How am I supposed to find love, be treated right, and RESPECTED by another male, when your own father isn't speaking to you, nor will give you a hug/kiss because you got a car. My dad has always been like this, when he gets upset he won't talk to me for weeks, which as a kid would leave me begging for his love and his attention. In addition to his physical abuse and military style punishments & commands, I'm getting resentful now because at the this time in my life (I just turned 25), where I'm supposed to find love I don't even know the proper way to be loved by a man.

Begging for love like you begging for your dad to talk to you,trying to figure out anything and everything you can do to make your dad talk to you. What can I buy? What can I do? What can I say? With nothing ever working. Idk it's a mirror image of my dating life. But that feeling of not being good enough as a daughter, has put me in comfortable cycles of not being good enough and settling for those tiny bits of attention I thought was love.

I’m currently in therapy trying to heal from this, and a rape incident where I was raped on the floor of a party with guys in the room who ended up going to college with me. I know we have our personal struggles and traumas, but never did I think the EASIEST thing to do, be in one damn relationship, would be one of the hardest struggles in my life.

I’ve been pathetically in a situationship for years and for some reason when he says how much he DOESNT want a relationship, some primal instinct within me goes into overdrive to prove my worth. For some reason I can’t seem to get away. Im trying my hardest.