PM
29

FDS doesn’t like LOW EFFORT dates…like the park or hiking w someone you don’t know. But a man planning a trip to a museum, or concert/event tickets, etc, requires effort esp since most all places like that are on timed ticketing/controlled entry these days.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 04:33 AM
16

Activities are good! Going to a museum. A play or event. Obv w covid every locale varies as to what is open.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 04:30 AM
16

How HOW did you manage 7 years non-stop?!?! The longest I have ever stayed on at once was 8 weeks. Usually I’ll try a month, and then take a 3-6 month break.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 07:47 PM
59

I distinctly remember the feeling of envisioning myself like a candle in the last throes before it ran out of wax. That’s all I felt like. And I knew, I was going to do the work to leave, or I was going to die. And above all I knew my children needed a mother. A safe place. So I did it. I took a small handful of tiny people, a few hundred dollars, some sentimental items, and clothes, and moved into a friends guest room. It. Was. Terrifying. The one thing I hear over and over in women’s stories t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 02:11 PM
39

I have found an alarming number of men think that finding love languages means: My love language is touch, so you know when I touch you I love you. When what it really means is: partners love language is quality time so even though my love language is touch to fill HER cup, I need to provide quality time. And this bugs the hell out of me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 03:46 AM
6

I didn’t read your whole post. But if you haven’t read When Dad Hurts Mom, you need to ASAP. I CANNOT stress this enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 12:37 AM
20

I’m on this train. I avoided all “codependency” things bc I could not get behind that I somehow was responsible for my abuse. Nope. Sorry. I get the meaning behind it, but I’m not willing to victim blame. Going to check out that link.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 12:34 AM
8

Oh dear. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 07:42 PM
3

Oh I have dollars and cents on that. And let’s just say, I could’ve retired early. 😭 I call it my expensive education. I can get more $$$.
/r/askFDS05/05/21 04:24 PM
21

If a man wants the convenience of living with me, he can pay the bills. It is 100% not worth it to me otherwise. I am totally okay living on my own.
/r/askFDS05/05/21 12:45 PM
14

I feel this. Oh do I ever. It’s a bit of a harsh reality. However, I cut off men for the majority of 2020, and WOW. I dipped my toe back in for a couple months earlier this year, and then noped right back out. I think I need more time without men to finish my healing process and reprogram the emotionally addictive behaviors. I’ve got the vetting bit down, but I still have personal emotional work I need to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:17 PM
15

Men have never protected me when it really matters. The harsh reality is I protect myself. The men who brag about being “providers and protectors” are jealous AF, and they mean mate guarding, not actually keeping you safe. In the modern era, the REAL protection is financial security. And that is why I will no longer date financially irresponsible men.
/r/askFDS05/05/21 11:40 AM
2

I think part of your fail is in the initial vetting. I’ve literally NEVER paid for a date. “Do you want to meet at X restaurant?” Not a date. “I’d love to take you dinner and get to know you better. How about X restaurant X day at 7pm?” It’s a date. He will pay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:12 AM
2

Totes could’ve been pit hair also. But nasty no matter what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:00 AM
3

I can tell you men who balk at you saying you don’t want to change your name are NVM. Ask me how I know. 😒 I have an awesome last name and don’t plan to ever change it again if I get married again. Any man who hesitated for even a fraction of a second about that will be immediately dumped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 09:25 PM
18

Why didn’t you just cOmuNiCate that to me? Or otherwise implying that his crappy behavior is a lack of clear communication from her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 09:23 PM
39

I have always loathed Bill Gates. But note that she waited until all the kids were grown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 08:32 PM
142

I travel solo, including internationally. Men find this intimidating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 03:19 AM
25

Not once has a guy asked me for my last name ever. I’d also just say no, and if they “didn’t understand”, that’s all I need to know. I used to be more sly about the fact that I look guys up. But I’m not anymore. And some guys get very defensive just having the conversation. Other guys volunteer their full names. Def situational though and you should always follow your gut.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 03:32 AM
10

🤣😂🤣 The visual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 02:57 AM
40

I’ve straight up asked. And said I don’t go on dates without a last name and phone number. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 02:55 AM
13

I think it’s it’s kinda some “covert incest” type garbage that he confides in you AT ALL. High value men don’t sneak around on their wives. This is an issue for them to work out between themselves. The ONLY thing I would consider is recording him and immediately releasing it to your mother for her own protection.
/r/askFDS03/05/21 02:50 AM
89

I’ve had soooo many guys on OLD ask if I cook. One guy was basically looking for a woman to come to his remote off grid cabin, and cook for him and his best male friend (🤔) while they had hunting weekends. Sayyy whaaaat? 😂😂😂😂 I am on a hiatus, again. But, if I do venture back out, I’ve decided I’m going to ask every man that asks if I can cook, if he can build a house or fix my car. 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 05:13 PM
15

As someone who divorced once w no kids, (and once with kids), men literally do not care about a divorce w no kids. I’d tell them, but in a very nonchalant way. “I was married briefly at 25, and we went out separate ways in 2020” or whatever.
/r/askFDS02/05/21 05:02 PM
148

It always hurts when a relationship ends. That being said, 9 years and no ring? He was never going to marry you. Read the handbook. Cry. Level up.
/r/askFDS02/05/21 01:23 PM
130

Or raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, all of which require no peeling. Also, if this doctor is British the man was literally living off cookies aka biscuits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 12:30 PM
2

When I was doing this I either responded back in a similar way OR I chose the most obnoxious “hi” GIF I could find, depending on my mood. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂
/r/askFDS02/05/21 03:29 AM
24

Omg. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 06:30 PM
72

By having agency over your own body you are doing THE EXACT OPPOSITE of upholding the patriarchy. I had sex last of all my friends. But I did it when it was right for me with someone I cared about, no regrets. As usual, we didn’t work out in the end, but I learned a lot from that relationship, and it was one of my better ones.
/r/askFDS30/04/21 06:25 PM
27

Ummm, he’s counting on his future wife (potentially YOU) to make his “plan” of supporting his parents in retirement WORK FOR HIM. If you move there, and marry him, you’re going to get baby trapped and live in misery, as his bangmaid, all the while being shamed for not bringing enough money to the table. He showed you his true colors. BELIEVE HIM, and nope right on out of there. It’s going to hurt. But I promise it will not hurt as much as co-parenting in 10 years and 3 kids when you leave him.
/r/askFDS30/04/21 04:31 PM
23

It’s called grooming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 02:46 PM
22

Oh man. My ex did all of these. And I was convinced I was a poor communicator until I read Lundy’s book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 11:44 AM
33

I had a guy want to do ice cream but the only time I had was lunch the following week. So that’s what I told him and we did lunch. The date was pleasant. He paid. Then ghosted me a couple days later. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣 One guy asked me for ice cream and I told him that was not an acceptable date for women over 25. So he offered dinner. But I already knew he was a douche for other reasons when I said that, so he got blocked. Your mileage may vary. I don’t take any of it very seriously in the beginning.
/r/askFDS29/04/21 09:10 PM
10

I didn’t even read all that, but I’d bet this man is a narcissist. He did you a favor. Please read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”
/r/askFDS28/04/21 08:17 PM
8

Just wanted to second that married people avoid you like they will catch your singleness. 🙄 Or like you are tainted or some shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 03:52 PM
32

And let’s remember to VALIDATE OUR CHILDRENS EMOTIONS, also. When we tell them they aren’t hurt or don’t need to cry over a popped balloon, we are gaslighting their emotions. We can say, “oh that looked like it really hurt, would you like a hug?” Or “you were so excited about your balloon, I understand you feel sad that it popped, do you want a hug?” Let’s really SEE women and children. The world will be better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 10:16 PM
185

Create a DEEP emergency fund if you are going to be a single mom with no family support. The biggest downside of being a single mom is financial for most women. The second is never getting time to yourself if you don’t have an additional care giver.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 07:49 PM
8

They do struggle with that pesky thing called fact checking. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:32 PM
53

When my kids were younger I really wanted to marry again. But as they get older, I am not so sure. Just a few short years and my girls will be teens. I’m concerned about men’s behavior around teen girls. Right now, I think a long term boyfriend who doesn’t live with me/us, is the best option. We can always get married once the kids are grown. I also really don’t want to be a step mom again. It was so heartbreaking and awful when I was before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:19 PM
43

“I’d love to for $5000” or some other ridiculous amount. Men hate when you put value on your time. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:08 PM
50

This is the norm for women i think. 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ So much time for so little reward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 04:11 PM
79

I am trapped in a red state hell bc I can’t leave without losing my children. Can I just say 50/50 custody is a SHAM. And I actually have more than 50%, but still can’t move bc their father would never agree and it’s VERY difficult to get a judge to agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 03:14 AM
47

Prostitution rates decrease when John’s are charged and its decriminalized for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:47 PM
20

Be angry. Then level right on up, straightening your crown as you go. You are giving yourself a gift. Every joint bill you pay and cancel is one step closer to freedom. You got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:45 PM
52

This is behavior modification, not bullying. 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:41 PM
17

I’ve had success with lines like: “I know” men hate women who KNOW they are beautiful. “I didn’t ask for your opinion” men hate their opinions not mattering. Look at them all sketchy and in a bitchy voice say “ can I HELP you?” Basically, “I see you creeper” And sometimes, not responding and getting yourself to safety is the best. You did the right thing and listened to your inner voice. Our inner voice keeps us safe. I’m sorry you had to deal with such a vile person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 11:49 AM
16

You are right about a lot of men not being open for adoption, they are so obsessed with “spreading their seed”. But I would consider it an excellent screening tool.
/r/askFDS25/04/21 11:14 AM
44

“Men treat women as who they see women being.” Damn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 02:38 AM
10

You will be so much happier and you will remember yourself again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 01:21 PM
19

Oh I wish I could hug you. I have been there. I’m in the next decade over now, but was in my mid 30s when I left. It’s gutting at the beginning. You have to die to the vision you had, and create a new one. But, it’s 100% worth it. Keep. Moving. Forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 12:34 PM
20

Projection, projection, projection. I have found, that decent (note I’m not saying 100% HVM), but men I’ve talked to who have had really truly bad partners, own their own behavior, and still speak respectfully about their poor partner. It’s never been “completely throw them under the bus and cry about men’s rights and domestic violence against men as some kind of epidemic”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 12:32 PM
3

Many states have laws that deem it statutory rape if a person is under 18 and with someone 3-5yrs older than them. But I totally get if you don’t want to prosecute and just want to get away. Either choice is totally okay. Stay safe!
/r/askFDS23/04/21 03:14 AM
67

Hah. This is amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 01:47 AM
76

I love any time I see a curly girl rocking her natural hair. Curly girls unite! But I never did understand why men think they get a say in how I carry my body. Like what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 11:26 PM
119

I wish I had known point 3, when I was younger. It would have saved me from emotional and financial ruin. I’ve leveled up A LOT, but the negative effect of that decision has effected my entire life. Don’t do it ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 06:47 PM
5

