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TheLastUBender Archive

View 3 posts and 523 comments by TheLastUBender on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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43

Yeah credit where credit is due. I'm frugal myself so I understand that people would hesitate when a new partner significantly ups your spending, but this is just cheap. People should pull their weight in some part of the relationship (wages or chores) and contribute in proportion to their income, but you can't be that ridiculously cheap in a relationship. Hope OP got the message
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 09:53 AM
97

I believe there are some women that have a very high sex drive. Then there's also a second group that either covers up past abuse or tries to prop up a weak ego by 'feeling desired'. The second group is sad. If a woman has a lot of sex by choice, that's her decision and it does't make her damaged goods. But if she does it for her self esteem, it is always sad and damaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 03:23 PM
2

Don't beat yourself up for opening up to him, we've all made that mistake. But cut ties with him without ceremony, a no is a full sentence. You don't owe him anything. Focussing on yourself is an excellent plan. This shit about 'just being friends' never works. If you liked hanging out with him outside of work, you'd already be doing that naturally. It's easy to get into a funk with your appearance though. For myself, I find that getting my hair done and so forth also helps me be better about st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:27 PM
2

Absolutely fake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 08:43 AM
1

How great is she! I love her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 08:38 AM
8

Since I currently WFH and he does not, I do try to have the place looking nice and put the kettle on when he returns. That's just being nice. But 'know your place'`? Bahaha no. Also, since we both work, we do that sort of stuff for each other when one had a tougher day or one of us had the day off. Can't have a 50s housewife if you're not prepared and able to be a 50s style provider.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 11:29 PM
42

He'd throw such a strop as well if the validation from his emotional support human ever stopped. You'd lose your rag eventually and tell him what you really think, so why bother? Nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 11:00 PM
21

100%. Don't build yourself into the person that somebody else may want to marry, be the version of yourself YOU want to be in a relationship with and YOU can be proud of. Then you'll be good either way. Nothing nasty about it. Beautifully written, couldn't agree more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 09:56 PM
137

I think occasionally consuming written erotica is inherently less harmful because there are no actors involved (unless the themes are really weird and extreme). I also think it should be less addictive because it not as built for instant consumption and as a constant 'feed', it requires some imagination. That said, I think people that write erotica - not just as an occasional hobby, but as a major part of their life - would be a turnoff for me. I think they'd be too preoccupied with sex overall …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 09:59 PM
6

Exactly. Every time my husband gives me updates on that story, I have just that reaction. The audacity of that dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 08:16 PM
5

you're awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:02 PM
12

Any chance we can contact OP, u/Competitive_Bar8657 ? No pressure, just an invite
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 02:17 PM
47

It's so about context, isn't it. We both work. If my husband got me flowers and chocolate in the middle of a busy work week because of some anniversary, I'd be totally happy with that. That's just a way to be nice. But this dude lives on her money, plays video games all day and THEN makes a half assed gesture after she has a tantrum? Nope nope nope. Kick him out. Don't settle. One of my husbands' work friends is about to get married to THAT GUY. He does have some low level job, but he honest to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 01:57 PM
198

We have to learn this, people. Men are unashamedly ego-driven and do not think they ought to pay attention to women. They will look after themselves and they feel 1000% entitled to do so. If you want them to listen, make the argument in a way that makes it clear what is in it for them. They will DEFINITELY want a head pat or a cookie for ever considering womens' perspectives as well. Never, ever let yourself be guilt tripped by some man or some woman with internalized misogyny for ALSO looking o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 01:47 PM
44

Can recommend. When my husband doesn't know an item that I want, he asks me to show him a picture of the bottle and vice versa. It's not magic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 12:25 PM
88

It's a circle jerk. Womens' subs are systematically shut down. If you go on AITA and have the misfortune of posting any dilemma as 'the bride' or 'the mother', 10k scrotes will tell you you're TA before reading the first paragraph. Meanwhile, all the degrading porn subs (even rape or 'cliterectomy' stuff - no joke), 'pussy pass denied' and posts showing women getting slapped by men are flourishing. It's not a good platform for women. Never has been. Has turned even nastier recently. Can't be bot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 05:44 PM
2

ooo, make it happen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:06 PM
2

That is the best social media strategy I've ever heard of
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:04 PM
4

Tell you how it changed: we're supposed to hold down a job as well or men think we're 'freeloaders' and 'gold diggers'. Yes, better to have your own job and money, but the workload from your 'other' job hasn't changed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:57 PM
11

Gross. I wouldn't shame a guy for going soft bc sometimes it is just nerves, or not feeling well. It's the entitlement to use you in that way as a 'fix' for this pornsick fucker that gets me every time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:48 PM
9

PUAs try to 'hack' natural things that happen during a successful date and make them rapey and awkward. Sure, break the touch barrier - when you've read her body language (e.g. leaning in) and general demenour and understand the date could be going that way. Somebody tell these autists you can't feign interest for half an hour, ask her some formulaic questions, never listen to a word she says and then wait for your moment (when she leaps up to leave tf already) to 'confidently break the touch ba…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:37 PM
2

That is BS. Were you supposed to read his mind, like a sexual wish fulfillment fairy? Grow up, dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 12:26 PM
4

Oof, totally seen that happen with my Mom. It is a 'good case scenario' in a way because the Dads are happy to be with the Mom, enjoy her company (some husbands don't actually want to hang out with their wives and live entirely separate lives), , maybe actually make a 'male boomer' attempt to be helpful. But they do not understand and will never get how real that mental load concept is for women. They're also on average happier to see the state of the house decay around them, whereas women feel …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 11:54 AM
5

Bringing food to your house is a definite red flag if you're not already going out, that's 'can I come over and cuddle' with extra steps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 11:42 AM
17

Men that play these sort of games or give off even the smallest whiff of a PUA vibe == all the nopes. Even gross as coworkers. I noticed one of these dudes (totally delusional, the type that thinks he is a temporarily embarrassed millionaire when he was actually a total failure) playing these types of manipulative games with a gf at work. She hadn't noticed , thought he was 'nice' - had to walk her through all the manipulative things he said and did. Thankfully, she is the type to just laugh it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 11:39 AM
15

Can only say that true sociopaths have a hard time faking empathy consistently. If you pay attention to the person you're with, you'll see if they are consistently considerate of you, their mothers, people like cashiers and waitstaff, and able to control their temper under stress. You're right, if you don't ignore the red flags, you don't fall for these people. I guess it is harder for women that were raised by narcissistic, abusive or neglectful parents and socialized even more than all the res…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 08:50 AM
72

Unpopular opinion maybe, but I've married a less financially secure man myself. I did it because I knew he was smart, in preparation for a professional career, was able to live frugally and ended up in a less high paying, but challenging and rewarding career. That's fine by me - we can still live off his salary if mine falls through, he could raise a family on his income if we really had to. He's also genuinely supportive of my career and does his share. I see two red flags in your response , th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 02:58 PM
2

Great job. Hate the guy. Talking shit about your ex and trying to 'neg' you is a bad look, as is being cheap about the date from the jump. The fact that he tried to make you feel bad for not having the opinions you were supposed to have is gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 06:25 AM
2

I think that lost tribe is still out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 10:55 PM
9

One of my friends has a husband who is a bit older and became a SAHD after she finished her PHD and got a good governmen job. They only have one kid, a boy who is now school aged. The part of the country where they lived has free all-day daycare, and most kids stay there. The father has absolutely no life or ambition left in him. He doesn't cook - they meet up at noon to go out for food, every day. He takes the kid out early from the daycare some days and then wanders around aimlessly with him -…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 09:04 AM
385

Yes, it is laughable. I recently read a 'best of' incels subs. My favourite was some dude who said that girls / women should be severely restricted from accessing the internet, because they could 'overhear' men planning their next move and that there was no way to have a private conversation anymore to strategize. The example that he gave was women reading advice animal memes. I laughed for an hour straight. To compare that to FDS is laughable. I despair that we don't have the sheer egotistical …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 01:40 AM
15

I love that you took her side. Good on you. As if your bro couldn't get his own Kleenex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:18 PM
2

It wa so obvious with those two. Not that I pity her, but he was such a prick in so many small ways that were obvious on camera.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:04 PM
4

This is so sad. Poor lady. I hope she had friends who treated her better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:03 PM
2

He'll turn over and massage every injury site without a word and feels victorious if I fall back asleep. My SO does that! He holds me when I'm stressed out and can't fall asleep, or gives me a neck massage when my shoulders are stiff. He says he feels great about himself when he can get me to fall asleep peacefully. I feel like we're winning at relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 08:54 PM
2

A coworker of mine learned how to give a lympathic drainage massage because his wife had a swollen arm or hand from some disease or injury. He did it every day for as long as it took for the swelling to completely recede. The doctor couldn't believe how well it had receded when she went back in for a checkup, almost no one sticks with it. Always liked my coworker for that. These types of relationships exist. Love reading these types of stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 08:50 PM
3

