Don’t Dress Up for a Man on the First Date

AutoModerator · 2021-03-21T06:49:58+00:00

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havingababypenguin · 2021-03-21T12:31:31+00:00

Girls, y'all are buying clothes before dates!?! NO. Pull from your closet! Have a couple of outfits that make you feel great and cycle them. Men don't deserve all that work. And what if it goes poorly? Now you didn't spend +50 on a bad memory. Stop using men as excuses to drop your hard earned monies.

Sensitive-Sun-3591 · 2021-03-21T11:19:33+00:00

I mean, present yourself well but don't go over the top. If you keep yourself groomed every day then you're 90% there anyway:

obvs all the basic hygiene like brush your teeth, shower, wear deodorant ect
paint your nails at home
have clean, well-kept hair (whatever that means for your hair type)
clean and tidy clothes that fit and flatter you
comfortable, clean/polished shoes

Literally do these basics and you're already miles ahead of most men out there. As a bonus if you want to, wear make up that flatters your natural features. Do these things every day, and you'll always be presenting your best self.

voodo2020 · 2021-03-21T12:28:22+00:00

I was once having a terribly busy day and this guy asked me out for a ‘hangout’. I told him I’d be too busy so I don’t know if I can make it. He said “it’s ok, we can grab a quick coffee”...I was gonna just decline the ‘coffee hangout’ but when I checked my msg, he said he was already there (30 mins early) waiting for me. Well..I had a stuff to get done. I was late for 30 mins and showed up in my jogger pants and hat with no makeup. I had 0 time and didn’t want to put any energy, money, or effort for a ‘quick coffee hangout’ in front of his place. (We live very close to each other) as he put 0 as well. He looked somewhat disappointed when I said I gotta go back to my work in 20 mins. But hey, it was a quick hangout as you said! Not a real date! During the whole time, I couldn’t stop thinking how it would have been better if I just continued working at my place in my comfy pajama. Now I just block and delete coffee whatever to save my time. The way how he plans a date is ALWAYS a trailer. : )

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-21T09:43:15+00:00

Yeah, I agree. What I like to do is to schedule a first date on a day that I already will be dressed a little nicer (have a meeting, brunch plans, etc) so that it doesn’t add as much effort that day to go on a date.

bizzybumblebee · 2021-03-21T13:58:07+00:00

i don't understand. why would i go out with someone i don't think is a worthy contender

sassyheather · 2021-03-21T07:43:06+00:00

For my first date with my HV boyfriend I picked a pair of pants that I felt bomb af in, a long-sleeve blouse and a coat. Nothing off the top, just an outfit I loved myself in. Imo he had outdone me, but I prefer it this way. He was dressed incredibly to my taste, dress shirt, my fav type of pants accentuating his legs (and ass obvs) and an army-style coat.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-21T12:04:41+00:00

I’m not going on a “date” with a guy if he has the audacity to suggest getting me a cup of coffee. I don’t leave my house for anything less than a real date that is thoughtful and not a waste of my time. Therefore, I do dress up. Honestly though, I’m the type of woman who loves dressing up daily in general (dresses, heels, makeup, etc) so it’s not really a change for me. I just want to note that if I do show up for a date and the guy has on something that shows he doesn’t respect me, like dirty clothing or whatever, I have walked out before. I don’t play those games.

idiopathictendencies · 2021-03-21T12:55:13+00:00

I went on a first date in my running leggings and a t-shirt, ponytail and just a splash of facial powder and lip gloss. “I like a woman who is totally comfortable with who she is.” Ok! Our first date of getting pancakes was awkward at best after he said “Wow, you really dressed for the occasion.” Idiot.

purasangria · 2021-03-21T14:42:42+00:00

This is why we don't do coffee dates.

Risoa · 2021-03-21T14:18:03+00:00

I like to look good whenever I go out for my own confidence, never to impress a man.

fogplum · 2021-03-21T11:02:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cherrypepsilvr · 2021-03-21T13:56:38+00:00

Personally I probably wouldn't go on a coffee date - lots of effort to leave the house and take time out of my day and stuff for a £3 coffee and a date that's unlikely to last more than an hour.

HOWEVER. I have a similar rule to this - first date or very early on, I let him see me without makeup. No use dating him if he doesn't like my face the way it is.

r4nd0m-u53r · 2021-03-21T16:54:20+00:00

I don't usually buy outfits, but the restaurant he picked was nice so I had some fun and bought a new dress and heels ... He had kept up a great act, but the morning of he made a joke that my dress would look nice on the floor, when I playfully indicated it was going to be staying on he stopped replying until 6 hours later when he said he had to work that night and cancelled without a reschedule. That dress became a constant reminder that to him I was only worth spending time with if he was guaranteed sex. (The ironic part was, he was hot and I was fresh out of a divorce, so had he not made that joke. I probably would have slept with him, but pressure is an instant turn off for me)

So I decided f that, and wore it out to get tacos with a friend.

veruscka · 2021-03-21T15:26:10+00:00

When I was dating I liked to wear a simple all black outfit for the first time meeting. It’s low effort but “put together” enough that i feel confident, plus it works in almost any setting.

