Any advice for a 20 year old?

geishageishageisha · 2020-01-09T19:02:20+00:00

I’m the same age as you, and 20 is hard because pretty much all guys are trash from 20-25.

I’m also with you where I’m just so focused on my life-long dreams I genuinely can’t imagine incorporating a guy into my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend either (well not since I was a teenager and that doesn’t really count as a real relationship) and I’m okay with it.

Something we don’t get told much is that relationships definitely don’t count before you’re 20, since there are so many factors predetermined for you. You’re probably the same socioeconomic status, same neighbourhood/city/school, same friend network etc. You don’t have to sacrifice your own money since you’re probably dependent on your parents. Your time is a lot less precious so you don’t have to carve out time and prioritise the other person. So really you’re not behind anyone else for not having had a relationship.

Im with you in that I don’t regret it, but I’m finding myself wanting something deeper. I’ve never really had one off encounters, and I’ve dated a few people here and there but they were never my boyfriends. It’s hard to find someone who I’d genuinely want to be in my life as a friend, let alone as a boyfriend.

teeteereads · 2020-01-09T23:52:28+00:00

I hd my first kiss at 21 and sex for the first time at 26. I promise you, there are way more people out here who are older and haven’t experienced certain “milestones”.

Don’t give a shit about what age you have or haven’t done anything because it’s your life and constantly comparing it to other people’s experiences is going to always derail you unnecessarily. I know this might sound annoying, but focus on your academics above all else. I always tell students this, you cannot afford any more distractions than you already have. But it’s a matter of realizing the difference between a distraction and pressure you were taught to put on yourself and others.

You are YOUNG and even if you turn 30 without having done anything you are still YOUNG. We’re taught to think that we depreciate in value as we get older, but if you seriously keep your eye on crafting your future and security in resources (esp financial) you won’t be bothered to see yourself as anything but more valuable with time. Invest in yourself and observe how others invest into you and you them. The more you place focus on that as you’re deliberately growing as a person, you will be present to interact with HVM (or i should say “people”) and not worry about the rest.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-01-10T00:13:40+00:00

If I were 20 again I'd avoid serious LTRs and maybe even casual dating altogether and for DAMN sure don't date anyone more than 3 years older than you.

LunaGoddesses · 2020-01-09T18:27:38+00:00

I didn't have my first kiss until I was 22. He was my best friend and he became my boyfriend. He's been my first everything. When we were friends I would rant to him about being single and he suggested that I lower my standards. I didn't and now we're dating. We didn't immediately fall in love with each other. We happened to be compatible when we were friends so jumping into a relationship is and has been easy.

I know one of the tips is to not have male friends and to be wary of them. While I do agree, I only ended up falling in love with 2 of my male friends. I guess as long as you have high standards for your male friends you'll be fine. Just as I wouldn't be interested in LVM to date I wouldn't be friends with them either. I wouldn't say that my friends were high value but they didn't treat me differently. We met through similar hobbies.

2020-01-11T06:17:32+00:00

Just don't even worry about guys until you are 24 but do a lot of reading. Listen to these audio books- He's just not that into you And Not your mother's rules plus the rules 1&2 although I would break a rule every now and again to weed out avoidants (text first, suggest something to do but don't be concrete about time or place, speak to him first). That twenty dollar investment in audiobooks is the only thing you'll need an it changed my life

Title	Any advice for a 20 year old?
Author	memes-r-me
Upvotes	9
Comments	5
Date	January 9, 2020 11:55 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/em8myq/any_advice_for_a_20_year_old/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/any-advice-for-a-20-year-old.685208 https://theredarchive.com/post/685208

Comments