Lundy Bancroft has a book called “When Dad Hurts Mom”, it’s ESSENTIAL to women like me and you, in these positions. The court doesn’t give a crap. But, with the techniques in this book, I have taught my children critical thinking and emotional intelligence and resilience. The best defense is being stable for your children, and teaching them about good relationships. My ex got someone more than 20 years younger than him to attempt to replace me. It hasn’t worked, but she does most of the kid care…
/r/askFDS22/04/21 03:52 PM
3

The same day you move out, get a restraining order. They don’t actually do anything to keep you safe, but with his history already, he will prob go to jail for violating it. Also, depending on the state you live in, you may still be able to prosecute him for him being 25 and you 16, at the start of your relationship. You have basically been trafficked, the way I see it. The national domestic violence hotline was super helpful when I was leaving my abuser. When you feel lonely call or do an onlin…
/r/askFDS22/04/21 03:43 PM
173

I have daughters about this same age. No one can touch your body for any reason, without your permission. Not me, not doctors, No one. The people who can touch your body are you, and anyone you give permission to. (I find kids understand “permission” over “consent” but I’m gradually usually them interchangeably) No one has to like what you look like, clothes you wear, hair style, except you. When they ask me if they look pretty/cool/whatever, I will ask them do you FEEL cool/pretty/whatever? The…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 04:04 PM
2

I’d recommend watching Alan Robarge on YouTube. He has some great videos on this topic.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 11:33 PM
2

Firstly, new things may not be easy right away. But if you like it, keep going. Secondly, it can be HARD not to obsess about a relationship. I would suggest you to listen to “Break the Dating Code” podcast. It helps you get on the right track for dating, and really sort out your thoughts. Also, when you learn to meet your own emotional needs better, you won’t feel SO DESPERATE for a relationship (been there). I believe in you! One step, one moment, one day at a time.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 10:54 PM
2

Men are barely even worthy of your attention, so I really wouldn’t stress about that too much. I’m basically old enough to be your mom. Do what you love. Find the women who will be your life long friends. Do something daring. And somewhere along the way, a HVM might appear. But do NOT wallow around waiting for him. 🎉
/r/askFDS19/04/21 10:44 PM
43

Nice work, big sis! Solid example those girls will NEVER forget.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:17 PM
16

It’s either sexism or a personal vendetta.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 03:38 PM
27

Right? And yeah, I’ve had backlash for having height preference and not liking tattoos. But I’m supposed be okay w all the “I only date thin women under 5’4” like dude, you’re a pedo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 01:03 PM
31

I’m taller than you, and this is so so so true. Any guy who claims to be me height is invariable shorter than me. I never say my height first. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 12:50 PM
7

Block. That’s what I do when men are opening with terms of endearment right off. They don’t respect you as a person.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 12:48 PM
11

Track your cycle! I will often get this hideous existential dread around my period! It helps so much to know it’s just my hormones being dumb. It will pass. And I’ll go on my merry way. Exercise, even walking consistently helps alleviate jt I’ve noticed.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 03:21 AM
44

My absolute FAVORITE moment at the decline of my marriage was when my ex was trying to talk me into a FMF threesome. I contemplated it, then went to him and asked how he’d feel about a MFM instead. Oh the look on his face, PRICELESS! And then he told everyone during the divorce that I just wanted to sleep with a bunch of men. 😂😂😂 But he never asked for a threesome again. No regrets. I still laugh whenever I think of the expression on his face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 11:26 PM
3

Make sure it’s not a fake check. I don’t think they are that hard to forge. You can call the issuing institution. Plus what everyone else said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:34 PM
7

Sex. That’s what they get from non-FDS women.
/r/askFDS16/04/21 09:50 PM
8

Omg, he said that and then didn’t text for two days, block. I’m sorry. It happens soooo often. He’s a future faker.
/r/askFDS16/04/21 07:34 PM
21

I wouldn’t do it. You could say you aren’t comfortable going out on the water with someone you don’t know well. Or that it’s too cold. And if he offers anything except lunch, dinner or a public activity, block. Men know how to come correct. They just don’t.
/r/askFDS16/04/21 05:31 PM
47

Being a single mother IS a challenge, but, it is far more simple when you aren’t dealing with custody challenges etc. But it can also turn your life upside down, motherhood in general. You could have debilitating morning sickness, or pregnancy complications. If you are generally fit and healthy, the chances are reduced. You’ll pay through the nose for good childcare, check the cost of a nanny, good daycare, etc. where you live. If you work many hours outside of 6:30a to 6pm, you will HAVE to hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 05:27 PM
22

I’ve never had Snapchat either, and it’s a huge red flag for me if guys ask for it. ESPECIALLY bc Im 40-ish. Like...what do you need Snapchat for old man? 🤔🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 07:08 PM
83

1792...and still appropriate advice for 2021. Kinda depressing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 11:38 AM
34

My state attaches a blanket basic “parenting plan rules” to every parenting plan. One of the items is that a parent isn’t required to wait more than 15 min after the exchange time. Guess what? If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 11:47 PM
41

Have you read Why Does He Do That? You need to, STAT. The very nature of gaslighting is to make you feel confused, off balance, insecure, etc. THEN, when you react to those feelings by desiring to set boundaries, get your PERFECTLY NORMAL needs met, it’s turned on you and suddenly YOU are supposedly “the crazy one”. That is why we say over and over if a man says he has a crazy ex: WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?! Healing takes time. Be gentle with yourself.
/r/askFDS09/04/21 06:43 PM
54

Why is it not a HUGE RED FLAG that he’s 41 and has NEVER had an STD screening?!?! Awww, hellllll no.
/r/askFDS09/04/21 04:34 AM
43

Omg literally dozens and dozens of times in my marriage. He also complained about “having to cook dinner” when ALL I wanted him to do was grill the meat. 🙄😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 10:51 PM
11

You can know before sex. Before the sex talk even comes up. Men who will use you for sex and push your boundaries there will start pushing tiny boundaries ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. That might look like trying to get a last minute date, or questioning why you only wear red shoes bc they don’t like red, or playing “devils advocate” in a discussion, or you setting a small boundary and them making fun of it. These men show themselves waaaay before they get their fragile egos hurt bc you turn down sex.
/r/askFDS05/04/21 02:08 PM
2

I don’t like tattoos really at all, but unless they are gang or nazi related, there are millions of jobs you can work and be successful. I also wouldn’t not hire someone bc they have a lot of tattoos. They are basically mainstream I feel like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:48 AM
13

I love love this. There is a book, I can’t remember the title, where a burnt out mom went on strike. Her kids were older teens/tweens. And she did not do ANYTHING but feed herself and do her laundry. It took 1-2 weeks, and then there was a family meeting and division of labor. I was in too much abuse to do something like that. BUT, I have never forgotten it, and will require it as part of getting married, that we talk about, wrote down, and sort out our household management obligations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 07:54 PM
4

Walking 1-2 miles a day for your pregnancy. Cut out sugar. Eat as close to 80g protein a day. Give birth at home with a midwife. Have extensive postpartum support. Keep walking after pregnancy (good for pelvic floor) Read Childbirth Without Fear and Henci Goers Guide to Better Birth. The US is a terrible place to have a baby bc birth has been made a multi billion dollar industry. No cares about women’s trauma in childbirth. But pregnancy is meant to be a simple affair for most women. And yet, na…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 10:43 AM
23

When men say they were cheated on, the only thing I think is: well, now I know that you are super emotionally neglectful/unavailable. NEXT.
/r/askFDS01/04/21 02:09 AM
10

Doing an activity. Concert, live regional music, an activity, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 07:57 PM
10

If a guy cares SOOO much whether or not you drink, he’s either and alcoholic or a predator. I think it’s a great screening tool. In social situations I will order a virgin mojito. It’s club soda, a little sweetener, muddled mint and lime. It’s yummy looks like a real drink, and no alcohol.
/r/askFDS31/03/21 03:54 PM
11

Avoidant AND Anxious attachment styles are UNHEALTHY ways of relating. So if you are exhibiting one of these styles, you need to fix yourself. Figuring that out has been one of my biggest level ups, honestly. I don’t do avoidant men anymore. I can’t save them, and it’s not my job to “get them out of their shell” or “help them learn to trust” or “show them that not all women are cheaters” or any of the other ways men make statements that show they are emotionally unavailable aka avoidant-attached…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 01:18 PM
20

I love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 01:03 PM
7

Lundy Bancroft is pretty clear that abusers don’t recover. I believe there is much evidence out there to that effect. What needs to stop is giving men a lesser punishment for first offenses. A first offense needs to AUTOMATICALLY be assumed to be a future repeat offender and have the book thrown at them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 01:13 PM
28

Don’t invite him out anymore. If he asks you out, be too busy, and catch a quick coffee maybe 2-3 weeks out. Stay for 30 minutes, and only talk about how you’ve been so slammed at work. Wear something you know he finds unappealing/dont look pretty on your meetup. If you guys text a lot, start spacing your response times out longer and longer, w the same “slammed at work” whatever. Anyway, that’s what I’ve done. And then once contact is down to just once a month or less, I blocked them. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 01:07 PM
25

This is EXACTLY why I don’t do male friends. They are never EVER just your friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 01:00 PM
53

This cannot be real. When I had young children they peed in something they shouldn’t have, just once. It had a lid even. I didn’t find it for who knows how long. But it started stinking. I had to tear apart the entire room, but I finally found the source of the smell. There is NO WAY that many bottle of urine would not stink the entire house up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 04:04 AM
57

As a survivor of a traumatic miscarriage this has me tearing up. What a sweet gesture. I have a small memento for mine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 03:58 AM
20

At 17, she can just refuse to go. Dad may call the police, and they won’t care bc she’s 17. Basically once they turn 14, in my experience if they refuse to go, and will tell that to the police themselves, nothing happens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 01:30 AM
22

Send me the blue collar men! I find many of them are brilliant, but often had dyslexia or other learning differences that made school a challenge. Many think outside the box, and still get the job done. Consider me a fan. 😂 But they still have normal male ratio fail rates as to being LVM. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 10:00 PM
35

Laughing so hard trying not to wake the kids I just got to sleep. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 03:47 AM
442

I did something similar. It broke my heart. But also, 4 years later, no regrets. The more I was away, the more I realized how unhealthy the situation actually was. Even though it was better than anything I’ve ever had. You’ve got this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 02:41 PM
12

Enell!!! I remember when I first found them I did the jump test...and jumped for joy. I am a 34GG for reference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 06:56 PM
16

And they are still married and seemingly in love. That was a really interesting show to watch from an FDS perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 06:50 PM
2

Yay for boundaries protecting you from a leech! 🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:48 PM
10

It’s ludicrous. My ex literally allowed my children to be alone w a registered sex offender and bc they happened to be the same gender the judge didn’t see a problem with it. Say WHAT? In what world should a registered sex offender be around any kids EVER? I get the frustration. There are some grassroots Protective Mothers Rights groups who are fighting to change the courts bias against women and the forcing of children to be with abusive men. Lundy Bancroft is one of those people, firmly believ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:46 PM
11

Haha, yes. Sorry, I was raised where relationship=sex slave basically. Sorry my triggers are showing. 🙄😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:52 PM
14