Theboredshrimp · 2021-03-21T14:02:46+00:00

we don't go on coffee dates in the first place, if you know he's gonna disrespect you and show you how little he regards you, why entertain him and stoop to his level? don't go

fleuretpomme · 2021-03-21T16:46:47+00:00

I dress nice just to do errands so this is tough for me. I'm always the better dressed one. Thinking back, no man has ever bothered to wear anything besides a t-shirt and jeans on any dates with me. Even a button down with jeans shows some modicum of effort. It shows what they think of you imo. Dates on women on the other hand, they always look nice and like they want to be there. I'm not embarrassed to be seen with them.

ChocoBananza · 2021-03-21T21:33:34+00:00

I don’t agree with this. I’m not sure if I got the meaning of your post in full, but here’s my opinion.

I’m NOT going to dress down. I like to look nice, and I love to feel beautiful. I like to wear good fitting sun dresses at summer, I love dressing professional during the work week, I love matching shoes and purses, and I love the feeling of empowerment that it brings me. Yes, empowerment. People (men and women) look at me with more respect, and most scrotes don’t even bother to approach me, because of ‘I’m out of your league’ vibes. Don’t get me wrong, I was a pick me, but I’m positive that the way I dressed has saved me from a lot of scrotes through the years.

That being said, I will dress nice for my date with a potential partner, but I most certainly won’t go out of my way. Also, I would definitely like that my date takes me seriously and dresses up as well. And thanks to FDS, I’m not even going to consider going on a coffee date, walk date, laundry date or any other low effort bullcrap that are complete time wasters for what I’m trying to achieve. If I’m dating at all, that is.

TheFinalGirl_21 · 2021-03-21T11:48:00+00:00

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m one of those ladies. Like...I would raid Dita Von Teese’s closet and never have to shop again. For first dates, I dress like I normally do, and I know it comes off to them like I’m trying to impress. But I’m really not. I enjoy looking nice and it’s actually comfortable. Period. For me to wear jeans and a t-shirt on a date would feel like trying to walk on all fours.

Dating men requires way too much tactical energy. Dressing down, pretending I don’t want a relationship or a future family, pretending I haven’t experienced any past relationship trauma. It’s just too much. I don’t see why you ladies even bother.

emptiness1017 · 2021-03-21T14:30:12+00:00

When I was OLD I would set the first date as coffee in a public place not near my home but easy to get to for me. I was clear in the beginning that if we decided to meet up our first meeting would be for coffee.

I call it our meet up because they haven’t officially proven to be worth a full date. So I wear jeans and don’t go out of my way to get nails or anything like that done. I pick the location because we are driving separately and I don’t want this person to know what side of town I live on yet. He hasn’t earned my trust enough to pick me up at my house. I pick a coffee shop in a mall so there are lots of people in case it gets uncomfortable.

If things go well on our coffee meet up then I’m usually proposer with the “do you want to see each other again? Or this was nice let’s go on a real date, or would you like to get something to eat?”

On the first meet up for coffee I never agree to get food immediately after even if things go well. - I would like him to plan an actual date - I want him to know that him planning the first date is an expectation of mine

I don’t want him to think oh I can get in two dates without putting forth any effort to plan.

This worked well for me when doing OLD. It allowed met spot red flags easier on my first interaction, I had more control on the first meeting, and I felt safer.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-03-21T17:52:43+00:00

I've never dressed up on a date—even during my cool girl and pick me days—and I can confirm it makes zero difference. They don't care

DutyKooky · 2021-03-21T18:07:14+00:00

You don;t need new clothes, but you can put effort into looking great - if you are doing it for yourself. The point is that you build up enough confidence to have a great time on a DINNER date even if the man ends up not being worth it. ( Of couse if he is a complete asshole you shoul leave- but that is what pre-date phone call is for, to screen out to the best ability those sikos). I dress up for a date, but i do it for me, not some scrote. You desreve to look and feel good for yourself.

coloneldjmustard · 2021-03-21T15:33:50+00:00

Wait a minute, we’re going on dates with people we already think are poor contenders? We’re agreeing to meet guys at the last minute and are saying yes to grabbing coffee? Honey, no need to worry about dressing down to avoid making excessive effort, the solution is even easier: stay TF home.

I prefer to look my best and be appropriately dressed for the venue whenever I go out anywhere in public with anyone- just like I expect a HVM to do the same.

shadowlillium · 2021-03-21T16:43:55+00:00

This post is forgetting that we don’t do coffee or walk “dates”.

pinkcityscape · 2021-03-21T16:35:07+00:00

Don’t do coffee dates period

jayda92 · 2021-03-21T09:40:54+00:00

My fiance and I both dressed up for our first date, but I was hangover as fuck. I'm glad I didn't cancel 😉

throwawaynevermindit · 2021-03-21T16:14:38+00:00

I stan this. I never dress up for men before I know they're men I want to make an effort for - it's up to them to impress me first. They'll get clean and cute-ish work clothes for date one, IF it's convenient, nothing more, and if they say a damned word about it, next.

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