Better to know and to confront it, anyway. At least they know what their choices are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 08:40 PM
8

I think that is spot on. Emotional intelligence helps, but it can be used to manipulate as well as to be supportive. I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship with a man who is emotionally intelligent and very supportive, but the fact that he chooses to act on what he sees is what makes it a good relationship. I also think empathy is a very, very underrated trait. I've always found it one of the most attractive qualities people can possess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 08:39 PM
3

I wouldn't chalk up the anxiety to that. That's a personality trait. It might lead you to not value yourself enough and overlook bad qualities in a partner, though. The big red flag about the guy you mentioned was this: acting rude to customer service agents, valuing people for exterior qualities such as only beauty and wealth, and overall rudeness towards people that didn’t directly do something for him. People that aren't kind to people in service professions are trash. No person worth going o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 07:01 PM
44

I love that you are supposed to care about his hurt fee fees after someone made your workplace toxic for you. I've gotten that so many times and it is just absurd - people always tell you those types of things with the expectation that you will go and 'make up' or something. Nah, fuck that. He can behave like a grown-up in a workplace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:53 PM
18

Happened to me in uni, lots. It's not comfortable and you look like you are super standoffish if you tell people to cut it out. It's really not on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:47 PM
5

The last guy I directly spoke to who called women “females” switched job locations to work by me and tried to convince everyone at his last location AND my location that he “got me in the bag Ugh. I'm sorry. Hope he doesn't work with you anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 04:22 PM
1

I kind of disagree. It shouldn't be a discussion though. I get to tell them my experience, and they get to shut up, is the way I see it. I don't tell them what it feels like to get a prostate exam. Don't tell me what it feels like to shield men from the responsibility of birth control. Don't tell me what it feels like to be underpaid because of your gender.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 04:13 PM
5

You were right to draw the line. Maybe it is a wake up call for her. If she had said that about my Mom, I'd have been tempted to slap her. You did it verbally and walked away. Much better than I would have handled it. You don't need that in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 03:56 PM
5

I'm more of a target girl myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 08:03 PM
34

But, as well - if you are 24 and you do not have the smallest sense that your friends have moved on to being independent of their parents and you aren't taking any steps - that's on you. Of course the right parents help, but you'd have to have some pride in yourself as adult and not want to be babied full time. Moving back in with parents after college due for financial reasons, that happens, just don't make it your lifeplan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:32 PM
1

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:17 PM
42

Nah, Sis. The dude is 24. I'd finished my whole course of studies by then, and he doesn't know how to do basic housekeeping stuff? She shouldn't move him with him ever. He needs to hear that he should put some work into becoming a functioning adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:11 PM
7

As an overall tendency - yes, more so than the north European guys (who pull other kinds of shit). They tend to hit on women a bit more aggressively. The overall % of decent guys vs. losers is probably the same everywhere, but I'd always avoid people that come on too strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:07 PM
10

This is just a form of sexual harrassment at work. The constant comments when you leave and enter the rooms are disrespectful. You're not friends, you are colleagues, and that's not okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 12:00 PM
19

Low rent version of this: half of r/politics still wants to believe that the kidnapping plot on Gretchen Whittmer and Trump's issues with her have nothing to do with her being a female politician. I'm sure Hilary will be glad to hear that the continued attacks on her 4 years after she ceased to be a candidate have nothing to do with sexism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 11:58 AM
2

Agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 11:53 AM
10

I agree. I think a lot of these could actually work if there is a real shared interest in , say, the aquazoo or that particular movie, and then you spend some time getting lunch / dinner / coffee. The intention and the context matters. To me, that's not the same as 'meet me in the Publix parking lot'. The amount of money you spend is not the only way to measure whether someone put thought and effort into a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 11:48 AM
25

Booty call. They'll try and manipulate you into having sex. And have a sad if you say no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 11:40 AM
6

Would like to add 'going out for beer while planning to get back in the car with the then drunk driver?'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 11:38 AM
3

I know the type you mean. Avoid avoid avoid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 05:17 PM
2

That's a really good point. It often only goes one way. I just realized I give my partner the same props for being emotionally supportive (and handy with the neck massages, never sulky when I have to work late) that I give myself for supporting him far more hands on through some career improvement stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 05:16 PM
3

Yeah, Hamburg / Bremen / Lower Saxony / Schleswig Holstein. Gave me a laugh that you like that type! They're handsome enough, I just love a different kind of personality and I suppose I met too many iterations of that guy in my school years. Good luck with the dating scene! You'll do great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 07:06 PM
14

As a German : clubs / hobbies / friends are definitely the way to go if you are looking for a good relationship. Doesn't matter if it is a sports team or a music group, people will be far more open than at work or elsewhere. As for the guys, I don't know what you're used to, but I always thought we had no particular shortage of tall, square-faced sporty guys (our British coworkers like those). They're / WE are just all terrible dressers in ill fitting rain gear. There are a lot of these very tal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 02:02 PM
30

Maybe it's the angle, but he looks also..strangely oval. Like a small child glued some felt to an egg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 01:49 PM
17

Where are these dudes finding all these woman who love to waste their own time, and eat with someone they don't like? This. Women like that may exist, but that is not even a good scam. It just means you are forced to waste your time with someone you don't really like. I'd much rather skip dinner than do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 01:41 PM
30

Not dating since married, but German. Sex on the first date - can't really say that I know many people who have done that. Maybe it is more normalized in the Tinder era. You shouldn't have an issue finding people who are willing to take it slow. Splitting the bill - this is where the cultural differences do bite, because neither German men nor women really expect to go on large dinner dates in the early stages of dating. (Expect to get downvoted, but whatever. I support this sub's opinion that t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:17 AM
1

I am not blaming Hilary for what her husband did. Not having it. That totally plays into the hands of the people that blame women for what men do. I won't even repeat that type of sentiment, not in a world where a sex offender installs a series of rapists + extras from handmaids tale on the supreme court, and where immigrant women get forced hysterectomies. Hilary is a grandmother now. She is retired. I can't fucking believe that we're even talking about whatever aspects of her are less than per…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:36 PM
11

She is far from the female candidate that I would have wanted as the first US president (not from the US but w/e). But blaming her for bringing about Trump or 'wanting to run against him' sounds way, WAY too much like 1st rule of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do. The other fact is that women candidates are taken to task for things that their male equivalents aren't. Hilary was derided for being too ambitious, too much of a 'pseudo conservative' democrat, a member of a privileged p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:09 AM
12

Yeah, i love this. I want to have a drink with whoever put up that profile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:58 AM
15

I am so, so sorry. He doesn't deserve your time or your attention. Choose yourself; don't think you have to self immolate and tie yourself to a man like him. The only lesson you should take from this is that many guys that age are cowards that will accept 0 responsibility for the risk of casual sex. And, if you are in the US, don't forget to vote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:23 AM
9

I 100% reject that. We can't blame Hillary for everything. Did I blame her and the Dems for ratfucking the primary so the Sanders wing got disenfranchised, definitely. Trump is a scourge that is 100% owned, aided and abetted by the Republicans. Which is why in a just world every last one of them would be voted out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:04 AM
3

I mean experience is good in the sense that you have a clearer picture of what you want and expect in a partner. But I doubt most men care a lot either way. It sounds to me like an excuse coming from him. Don't think of being a virgin or your current boyfriend-less status as qualities inherent to YOU that somehow make you 'less than'. You're the prize. Work on building your own life, your own career, your own interests, and then you can decide to generously allow someone to have some of your tim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:12 PM
3

My vote is no. The guy doesn't respect you, you lowered your standards to try and keep him. He doesn't value you enough. I've never seen that dynamic change, except in romantic comedies. A guy that values you will either adapt to your expected standards early on, or not go out with you. Maybe he treats other women differently - that is possible, people do mature. But I wouldn't expect him to change for you if he hasn't shown you by his behaviour that you are worth it to him. He also sounds immat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 10:27 AM
7

I think the main feature of couples that work well is that they truly enjoy spending time with each other and support each other. There is such a divide between guys at work that don't seem to have anything in common with their wives and go out of their way to avoid spending time at home, and guys at work that have long standing inside jokes with their wives and have this 'I can't wait to get home to tell her X' vibe. You can see it in how their faces light up when they talk about her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 10:26 AM
3

Oh God, I lost a lot of IQ points there. Like marital rape was never legal, WOMEN ONLY HAD NO MONEY OF THEIR OWN AND NO LEGAL RECOURSE, YOU NUMPTY. Don't give him the views, I regret it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 09:20 AM
12

That is ace. It's totally true, they expect you to back off, and when you refuse to apologize and keep looking him squarely in the face, some of them realize that they can't play that game and give up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 09:08 AM
7

BS. That obviously would not have been his take if you were a man in the same position. The advice to document behaviour if necessary and get feedback in writing is good. I think it comes down to whether you trust your employer to broadly have your back. I pick my battles and ignore a good deal of gendered BS coming my way in my male dominated workplace. But I can generally call people out if they cross the line. The most important thing is to not let them gaslight you into thinking you are at f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 09:05 AM
2