No offense taken. I teach all my children consent from a young age. Is sooo easy to do. And then I spend the rest of their childhood reinforcing both verbal and non verbal consent and boundaries. The one statement I disagree with you on is that relationships imply consent for sex. Consent is revocable, any time for any reason, even if you are in a relationship and his dick is in you. The SECOND you say no or stop, and it is ignored, your consent has been violated, regardless of relationship stat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:46 PM
4

Yep. Keep holding your boundaries. I really haven’t gone with anyone in a long time past 2 dates. I’m selective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:39 PM
64

This struck me as most hilarious this morning. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:21 PM
5

You aren’t missing much. 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 02:00 PM
13

When you know better, you do better. In your situation, a few hours once a week at the grandparents seems acceptable. It’s tough having to be ON 24/7.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:56 PM
12

I keep kids and dating very separate. No, I won’t leave my kids to go on a date with you. You’ll have to wait until I’m kid free for the weekend. My kids have met one person in 6 years and that made me even more cautious about introducing them to anyone in the future. My FIRST job is to be stable for my kids and give them a safe space ALWAYS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:50 PM
16

It’s so infuriating. I put in 4 garden beds, and planted 4 fruit trees last spring, and a bunch of smaller things. I keep my nails shorter during planting and canning season, and longer in the winter. Just another screening tool. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:45 PM
14

Oh yeah! Taking it off your toes sucks. Buuut, it lasts for about 2 months for me. Just depends on what you do w your feet and how fast your nails grow. But to be completely honest, if I have the $ I’ll get pedis in the summer (with gel), just bc I like more frequent polish changes in summer and hate removing my own gel from toes. I’m finally getting an electric nail file, that may change my opinion here. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:18 PM
37

I do gel nails every two weeks. I LOVE having pretty nails. I am also an outdoorsy/farm girl type. You would not believe the amount of men who are like “you can’t be a real farm girl w nails like that”...oh no? Watch me. I wear gloves for everything, working in the garden, doing dishes, etc. Didn’t realize I was going to have to look for a man who wouldn’t prejudge my ability to work hard because I keep pretty nails. 🤣😂🤣🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:14 PM
102

“I don’t drink with men I’m not in a relationship with” which is really code for “I don’t drink with men I’m not having sex with”. This has served me well for a couple decades.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:57 PM
28

Nip it in the bud. ASAP. Put him on SIlent. And only deal w his calls and texts when it’s convenient for you. Let the kids call him back when it’s convenient for you, and only allow them to video chat from one area that is generic. Even better,quit texting at all unless it’s an EMERGENCY, and make him communicate via email. It’s a way better record than text. Since you DO have a protection order, it would make sense that you should be able to set firmer boundaries around digital communication. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:54 PM
6

Yup. I agree. Unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:31 AM
238

The woman who coughed on her Uber driver is supposedly getting 20 years. Any potential business cameras in the area that could’ve caught it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 09:16 PM
41

Ohhhhh, he completely disappeared for months and then came back w a book on “healing together” or something that sounds totally bogus and lame. I had liked quite a bit of his stuff prior to that. But something was feeling off recently. Gotta put your money where your mouth is. FAIL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 04:03 PM
54

Yep, if by 4-6 weeks in they haven’t made it official and I am ready for it to be official, I’m gonna bounce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 04:00 PM
40

The caya diaphragm w the lactic acid based spermicide (im extremely allergic to N-9), is a great, though not as spontaneous secondary birth control. Also, read taking charge of your fertility. Learn to track your cycles and fertile times. I have successfully avoided and conceived pregnancy with cycle tracking. DO NOT USE AS BIRTH CONTROL unless you are married and wouldn’t mind an oops. (Which I was at the time). It is however, great to know the approximate 6-7 days a month where you are EXTREME…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:32 PM
25

I lived it also. Sorry, don’t wanna have sex w a douche-nozzle. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 09:29 PM
200

Dead bedrooms = men who don’t care about their wife’s emotional well-being. I don’t ever feel an ounce of sympathy for men with dead bedrooms. Maybe they should try not having dead hearts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:08 PM
8

Please read the handbook.
/r/askFDS13/03/21 05:13 PM
10

Don’t have male friends. They are never just your friend.
/r/askFDS13/03/21 04:25 PM
22

Sage that place and buy yourself some new bedding! Congrats on leveling up, and valuing yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 04:24 PM
39

As a young teen I always had a rule for myself to cover everything I didn’t want touched. I used to wear very revealing clothing. But I would dress down for 1:1 vs going out in a group of friends. I wish I’d had a better idea of boundaries way back then, but this self imposed rule plus not drinking with men I was not in a relationship with kept me from a lot of bad situations. But it was still little 18yo me POLICING MYSELF bc men are dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 04:18 PM
7

If a man asks me out or is pushy before there is even the slightest rapport, I unmatch. I didn’t use to, but giving them more time has NEVER panned out. So now, it’s a fast unmatch. To me, it’s like a boundary violation. They don’t want to put ANY effort to get to know you, they just want to “talk over drinks”, AKA get you off the app and into your pants as quickly and low effort as possible.
/r/askFDS13/03/21 01:06 AM
25

Aaaand this is why we do commitment first. Then (maybe) sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:01 AM
16

Way to go! 👑👑👑
/r/askFDS13/03/21 12:58 AM
14

If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s not okay. The fact that he was MAD about it, is a HUGE red flag, IMO.
/r/askFDS12/03/21 05:49 PM
15

I remember laying there, crying, in pain, and he wouldn’t stop. Why does this feel like rape? I asked myself over and over. Until one day, I realized it felt like rape because it WAS rape. It still took me almost a decade to leave. In fact, the vast majority of abuse I experienced was sexual. I had no concept of consent. My girls will not go into the world so unprepared. They ALREADY know more about boundaries and consent at <10yrs old than I did at 30. When we heal ourselves, we level up our ch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 05:46 PM
15

I was raised a little more “country”, but the saying goes, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Although, my dad said this but didn’t necessarily DO this, so actions matter. 🙄😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 05:31 PM
15

Please please read “why does he do that “ by Lundy Bancroft. He’s forcing you to have sex in ways you don’t want to. That is rape, not love. I’ve been there. And I’ve left. You can too. If you don’t have children, DO NOT GET PREGNANT.
/r/askFDS12/03/21 01:53 AM
7

Men are never JUST your friend. It’s best to remember that.
/r/askFDS11/03/21 11:49 AM
156

I do say fairly early on that I have kids. I have an above average number that is enough to scare off a lot of men. 😂 But in nearly 6years, my kids have only met one man, and I’d known him since we were kids. Unless I’m pretty sure we are on the marriage track, a man doesn’t need to meet my kids. And even still, I will not leave my kids alone with him ever. Even if we get married. I’m not even sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 01:52 AM
6

This is so hard. I’m sorry you are having to go through this. Journaling is good when you don’t have a therapist to just get the feelings out. Hang in there.
/r/askFDS08/03/21 10:54 PM
38

I’m going to guess ADULT MEN, make obscenely more profit from this than any “adult girls”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 04:29 AM
41

Pre-FDS, I used to think a man that could “handle me” would have the strength to say “slow down” in the beginning. I thought, that this Mr. Right would come at me with, “I want to go slow to make sure we have a good connection.” I wanted to be saved from myself, by a man. Cue outrageous laughter. I don’t even need to elaborate on how that worked out. NO ONE will save you, except you. YOU have to set the boundaries, and be firm. There’s dozens of posts here about how men will sleep with you even …
/r/askFDS08/03/21 04:27 AM
376

Wait until he finds out we squeeze small humans out of our vagina.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 11:38 AM
4

Charlie Shepherd
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:42 PM
11

I live in this state. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 09:33 PM
24

All those dudes on the other side not even offering her their seat. She picked the right one, hopefully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 09:22 PM
72

I have a small tactical flashlight I carry in my purse. So useful! My dad got it for me as a gift and honestly I kinda rolled my eyes. But I love the damn thing. No more dark parking lots and if you felt sketched out, you could hold it in your hand and use it as a blunt force object. It’s also SUPER SUPER bright, you legit can’t see if someone’s shining it in your face. I highly recommend the Streamlight brand, they have many choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 09:20 PM
24

Check out the Liberal Gun Owners subreddit!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 09:16 PM
30

You can choose to live a simple life, value caring for people over things, doing community work, etc. You can also choose celibacy. You don’t have to become a nun to do any of those things.
/r/askFDS04/03/21 11:23 PM
12

So breasts have muscles and ligament strength. Bras make your breasts weak. ESPECIALLY if you are larger breasted you WILL NOT be able to go a whole day braless over night. Your tits will hurt something fierce. You need to work up to it. If your nipples point more down than out, I found going braless to be a HUGE improvement on how my breasts looked. I wish I had before and after photos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 09:36 PM
9

OTR Truckers are a no for me. Oil field work and similar would be a maybe. I’ve seen it be amazing and also awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 09:26 PM
35

Melman forever!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 09:22 PM
6

You need to get “When Dad Hurts Mom” by Lundy Bancroft STAT. This book is EVERYTHING for leaving abuse w kids.
/r/askFDS03/03/21 09:47 PM
79

Imagine how much men would have to step up their game to get access to anything sexual if there was no porn. 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 07:34 PM
3

I know. But I haven’t been able to make the leap. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 08:31 PM
8

This quote is from The Minimalists, I highly recommend them!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 04:37 PM
10

Just say you’re natural. That scares them off. In my pre-FDS days I had a couple guys cancel dates bc I only shave my legs and nothing else. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 Bye, boy! I like looking like an adult woman. And shaving irritates my skin something fierce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 04:31 PM
13

It’s addiction to the cheap “positive” (aka objectifying/approval) male feedback. It was REALLY tough for a few months. But I kept asking myself over and over: Who am I if I am not seeking male approval? That’s has been a hard question for me, but I am getting closer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:05 PM
42

I did exactly this for the vast majority of 2020 and it was both eye opening and life changing. I never realized how much energy random men steal from you. But I will never forget. And I’ve never maintained many male friends. I don’t work with men, etc. But EVEN STILL, I benefited.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 07:37 PM
29

I love this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:56 AM
2

When I had a man ask me this, he was cheating on me. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I will forever instantly dump a man who shows this much insecurity. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
/r/askFDS25/02/21 08:58 PM
13

This brought a tear to my eye. So touching.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 05:31 PM
22

Also, get “when dad hurts mom” by Lundy Bancroft, STAT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 06:12 PM
5

Start with your hands and a super basic vibe. I never masturbated until I was about your age, and it’s pretty awkward at first. Set the mood, music, candles. Lube is helpful. And then just see what feels good. It will likely take some time to figure out how to give yourself a good orgasm and such, so don’t stress about it. Good luck and have fun!
/r/askFDS20/02/21 02:33 PM
4

Men are not friends. The end.
/r/askFDS20/02/21 02:50 AM
15

My experience with men who are heavily into Norse/Viking stuff is that they are white supremacists under it all. Beware. But some of them have fetishes for POC or their women being “blacked”. It’s really ugly. I am a hard no, the second anything about Viking/Norse comes from a man’s mouth. I live in the US, so this will likely be different for those living closer to the Nordic countries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 02:42 AM
8

