Okay, I have to admit, I really had a hard time swallowing this pill.

I thought I was a bad communicator and that I was just an unworthy person each time I told a bf a boundary, my concerns, my expectations, my feelings, a request etc and it would go ignored. So I would try again. And again. Add a tactic. Doesn’t work. Try another one. Must keep trying. Tries again. And again, and again and again... until I take the blame for their inability to listen and act.

Yall I have had months and years lost on me because I had blamed myself for other people’s bad behavior. In La La Land thinking they could change or just flat out overlook the fact that they don’t really respect or care about my feelings, when deep down, I already knew. I just didn’t want to give up because “love” you know? But the thing is...

Dude, you heard me the first time.

This did not fully click until my last relationship. It was at a standstill because my ex was a Mama’s Boy and his OG Girlfriend, I mean his mother, took precedent over me even though she had yelled in my face, thrown things at me and had insulted me and my family numerous times. My ex took up for her and expected me to do so because “that’s his mom.” By then, I had strong boundaries with my abusive and mentally ill mother so I was not about to accept someone else’s and told him as such. I explained this to him many, many, many, many times and he always claimed he “respected” me but would continue to force and manipulate me to forgive or be around this woman while also defending her behavior. I tried in so many different ways for him to receive my message and to get I had a boundary here, but I soon realized again...

Dude, you heard me the first time. And you don’t care.

He just didn’t want to lose me, yet he wanted to keep the status quo with his OG Girlfriend. Once I got that, and had already became emotionally barren, I was out. Thats when it dawned on me:

  • You only need to express a boundary once. If they can’t respect it, it’s on them and not you

  • If they don’t respect your feelings, they don’t care about you as a person

  • They know what they’re doing. They just hope you don’t think they know

  • If someone isn’t respecting your boundaries, BOUNCE

  • Actions. Over. Everything.

I’m coming to terms that it’s ok if I’m called a bitch or difficult or demanding or whatever, but I have a right to be firm, but kind. I am a human being with limits and limitations just like everyone else. The people pleaser in me would second guess my boundaries all the time because I wanted to appear “easy going” and “lovable” or whatever. But at what cost? And who would be paying? Not them.

If you don’t understand, you can ask to clarify something or have an adult conversation. Not say “yes dear” and then turn into a manipulative little shit about it or just flat out don’t even try.

Operating at a mindset that you can trust that they heard you the first time is freeing. What they do after that shows you what they’d rather do, what they want to do. Men say they don’t like nagging but um... what woman likes to nag?

If he wanted to, he would.