Ah shit. She should have stood up for you. That sucks. The guy sounds like a complete douche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 08:37 AM
5

This may seem like simplistic advice, but I think it is really important to always have a small project of your own that you are excited about. No matter what it is. New hobby (dance or sewing class), a political group, learning a musical instrument... ideally stuff that makes you feel like you live the life you want and gets you in contact that people that are your kind of people. No idea if that rings true for you, but I find it is important to my baseline happiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 08:06 AM
3

Wow, that's really to the point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 08:03 AM
4

Oh, I'm jealous! I genuinely cried when Chi Chi / Zavion passed, I lit a candle for her. That was a very kind and generous human being who died way too young.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:58 AM
12

I don't get this. I mean, I have no issues shaving my legs, but I have an issue with men that need me to pretend I never had hair in the first place. We don't do that to men if they skip a few days shaving their beards, so they'd better extend us the same courtesy. I like slightly scruffier (not: unclean, just not necessarily always amazingly groomed) guys, so it hasn't been an issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:57 AM
11

I think it is not weird to be child free, but I would steer clear of people who make it their identity. That's where you get the Peter Pans, the commitment-phobes and the weird child haters with body horror issues around pregnancy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:53 AM
2

I think those experiences are helpful. I've had several dreams about my father after he passed on. He was sitting in his favourite chair and he looked happy, greeted me with a big smile as he usually would when I came over to him. At this point, does it it even matter if it is him talking to me or a part of my grieving process? I choose to believe it is his way of checking in and letting me know he is okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:50 AM
8

OT but is it Chi Chi DeVayne? Because that one made me so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:48 AM
26

That is a pet peeve of mine. Men do NOT at all consider the cost that hormonal birth control (or any form of birth control, really) imposes on women and their health. They don't get the weird side effects, month long bleeding, weight gain, whatever it happens to be. They don't know what it feels like to have an IUD placed or be afraid that the pointy end might go somewhere it shouldn't. And the goddamn selfishness a lot of them have about ever messing with their own fertility even when they know…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:45 AM
10

That is disgusting. It is so dumb and self defeating to hate on other women for their reproductive choices. Want kids? Fine. Want no kids? Also fine. And then ridiculing them for how their body changes when they give birth? Say that to your own mother's face, I hope she slaps you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:41 AM
9

I am so sorry. This is going to be a long hard slog, but you can do this. All the best to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:28 AM
32

This. The key thing is to realize that you have to do what works for you. If you want to have more partners in your 20s, make sure you do it because that is what you want, not because you feel it is what you *should* want or because someone tells you you're a prude. I have no moral issue with casual sex, I just realized pretty quickly that sex outside of a relationship does not work for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:26 AM
1

Look, her opinions are not acceptable by the standards of 2020, or even the 1980s. I'm personally uncomfortable with shitting on people that spend their lives working for progressive causes, but are flawed by today's standards, because I think they were exceptional for their time. I won't achieve what they have done by the standards of the 2020s, so I think it would be hypocritical of me to criticise someone who was born in the 1800s. I regard Voltaire or the fathers of the US constitution as ad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 08:27 PM
30

Whoa.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:09 PM
7

I think you have to differentiate. You can be against prostitution and still support the women that are forced by circumstances to work as sex workers. If there is prostitution, I want sex workers to be as safe and healthy as possible. Ideally there would be none, but in a non-ideal world, I'm happier with legal prostitution since it increases the likelihood of legal recourse for these women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:35 PM
2

That's what really, truly gets me down about reddit and the internet in general. You see how widespread misogyny is, and how it does not diminish with every passing generation. If anything, it has gotten worse in the last ten years, from the gamer gat0rs to the red pill people to every last incel that feels validated by the rise of Trump. I am so, so tired of the anti abortion debates - every group of 13 y o man babies think I have to relitigate my right to bodily autonomy with them. My right to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:54 AM
15

Old fashioned, LOYAL ALL CAPS, down to earth.... okay. "Must like dogs, because I intend to treat her like one." FTFY
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:50 AM
14

Don't fall for the false equivalence. No point chasing them down that rabbit hole. Goes back to 2nd rule of misogyny: Women saying no to men is a hate crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:43 AM
6

Looking at red pill stuff beyond the basics is an act of self harm. It's necessary to know that these people exist and what their warped beliefs are, so you can avoid them at the first whiff of red pill BS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:31 AM
28

Ding ding ding! You can't win. Stay home and look after kids? Lazy gold digger. Work part time? Lean in, stop relying on your man. Work full time despite kids? Power hungry bitch. Too ambitious. Bad mother. Have no kids by choice or otherwise? Bitch squared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:23 AM
17

It's a perfect analogy to the George Floyd murder in my opinion. If you already believe that black people deserve to die, you will find a way to rationalize someone kneeling on his neck. Most men in society feel the same about women being harassed. A lot of them only get territorial if it's the wrong 'other' man doing the harassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:18 AM
3

How many people with her background went around collecting anti slavery petitions, though? She would have been regarded as a bit of a kook both for that stance and her ideas on womens' suffrage. I think most of us go through life doing the bare minimum. I have a hard time judging someone who successfully campaigned to advance women's rights and was an abolitionist for not being progressive enough. You as a POC have a right to judge her, but I think most of us don't. Nobody on this sub even menti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 07:22 AM
17

I don't think that one quote invalidates her contribution to female suffrage. Susan B. Anthony was also an anti-slavery activist, which was progressive in the context of her time. I think discarding her legacy is the same mistake that many now make with Germaine Greer. Germaine Greer made many contributions to women's lib. It's fine to disagree with her stance on trans rights, but that shouldn't mean that her entire life's work is now meaningless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:01 PM
5

Yeah. They can't relate to women's experiences at all. I find it frightening, honestly. We're more than half the population, and these men can't even recognize our shared humanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 07:04 AM
2

Totally agree. Making an effort needn't be specific to Valentine's Day. But the only ex who was bitter about the idea of Valentine's Day (told me, very resentfully, that he thought it was a 'scam' and that surely I wouldn't be expecting a present - pretty soon after we got together) was definitely, without a doubt, a LVM. If the guy doesn't care much about V-Day but isn't a miserable, low effort bf, he'll still leave you a cute card / note or ask if you'd like to go out around that day. The guys…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 06:01 PM
3

This smelled like BS to me (like an OTT story of devotion some male lurker would make up) and I checked the user's posting history. It's a guy. I was strolling down the nice area of my small unnamed Mediterranean country one afternoon to get some coffee with cardamom in my favorite coffeehouse with a very special girl. An american tourist woman with a Karen-cut and an enormously fat child (maybe 10? but possibly mentally slow) who looks like he is about to burst waddling beside her. She steps ri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:46 PM
2

This is a bit absurd, but I can relate. I was watching thisKorean woman's cat channel for a while to destress. Just watching her react to her cat's moods when they felt frightened, lonely or neglected taught me a lot about being more compassionate with myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:37 PM
7

Not sure that I would go that far. It's definitely true that some men use religion as a lazy way to justify patriarchal systems. Why argue with women about equal rights when you can simply point to a bronze age religion and tell them that God intended them to be quiet and subservient child minders? Also really reassuring to stupid men to have their sky Daddy tell them that their place in the pecking order will always remain even above the most accomplished woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:17 PM
4

This is pretty messy. He sounds like one of those wannabe free spirits who embraces a whole lot of contradictory beliefs to justify his selfish choices. There's always a good helping of circular logic in those types of people, you can't really argue with them. I would NOT get involved in their mess. You can say your piece - once - that you aren't really comfortable with that aspect of his relationship because you feel that it isn't fair towards her, and then you can slowly ditch the guy or hang …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:08 PM
5

Going on a weekend trip. We always send each other jokey valentine's poems on the day itself. I care more about the gesture / the connection than getting a physical gift, though, I tend to think if you need Valentine's Day to ever treat your wife / your gf to dinner, you're probably not doing much on the other 364 days. First bf was a classic LVM, though. 'It's a scam, I won't get you anything' - yeah, or, you could have sent me a fun text to mark the occasion which costs you nothing, and hides …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:59 PM
2

Agree with this. Maybe there's extroverts on this sub who don't mind being approached in public (as in: at a bus stop, in the market square, in a shop...), but I've never found it anything but uncomfortable and annoying. There are circumstances where a conversation (e.g. in a shop) happens organically, but it often has that vibe of a thirsty dude hitting on anything that moves that is just a giant turnoff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:55 PM
2

Don't waste time on these people. Say your piece and leave, block anyone that bothers you. It simply is not worth your time to debate some 14 year old kid that aggressively demands 'proof' of the gender pay gap or some divorced low-life that whines about 'divorce rape'. There are millions of people with these shitty opinions out there. They don't have to validate your lived experience, because you do not need their approval. Be mindful of your time and your energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 05:41 PM
4