Yup. Words don’t mean shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 02:37 AM
6

Yup. If your friends are creeps, I’m out.
/r/askFDS20/02/21 02:37 AM
39

Yup. Been talking to a guy who was great on paper. I was kinda excited about how our conversation was going. Then something shifted. Actions weren’t matching words, and a date didnt materialize. Blocked and deleted. Usually I’m like whatevs. But this one bummed me out. Men are so disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 02:31 AM
5

I was raised in religious extremism. It is a terrible form of abuse. I would NEVER convert to a different religion bc of a man. Men who are that concerned about their religious image are almost always going to end up controlling you in the name of religion. Does this religion allow women in high leadership roles? If it allows them by letter of the law, does it allow them in practice, ie are there actually women leaders? Any religion without women leadership opportunities is going to be highly mi…
/r/askFDS19/02/21 04:05 PM
29

Yes. Coercion, especially among partners, is very VERY real. And those of us raised in trauma or with lack of boundaries often take awhile to realize that is wrong and if not outright rape, it’s rape adjacent. It feels gross. You aren’t alone. Many of us have been there. Take the time to heal. Learn what your boundaries are and how to set them. You can ALWAYS say no. I wish someone had told me that as a teen/young woman.
/r/askFDS18/02/21 03:54 AM
11

Awwww, hell no.
/r/askFDS15/02/21 09:23 PM
26

That sounds completely magical. Congratulations on a wonderful evening. Keep vetting, but also keep celebrating the green flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 08:39 PM
39

This screams “but at least I don’t hit you”. Like, you should appreciate that he LITERALLY FORGOT about valentines, and ran to the closest place possible to rectify the situation. Not only should you appreciate it, but you should give him a parade for the bare minimum. Please read, Why Does He Do That. So maybe he doesn’t hit you, but I’d bet almost anything he is abusive in subtle ways and this book will help get your head on straight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 03:54 PM
11

Omg. Brilliant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 03:42 PM
123

Get her a copy of “Why Does He Do That” 100% of women who I’ve given this book leave the NVM within a year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 05:38 AM
16

Omg. This is amazing. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 01:17 AM
11

I think the real question is: does the gift feel meaningful for you. Someone 20 is going to differ from someone 40, for what is meaningful. A gift after 3 months will be different than if you are a year or two in, engaged, married, etc. A blue collar worker will have different gifting ability than someone in finance. The key is: does it show effort, and that they care about you SPECIFICALLY.
/r/askFDS14/02/21 01:12 AM
11

None. If you google “custody and covid” articles should come up. But essentially, the parenting plan goes on, regardless. The only thing that MIGHT work in your favor is if you live in a very liberal and currently locked down state. Either way, Monday is a holiday, so you will not be able to get a hearing before the parenting exchange time. Edit: IANAL. But I have a challenging custody situation, so I know a lot of things.
/r/askFDS14/02/21 01:08 AM
14

The book speaks to exactly what you describe. I’m so sorry you had to go through it. I did too as a kid. And worse, so have my children, because I chose the wrong person to procreate with. But it also has given me the tools to empower my children to be able to make better choices than me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 10:36 PM
13

If you are in abuse, buy two books: Why Does He Do That and When Dad Hurts Mom. Both are excellent, and I have especially used the last one for guidance in a nasty custody situation. But above all, settle everything you can out of court, and without involving third parties. If you MUST go to court or think he might push it, start collecting evidence of his abuse NOW. You get one shot. If you don’t prove his abuse during the initial proceedings, it will likely never happen. These are words from t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 08:26 PM
16

It has been super hard to be single during the pandemic. I’ve used the time to do a lot of personal growth. But I’ve had some bad days too. Hang in there. Also, Video chat! I find it more uplifting than phone calls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 08:21 PM
12

Well, it’s not impossible. Keep thinking outside the box. And DONT settle. There is a great podcast called Break The Dating Code, which I recommend you listen to, especially the part about making a list for the type of man you want. I also don’t drink and party and didn’t at your age either. Does complicate things a bit, but that’s okay.
/r/askFDS12/02/21 07:26 PM
64

Lundy and some “protective mother” rights advocates have CLEAR information, that in fact, the opposite is true. In an abusive divorce, protective mothers are more likely to LOSE custody. He writes substantially about this in When Dad Hurts Mom, a book that has not gained as much traction as some of his others but is an absolute BIBLE for anyone leaving a narcissistic abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 06:46 PM
35

I’m not sure exactly what types of “high end events” are available in your country, but things that come to mind for here in the US are movie premieres, political events, charity events for museums, hospitals, and all manner of things. High level entry hobbies are things like horse racing, car racing, probably other things I’m not thinking of. If your parents invite you to an event and you are like ughhhh, GO ANYWAY, there’s probably a son also dragged by his parents. It is 100% NOT WORTH IT, fo…
/r/askFDS12/02/21 06:42 PM
5

Lingerie and or a sentimental card are my go-to thing for vday when in a long term relationship. When I was married I’d cook a fancy dinner (personally hate going out on vday).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 09:29 PM
5

Block! Delete! Drink wine and eat chocolate.
/r/askFDS10/02/21 12:30 AM
63

Omg. Laughing. I have this one really simple fantasy. Like so simple basically anyone who breathes could make it happen. And not one man I’ve dated has done this thing for me. Holding out for one who will. But it’s a thing that is 100% about my pleasure. 🤔😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 12:15 AM
9

Him sending angry texts and then deleting them and rewriting them is MAJOR gaslighting. HUUUGE red flag. Instead of apologizing for reality, he changed it. Then there’s no “proof”. Dust off those shoes, straighten that crown, and keep taking the stairs to the next level. I’m sorry he hurt you. But he does not deserve one more second of your precious time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 04:17 PM
6

I’m 5’7, and it happens ALLLLLL the time. So annoying. Guys who say 5’9 are usually my height. Guys who say 5’10, are maybe a touch taller, but not taller if I wear heels. If they say 6’, they are prob 5’10. Over 6ft most seem to tell the truth. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 11:22 PM
3

Oh my ex loved to say this. I told him he wasn’t being honest, just brutal. And I swipe left on everyone who says “brutally honest” or “fluent in sarcasm”. You are just mean and selfish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 11:16 PM
7

Even if many of us HAVENT been sex workers, almost all women have used their sexuality to gain power or acceptance at some point. It’s almost impossible to grow up in a deeply patriarchal society and not dabble in that to some degree. The first steps away from these negative behaviors is hardest. But the farther you get the less you’ll want to go back. Keep. Moving. Forward. It doesn’t matter if at first it’s millimeters. Eventually, you’ll be able to move forward in leaps and bounds. You are wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 07:17 PM
2

That is frustrating. But my state is mostly open, so he had zero covid related excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 11:43 PM
7

Right?!?! Like what? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 04:00 AM
7

And when I walk in the middle of the effing winter, I have hot chocolate and glow sticks. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 03:51 AM
60

Omg. You are probably not wrong. 🤣😅🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 07:27 PM
21

Heck yeah. Go you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 07:26 PM
24

Totally. It’s about the effort. Not the $.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 06:49 PM
47

My pre-FDS view was that if a guy didn’t think he could commit to a 2hr dinner date, then he wasn’t that interested OR wasn’t the committing sort. And really, I think that fits pretty well with the over all theme of FDS. I did other pick me things in my pre-FDS life, but coffee dates weren’t one of them. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 06:28 PM
111

I live 2 hours south of the Canadian border. It’s COLD. A walk at this time of year was a beyond ludicrous suggestion. Like you want me to walk with you on icy streets in the rain or snow after dark? 😂😂😂 It felt tone deaf, beyond even normal walk date circumstances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 05:14 PM
11

I usually unmatch guys who give their number super fast. In my experience, these guys are usually creeps and want to get you off the app ASAP so they can behave inappropriately and not be reported.
/r/askFDS02/02/21 01:02 PM
22

Single mom. Can confirm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 12:44 PM
26

As others said, you were raped. We all acknowledge your pain. Many of us have been there. But do not reach out to him. He’s not worth it. Many men even get off on that stuff. Process your feelings, and then move forward. Read the handbook, learn to set boundaries. Things get better. 💜
/r/askFDS28/01/21 05:21 PM
29

Not all HVM go to traditional colleges. There are (I’m sure), HVM with good careers as tradesmen (electricians, plumbers, contractors, metalworkers, etc), who did not do 4 years of typical education. But many of these fields are highly regulated, require specific apprenticeships to achieve mastery, continuing education to maintain licenses, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:04 PM
11

I tell men I don’t give out my socials unless I’m engaged. My primary social has my kids pics. Not even sorry. I recently got Instagram so that I could maybe share a social media. But I kinda hate it. So not sure if I’m keeping it.
/r/askFDS27/01/21 09:16 PM
7

My real phone number gets my full name and address if entered into google, due to being in a state directory. This applies to any one with any kind of state license from daycare to doctor.
/r/askFDS27/01/21 09:14 PM
2

My real phone number gets my full name and address if entered into google, due to being in a state directory.
/r/askFDS27/01/21 09:14 PM
6

My real phone number gets my full name and address if entered into google.
/r/askFDS27/01/21 09:14 PM
2

Girl! I have been on some kind of journey to fix my period when doctors have ignored me. And I have SUCCEEDED! I would LOVE to share what I have done and maybe you can see if it helps you. (I’m not selling anything) I’m just a woman furious with doctors for acting like period pain and bleeding to death monthly is normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 06:40 PM
3

Same here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:38 PM
2

Don’t. Rent the cheapest ass room in a house you can find. Do WHATEVER IT TAKES, to speed that up. Nothing is more important than you getting out of there. You will level up SO MUCH FASTER, once you are not having the life sucked out of you.
/r/askFDS26/01/21 05:31 PM
6

I will tell you, procreating with a low value man can ruin your life in ways you cannot yet imagine. If it is not against your beliefs, I would consider abortion. Before 8-10 weeks, you can take pills. I believe abortion is a last choice, but having procreated with a LVM, I was just telling my friend the other day that I would 100% get an abortion if I was to accidentally become pregnant. The heartbreak, isn’t from bringing the baby into the world. The heartbreak comes from watching your child(r…
/r/askFDS26/01/21 05:25 PM
4

Yes, same! It’s absolutely crazy what some of the responses are. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 02:04 PM
11

Well, actual dates are good. I’d consider it a yellow flag. But see how he gets through. And if it becomes an excuse for everything, run. My ex used “bad things that happened” as an excuse to behave in emotionally abusive ways towards me. Trust your gut.
/r/askFDS26/01/21 02:03 PM
4

Haha. This is the approach I took late last fall when I dabbled online again. But since the capitol incident things are even worse. But yeah, I think for the rest of my life “did you vote for trump in 2020” I’d going to be a screening question. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 01:59 PM
24

