OK! I'm ready to end the crap "relationship." I need help psyching myself up, please.

TheLastUBender · 2019-12-01T14:02:15+00:00

This man has outlived his usefulness in your life. He makes you feel bad about yourself. You can see he doesn't value the relationship or respect you (or his wife, for that matter).

Since having a spine is hard: end it via text and block / delete him on every platform. Block the social media platform itself if you have to. Plan something else to distract yourself on your birthday, go see a movie / go for food by yourself if necessary. You can do this.

goatismycopilot · 2019-12-01T13:37:08+00:00

I would say you do not have to act as if you do not care. Blocking him and not giving in is self care for YOU. But I would also say as somebody who is around your age if you are engaging in self destructive behaviors like this you need to get some counseling to start making peace with your demons. Those demons are not going anywhere so you need to start recognizing them and establish some good self care routines like gym/yoga/ fill in the blank. And tap into cultivating dignity and self respect. You are actively doing things that are making you hate yourself. I am not a mental health expert but I think you are still working through childhood trauma. If you are not in therapy and can access it do so.

pettles123 · 2019-12-01T18:16:12+00:00

This man has been a temporary stepping stone in development for yourself but it’s time to grieve, block, and move onto bigger and better things.

Aren’t you ready to be someone’s first and only choice? You’re better than being someone’s back up. You deserve actual fulfillment. He will never amount to what you actually want.

CyberAmbivert · 2019-12-01T18:16:47+00:00

Don’t you feel bad as a woman for being a part of an affair? That boggles my mind. You’re also hurting another woman.

juliannawackenhat · 2019-12-01T13:19:27+00:00

You are better than breadcrumbing! You can do this! It will suck, it does suck. Peace is ahead if you can just push through. Know that some of us have been there or are there right now, and then so many more have gotten through it and are on the other side and feeling amazing. You will not regret letting it go. You will regret continuing to be treated this way. Internet hugs, sis.

Feel free to PM me and we can commiserate and, most importantly, encourage each other.

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 2019-12-01T21:06:10+00:00

Thing is, I will want him to miss me.

Honey, I felt this in my bones. This is sometimes the driving factor behind me staying for waaaay too long in things that are not good for me and do not serve me. A few years back, I remember having this ah-ha moment when I read a quote that said: "You wouldn't miss me if I was gone, and that's not reason enough to stay." If someone doesn't recognize your worth, they never will. You have to love yourself more than that. You said it yourself, there has been a few euphoric highs, but overall your involvement with him has made you miserable. Listen to your inner voice that is saying this feel awful, this isn't right. Honor that voice. Meditate on your inner voice, and let it speak about what you want and deserve to have in your life. Meditate on all of your positive characteristics, and all the ways you bring joy and love to the world.

You don't have to end this with anger and hate if you don't want to. You can block and delete him and it's not "drama" to remove people from your life. It's quiet and uneventful. You have to ask yourself if you're holding off on blocking him because blocking him would cut off your contact and you wouldnt get the "I miss you, please come back" messages you might be secretly hoping to get. You won't get those. And even if you do, they'd be manipulative and a way to pull you back in, which you have to avoid because you've said yourself that he always draws you back in. You can block him with a full heart and just quietly say "thank you for teaching me that I am worth more than this."

The thing is, it's not enough to just cut him out. In order to move on, you have to understand why you did what you did, and why you no longer want to behave that way.

Edit: I just saw your other post, that you are married. I also see you're struggling with your alcohol use right now. You have a LOT going on, all of which needs pretty significant therapy to work through. Just from the offset, I can see that your affair and your drinking are both coping mechanisms/escapes from the reality of your life. Whatever you're running from sis - you need to look it in the face or nothing will ever change for you. Take back control of your life.

Title	OK! I'm ready to end the crap "relationship." I need help psyching myself up, please.
Author	MuttonDressedAsGoose
Upvotes	12
Comments	18
Date	December 1, 2019 12:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e4h1n9/ok_im_ready_to_end_the_crap_relationship_i_need/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ok-im-ready-to-end-the-crap-relationship-i-need.1069904 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069904

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