Do you not suffer flashbacks sometimes? Not judging you, I just think it would affect my later sex life and make me resent a lot of guys that look like the Johns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 04:55 PM
1

Was going to say the opposite, I don't like full lips on a guy at all. Not a total dealbreaker, just not a good feature, to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 04:50 PM
4

I really think there's truth to it, it's an ego boost for people who don't get as much attention naturally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 04:48 PM
8

Gender imbalance in doing chores. My husband makes a good faith effort to maintain an even split, but it is by no means perfect. I try to point out things that bother me in a neutral way, but I can't say that's how it always comes across. To be fair, I also wouldn't want to live with a man with higher standards for housekeeping than myself, which is a bit sexist / insecure, too. I do prefer the occasional sticky tea spoon on the counter. My only advice is to try and speak up early about the thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 02:17 PM
23

I think you can't spend too much time on those places. For me, personally, it was eye opening how many guys online have radically misogynist views and palpable hate and contempt for women as a group. Understanding that there are people promoting this radical ideology to young men, and understanding what their beliefs and motivations are, seems important to me. You have to view certain trends in society (e.g. Trump's voter base, to be honest) in this context, and keep an eye out for those beliefs…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 02:03 PM
22

Depends on the definition, I think. Involuntarily celibate women? I'm sure there are some. It is always a question of how far you are willing to lower your standards, if you happen to be part of the unlucky few that don't do well on OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 02:00 PM
37

I think those are fine minus the pictures. If we showed just the hairline and the content of the post, people on here that use dating apps could share their frustration about the level of entitlement they come across, without violating anyone's privacy. I admit those posts are a guilty pleasure, not the best look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 01:58 PM
44

Safe in terms of what you post, but also emotionally and mentally safe. Don't seek out subreddits or arguments with people that you know to be toxic. Don't engage with anyone from other subs who seek to blame us for something 100% unrelated to FDS and our ideologies. Keep your heads high, ignore the naysayers, and focus on your own growth. For some of us, engaging with these people is a form of digital self-harm that distracts us from the work we are doing and the progress we are making. Ouch. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 01:55 PM
6

Yeah! wouldn't you go for the Nigerian prince option before you'd 'scam' some neckbeard out of a few thousand quid in return for raising his fucking necklings for two sodding decades?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:27 PM
4

This 100%. Fuck them and everything they believe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:24 PM
2

Agree with /u/myousername . Skimmed the post and I'm sure that I'd agree with most of it, but could you get rid of the broken formatting, insert some extra line breaks, OP? Would make this a whole lot easier to read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:07 PM
3

Or the neckbeard / fuckboi scale, where most options are either one or a mixture of the two. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:03 PM
3

You are so far ahead of most people in how you think about this. To my mind, it's not a big mistake to have some less than optimal short term relationships in college. The big issue is either losing sight of your own goals for a guy, or doing wifey shit / really 'committing' to some loser for too long (been there). Don't beat yourself up if you end up making a mistake once you leave school, but you are so, sooo spot on about your current options and thinking about your own future first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 06:01 PM
9

I didn't really get any advice, good or bad. But I have seen women vilify their son's gfs, wives etc rather than give them realistic advice that also includes taking responsiblity for their actions. It is internalized misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 11:31 AM
10

The part that kills me is where they're invariably asking themselves if their standards are too high. (The earlier post about the guy that pissed on the dishes in the sink to prove a point is still in the lead, though. )
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 06:08 PM
2

Edit: *identifying info removed*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 03:33 PM
4

To my mind,some people do go from LVM to HVM. But that change isn't about you. That's someone growing up a bit, understanding that they treated some partner like trash, and that they're too old for that type of game. If someone treats you like trash, chances are they treat anyone like trash, because it is the attitude that they bring to any relationship. If you see any sign of it, cut contact. Don't wait around for them to change. Hold out for the guys who already bring a better attitude to thei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:52 AM
6

One of my friends pointed out that My Little Pony (Friendship is magic) is a lesbian commune full of talented women. The boy ponies on that show were useless as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:46 AM
6

I think no inter-cultural relationships are without some extra potential to step on each other's toes. I am in a relationship with a man from a neighboring country, which shouldn't be a big cultural gap. But you still have to be mindful of the extra 'work' ; the cost of travelling longer distances to visit one side of the family, different expectations about holidays, different ideas about food, about finances, and maybe long discussions about where to settle if you stay together. Plus, one side…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:37 AM
1

I think that makes perfect sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:31 AM
3

Did you go on an exchange year or did you emigrate with him? If it is winter where you are, don't be down on yourself for not feeling super energetic right now. But it could be a good time to make plans. Check out any meetup groups / classes / activities that you might want to try out in the next months. Think of any other project that you might want to start. Potential people that you could ask to join you on some low-risk activity (going out to a café, an art exhibition, a movie). It is extra …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:26 AM
7

Would agree with that. It's about the attitude, not just the brains.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:13 AM
12

No strategy here, just advice: LDRs only work if both parties want to call the other person at the end of the day - to share their thoughts, worries and just hang out. If one person doesn't, that's a death sentence. Been in two longish LDRs. Wasn't excited to call guy 1 (entirely my issue), the 2nd guy and myself *always* wanted to make time for each other. That's why it became a non-LDR. Don't prolong the problem, split up with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 11:30 PM
3

Second the colour thing, it's really important to know what styles / colours work on you, very broadly speaking. I got a one-hour makeup training from a professional stylist as well, she confirmed what I already knew (can't wear certain colours of lipstick).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 11:20 PM
6

Take this with a grain of salt, because I'm also not a naturally 'well put together' woman. For myself, I established a couple of baselines: - I am going to own a belt that goes with my work shoes and with my purse (which all are age-appropriate and don't look like they belong to the 14 year old nerd I am inside) - I get my hair and eyebrows done every couple of weeks in a pretty good salon. (my hair gets frizzy and is a major disaster zone, if I don't pay for professional attention) That's it. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 11:17 PM
119

Absolutely. Just like there is a lot of internalized homophobia in the gay community, and colorism in POC. My mother has this thing where she absolutely dumps on older female celebrities (e.g. female news anchors, politicians etc) because she secretly resents that she didn't get as far in her career. So she attacks them for their looks. I hate it. Don't take no shit from your granny. You can still love your Mum / aunt / grandmother and say loudly and clearly that you think they're talking rubbis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 01:51 PM
10

But... that's 3 hours of your life you will never get back. Ah well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 08:28 PM
17

Noooo! Self proclaimed alpha is an instant no for me. Can't deal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 06:59 PM
12

Solid guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 05:44 PM
10

Oh God, I think that's me in our relationship. I don't need a lot of food, and nothing fancy at all, but I get extremely cranky if I don't get one hot meal a day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:18 PM
13

Spending a long rainy weekend with no internet together. Or moving house together. Do some annoying chore with him that takes an entire day and isn't fun. Do a city trip and stay in a dodgy AirBnB. One of the best things about my marriage is that we even enjoy hanging out when things are crap. Since there will be a lot of that in anyone's life, that's a solid recommendation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:17 PM
6

Come on. You are too hard on yourself. You haven't harmed anybody, not even yourself substantially, just wasted a bit of time and made yourself feel like crap for attention. I second the hobby / volunteering idea. I go to one class and one meetup group a week, plus do gym stuff. Just getting out of the house and doing something that has nothing to do with your work / takes your mind off things is invaluable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:13 PM
21

It's sort of hilarious if you get it and realize that it was a 'cursed monkey paw' type wish. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:00 PM
16

I don't know, there are some truly damaged, short sighted trad women out there. Like the evil less privileged twin sister of Meghan McCain with even bigger Daddy issues and a truckload of internalized misogyny that they also project on others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:59 PM
12

Wow, she truly is the final boss. Jordan Peterson, what on earth... But I'm sure somewhere out there there is a woman who gives Stephan Molyneux money to spew his toxic bile about women into the ether. There's one born every minute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:58 PM
13

Classic. If you have a 'nag' the guy to pull his weight on totally reasonable aspects of the marriage , he doesn't respect you. If he does not care about or respect your likes and dislikes while you are bending over backwards to find out about his, he doesn't respect you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:55 PM
12

Yes please! I enjoy the tinder madness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:51 PM
15

Recently got into reading classical literature again. (Steppenwolf, etc...). It was such a sobering experience because it was so obvious that most of the male authors saw women solely as things to bang and pop out children. All the female characters were entirely disposable, with no agency of their own other than to stroke the ego (and various body parts) of their male counterparts. Made me absolutely furious. If dead Hermann Hesse visited me in my dreams, I'd kick him in the balls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:49 PM
18

Literally this, you had no standards about who you slept with and didn't take responsibility for the birth control, and now we're supposed to pity the dude for his bad choices?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:42 PM
14