That sounds so traumatic. He probably could use therapy to help him get through that and deal with what I imagine are very complex feelings. If suggest he see a therapist for a bit and see how he responds. If he’s just wanting to use you for a free therapist I would say PASS. But also it sounds like you met and had fun, but has he taken you on a proper date? If that hasn’t happened AND he’s pouring his heart out, I’d reconsider moving forward.
/r/askFDS26/01/21 01:53 PM
5

How did you use online dating in your situation to your advantage. I’m in a very similar situation. I’m not far left, but I’m in a place where not being for trump is the same as being far left. 😂🙄 Id love to hear how you went about things. Feel free to DM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 01:47 PM
22

The worst person I’ve ever been with was a neat freak with meticulous hygiene. Sooo, for me it means nothing more than what it is. They are clean. It gets them a +1 point, but not a thing more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 01:43 PM
29

Alpha widowed? 😂😂😂 Try single by choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:24 PM
2

It would be a big step, I acknowledge that. I also believe you are capable of doing it. I always thought I was a “type a” personality. Turns out I’m type Anxious, and it manifests as being extremely organized, in control, and planning everything to the T. So, on at least some level, I understand the planning obsession.
/r/askFDS16/01/21 07:54 PM
23

Instead of planning the date, why not plan your exit strategy? So, push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone, but have the security of you exit plan to fall back on, if something is amiss (whatever that means to you).
/r/askFDS15/01/21 05:58 PM
46

I went full FDS after I had the MOST AMAZING DATE in my 5 years of dating. We didn’t even kiss at the end. But I had the best time, and he kept extending the date, so I assume he had fun too. It was actually a very FDS acceptable experience. He ghosted me 2 days later. I have not been on a date since and have really been working on leveling up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:46 AM
84

I can not even tell you how many men (pre-FDS) to whom I said “sex begins in the mind”...and they thought that meant I wanted them to talk dirty to me. No, you dolt. Figure out what makes me crave you, act in ways that create sexual desire. But, 99% of those things ARE NOT OVERTLY SEXUAL. There’s a big disconnect there for most men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:24 AM
12

I delete comments as well, so someone could’ve said what he told you and then deleted it.
/r/askFDS15/01/21 12:18 AM
88

Look up “gray rock” strategies. Remember explaining things to death doesn’t change anything. Facts and action only. Block often.
/r/askFDS15/01/21 12:16 AM
16

This is an interesting approach. How old are you? And do you keep it extremely curated except for a few cute pics? I feel too old for this, but I’m interested in hearing more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 05:35 PM
27

Damn. I’m a mother and really never felt these well thought out distinctions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 02:33 AM
27

I just completed a year of chosen celibacy and I had so much personal growth, in spite of covid, and a couple of personal tragedies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 02:30 AM
94

Supporting something so important to your health and well being is a good sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 03:54 PM
26

He is gaslighting you.
/r/askFDS13/01/21 02:04 PM
69

I have done it. And it is devastatingly hard. But a poor match is not worth it. Love is not enough. We are brainwashed to believe it is, that if we just love them enough, it will all be okay. And it’s utter bullshit. It takes great strength and self-awareness to leave someone you love but whom you know is not healthy for you. Be brave.
/r/askFDS13/01/21 07:38 AM
121

You should dump this entitled selfish poor excuse for a man as soon as you can. You are not his mother.
/r/askFDS13/01/21 07:35 AM
17

I say, “I’m extremely selective, because I’d rather be alone than settle.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 08:04 PM
26

Wow you look amazing for having [a lot of] kids! Ummmm, and you think all women who have had higher than average numbers of children are supposed to look like what? 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 08:01 PM
15

I’m not willing to shame anyone who did what it takes to lose 250ish pounds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 07:49 PM
9

Leave him and never look back. It will NOT get better. Love is NOT enough. While you are staying with your family grab a copy of “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. Please know, he is acting with intention to hurt and belittle you.
/r/askFDS10/01/21 03:13 PM
16

You don’t owe him a damn thing. Block him, straighten your crown, and walk right down that road to a better place.
/r/askFDS10/01/21 07:18 AM
4

I have not once, had a “vague date” work out. Your plan is great. The last time I did the same thing the man showed his LV ways in his response to me.
/r/askFDS09/01/21 02:20 PM
33

Yup. Stalking. Restraining order and a camera so you can catch him breaking it and send him to jail.
/r/askFDS08/01/21 08:16 PM
8

Yes. I’m sorry you experienced that as well. But time to live up to your username! 🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:32 PM
13

I told my mom I was married to a bad man, and she basically said I made my bed so I had to lie in it. And I did. For 8 more years. She wonders why we don’t talk...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:31 PM
32

Lundy talks about confusion in his Why Does He Do That book. I drop him like it’s hot if I feel even a shred of confusion. I was confused ALL THE TIME, to the point of questioning my sanity, and writing things down to make sure I was remembering stuff correctly. Turns out those are actions of someone who has been gaslit to the extreme. So yeah, make me confused, I’ll kick you to the curb so fast you can’t blink. Bye, boy. One of the biggest hallmarks of a HVM, IMO is that he is clear with his in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 01:42 PM
3

You are 100% right. As evidenced by every protest for equality that happened in 2020, and decades of police brutality towards POC. I am white, and I understand how much privilege I have in this world. I am a single mom, and don’t have much, but I have been donating and supporting the POC on the front lines of equality (in Louisville specifically bc I have connections there), for months now. I was picturing something akin to a woman’s March converging on the capitol, which in my mind includes all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 05:42 PM
1

Yes, it is generalized white privileged. But if it had been all armed women, the response would’ve been different. I’d bet my life on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 05:10 PM
91

White. Male. Privilege.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 04:46 AM
4

I’ve been loving Etsy for jewelry. For unique looks try local antique stores or even pawn shops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 03:26 AM
8

Nope. I’ve tried that approach and it leads to A LOT of future fakers. My most recent go at OLD (Nov), I didn’t put anything and just let men out themselves. But also, I had ZERO dates from that. It was my worst month BY FAR, using OLD. So I’ve been off it again and for who knows how long.
/r/askFDS03/01/21 01:36 AM
4

Just the fact that you see all this clearly is a HUGE WIN! It’s only up from here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 05:33 PM
45

I got two rings. One is a dainty amethyst and opal ring. The other is a pretty flashy large princess cut amethyst with imitation diamond accents. I also got princess cut amethyst studs bc I asked my sis for mask friendly earrings. I also felt I needed to add some very gorgeous jewelry to my daily wear, bc honestly, I want to be with the type of man who will gift me jewelry. And I figure if I have quality jewelry that I or my sister bought for me, he will know he has to come with that OR BETTER. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:32 PM
54

I bought jewelry too! I love jewelry. Always have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:15 PM
2

I really thought about entering a trade job, but just couldn’t get past all the sexist BS I’d have to deal with. And since I deal w so much crap from a “co parent” I can’t handle the extra from a trade school that is male dominant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:16 AM
13

I’m a nanny/student. Definitely fetishized. Less so if I call myself a caregiver (bc I work with a lot of DD kiddos).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:08 AM
46

If you wouldn’t agree to trying again if he wasn’t sick, don’t try again. It’s possible to love someone but understand you aren’t compatible for a long term relationship.
/r/askFDS28/12/20 07:58 PM
15

I had to have emergency surgery when I was pregnant. I had to sign over that they might not be able to save the pregnancy. But it was life or death, for us both. We both survived surgery. I can say, it is not a choice any mother wants to make. But some of us have to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 04:45 AM
7

I’d say maybe an hour a day tops, a bit longer on the weekend if your are feeling it. Also remember, you haven’t yet met in person, so sometimes things can be way different.
/r/askFDS28/12/20 04:41 AM
29

Truly ZERO friends is not just a no, but a HELL NO. Like, if they can’t name even one person who they’d call if their car broke down in a snowstorm...just no.
/r/askFDS28/12/20 04:38 AM
3

While my physical type is/was different, I too had a penchant for attracting emotionally unavailable men. I highly recommend the work of Alan Robarge on YouTube to help learn about your emotional issues. As well as anything by Brene Brown. I’ve really committed recently to being open minded about “type”. Because I think that is a small box that we put our own self in. What if your perfect partner ISNT a musician? But what if they supported your musical endeavors like no one ever has?
/r/askFDS27/12/20 10:56 PM
3

We were treated equally from a financial standpoint as children. However, we girls were raised as second class, “the fairer sex”, and brought up to be “good wives”. As adults, the boys have had more financial investment for businesses and such from family. Women are, apparently not supposed to do business. Even though we come from many generations of self employed people. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:53 PM
5

Jewelry, bath bombs, weighted blanket, meals at nice restaurants. A bedroom makeover.
/r/askFDS25/12/20 10:46 PM
13

You really have to dig deep to work through your anxious attached traits and the emotional addiction cycles that come with it. I’ve learned so much from Alan Robarge on YouTube. If you don’t get a proposal in 12-18 months, you aren’t getting one. Chances are you aren’t happy because you know this deep down, that he’s not all in with you. It feels like you know what to do, but the doing is HARD. Trust yourself, heal, and level up Queen!
/r/askFDS25/12/20 01:59 PM
7

I just rewatched Christmas in the Wild. It’s on Netflix. I like it. It’s not 100% FDS (what movies are), but there are enough traits about the woman that are really positive about a woman finding herself and pursuing her passion that I think it’s worth the watch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:33 AM
35

Break the Dating Code podcast. It’s fabulous and step by step. I’m close to your age and I really like the looks of chubby guys, but turns out over 40, the vast majority of overweight men lack the ability to perform at the level I need in bed. If men take blood pressure meds, it’s almost a 100% guarantee of performance issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:48 PM
8

Have you felt this book was helpful? I’ve been contemplating reading it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:25 AM
139

There is nothing wrong with the basic theory of “anti-work”, as I understand it. But it’s NOT anti-work to decide you don’t want to work and force someone else to pay your way. The way I see it, you can be anti-work, and work part time. Or work 4-10s, or create a lifestyle that can be supported on less money. To me it’s more about breaking the status quo of thinking everyone has to have a 9-5 and work 5 days a week, with two weeks vacation a year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 09:42 PM
62

That poor young woman. Also, good for her for making food SHE likes when he wouldn’t help. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 09:37 PM
1

I’m am assuming you are younger than me. I would probably break up with him. A 50/50 guy is not the kind of partner you want. I’ve paid tips or bought breakfast in the past when I was younger. But absolutely will not do that now. I’ve always had the expectation that men pay though. I am one of the over 40 ladies on here, so was still raised with pretty traditional dating standards.
/r/askFDS21/12/20 05:47 PM
23

EXACTLY my reasoning. My NEx has no real friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 05:05 PM
38

I wish I had had that mantra back then. I just felt like they werent actually marriage minded if they did not propose in that time frame. The one downside is that while I did have that boundary, I did not yet have the realization that rushing was also bad. Sooo, that happened. Live and learn. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 03:48 PM
119

For me personally, a man with NO friends, is a huge red flag. I don’t care if they are introverted and have only one or two close friends. But zero friends, NEXT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 03:19 PM
89

Rape is not about sex. It’s about violence and control. The fact is, more men get off in violence and control than being pleasurable and vulnerable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 03:18 PM
184

