After years of not knowing what was up with my sexuality, since it differed so much from my peers, I’ve come to terms that I’m not abnormal, I’m just demisexual. For me, sexual desire comes after I become close friends with a guy. I don’t have the ‘lust at first sight’ type of feeling when I see an attractive man. The lust comes much later. This also means I have a moderate to low sex drive and I put a lot of stock in non-sexual intimacy like hugging, cuddling, massaging, etc without it leading to sex.

This has made modern dating damn near impossible. I do want to have a relationship and sex eventually but a lot of men get impatient with me and of course, they equate being friends with ‘the friend zone’. I’ve tried being upfront on dates and dating profiles that I’m demisexual, but guys never bother to look up the word and educate themselves. They always want me to explain it to them which always leads to the question, “So, how long do I have to wait, 6 weeks? Two months? Give me a timeframe!” It. Doesn’t. Work. Like. That.

This, and overly aggressive sexual advances and constant flirting too early immediately drops my interest to zero and makes me want to shove them away. In the past, I’ve had sex with them out of obligation and to try to force myself to get over the uncomfortable feelings I was having. But it never worked and was hardly satisfying and I felt miserable because I felt like I was never getting the full experience. I was supposed to be happy with sex, right?

Now I’ve stopped doing that and set my boundaries. This has led to a string of angry, frustrated men in my wake who accuse me of not wanting them, stringing them along, leading them on, and of course, accusing me of being a lesbian (I’m not) because I won’t jump into bed with them fast enough.

Are there any other demisexuals here? What's your experience?