Far too many, unfortunately. I hear so much messed up shit on that topic from men both at work, during my off time, even from the next table at a restaurant (one guy was giving his girlfriend shit for 'coming over all feminist' ) - you can't fight with all of them and you can't let it get to you. Just know that their opinions are worthless and should never determine what you do with your life. The best revenge is a life well lived.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:41 PM
25

You can't win with these guys, at all. Either you do the tradwife thing, and then you're somehow a gold digger out to 'divorce rape' them. Or you work part time, and then these arseholes gloat about how women can't pull their weight at work because the children come first. Or you work full time, and you're an abusive child neglecting monster. Or you don't have children and you are a sexless, can't get laid Hilary type who (according to them) is to blame for the downfall of western society / the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:38 PM
19

I don't see any obvious huge red flag, but he seems like a bit of an overthinker. Plus the 'against logic' makes me think he's one of those annoying reddit characters my husband and I call RationalAtheistSceptic999.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:34 PM
43

The 'muse' bit gave me douche chills. His ego can be seen from space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:30 PM
9

Thank you so much, on behalf of any girl who has been in that situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 04:16 PM
4

Hate gifts unfortunately (they just make me uncomfortable) , but my husband wants to get us tickets to an opera of my choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 10:28 AM
6

My husband got me power tools and a toolbox That's amazing! More power to your husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 10:18 AM
2

Congratulations on your cake day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 07:26 PM
14

Why does he even bring up his prior dates? For sympathy points? Please. Wipe your nose on your tie like a big boy and don't come crying to the next woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 07:23 PM
1

Underrated in my opinion: Harris O'Malley. (men) Second Dan Savage, he is a very level headed guy with a good bullshit detector. Worst advice: Stephan Molyneux. Subscribe if you want your relationships to suffer and if you want to support a manipulative psychopath.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/19 04:26 PM
3

Yeah, it is helpful. I work in IT and see traces of these reactions even in work interactions. It has helped me not to overly question my own behaviour when people are being shitty to me for no obvious reason. Some guys just really, truly hate women and will never respect you, so it's best to realize that they don't deserve your time and attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 03:34 PM
3

I think the main thing is to realize that the capacity to feel empathy for others is a gift that you can choose to deploy or not, depending on the circumstances. I had to practice to shield myself from other people's emotions. Not to be dramatic, but I do pick up on other people's moods very quickly and my (learned, thanks family) impulse is to try and be accomodating. You have to catch yourself doing it and decide whether you currently want to take on this emotional labour. Does that other pers…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 03:30 PM
3

"but marriage doesn't benefit men!" Best thing about that bullshit line is that it isn't even true. Married men make more money on average than single men, and their health / longevity is better. Not true for married women. Why? Married men have acquired a 'house elf' that does all the unpaid household stuff and takes the mental load off them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 03:25 PM
3

I love that he didn't just come out with that ridiculous line, but backed it up by talking about his sexual experience with other women. Ewwwgh. So happy for you you left him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 03:17 PM
1

God, you dodged a bullet. I did the first part minus writing the CVs, dumped him when he started a second (harder) course to feed his ego after failing the first. All on his parents' money, without even getting a part time job during the holidays. Nope, next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 03:07 PM
5

I read a lot of that stuff as well. It wasn't good for my blood pressure, but the cargo cult-like belief systems that spring up around dating on the internet are insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:47 PM
6

I doubt that most people tell the truth, it is a valid question, but the answers are almost meaningless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:43 PM
4

Good job! Definitely an indication he can put other people's needs before his own, has good social skills, is calm and emotionally mature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:42 PM
2

Oof, can relate. Slowly getting better due to the hobbies I acquired in my late twenties, but I've been there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:37 PM
2

I don't see any issue if you keep it casual and remain focused on your goals (going back to uni). But your goals have to come first. If you think you're going to get so emotionally invested that he will stand in your way, break it off sooner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:34 PM
16

Was an ugly (and underdeveloped) girl and got a lot prettier as an adult, the difference in how people treat you has been obvious and made me quite cynical.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:28 PM
21

Those aren't unrealistic standards at all. Not even a little bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:25 PM
3

He should respect your wishes and not tell you he knows what is best for you. That's the part that isn't okay. On the other hand, he does sound like he cares about your emotional well being and wants to be supportive when you're down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:23 PM
17

One weekend, I told him I had a doctor's appointment scheduled at 11 am on Saturday (I was having side effects from my birth control) and he still showed up drunk and unannounced at 5 am. I went to my appointment alone and when I got back, he was still asleep in my bed. After talking to my doctor, I decided to stop taking the pill and was met with "Condoms are so uncomfortable! I can't feel anything" tantrums. Fuck my health, right? What grown man throws a tantrum over condoms? Wow, I'm sufferin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:18 PM
13

I believe that they can, personally. Most of the men in my family have stayed with their wives and been faithful, are caring and considerate towards them. Not that they didn't have their issues, but they absolutely value their wives and treat them that way. Men in their early twenties are a writeoff though. And some guys never grow out of that phase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:12 PM
7

Great post. I remember really vividly how predatory guys treat you as a teenage girl. It's pretty sinister.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 10:26 PM
13

Mentioned it before, but: legitimately blamed myself for my exes failure to finish his degree because I might have 'taken too much of his time'. I was four years younger than him, not particularly interested in the subject, worked and did extra curriculars and still passed, somehow. Oh, and I also let him saddle me with the full responsibility for birth control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 06:50 PM
14

You win this thread! I loved the 'Ben Shapiro' bit too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 06:48 PM
5

I have no desire to ever try that. Plus, I wouldn't trust a guy to be as careful as required to not injure me. Your ex sounds extremely selfish. Would he let you fist him if some ex of yours happened to be into it? What a joker. (Gay) sex advice columnist Dan Savage strongly suggests asking any man that badgers a gf for anal sex to bend over and take a strap on first. Solid advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 04:18 PM
2

What he needed was ill advised facial hair to make his face look even longer. He literally looks like an egg with a fake moustache. And that ratty fleece! He stole my heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 03:24 PM
2

Now that I think about it, all the guys I've dated have learned to cook vegetarian meals for me. In that respect, I had a pretty good deal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 03:19 PM
1

Accidentally implemented FDS before I even knew it was a thing. I hate cooking for other people with a passion, it legitimately causes me social anxiety. The men I have dated have all offered to cook for me. A good few will offer to do it anyway, at the stage where you've done a few 'getting to know each other' type dates outside the house and they see a chance for some intimacy. And if it grows into an LTR, you naturally fall into a pattern where cooking is one of his chores. Suits me fine, I d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 03:15 PM
2

WOW!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 03:10 PM
4

I'm impressed. If you're gonna lie, go big. What's next, a 19 y o with a picture of the Hindenburg disaster in the background?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 03:09 PM
4

Don't let yourself be put off by one comment. I date nerds too - a lot of them have toys, dvd collections and video games. All okay within reason. I still agree that people that spend all their money 'curating a collection' of some mass market action figure franchise are not worth dating. They need to demonstrate some common sense and not rank you somewhere below their lifesize Chewbacca cutout.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:54 PM
1

Has to be a numbers game. Eventually you hit on someone with zero self esteem and a total inability to detect obvious red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:49 PM
5

He also hates condoms so you have two options to catch an STD for the price of one. Unmissable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:47 PM
1

There are also scam artists on LinkedIn. Recently reported a guy that hit on me via that platform. Noticed straight away that his grammar was off and that he probably stole his profile pic from a website of a local entrepreneur. Always do a google image search for the profile picture if you smell a rat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:45 PM
3

I'm triggered. It's faux productivity porn and can be summarized in half a page. I don't even want to know how much money that guy made by rewording the obvious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:43 PM
4

Thank fuck he's your ex. As if household work was easy pre washing machines, dishwashers, etc. Women only got an independent break in the labour market during war time and were expected to go back to their unpaid household labour immediately after. Even in the 60s, women needed their husband's permission to keep working after marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:41 PM
3

IKR? Either of those are more permanent than a marriage license. You can divorce your spouse, but when there are kids, you are in each other's lives forever. It doesn't even make sense not to marry at that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:35 PM
5

Slightly OT, but my first nomination for a pickmeisha anthem would be ABBA's 'Take a chance on me' If you change your mind / I'm the first in line / honey I'm still free / take a chance on me Barf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:33 PM
2

"Hug" / "cuddle" == "I will manipulate you to have sex one last time"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:27 PM
2

Oh fuck no. Block him and let him wank into his pot noodles when he is done with Dorksouls or whatever he's doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:25 PM
3

You are only 20 years old. It's easy to feel stuck because there are so many options and possible paths you could take. My number one advice is to realize that self worth is an inherent quality. You don't have to jump through any hoops to attain self worth. Just value yourself enough to recognize and stop the negative self talk. Be nice to yourself. One aspect of being nice to yourself is to try and expose yourself to as many different experiences as possible while you are young. You can't sit i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 02:09 PM
5