Even before FDS, my personal rule was to break up if I did not have a proposal by 12-18 months. My last serious boyfriend I really loved. But that did not happen. Hardest break up I’ve ever done, but I did it. He proposed to the next woman he met, bought her a beautiful house within a year etc. If they wanted to, they would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 03:11 PM
18

Just go. The more you go, the less you’ll feel nervous. I also used to haaaate dinner dates. But I’ve gotten better at them.
/r/askFDS21/12/20 03:53 AM
27

That happened 5 years ago. 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 03:25 AM
77

I was JUST thinking the other day about how I need to prep my daughters for the way their father and maybe brothers are going to act as if they have ownership of them. They are still young, but I need to sort my thoughts on this issue before their bodies start developing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 07:11 PM
5

I am very familiar. I’d be happy to give you some advice. I am not an attorney, just a mom with more experience that I ever wanted in family court.
/r/askFDS20/12/20 02:00 PM
14

I know it’s a typo but I’m 😂😂😂 that it says “veX the hell out of them.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:41 AM
40

THIS IS AWESOME!!! Bring on 2021, you’ll have an amazing year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 06:42 PM
33

I have “horse friends”, so fortunately if I go this route, I’ve got some great local connections. I live in an area where horses are still used for work in the daily lives of many. I rode a lot as a kid, but never caught horse fever, like some girls. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 12:01 PM
78

I’ve legit been thinking of getting my daughters into horses for all these reasons. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 10:24 AM
20

You want the long slow burning candle. Not the awesome ten minutes of fireworks on the 4th of July that looks awesome, but scares animals and small children, litters the ground with debris, and takes an hour for the smoke to clear. Also, do some reading on love as a chemical/hormonal response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:14 PM
8

Birth Books to read if this topic has interested you: Spiritual Midwifery Childbirth Without Fear The Thinking woman’s guide to better birth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 09:39 PM
12

I have read every Brene Brown book, some of them multiple times. Her work on overcoming shame is absolutely incredible. She definitely DOES NOT advocate for being a pushover, and very much a proponent of holding your boundaries even when it’s hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 09:34 PM
23

Tall-ish here. Zero problems with men being attracted to me. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:17 PM
12

Brilliantly written. I have both had a step parent and been a stepparent, and this is absolutely spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 04:32 PM
7

I have noticed when I kiss someone new, I’ll often get a sore throat for a few days or feel a bit under the weather. It has made me WAY more picky about who I’m swapping germs with. I haven’t kissed any man since before COVID. 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 08:55 PM
47

My first thought too, like WHAT?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:30 AM
3

The very definition of being emotionally stunted is to not have mature emotional capacity. Having out of control (aka impulsive) emotions, is ABSOLUTELY stunted emotions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 08:38 PM
5

You gave yourself the best birthday present ever!!! Read the handbook. Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Move forward like the queen you are! Let the glow up begin!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 11:07 AM
6

This personally sounds like a “fight or flight” situation. He ignored the man until that man touched you, the woman he loves and wants to marry. I have known men who would have threatened him with violence way before he touched you (and I view that as bad). People respond differently to trauma. You guys were attacked in the street. Based on what I understand about how the brain works, there isn’t a right or wrong way to handle it. That being said, sometimes, there are niggling things in the back…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 10:51 AM
77

I would go no contact forever. Imagine allowing your children around him? No. You deserve better. Also, I’m sorry. I am not close/no contact with my parents as well. Your mom refused to protect you as children, that’s inexcusable.
/r/askFDS05/12/20 11:49 PM
86

Oh, I love when men pretend they will throw money at you, and because of it they somehow feel entitled to your time or attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 11:46 PM
33

It’s a huge turn off for me when guys are all “do you like me, huh? Do ya? Are we good?” It’s really insecure and they will be clingy, probably jealous and possessive later.
/r/askFDS05/12/20 11:38 PM
44

I loved reading this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:24 PM
13

It’s a no for me.
/r/askFDS01/12/20 03:04 PM
5

Get permanent legal custody. That’s your first and MOST IMPORTANT step. Press charges. And if he gets out of jail, do what you can to secure your home. Watch some break in videos on YouTube by people who used to B and E for a living to learn what NOT to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 11:52 PM
26

I have put “I loathe football and video games” in my profiles before. But you know what has gotten the most backlash? Me not liking tattoos. A few is okay, but a lot is a pass for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 05:07 AM
2

I’ve bought myself several pieces of jewelry from Etsy! I love supporting small makers. The quality has been great, and usually they come in a pretty package so you feel fancy opening it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 02:19 AM
4

I know lots of my friends in highschool had “incidents” with teen or adult men at sleepovers. So it’s not limited to step dads. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 02:14 AM
89

The older my daughters get the more I am considering not marrying until they are the age of majority. I’ve heard so so many creepy stories about men and teens. Even from people I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 08:22 PM
14

Never destroy your body for anyone. The best thing you can do for yourself and your body is treat it kindly with foods that make it feel good. The next best thing is learning to dress for the body you have. We don’t all look our best in the current trend, or whatever. Find the shapes and styles that fit you. And literally FUCK EVERYONE who shames you for your body. Bodies should never be shamed. That’s not to say I love everything about my body. But I do genuinely love most of my body and model …
/r/askFDS26/11/20 04:20 PM
108

Dump him. Immediately. And don’t look back. This is abusive behavior. I’m so sorry he treats you that way. You are beautiful. I’ve been extremely thin, and now I fall into the “thicc” category. And I got so much worse comments when I was ultra thin than I have ever gotten at the size I am now, which is not thin. I believe in loving your body as it is. And for what it does for you. Don’t let his selfish abusive talk turn you against your own beautiful body.
/r/askFDS26/11/20 04:33 AM
2

I’m sad for her, because I was her. I was a decade younger than him. There’s even more of an age gap w her. I was married for 10 years, but she married him at the same age I was 10 years prior. I know he will destroy her to my children just like he did to me and his children. And I am sad that when she wakes up and realizes what a NVM he is, my children will get hurt. I know there are step parents who are saints, but it can all be soooo complicated. I 100% understand and recommend not dating any…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 07:04 PM
11

Ohhhh, what are these subs?!?! Feel free to PM me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 07:35 AM
31

Show up. And I’m so SO sorry for your loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 07:29 AM
11

DO NOT SETTLE. You will regret it more than you’d regret never finding the right one. Having children with a NVM, can literally ruin you and your children’s lives. Just no.
/r/askFDS25/11/20 03:14 AM
9

I’ve been a stepmom, and things were fine until I dared to suggest one of the children had significant issues and needed help beyond my capabilities. So I was vilified to said child, who ended up in jail on felony charges as a minor (but after I divorced his father). My children’s current step mom makes them stay in their room most of the time, and my children cannot stand her. Oh, and she’s a couple decades younger than my ex. It’s hard to win as a stepmom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 03:05 AM
92

Soooo, we are supposed to initiate more, but NOT by saying “hey, wanna have sex tonight?” Ooookay. I hope she gets her level up on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 08:34 PM
27

Your mother is toxic. Toxic behaviors like hers can be low key and hard to see sometimes. It took me DECADES to realize how toxic my own mother is. It’s heartbreaking to realize they will never be the mother you hoped for. You need to set clear boundaries. If you HAVE to live there, I’d recommend smoothing things over where you can, and holding boundaries where you can’t (not cleaning up after bro). I’d also maybe start taking some pictures of his messes. Because denial is easy when there is no …
/r/askFDS24/11/20 01:58 PM
5

This is so true, but often SO difficult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 12:41 AM
4

Yes. I mean, they are only volunteers. But there was maybe a month when I first left where I couldn’t sleep, and a couple times a week, I’d just talk to someone for a little bit. It was small, but it helped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 12:41 AM
5

When she’s feeling low or can’t sleep, it was a great help to me to do the online chat with the National domestic violence hotline. They will just listen and make you feel normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 12:37 AM
1

I am not sure the details as I don’t know too much about her personally having only visited once. But regardless, polling 30 women, and 29 having experienced unwanted sexual attention is incredibly disturbing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 12:08 AM
1

She was raised in Europe, I honestly think that has something to do with it. But I don’t know for sure. I have found most European men ive talked to (small sample) to be less objectifying compared to US men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 12:01 AM
14

I did a poll in an all women’s group I am in once. Out of 30 women that answered ONLY ONE had never experienced any type of unwanted sexual contact, and she was not raised in the US. Of the remaining 29, the majority experienced their first instance prior to age 18. It’s revolting and terrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:42 PM
15

Nailed it! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:30 PM
60

The advice that would’ve saved me at 23 is: words mean nothing without action, and your boundaries are important. Men who push your small boundaries will not respect ANY of your boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 02:51 PM
21

I also don’t shave because I also think it’s creepy when men ONLY want women who look prepubescent. More than once, this has been a dealbreaker for men. So disturbing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 01:28 PM
35

You said no. He did it again. Bye. And he never should’ve done that without explicit consent in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 10:33 PM
15

I wish this surprised me, but there are several similar profiles to this in my area. Who swiped right? I don’t get it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:21 PM
30

Yes. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 01:01 AM
21

Probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:43 AM
8

Omg. Way too many to count. Bc almost all men end up blocked. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 04:03 AM
15

He didn’t change. You are just in the cycle of abuse where he’s in the nice part.
/r/askFDS18/11/20 04:20 PM
7

40, single mom, checking in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 12:07 PM
57

Can we also end the narrative that 50/50 is best for kids? It definitely is not unless the parents work really well together. I always ask adults: so you are telling me that for the next 15 years, you are better off having two homes and only taking a backpack between them every other week? What adult would willingly choose that? And yet millions of children are forced into that every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 12:05 PM
33

If you leave your son w this man, you will never get him back. He will claim you abandoned him. It’s better to be poor than be in this situation. Being poor is temporary while you get on your feet. The toxicity of this man and your mother etc is permanent. Look at education programs and options for women in your country. You are strong and capable of doing this. How do I know? Because I did it. And 5 years later I have more stability than I ever thought possible.
/r/askFDS18/11/20 12:00 PM
11

Run away. Pouting bc he doesn’t get sex and refusing non sexual touching when you are bleeding? Abuse. Abuse. Abuse. And I can tell you from experience, if you procreate with this man, the coercion will get worse and worse until it turns into rape.
/r/askFDS15/11/20 09:44 PM
59

I can tell you those are fairly young chickens. Definitely old enough to be outside, regardless of cold weather. And old enough to fly to the top of that enclosure= old enough to roost for safety at night. I can also tell you, growing up rurally, we’ve had all manner of creatures spend time inside over the years. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 09:15 PM
3

You have to find little l libertarians. Not big L Libertarians. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 12:44 AM
2

Yes and yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 11:32 PM
19

My state is heavily red. I’m talking pick ups with trump flags, thin blue line, and American flags...all on at once. Walking around my neighborhood, there were 5 trump flags in a small distance. I screen for anyone who voted trump. If they are liberal, libertarian, or a non voter, fine. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:25 PM
26

Oh yeah, it was my second question. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:23 PM
7

I live right across the border from a blue medium sized city, but it’s still a challenge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:06 PM
17

