I grew up without any useful role models. My role models were characters from common stories, movies & series, celebrities and magazines. I know, this is sad. I was an overarching pickme for years.

It wasn't easy for me being a woman. I hated it. I disliked the expectations which were directed to me from the society. I tried to fight them, but after a while I surrendered. What am I talking about? Men tried to convince me that porn is normal and everybody watches porn. I was disgusted, but later I accepted it as normal. I also wanted a boyfriend. Later I found hook ups okay. Having sex with multiple partners is 'empowering', because women before were suppressed and with the free love movement they were finally liberated. Well, that was a lie. The years passing by, the critical voices got less. And one day I was totally acceptable for everyone around me to share their partners, having group sex, spitting in their mouths and choke each other and find it...normal.

Right now there aren't many women on my side. They told me I'm old fashioned. I just have one friend who shares my point of view.

Maybe the others still need to do whatever they need to do.... but I'm done with that. When I was younger I had a bad feeling about the abnormal behaviours I've mentioned. Someone is crossing your boundaries and I didn't want to be excluded. Now I'm strong enough to defend myself. But where are the other women and men? I try to spread the word and tell young women to pay attention on certain things (education, dating/vetting, relationships). Some young girls tell me stories, that their boyfriend isn't their boyfriend. He wants an open relationship FWB. Wow! Imagine you are 14 and this is your first relationship experience. They also asked me about anal sex or told me it's common to get choked. What's wrong with the society??

So, if there aren't any good public available role models....we need to rewrite the stories ourselves! I've internalized and reenacted the trash I've consumed before. Imagine if there would be more stories about healthy relationships?

And what about men? It wasn't easy for them in the last decades. Society expected from them to be more soft and show their feelings. It's totally fine to show more feelings and also allow them...they won't loose their manhood because of this. And they won't loose their manhood if they treat us with respect. Respecting the boundaries and desires of their partner. I still don't get it since when humiliating and degrading someone became common in bed. Sex can also be satisfying for both partners! Have you ever tried to have sex with a person you really love and formed a bond with? Just with a few men I felt connected while having sex (sex is not only piv!!). Having a connection is the key. Two people resonate with each other and this is magical. Call me boring, but having soulless sex with whomever is not worth it.

My actual observations about men and women aren't really flattering at all. All men I know are hitting on me. Regardless if they are in a relationship or not. Young men are hitting on me. Feels weird, I don't like the age gap. A lot of them prefer an open relationship and they have kinks. Dating? Walking dates with a coffee. And so on. The women today accept these conditions. Most women don't like me. Some even hate me. Sorry, not sorry. I'm not your enemy, I'm your friend! Recently I found out this behaviour also has a name: toxic feminity.

To all the pickmes out there: You are totally fine as you are. You don't have to proof yourself anymore. You are likeable. And you are also worth it. You also don't have to accept shitty behaviour, letting your boundaries vanish every time more and more and lose your authentic self. And stop competing with other women. We should support each other, to be good to each other. To all the uneducated men out there: stop manipulating women. You know what you're doing. Just stop it.