He is an awful person. But the best revenge is a life well lived. Don't give him that power over you, now that you've had some time to wallow it's time to pick yourself up and focus on yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 01:43 PM
17

I respect you SO much for reporting him. So many guys that age pull that exact shit on their girlfriends and never have a moment's thought about the mental and physical anguish they put their partners through - pregnancy scares, running around to get the morning after pill instead of attending lessons, and so forth. I hope he's scared shitless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 12:23 PM
11

"Men have to be perfect to get a date" - Dan, probably
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 12:19 PM
1

Why not? I had second thoughts about letting my now-husband move for me because it required him learning a new language, but it turned out to be an upgrade for us both. It's clear that this is a big deal, but he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. Think about it, even if for some reason you did split, you'd both be fine. Let him do this and let him worry about himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 12:17 PM
4

In my opinion, you can have any arbitrary standard for people you want to be in a relationship with. If this person has shortcomings you can't accept, it is not 'ableist' to not want to be in a relationship with them. Don't like gingers? Don't date them. Don't like accountants? Block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 11:10 AM
2

I don't want to give him the idea that I would do it if I wasn't busy lol... Exactly. You don't owe him an excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 01:42 PM
2

That was amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 12:55 PM
1

Yes, I'd also like a pony and free sex without the financial and physical burden of birth control, with an automatic get out clause if I'm in any way inconvenienced by the realities of reproductive biology. Give that genius another reddit award! Hope he celebrates with a nice bag of doritos and his favourite anime body pillow in his Mom's basement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 12:42 PM
3

Awww, what a shame. I hoped Ken would turn out better than he did. At least you can start the new decade with a clean slate. Looking forward to the next installment! It's like all the excitement of dating from the comfort of my couch, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 12:39 PM
2

Yes, sounds like the brief for the adorable incontinent three-legged rottweiler looking for a foster family...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 12:31 PM
2

Me. I feel weird posting about BDSM in this subreddit, because people tend to imagine I must have been suspended from the ceiling in a gimp suit for 50 % of the last decade. I have a low n-count and don't even enjoy casual sex. My experiences, in brief: I enjoy mild BDSM (basically a bit of faux degradation, someone pulling my hair or slapping somewhere specific, exclusively in a sexual contest). Some of my boyfriends were into that stuff as well. I've always discussed sexual preferences with my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 12:23 PM
2

Not brown, not in the army, but work in a male dominated environment and have for over a decade. The people around you are not worth shit. Their opinions on you or other women are worthless, as are they. They shouldn't determine what YOU think about yourself. Brown / black women are gorgeous and, if anything, age slower than us white girls. Do your time, use the benefits of that job (college degree? decent health insurance), and find yourself nicer people to hang out with. Seriously, what do the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 12:10 PM
3

He's been helping me with academic stuff, making connections etc. I really owe him for that. He was living in a crappy apartment with damp and pests so I moved him in after a few months of dating and to help replace the abusive tenants I had at the time. You don't owe him anything. You set him up in a great place to live. If anything, you were even a long time ago. Think about it - this is so bad you are sleeping in your car rather than in YOUR FATHER'S property! Talk to your father again. Lie i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 12:04 PM
2

I can only assume that the onslaught of single attractive women has broken his inbox.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 11:25 AM
8

Probably all r/justneckbeardthings wondering how my-lady could turn on them, lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 06:07 PM
9

If it was going nowhere, you have done yourself a huge favour. It's worse agonizing about it. You just didn't want the same things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 10:55 PM
16

ordered just a burger, no fries. I'd fully intended on paying my own way (I ALWAYS did on the rare occasions we did get food), and this scrote seriously leaned over my lap and yelled out the window, "THESE ARE SEPARATE ORDERS!" before telling the employee what he wanted. Drew a line in the sand over something like 4 goddamn dollars that I wasn't even expecting him to pay. Argh. Being that cheap is such a red flag. It's always some loser too who doesn't see the amount of time and money you have i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 06:36 PM
13

I love that. Kudos to your grandma, she sounds like a badass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 05:36 PM
9

Good on you. It wasn't going to get better. A guy that lies to you that easily has no respect for you. You can do a lot better than him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 05:33 PM
7

Naaah, are you trying to get killed? That type of dude won't just beat some other guy's ass, he'll start with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 05:21 PM
7

Yup. 'Alpha' anywhere on the profile would be a hard no even minus the assault charge. And I bet he that part where he says he hasn't been 'anywhere near' his ex should read '...because of that restraining order she filed'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 05:20 PM
10

The bar is on the ground, lol. Hey, he's a former inmate with an assault conviction and he doesn't like 'being mad', but at least he is honest....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 05:15 PM
5

The vids on Gamergate (e.g. Shaun's 'the fate of the frog men') have some pretty good references on that. Breitbart was an attempt to capitalise on this radicalised group of men that felt 'disenfranchised' in a political sense (see also: Steve Bannon).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 02:32 PM
2

Awww nooooo! That sucks. But I'm curious about your update, hang in there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 07:05 AM
33

This guy was like "A good woman is supposed to do that". I That's some next level entitlement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:41 PM
2

Owen Jones is gay and has been on the receiving end of negative attention (that is, recently got beaten up by right wing douchebags). I don't share all of his political opinions, but he is a good sort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:01 PM
2

What even.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 07:36 PM
3

Who else read that in an Aussie accent?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 04:50 PM
7

He gives me douche chills. I can picture him. I suspect there'd be ill advised facial hair and BO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 04:42 PM
2

Lol that she things the girlfriend is making things up and the girlfriend fucked up her car by removing all the fluids so she can’t go to court to defend herself by proving the facts of their affair... still protecting Trash Guy in her own mind as he tries to screw her over. That jumped out at me as well. That's SO bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 04:33 PM
7

Eventually he went on a rant about "females" and how bad we treat men. Ahh yes. Always the canary in the mine. Happy you blocked him ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 07:10 AM
4

This is lovely. Thank you, needed that today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 07:08 AM
2

I'd also nix the gloves and get a small jacket or a shawl or something that you can keep around your shoulders. It would be easy to stand out if you are dressed to the nines. I like going to the theatre / the symphony. A lot of the women that I see do wear dresses and wear something fancy, but there will be people there dressing very casually as well. I'm also in favour of going alone. I once met up with a guy from meetup to see an opera, but there was absolutely no chemistry between us, and he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 06:40 AM
16

That is just such a creepy, presumptuous way to talk to someone you don't know. And they act like they gave you great advice. How about...fuck off?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 09:07 PM
6

Or Rihanna. Or Cher. Or Whitney Houston.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 08:56 PM
28

Good on you. Got married in my 30s - at the point where I knew that I'd be perfectly alright not marrying at all, because I had built my own life. It's important to know what you want and not get sidetracked by other people's lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 06:09 PM
11

Pro tip: make up another engagement, avoids both the guilt trippy questions and the political fallout. Not worth having the discussion if your manager is one of those 'forced entertainment' type people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 05:54 PM
16

You can look at their habits though. Are they social, are they keeping up with their work, do they have coping skills for stress, how are they doing during exam time... I dated a guy when I was very young who ended up dropping out, and I'd kind of wilfully ignored the writing on the wall for a long time. He wasn't just depressed, he had no initiative to start with and wasn't willing to seek help or even informal support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 11:30 PM
9

I expected nothing based on that link but I'd most DEFINITELY watch that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 11:12 PM
2

That's what she said. No really, where WERE you when I was 19??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:22 PM
1

What the other poster said, and: there are also usually university bulletin boards (physical ones or online) where people advertise for a roommate. Those are also pretty good because you'd end up with someone around your age, at a similar stage in life, and most don't have loads of money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:08 PM
1

If it is at all possible, put some money aside in case you need to make a move earlier than expected. Don't feel guilty about doing what you need to do, but just try and protect yourself. Also make sure that you have all your documents filed away and ready to go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:06 PM
2

I'm so sorry. First off - you need to forgive yourself for the choices you made. You were in a very difficult situation. Second of all, this situation stayed the way it was because it was convenient (although not healthy!!) for both of you. You got the school fees covered as well as room and board. He got your companionship, which he must have enjoyed. This arrangement has outlived its sell by date now. He is ashamed of you? He is not attracted to you anymore? And the arrangement makes you feel …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:03 PM
1

Second that question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 01:42 PM
8

Underrated reply. I think this is great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 12:23 PM
56

Yep, stay away from guys that treat Tinder like the Uber Eats of sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 12:09 PM
12

I didn't know about FDS at the time, but I think my relationship would count. But don't marry someone you aren't interested in. In our case, he was just more optimistic and persistent about the relationship and willing to move when I wasn't. Worked out for me. He's an amazing husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 06:53 AM
25

Be nice and polite to your coworkers, but don't laugh along with sexist jokes. If someone asks you an inappropriate question, remain calm and make them explain what they meant. Repeatedly, if necessary. Really think about your boundaries. What are the core parts of your job / things that will get you noticed for promotion? Focus on those. If someone wants to saddle you with stuff that doesn't benefit you and isn't a core part of your job, learn to say no. Great example: organising the team event…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 06:51 AM
5