It helps me remember The Audacity. He sent one more message and then I unmatched.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 09:09 PM
44

For the entertainment value of what comes next. 😂 I haven’t gone on any dates in this world where 63% of voters chose Trump in my state. And 85% voter turnout.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:45 PM
41

Stop right there. He should NEVER have told his family that YOU were frustrated with their lack of help. He should have asked for their support and created a protective bubble for you. If that didn’t happen it is NOT your fault.
/r/askFDS13/11/20 02:39 AM
25

I live in a small area, and primarily use tinder, as other apps have hardly any users, and it’s always happened to me. Super annoying. I also am pretty sure some men have 2-3 profiles. I just re joined after a 6+ month break. Not loving it. Feeling the depravity and trumpy-Ness. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:09 AM
9

Yep. When I set firm sexual boundaries in my marriage after years of abuse, things declined rapidly and we divorced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:26 AM
13

Act like you don’t even notice or care. OR, tell them their mother would be ashamed of them. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:02 AM
56

He’s making his intentions clear. It’s okay if you are still deciding. Remember, if he wanted to, he would. And he is. You’re still vetting and that’s good. Trust yourself.
/r/askFDS09/11/20 01:45 PM
171

He immediately deleted her. Apologized without excuse. I’d move forward.
/r/askFDS09/11/20 01:32 PM
34

My children were allowed unsupervised overnights at a registered sex offenders house, and that was not enough to get any long term reduction in his parenting time. The courts will not protect you or your children. In fact, “protective mothers” MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, lose parenting time, according to research, and Lundy Bancroft talks about it in his book “when dad hurts mom”. VET. VET. VET.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 01:41 AM
14

There is a great book called “Have you filled a bucket today” that really introduces boundaries and how relationships work, in an appropriate way for children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 03:52 PM
187

I tell my daughters we do not have to be kind to people who don’t respect our boundaries. And that it’s okay to use your “mean voice” to stand up for yourself (also physical violence to keep yourself safe is okay).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 02:19 PM
15

This is why I don’t maintain male “friendships”. They are never just your friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 01:38 PM
24

Love bombing. Age gap. RUN RUN RUN.
/r/askFDS08/11/20 12:51 AM
58

I think road trips are amazing compatibility tests. It’s literally on my “must do before we get married”, he and I for a week, and if he passes that and moves to the meet the kids stage, then family road trip for a week. For me it’s not manufactured bc these things are part of my real life and super important to me. They just also happen to showcase how you work together as a couple, how he handles unexpected things, and the inevitability of something going imperfectly on the trip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 12:27 AM
9

I had a mantra “everything he told me was a lie” so when that voice would seep in I would say it. And then say something kind about myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:29 AM
5

I don’t really understand this question. How many children one wants or has, does not change FDS principles. I have an above average number of children. I follow FDS principles. You’ll narrow your dating pool simply by wanting a large family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:16 PM
25

He told you his truth. Believe him. Being a single mom is hard. But it is 1000 times better than being married to a NVM, AND it’s easier than a craptastic relationship. I had toddlers when I left. But my life is so much more stable, peaceful, and fun now. You are braver than you think and stronger than you are giving yourself credit for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 09:52 PM
4

Ruuuuun. So scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:49 AM
11

Best screening tool of 2020! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 11:59 AM
5

I’m not even smiling in any pics. Just neutral looking. I don’t really smile for pics I don’t know why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 12:58 AM
7

He was blocked. So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 12:57 AM
14

In no way could I pass for 13, I have children older than that. 😂But it might work for the younger 20somethings. I used to tell guys I was jailbait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:44 PM
21

Saaaaame. This was a new level though. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:19 PM
32

So bizarre. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:14 PM
6

You are so brave. Take this as the lesson it is, and know you can heal, level up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 12:26 PM
9

I’ve never experienced the “husband is my best friend” thing and I’ve been married twice. I literally don’t see how it’s possible. But maybe that’s just me. 😂 I have women friends I’ve known since childhood. And more I’ve picked up along the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:22 AM
1

Sucks for her then, if he one day decides to drop her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 09:29 PM
2

Well, let’s hope she’s lucky and lives in a state where presenting as husband and wife’s denotes legal marriage, for when he tries to “not-divorce” her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 06:53 PM
105

If one of these women can “steal” your boyfriend from you, he was never committed to you anyway. Literally do not be jealous. Also, he has been with you for 5 years...did he buy you a house? Did he buy you a car? Did he buy you a ring? Because if he’s being generous with EVERYONE BUT YOU, then you’re a forever girlfriend. You are worthy of all the things.
/r/askFDS22/10/20 04:04 PM
9

My sisters and I also had a creepy male therapist as children. We were court ordered to go due to the divorce. I ended up writing a letter to the judge saying I’d go, but not to that person. And we quit. We were pre-teens. Conversely, the most helpful therapists I’ve had as an adult have been men, which surprised me.
/r/askFDS19/10/20 02:21 PM
13

Also, you dated for 2.5yrs and weren’t engaged. If you aren’t engaged in 12-18 months, you aren’t marrying that person. Maybe barring college students waiting to finish degrees or something. But anyone over 25, that 12-18m mark is the lock it down or move on mark, as far as I’m concerned.
/r/askFDS19/10/20 12:51 AM
7

Yep. In my state it’s apparently perfectly fine to let your kids have a sleepover at a convicted sex offenders house. The court definitely does NOT see it this way. In fact studies show that abusive men are OFTEN granted custody, even sole custody. It’s ludicrous. Anyone with custody “issues” aka abusive divorce, should read When Dad Hurts Mom by Lundy Bancroft.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:01 PM
26

This scenario is being re-coined as “post separation abuse” due to the reasons already mentioned about the creation of “parental alienation”. Post separation abuse of women and children is real and prolific. Lundy Bancroft talks about how men who abuse mothers should NEVER be considered good parents. Because good parents do not abuse the mother of their children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 05:32 PM
3

My daughters are NOT learning this! I too had this BS brainwashing. Boys who treat you kindly like you. Boys who are mean, you tell them once to stop, you tell them a second time in your mean voice, the third time you hit, kick, punch or do WHATEVER you need to be safe, and I will talk to your teacher. One daughter has kicked a boy in the shins, but did not get caught. They are still little, but I want them to know it’s NEVER okay for people to violate their boundaries. Also, I role play with th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:17 PM
7

You’ve gotten so many good words. I want to add, unequivocally, BEING SINGLE IS BETTER THAN BEING WITH A LVM. You will feel MORE LONELY involved in a hasty relationship where you settled, than holding out for the right man for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:53 PM
2

Ohhh, they SAY they “won’t try anything” but 100% have never believed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 06:38 PM
12

Read about narcissistic abuse. It’s very specific. It’s not usually physically violent but destroys you in other ways. You can rebuild better. 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 03:30 PM
12

Gotcha. It can really hurt losing a close friend. It happened to me once as well. It sounds like you’ve made some good new friends who are hopefully healthier as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 03:25 PM
13

Yes, in my experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:05 PM
27

Also, reach back out to your friend. Let her know how bad things got and you miss her. Isolating you from friends and family is a classic abuse tactic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 12:15 PM
48

I straight tell men I don’t do platonic snuggles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 11:13 AM
32

I was also groomed in a similar way. It’s okay to be angry about it. If you got out before you had children you are so so lucky. You CAN heal and recover. Understanding you were groomed is a big first step. I’ve had times of pure rage because my childhood, something I had no control over, created a situation that has substantially negatively impacted my adult life and my children’s lives. The way is forward, and you can start practicing healthy boundaries and healthier relating TODAY. It’s also …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 02:14 AM
10

That’s hard. But you don’t need a fair-weather man in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:49 PM
15

Right? I’m like shopping for appliances?!?! I want a cozy blanket, a hot tub, and yummy food and tea. And maybe I’ll talk to someone if they are nice. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 12:09 AM
30

Thanks. I have a soft spot for antique and vintage sewing machines. I rescue them and find them new homes. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:11 PM
32

You can actually sew TONS of styles of shoes. I’m on a FB group just for shoes. Just in case you ever want to try it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:08 PM
3

I can’t even.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 04:23 PM
5

And this is why I will ALWAYS ALWAYS use two forms of birth control when I’m in my fertile phase. Or just not have sex. Stealthing is scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 04:19 PM
41

When I first left my abusive relationship, every day I told myself “one year from today life will be radically different.” And then one day it had been that year and things WERE radically different. But it really helped me in the hard moments to know I was enduring for the greater good of myself and children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 08:34 PM
13

For the US: [Your state] court repository should bring up public record search in your state. States vary from completely open and easily searchable online to requiring payment or in person search requests only. All states also have a public sex offender registry. Usually you can search by name or by address to see if any live near you. Protect yourself and stay safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:21 AM
38

Healing comes. But it can be slow and sporadic or leaps and bounds. Becoming aware is the first step. Become trauma-informed. Get therapy. LEARN ABOUT SETTING BOUNDARIES. This is a HUGE thing those of us with abusive parents struggle with. Learn about emotional addiction and how it manifests for you (often as what we call “pick me” on this forum). And just take it one step at a time. One healthier choice at a time. And mourn that which you lost or maybe never had...innocence gone too soon,natura…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:41 AM
15

So, he’s calling you terms of endearment before he’s earned the right to call you that, AND he’s planning a date with the intent to initiate physical contact you clearly don’t want...and you are still considering dating him cuz why?! This man does not respect you as a person and he never will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 02:05 PM
5

What if she’s just playing dumb to annoy him bc she knows he’s a jerk and she’s planning her escape, and does little subversive things like this to amuse herself until she gets out? Not that I’ve ever done anything like that. 😇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 01:46 PM
20

I’d say trust your gut. If it feels manipulative, it probably is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 01:41 PM
6

Thanks for recommending this! Just what I needed today!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 03:23 AM
5

I would level up my degree, or volunteer in causes I support. I also am working on a fuck it fund. I can always get jobs. But I want to ALWAYS ALWAYS be able to leave at the drop of a hat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:46 PM
1

I am fortunate to have an AMAZING circle of friends.
/r/askFDS29/09/20 03:22 AM
1

I do the first very seriously. I never go on dates when it’s my parenting time. I might down the road in a relationship. But for basic dating NAH. Not worth it. And I’ve been really really working on my emotional health so I’m not being a chronic oversharer on dates. I have taken the majority of this year off dating to work on myself.
/r/askFDS29/09/20 03:21 AM
2

8 overnights. I guess I don’t mean the actual, how do I date, so much as, how do you approach the idea of getting serious when it involves so much “baggage”?
/r/askFDS29/09/20 03:09 AM
1

I’m kid free every other weekend, some holidays.
/r/askFDS29/09/20 03:05 AM
33

I don’t drink with men, so I’d just say, “I don’t drink with men I don’t know really well, but I could do dinner on x or y day.”
/r/askFDS29/09/20 12:57 AM
30

I have had some life saving surgeries that have left my abdomen looking...unfortunate. They don’t play nice when they are saving your life. I would like to get a reconstruction one day. I think careful, minimal plastic surgery, and certainly reconstructions are just fine. But like all surgery, not without risks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 02:54 AM
19

