I’d like to shamefully confess that I was a pickmeisha during my relationship with my now ex. It’s been close to five months since I broke up with him, and with the help of FDS and my wonderful gal friends, I’m starting to heal and forgive myself, which I haven’t been able to do before. I was also reading a post on here that mentioned when a guy tells you they don’t deserve you, believe them. Now, this made me reflect on the several times that he’s said that. I noticed that he would say this whenever I would confront him with the stupid bs that he’s done to me. There was a time a year into our relationship when my friend told me that he filtered with a girl on DM’s behind my back. After I confronted him, he never denied it (he never showed me screenshots either). He then said he didn’t deserve me and that he was crying and how he’s been freaking out over school and shit (this was during finals week and he stayed over at school to study) and if he was going to pass a couple of his classes (he was a mech eng major). He also mentioned he didn’t want to lose me. I still cringe at the fact that he asked if he broke my trust and my dumb ass said no 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I can’t believe my immature ass... I literally didn’t know any better and I’m so ashamed. Anyways I’m pretty sure those “tears” were because he got caught. I still don’t understand why he would say he doesn’t deserve me after he cheated lol.

Also, is there ever a “good reason” for a guy to ghost you? I broke up with him because of this. I know, you’re probably thinking why I didn’t break up with him long before. I ask myself the same exact question lol I was so blinded and I’m so ashamed of it but hopefully, I’ll be more mindful at the FIRST red flag. But anyways, a few weeks prior, our anniversary was coming up. He dm’d me saying “yo let’s go out” and I was like okay when, sept 3 (our anniversary)? And he was like yeah. I ended up picking the place btw lol he didn’t choose to add a place or any activities for us to do. I always gave him the flexibility to add shit but he chose not to. In short, he ended up cancelling our date plans twice due to a small familial emergency concerning his mom. When he cancelled the second time, I chose not to reschedule, as I rescheduled the first time. I then told him that I’m there for him in case he needs anything from me. I also asked him what had happened with his mom (I was genuinely concerned so yeah, and plus, he never told me from the jump. I thought we were close to the point where he could tell me what had happened considering the fact that we dated for three years) and he left me on read for 10 days lol. During that time, I tried texting him and I called him and even DMd him on Instagram, with ZERO response from him or even a call back stating that he was even alive lol. During the ghosting period, I got major anxiety and I just felt like I did something wrong for him to dip.

I unfortunately broke up with him through text... he wasn’t answering my calls or texts and I wasn’t going to drive to him because I would’ve looked like the biggest dumbass. It’s funny because when he saw the breakup text, he suddenly rose from the dead and called me lol. He claimed that he needed space and I should have known that (then why tf wouldn’t you tell me you needed space prior to you ghosting me lol) and then he complained that his birthday was coming up and who he was going to celebrate it with? Tf? Your friends or your family? He then also mentioned that he wanted to get married at 30 (we never mentioned marriage or kids, he got freaked out when his mom asked him when he was going to propose to me so there you go lol) and that it wasn’t because of me which got me confused lol. He also compared our relationship to the one with his previous ex (they dated for like five months) and how with our relationship, there was trust and love and whatever bs bs bs. And how his old ex had trust issues when it came to him doing stuff for her (I wonder why ☕️). In the final few minutes of the call, he then said that maybe we could be friends so we can get back together. That was the end of that.

Present day, I’m one week into grad school and he’s probably still an intern at an engineering firm but idk. He blocked me on Instagram which I couldn’t care less about. I unfollowed him and his family on Instagram and Facebook. I completely deleted Snapchat because I think it’s stupid. I’m trying to change my fashion sense and taking better care of myself and I’ve been hanging out with friends. I also reconnected with the friend who he told me to isolate from after she had told me he was flirting with me behind my back. I’m also proud to announce that I’m doing a research rotation with a cancer biology professor (pumped!!).