Boss move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 06:45 AM
25

I don't really think that 'men have no value' is the core message here. The guys trolling for casual sex on OLD often don't have any value to the women they sleep with, and that's important especially for young women to realize. Women are still socialized to protect men's egos and to base their self worth on male attention. The message is, build a life that you enjoy and don't depend on men for your self worth, for your career, for friendship. Do go out with men if they prove they are worth your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:07 PM
7

I like this answer. I think that attitude is conducive to a good relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:02 PM
11

Don't expose yourself to too much of this shit. About a one minute segment is enough. He is a misogynist sociopath who makes bank off his mommy issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 09:41 PM
4

His claims to have written books were also transparently untrue. He claims to have 'written books#, but says in earlier posts that 'his dreams of being a writer are probably all gone' and he's now 'stuck in a cubicle'. Maybe.... pick a story and stick to it? Very tempted to @ this sucker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 08:44 PM
7

Can't be a MGTOW because he depends on his wife/mom for everything, but he'll still teach his sons to resent women. What a prize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 08:15 PM
2

Women aren't allowed to be human in their minds. Someone get these pathetic idiots their robots alredy and keep them away from women and children, let their shitty genes and shitty beliefs die with them. Preach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 08:12 PM
2

There's probably no point asking for advice because everyone makes their own mistakes. But if you ask me (in this order): Don't go into a long term relationship with men. Date guys, gather experience, but never settle for the first guy that shows you attention Collect experiences. Try different uni socs / hobbies / friend groups / styles of dress to see what works for you Focus on your studies. Cultivate a circle of friends that supports and doesn't detract from your study habits. Find out who y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 08:00 PM
6

Yeah, never go to redpilled / black pilled guys for marriage advice. You go there so you know their thought patterns and can more easily spot them early on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 07:00 AM
2

What's shadow work, do you have a brief description or a source? just curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:27 AM
7

bUt SoMe oF tHe vIcTimS aRe meN...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 11:40 PM
15

Is that ever a good idea? You can turn into a radically different person between the ages of 14 and 30. Just here on reddit, I see a lot of stories where people marry young and divorce in their 30s when one or the other succumbs to FOMO. Build a career first and meet / date a few people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:11 PM
15

That's really good, be true to your word and say no if it is a no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:09 AM
4

My vote is don't talk to her about her dating life. You can say your piece once or twice, but if she keeps complaining about being with losers when it is obviously her doing, and you don't want to talk about it anymore, you change the subject.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:06 AM
26

It probably works for a (very small) group of people who actually want this, but there seem to be a load more guys that try to coerce women into this deal under the guise of polyamory. Wouldn't be able to hack it, I don't see how you could have anything but a very superficial relationship with more than one person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:03 AM
13

The incel subs are a lot like that. I've spent some time reading that and never will again, it should be titled 'all the darkest and most misogynist thoughts about women, from a million angsty 14 year olds and their divorced Dad in a bedsit'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:00 AM
3

I keep recommending her channel, but check out the shorter clips on Mel Robbins' youtube channel. She has ADHD as well. She's good at deliverying a motivational kick in the rear as well. Not saying you respond well to that type of pep talk, but I found what she said applicable and worthwhile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:53 AM
8

Same. Got the mental picture as soon as he said 'in sales'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:50 AM
9

Especially choking! This sub would find the guy too sex-positive in some ways, but I've read Dan Savage's (sex advice) column for years. He always emphasized that there is no safe way to choke anyone. https://www.straight.com/life/986016/savage-love-heed-proper-etiquette-whilst-choking-someone That's how Gracie Millane died recently on her Tinder date. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Grace_Millane He had some more good advice, in my opinion: he figured that since gay couples had no 'defa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:39 AM
3

Thanks for the update! Tim sounds great, but still baselessly shipping you + Ken here. Very much not sold on Jeremy, but maybe he is great in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 10:42 PM
9

Another vote for meetup, I found good friends there after moving town for a job. Could also work for your age range, it's mostly people in their mid/ late twenties to fourties, at least those that I've attended.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 10:18 PM
8

We have a coworker (40) who did that, she seems happy. She's independently wealthy though and lives in a country with good maternity / parental leave. I think if you want to pull it off, it can't hurt to have helpful parents OR helpful friends nearby that are good with kids and can babysit in an emergency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 10:14 PM
7

..also tells us how it went, we need to know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 10:07 PM
2

Anecdotally, yes. Also most of my better male co-workers have sisters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 10:05 PM
4

My vote is don't stay with him if you feel you want to be single for a while longer. Don't string him along if you don't see yourself with anyone right now. You're doing the right thing in looking after your career and having fun. If your heart tells you you are not ready to settle down, listen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 10:04 PM
25

Stories like these annoy me so much. I mean really, you couldn't imagine how that would feel until it happened to you? What kind of arrested development bullshit is that. And now the penny dropped, he wants a fucking cookie. That annoyed me about the story of the woman with vaginismus and the many callous comments on there, particularly their failure to grasp how going to the gyno for a pelvic exam would be scary to her. I have no problem at all imagining that a prostate exam would be embarrassi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 09:09 AM
8

Yes. I mean everyone should do this as they wish, but I'd find it exhausting as well. You don't have to combine the finances either, just put X amount of money into a shared account each month and set up autopay for all the regular bills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 09:04 AM
3

Way to go, anything else is just an invitation to let them waste your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 09:00 AM
5

Ah fuck, the ghost of emotional manipulation past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 08:55 AM
51

The last guy I dated (before I discovered FDS) tried to pull that shit on me (choking, twisting my boobs) and I was stunned that he didn’t even ASK if I was into being choked. And there's the problem. You don't do that with a new partner, you don't do that before you had a discussion what each of you likes in bed. "Surprise BDSM" is not BDSM, it's abusive. Thought that was obvious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 08:52 AM
19

Most of these right wingers just have zero empathy for people outside their particular bubble. Former Daddy's girl with no ability to fathom how a world as envisioned by Daddy would fuck over a lot of women in less fortunate circumstances, so better push the world view taught to them by the right wing douche that spawned them. (See also, Meghan McCain)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 08:30 AM
5

That's honestly a bad idea because you created a new deadline for yourself to 'impress' him. Meaning you'll spend 6 extra months thinking about him. Please be nicer to yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 07:35 AM
18

Dick apparently asked, "How did you and [my husband] manage to find women who don't drive you insane?" Joseph told him, "Well, for one we treat them well and don't cheat on them. Did you ever think of trying that?" Your husband sounds like a keeper. It's always the Dicks of this world that have this 'women be crazy' attitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 10:52 PM
2

BuT I wAs jUst BeIng fRienDly...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 10:09 PM
12

If you want to see some truly merciless commentary on 'unfixable' flaws in a man's physique, visit a Lookism or an Incel forum. And these same people will laugh at / attack any stray woman that tries to make them feel better - e.g. tell them that they're 'liars' for saying that looks are only part of the package. A lot of the negativity comes from within or from other men and is projected onto women as a convenient scape goat for their insecurity. There was a comment thead on AskReddit where wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 10:07 PM
4

All of this! Alone-time off work is too precious to be shared with an ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 09:25 PM
4

Not a deal breaker, buuut.... I would describe myself as vaguely Christian, and I would like men to tolerate that. There is a certain type of unpleasant militant internet atheist / Dawkins fanboy that I hate because they tend to think religious people are dumb, don't know about the origins of the bible (e.g. the different authors), the similarity to earlier deities, the ideas 'stolen from' pagan cults, etc. I also don't like religious conservatives of any stripe, too prescriptive and too much ba…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 09:21 PM
7

Don't go to his Mom's wedding! She could be Michelle Obama crossed with Kamala Harris with a dash of Pope Francis, whatever friendship you have / had with her is NOT WORTH crossing this loser's path again, even for a moment. Send her a card and erase every last trace of this person in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 09:09 PM
74

Can't argue with that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 08:57 PM
3

That's probably good advice, rent is a huge factor. If you can save up for therapy, a house or switching careers, you've bought yourself a lot of flexibility, OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 12:49 PM
2

Without making any other assumptions, you sound down on yourself. Teaching is a really hard job, physically and emotionally. It is totally insane that such an essential job is so badly paid, and that feeds into your negative opinion of yourself. I think you would probably benefit from evaluating some of the negative things you believe about yourself with someone who isn't biased. I found a therapist this year after a few very stressful life events, and while it is not a magic fix, I found it ver…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 12:47 PM
11

All the sexual coercion I experienced during my dating years was from men who had no interest in sex being any kind of remarkable experience, they were just looking for a person to masturbate into. This so much! That's the type of guy who would make you feel like a crusty cum sock. To be fair to the other posters, there probably are more guys who use their experience in porn to make young women believe that 'anal is standard' or some shit. But the selfishness is the real red flag, not the specif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 12:39 PM
7