6 months? Dear lord. I have never been with anyone who couldn’t give me an orgasm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 02:40 AM
16

If he won’t respect your boundary on this, he doesn’t respect you. Also, don’t drink w strangers. Especially college boys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 02:35 AM
4

Why do guys think one woman would EVER want to go on a “date” with a whole group of men she doesn’t know? That’s a no for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 07:17 PM
8

Be as petite as possible?! Oh hellllll no. Take up space in this world, metaphorically speaking. The fact that he said “you’re hot” and asked for your number AND took months to ask you on a date are red flags. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WITH MEN on dates. They intentionally use it to get you to let down your guard. Read the handbook.
/r/askFDS26/09/20 02:16 PM
28

This is why I believe men and women can never be “just friends”. There’s always underlying sexual desire.
/r/askFDS26/09/20 12:43 PM
63

How can those of us who live in rural, largely white communities help support black and brown women? This is a real, not snarky question. I currently have a recurring monthly donation set up for the Louisville Bail Fund.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 05:38 PM
7

Yes!! Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:40 PM
95

A perfectly acceptable rule. I don’t give them as their own event. Just a little here and there as part of sex. The best thing about the game of sex is you get to make your own rules. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:10 PM
259

I give men BJ rules. And if they violate them...BYE. No thrusting or touching my head. It’s that, or no BJs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:01 PM
11

You did the right thing. But beware, he may make good on those threats. Get Lundy Bancroft’s book When Dad Hurts Mom. DO NOT sacrifice any custody time now. The BEST chance a woman has for full custody is the very first time heading to court for the divorce decree. Write a non emotional factual account of what be said. Look up narcissistic abuse to see if you have been a victim of that. And if you have, I give you this reminder: everything he ever said about was a lie. This means his love for yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:19 AM
27

Absolutely this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:11 AM
4

Well yes, and I knew that, but my point was made and he never brought it up again. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 10:34 AM
30

So my ex used to tell me he was smarter than me and had a high IQ. I got sick of it, so I told him to pick out an online IQ test for us to take. I beat his score by one point. 😂😂😂 Naturally, it was a faulty and inaccurate test. 😆🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 02:48 AM
223

Omg. I have had an ultra shitty week, and this made me laugh until I cried.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:58 AM
22

Yes! I have found little difference between 35-55yos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 12:38 AM
34

You can actually google “car buying tips” and there is all kinds of info. That being said, I prefer private party sales, with a mechanics inspection before purchase. The inspection usually costs about $100. Then you meet at your bank and close the deal. If you go to a dealership, have a price in mind. An actual dollars and cents amount. Negotiate the purchase price of the vehicle BEFORE you say you are “considering” trading in your car. Don’t be afraid to walk. I hate buying cars, which is why I…
/r/askFDS24/09/20 04:23 PM
1

It’s okay to feel sad and heartbroken, as well as excited and relieved. Yay for a new house to begin a new chapter!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 09:43 PM
107

This is why I believe in the importance of teaching our girls to support each other and supporting each other as women. Men will come and go, but many of your close woman friendships are for a lifetime. I’ve literally watched women change their life with just a shred of support and care from other women when they had no hope. Turning women on their own kind is a divide and conquer technique. That is why the “not like other girls” trope is so toxic when men say it to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:52 AM
20

I feel okay w someone under 30 having only a 1.5 yr relationship. Trust your gut though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 09:37 AM
7

Well, for balance in the universe I recently told my young teen son that a date is where he takes a girl out AND PAYS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 02:58 AM
36

I believe the rest of this story is that he saved 20+ people in all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:37 AM
13

40 and not currently dating. I may dip my toes in by the end of the year. So I haven’t “given up”, but it would take a lot to impress me at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:35 AM
21

It’s scary, but take it one step at a time. It’s worth it. 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:21 AM
13

Every. Single. One. Was said to me by my ex. Many also by my parents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:19 AM
2

I go heavy on consent. No one touches your body without your permission (not even your parents if you are out of diapers). Anyone who does touch your body should make you feel good, or be helping you (like a doctor)If someone SEEMS good, but it makes you feel bad on the inside, then it’s bad (sexual abuse). I also teach my kids that the only person who has to like their art is them. If you read Brene Brown, she talks about how the vast majority of creative injury happens before 18 and often in s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:39 AM
13

You were absolutely assaulted. It’s okay to choose not to pursue it legally. Process it by whatever healthy means necessary: journaling, therapy, regular exercise. I have been there, and been scared. Thought I was going to be raped, just like you, was also a Virgin. It was a long time ago and I didn’t even know his last name (I was 18). You kept your wits about you, and did what you had to do to be safe. That is okay. You did NOTHING wrong. It’s all on him. No guilt for you. Block him on everyth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:20 AM
4

So glad you shared this. A good reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:10 AM
14

Congratulations. He sounds lovely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:04 AM
4

Please read the handbook. Doing ANYTHING bc you want to make a man jealous is not the right idea. Ignoring men is FAR FAR more effective than making them jealous. Jealousy is an immature emotion stemming from insecurity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:02 AM
14

I’m 40. Divorced 5 years. More than average number of kids. I’m not new to ALL the FDS things. Some I had implemented by my own preferences and trial and error. But FDS was the missing link between the areas I was doing well (vetting/high standards) and the part where I was failing (chasing, texting too much, not pacing things). Plus reading some of the recommended books helped me fine tune some of my emotional things I was dealing with, and have a healthier approach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 03:55 AM
27

I pay $30 every two weeks for 3 months of the year, to have my lawn mowed. I am pretty handy, but for less than $500 a year on average I can outsource the few things I can’t do or don’t want to do, around the house. (This does not include my mechanic).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 09:25 PM
15

Omg. Date Safety Officer. Love it. 😂 I have a friend for this, but now she has a title. 🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 09:19 PM
4

I have found that men who say things like this are doing it so you will change your behavior without them having to outright ask. If you REALLY like him, I would maybe have ONE conversation about it, and then if (when haha) it happens again, move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 11:54 PM
14

We are all in a weird space w this COVID crap. I’d recommend using this time to level up personally and professionally. This will allow higher quality women to make their way into your life. If there are any classes you can attend etc that would be good. My state has been mostly open since June, but I know some areas are still locked down tightly. Do your best, engage on here, reach out to a hotline if things are that bad (or a therapist). Make lists of things you’d like to do once the world ope…
/r/askFDS19/09/20 04:17 PM
50

This may sound silly, but I too live where winters are cold. You crawl in bed, feeling so cold and lonely at night. I got an electric heating pad, and I put it by my feet and turn it on every cold night. I’m not even kidding that this helped my nighttime loneliness factor 1000%. No more laying in bed, wishing for a warm body to snuggle up to. I could be as warm and cozy as I wanted. And definitely work on cultivating solid female friendships that have nothing to do with any man. These are the pe…
/r/askFDS19/09/20 04:07 PM
8

This hurts. It’s so SO hard when you realize people are choosing their addiction, over you. I used to love men for their potential. I can see you saying you see his potential. But, I also see you standing in your queen energy, and saying, “but I am not okay with what is. His actions don’t align with my values.” You are right to leave. He has to deal with whatever it is that drives him to drink. You cannot fix it for him. You can only save yourself. It hurts, absolutely. But you will not regret i…
/r/askFDS19/09/20 04:32 AM
11

I love brunch, bc there is no expectation of sex after. And I can spend time w my friends at night.
/r/askFDS19/09/20 01:51 AM
9

I wait to answer the first one then i send them s screen shot and say...and what’s the answer to the other question? 😂 9.8/10 that persons getting blocked bc they tried to avoid an important question. 🙄😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 09:20 PM
3

I’m not alone. 😭 I used to drink one cup of caffeinated tea each morning. I accidentally ran out some months ago, and realized my sleep issue I was having was completely fixed. 😒 I’ve been caffeine free ever since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:32 PM
6

I also don’t drink coffee. It’s just assumed everyone does. I never have drank it regularly. Occasionally I used to get like a super sweet blended coffee drink with one shot. But I don’t anymore. I really don’t like coffee and caffeine HATES me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:56 PM
10

Lundy Bancroft has written extensively about this in When Dad Hurts Mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:24 AM
10

One and the same. It should be prosecutable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 08:51 PM
62

I hated coffee dates even before I found FDS. My pre-FDS thinking was that, if you didn’t feel like our connection was good enough to spend 90 minutes with me, I have no interest in going on a date with you. I did one walk date and one coffee date as an experiment, and decided it was ridiculous (pre-FDS). It was nice to see the handbook talk about how sucky coffee dates are. They are so impersonal, plus I hate coffee. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 08:44 PM
20

I have not met a single self-proclaimed alpha male wolf type that even had a hope of handling me. But they get really mad when you tell them “you can’t handle me, I’d eat you for breakfast” 😂😂😂 (Back when I used to enjoy putting them in their place, and before I realized that just blocking was the best thing)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 08:38 PM
45

I’m in this age group too...and DEAD. 🤣 You are so spot on. I lost track of the “wolves” among the sheep. But it’s more like they are wolves in sheep’s clothing, like the Bible story or assorted religious parables in the same vein from around the world. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 08:33 PM
8

I was raised to be a good wife. That’s it. And I married and had children with an extremely narcissistic traiting person. I was groomed my entire life for such a thing. Follow the handbook. It’s wise. Get therapy if you need it (you prob do). I’m old enough to be your mother, and my advice is travel, work, get a trade or a degree, depending on your personality. DO NOT under any circumstances get married before age 25. Your brain is still developing and growing. And do not support any man’s dream…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 03:33 AM
59

This is CLASSIC narcissistic behavior. Please read up on gaslighting. Denying your reality is a MASSIVE red flag. Please don’t get pregnant. What do you think he’s going to say about your post baby body? From experience I can tell you it’s dreadful. Also, I am so sorry. If you haven’t already read “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft, please do. I also want to be VERY clear on something. Narcissists count on our desire to work through things and not give up on marriage due to our conditioning…
/r/askFDS16/09/20 01:01 PM
3

Preach!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 12:41 PM
2

I posted this on my FB earlier. Absolutely atrocious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 02:06 AM
7

Negative Value Man as in, not only does he add NOTHING to your life he has made life harder, cost you opportunities, etc etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 02:04 AM
5

Pick up artist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 02:01 AM
11

This is so gross and creepy. Imagine it flipped (like all the creepy possessive dad owns daughter stuff anyway). Ick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 12:45 AM
20

That bond you feel is SO often a TRAUMA BOND. So I tell myself I’m having a trauma response, and work to move into a healthier headspace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 08:18 PM
11

Future faker. NEXT. Also, work on YOURSELF so that you don’t get so sucked in to the future fakers. This usually involves looking at any issues you have around attachment/abandonment/emotional neglect as a child. 💖
/r/askFDS15/09/20 08:15 PM
14

“I’ve decided not to pursue this connection any further. Best of luck.”
/r/askFDS15/09/20 08:12 PM
8

Ditto on the copypasta. I’ve seen this same text in my location on profiles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 09:25 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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