I met a guy while out with my roommate on Friday night. He is my age, very family oriented and wants kids, which is super rare for the fuckbois in my area to admit to. He texted me the next day and asked me to go on a date. My roommate pressured me into going, since I hadn’t been out in a while.

MISTAKE! Over the course of this date the guy: -Informed me he doesn’t have a college degree, and then talked about taking naps in class in high school. I don’t want to be with a dummy.

-Told a story of how his high school acne was so bad, those desk naps would often result in him waking up with PUS on his FACE from the pressure. I dont care about adolescent acne, but can we not taint my tacos with talk about pus?

-Informed me both his father and step brother were arrested for armed robbery. Not really the company I want to keep.

-Talked multiple times about his ex and the issues in their relationship (I.e. walking away in fights, making his sister bring out her ‘inner bitch’, etc.)

-Asked me if I thought, as his ex did, that having a mixed alcoholic beverage every day after work made him an alcoholic. When I asked if he NEEDED it or if something came up it would be okay to skip it, he said he would be completely okay not to have the drink to go “to the hospital or something”. What an extreme scenario? I meant like...company. He also told me later in the evening, his drink of choice is Jack and Coke. So homie is drinking a jack and coke every day?

-Asked me why women don’t like porn and if it was a “jealousy thing”, because his ex got mad and couldn’t articulate why. When I pointed out the issues of the porn industry, he said that sometimes he just wanted to kick back and watch a porno. But don’t worry, he didn’t want to jack off or anything. 🙄

-Told multiple over the top stories about being chased out of high school girlfriends places by their dads, including once when the dad chased him with a shot gun and he hid from the police dog by covering himself in mud.

I left there so confused about what had just happened. At least I got some delicious seitan tacos out of it, but I was pretty let down. He also asked to go out on Sunday. I declined, and he has since been blocked. It was such a doozy and I just needed to share with all of you.