FDS doesn’t do 50/50. But what do we do?

SuitablePerformance3 · 2021-07-12T15:27:36+00:00

First of all, do not move in until you are engaged or married. Also look at your financial situation, would paying impact your finances negatively? Would it take a huge chunk out of your pocket and yet make no difference in his? He owns his home, you pay for nothing until your name is on that deed.

And even then you pay the minimum. If he's not ready to support you and our future family on his sole income, then he's just not ready to be married or even entertain being with anyone. Check out some of my posts on finances for more info on how to navigate these things, as well as the handbook.. And next time post questions like this to r /askFDS.

FDS-GFY · 2021-07-12T15:13:05+00:00

I am not a veteran FDSer. However I did move in with a man who was my financial equal, and eventually we lived in a house that he owned. Even though I was paying half the bills, and carrying half of the household work, (truly, he cooked and cleaned) he became controlling. He wouldn’t let me decorate the space in my way, he wouldn’t compromise, he became very defensive about what went where.

This may not apply to your guy, I just want to share my experience as one more thing to keep vetting for once you are in his home. Watch his language: “our home” or “my home” and watch yours too. He may own it but a HVM should want you to feel safe, welcome, and to have a say if not outright control of things you need to feel at home.

Also, I probably would not have listened to this advice at your age either, but I’m going to give it anyway. I believe FDS is right when they say do not move in with a man unless you are engaged. I have to say it, or I wouldn’t be honoring my experience.

My final advice is to take everything you would pay in rent, and put it into a savings account in case you need to leave. You were probably planning to do that anyway, so thanks for letting me share my experience.

EDIT: putting your name on the title isn’t as easy as it sounds. You have to requalify for a mortgage. In many cases it will be easier to put your name on a will and pre-nup but check w your lawyer. I highly recommend sorting this out before marriage.

2021-07-12T15:18:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-07-12T15:16:31+00:00

R u that dumb or have you just not been paying attention?

He pays for everything, everything in full. Why should you have to pay down in order to be on the title? What were you going on about with the utilities? You mentioned house work fairly divided, but are you sure you're not the one contributing more in general?

Are you not the one that's going to suffer through child bearing and rearing? Are you not going to have to take time off work? Do you not spend money to look good for him etc.? Do you decorate or make the house pretty (thus increasing the value and you will be ((in some jurisdictions)) entitled to the property)? What else do you do for him/ do for yourself that he gets to inadvertently enjoy? Why do you have to wait till pregnancy for him to start footing the bills for everything? Why does he have to stop paying for everything once you go back to work?

You literally don't make any sense.

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Title	FDS doesn’t do 50/50. But what do we do?
Author	thighvalue
Upvotes	3
Comments	5
Date	July 12, 2021 3:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oit1gi/fds_doesnt_do_5050_but_what_do_we_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-doesnt-do-5050-but-what-do-we-do.790984 https://theredarchive.com/post/790984

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