Hello ladies,

I want to play a game of spot the red flags. 🚩😂

A coworker of mine asked if I might want to go to a concert with him if the person he planned to go with was still sick, I said sure and gave him my number to keep me updated. In our first and only conversation he dropped probably the most red flags I have seen in a single first-time conversation. I’ll write my observations and then y’all can have at it.

Some things I couldn’t even quite put my finger on an official term I just know it rubs me wrong.

[He sent me a song by the band he’s going to see, it is a depressing but pretty piano-heavy song so I said it was pretty.] “You seem like you have a good heart. You see beauty in pain. That warms me :)”

  • That’s a hella depressing vibe my guy. What was I supposed to say, ‘that’s a sad f*cking song are you okay?’

[I asked if the use of ‘wonderwall’ in the lyrics was referring to the most popular Oasis song ever released] “Nice reference. You must be an old soul to know that :)”

  • At this point the compliments start to seem like onset lovebombing. Also who the hell doesn’t know Wonderwall? He is an older guy so I’m sure he thought he was paying this young whippersnapper a huge compliment here.

[In conversation at work I told him I was ‘single as fuck’. He asked why I said that, said it caught him off guard because I “seem so reserved”. I explained that I have very high standards for a potential mate and only date for the long term.] “You SHOULD have high standards and never settle for anyone who doesn’t love you and appreciate you! I have never settled. I am looking for my Wonderwall!!!”

  • I absolutely cannot stand when I tell a man something about myself, and he goes ‘you SHOULD do that! Good for you!’, as if rewording it to make it his idea. I had a guy on OLD do this a few months back and it was such a turn off, I unmatched soon after. I don’t need you to congratulate me on my standards. Also - he sent me the definition of wonderwall with the previous text and it included the phrase “a person with an indescribable aura, making them seem so perfect, almost intangible; the person that you feel could be the one to ‘save you’ from whatever unhappiness or emptiness you feel; the person you feel could complete you; your soulmate”. So a big whopping NO THANK YOU to filling that manic pixie dream girl role for you or any other man, mate.

[I mentioned that I was ‘not shy or anything, just quiet in general and sometimes don’t have anything to say so I don’t’ after his “you seem so reserved” comment] “You are shy btw! :) but I like that!”

  • Do not tell me I am something I just told you I’m not. You do not know me better than I know myself, in fact you quite literally don’t know me at all. Talk about steamrolling. And do you like shy women, or do you actually mean you like submissive women? 🤔 Hmmm…

[I replied that ‘shy implies being nervous or timid… of which I am neither. Introverted and generally quiet, yes. But I’m not afraid to speak my mind when I need to.’] “Lol you're a woman!!!! Of course you can speak your mind!!! Haven't met one yet who doesn't!!! Lmao!!! I just meant you observe and pick your moments. You're clever and smart. You can keep up with me.”

  • This was three separate texts. Where to start? Mad misogynistic vibes from the first comment and I can’t even out my finger on exactly why, but f*ck that. Secondly, I am absolutely not concerned with ‘keeping up with you’, my guy. To me this spells N-E-G. As if ‘most women can’t keep up with him’. Also seemed like he was trying to backtrack after the first comment to throw in a little “you’re not like the other girls”. 🤮 And once again, you literally don’t know me.

Followed by “You still there?” When I hadn’t responded yet (wasn’t going to but) still within the rhythm of the conversation. Obviously realized he misstepped but when I said “Lol are you worried you offended me?” He goes “No I was going to send you a song”. Ooooookay. I said go for it and this text followed, before a link to a song:

“I'm probably darker than you think I am. I put on a show at work. And I do love my kids very much and I would do anything for them but inside I'm a much different person”

  • Cue creepy massively abusive and manipulative vibes. TMI.

“You ARE an old soul. You give me a different perspective. You have a beautiful, positive soul! Something I haven’t really ever seen. Thank you!”

  • Again with ‘you’re not like the other girls’. You’re deep and thoughtful unlike every other vapid female. Thank you so much for being a real person!! /s

[After I recognized the featured singer on the track as the lead singer of the band I listened to when I was depressed in high school. Again, a well-known band to anyone who has ever been depressed.] “You just blew my fucking mind!!! I may have just fallen in love with you just so you know!!! Lol”

  • The weird way-too-easy, over the top compliments reaches a new level. He really feels that I understand him and his dark side to his core at this point.

[After I tell him that yeah I’ve been depressed, of course I know that band.] “Why are you here? Why do you care about me? Thank you.”

  • I don’t care about you sir. I do not know you at all, and from what I’ve learned through this conversation I don’t want to. I stopped replying after this.

That is all from me today. Y’all have fun with this one.