I keep projecting every negative possibility on any guy who expresses interest in me.

pinkcloudzzz · 2020-11-22T17:55:47+00:00

Honestly, most guys are trying to play you.

If you feel like you're seeing red flag after red flag, you probably are.

You may be continuing to gaslight yourself into thinking that the very clear warnings you're being sent aren't valid.

Fresh-Presentation76 · 2020-11-22T15:05:00+00:00

Totally understand this fear. And on online dating there are only red flags, no green flags (because they are internet strangers and anything could be manipulation).

I understand the desire for connection but going through these feelings trying to get that will make you miserable, it might be time to disconnect.

I have decided not to do online dating anymore. Late next year after the pandemic I'll be back into clubs and activities and making friends. It is a lot easier to get a read a man if you know they how they interact with other people.

thewetdog_ · 2020-11-22T13:35:56+00:00

If you really want to move to the west, move there and then date a guy there. Otherwise you’re just wasting your emotional energy and accumulating baggage imho. You also risk fALLiNg iN lOvE and then wanting to stay where you are for some scrote instead of moving along with your goals.

Tbh, dating someone - wherever you are - with the hopes that they will also want to move with you isn’t realistic. I think your best shot is to move where you want to be and start the rest of your life ASAP. Good luck!

Edit: wrong thread th ank you! Never figured out how this happens and still don’t know sorry lol

KittenyCat5 · 2020-11-22T16:21:46+00:00

OLD is not worth it trust me. Your anxieties may lead you to vetting via texts/phone calls etc. but it is incredibly hard to gauge the "wolf in sheep's clothing types" especially if you have been in an abusive relationship before. Because those types of relationships can continue to affect us in some ways (altered/lowered self esteem). In real life our instincts can really help when meeting guys because we can sense when something feels off about some one or there is a disingenuous/predatory energy about them. Also, we are in a global pandemic and it is impossible to know if the people you meet on this OLD platforms are being honest about their Covid related safety precautions. I know loneliness sucks and the idea of dating is fun but from my years of experience and from what I read from other women here, it just saps your energy and opens you up to all sorts of LVM. Once things get better w/Corona my plan is to dress up more and go out more to nice lounge types of places, art museums, a climbing gym etc. to put myself in places where HVM may go and take an active roll in that way.

pinkcloudzzz · 2020-11-22T17:24:48+00:00

You're still traumatized and not ready for dating imo. The dating sounds like it is reinjuring you. Totally valid fear/response, there is nothing wrong with you.

Personally I wouldn't expose myself to men in dating situations and would work more on re learning in a "regular" context if possible. I agree with what others have said, OLD is going to be traumatic right now because of how much on guard you have to be with each person and the style of vetting you have to do.

Title	I keep projecting every negative possibility on any guy who expresses interest in me.
Author	pinkcloudzzz
Upvotes	61
Comments	11
Date	November 22, 2020 10:32 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jytlot/i_keep_projecting_every_negative_possibility_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-keep-projecting-every-negative-possibility-on.726953 https://theredarchive.com/post/726953

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