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:57 AM
13

This sub seems to say that an interest in light BDSM only develops as a consequence of watching porn, and I disagree with that. Fetishes of any kind (afaik) develop through early childhood experiences, something that impressed you / frightened you at a critical point in your development. A lot of that stuff is pretty random. And no, you don't have to put up with anyone's fetish, of course, you negotiate what both people find acceptable. I've never been with a violent man, or a porn addict. The w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 10:12 AM
13

Okay, I disagree with that. I actually like giving blowjobs. A good sex partner gets turned on by watching you do things that excite you, whatever that happens to be. There are people that are into these things because they want to degrade you. Still doesn't mean they are a horrible sex partner if they don't selfishly insist on doing things that don't work for you. This degradation / humiliation stuff is core to some people's sexual fantasies, same as there are a lot of women that like 'faux-non…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 09:23 AM
5

Second Brené Brown. Really admire her work on shame and vulnerability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 11:03 PM
9

Not dating-specific, but great on productivity and leveling up: Mel Robbins' youtube channel: Not sure that I'm on board with her new show, but her advice on wanting to 'do it all', changing jobs, combining work and family life goes way beyond generic productivity porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 11:02 PM
4

Focus on school right now. Seriously, nothing wrong with a few crushes, but focus on your results for now and save the intimate relationship for when you have moved out and are in college or uni. Doing well is your ticket to be financially independent and have a good career. Never depend on a guy to take care of you. When you do have a boyfriend, never let him guilt-trip you into having sex before you're comfortable with it. Read up on birth control. Don't think you can 'fix' a guy's deficiencie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 05:59 PM
64

Not a discussion I'd have with workmates tbh. I'm in a male dominated workplace and wouldn't tell my co-workers (other than a few work friends) a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g about my private life beyond the bare essentials. It can and will be used against you, so I stick to non-controversial topics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 05:49 PM
52

She's been to a gynecologist before with her mom (weird ass thing, but it was for a general safety check up or some shit) This man is 28 and doesn't know about pap smears. And brands her 'ignorant' for (rightly) assuming that a good few gynos would probably not give good advice and not be sympathetic. Nothing sexier than to be laughed at for having a painful phobia of penetration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 04:28 PM
1

I give the guys that grow and groom those full-on hipster beards props for the sheer commitment, but they don't actually look good. I think we all just got Stockholm syndrome since they were so ubiquitous for a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 02:51 PM
3

To be fair - lots of LVM in Europe - but their are more HVM in Europe, than in Australia. FOR SURE. Wow. From a European perspective - wouldn't have expected that. Rock bottom has a basement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 12:32 PM
25

Does he actively work on goals and strategize and plan his future? Because if he doesn’t, HES A LOSER AND JUST TRYING TO COAST. You don’t want a loser trying to coast. This so much. Hilariously, in a past relationship, I blamed myself for somebody else's inability to do that, wondering if I 'took up too much space' in his life. Yet, somehow, I was able to make progress and he wasn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 12:29 PM
40

Glaring (but ignored, because I was a total clown at 18): Guilt tripped me into having sex early, whined about using condoms, asked me to confirm I'd have an abortion if he did get me pregnant. Translation: any risk or ethical qualms are exclusively on you, but we fuckin'. Yeah, I stayed with that prize for years. More subtle: Stalked me on social media and 'confronted' me about irrelevant discrepancies between what I said online and what I said to him (essentially, gave an online community a fe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 12:27 PM
5

In which parallel universe would that be considered acceptable small talk, let alone on a dating site? He couldn't even make a gamely attempt to hide his blatant racism for the first few text messages?! Wooow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 12:08 PM
4

It's great when a nation practises female infanticide and gender selective abortion and still finds another cohort of women to victimize so no man suffers for the original fuckup of creating a massive gender imbalance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 12:02 PM
11

It honestly makes me sick how many women have bought into the idea that being a 'feminist' is to be a panto villain type man hater and the worst thing out there. Probably desperately trying to go along with the confused ideas of some 18-year old boy who feels 'oppressed' by the existence of Anita Sarkeezian.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 11:56 AM
7

Nice. Also had a gyno react with complete disbelief about the side effects of my implant. (had it 3 times, so I could describe with confidence how I felt every single time for the first few months). Thanks, Dr. Fuckface, I've been inhabiting this body for a while. That's why I'm taking zero shit from men about anything to do with birth control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 11:37 AM
6

Horrible and scary. Imagine what it would have been like to stay in that community long term. What a complete douche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 10:39 AM
4

definitely wears a thumb ring Hahaha! Burn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 08:35 PM
13

Dork triad, more like. I adore the way his lank greasy hair frames his fivehead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 08:33 PM
16

Wow, that would make me homicidal. I used to get a lot of computer illiterate people explaining my job to me, then eyeing me like some sort of mutant because girl in IT, what's wrong with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 08:31 PM
5

Give yourself permission to grieve the relationship for a few days. Sit around in your pjs, have some comfort food, take a long bath, binge-watch your favourite series. Block / delete him on every channel. Get rid of things that are painful reminders of him. Make it hard for yourself to drunk-dial him or send him long ranty e-mails. Then: make an effort to get into a healthy routine. Find some gym classes to attend 1-2 a week, invest more time in your hobbies, reconnect with friends and family, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 08:25 PM
6

Can only give you my perspective, but the thing I am most proud of in myself is that I've done a lot to address my self limiting beliefs. There were a couple of things that I irrationally believed I couldn't do or I wasn't good at, and I went out of my way to show myself conclusively that that wasn't true. (..) Gathering experiences is always a good idea. Make a list of some of your self limiting beliefs and find a few you can adress .
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 08:19 PM
12

Her username is golden.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 01:21 PM
7

See no issue with reciprocating if you want to. Do you like giving presents and do you have a good one in mind? I'd default to paying for some sort of experience together - see a film or a show or a theatre production of something you would both enjoy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 01:19 PM
6

Good call. Deserved to be laughed at.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 01:15 PM
8

Had to show my Irish partner that post, lol. What a gem. (In a binational marriage here, but you are spot on - I'd never go out with anyone who shits on the women of his own country. Stadium-sized red flag)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 01:13 PM
12

Absolutely. That's the thing - I have a good career myself, I'm more than fine taking care of myself and treating a man to the occasional vacation or night out. But if we had kids, I know I might not be able to work full time. I could also have a complicated pregnancy that might make me unable to work for longer than I anticipate throughout and after. Thinking this far ahead is just common sense. Didn't need a *wealthy* guy, just one with a steady job and one that knows to spend a good bit less …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 01:06 PM
3

No, that sounds legit. That was some wild speculation on my part to amp up the soap opera factor of the thread. I'm curious how he turns out in person. Good luck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:57 PM
36

My husband is not physically abusive. He juggles finances around so that we haven't had to declare bankruptcy. That's.... a laudable quality in a man, I suppose.... He has had a girlfriend since then and she moved in with us a few months after they started dating There are no words. And she's still with him?! Edit: also love the thread title - she's now 'almost positive' she needs to divorce him. What would tip the scales to make it 'very likely'?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:38 PM
4

Great read. I can feel myself getting invested. Curious what happens with Cameron and Ken! Has Ken actually been in hospital, or was it an elaborate ruse... find out in the next installmen! (Seriously, I'd love an update when you get around it)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:34 PM
46

That woman is my hero. If it wasn't socially acceptable to do this type of shit, less people would get away with it and still have friends and family. People like him do not understand how birth control works. It isn't 100% effective and he chose to take the risk. What a giant PoS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 09:03 AM
2

Not surprised, glad I literally imported someone nicer....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 05:13 PM
12

Tl;dr: Please abuse me for dating a loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 05:07 PM
6

I've seen quite a few of those during the last years of uni / shortly after. And some guys just get lazy. Nope, not acceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 04:51 PM
19

And the Countertop of Weird Stickiness (-20).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 04:22 PM
22

Had to laugh at the massive ass-bow on that dress. Went to an 80s wedding as a small kid, I can't un-see the puffy sleeves and the giant propeller on the bride's behind. Oh, and hair for days. It is funny that she would worry this much before there even is a proposal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 01:26 PM
1

Would only give him the benefit of the doubt if he is really close to graduating. If he was committed and attentive before and is now in an exam phase, sure. But it sounds like he wasn't too invested before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 12:34 PM
61

Guy who plays video games occasionally but is a HVM? Yes. Guy with a strong gamer identity? No. Usually a poorly socialized man baby. And: don't bother trying to retrain them unless this is a phase - e.g., new video game came out and he plays a few extra hours on weekends before he gets bored. I know a (employed, driven) woman who puts up with a until recently unemployed / underemployed guy with mental health issues that announced to her that he'd 'do less around the house next month' because Wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 12:30 PM
23

All of this. And often, you don't really need to look through someone's phone or computer to tell that he's either acting secretive and texting other people, or prioritizing time on his PC over you. A guy who is just keeping up with friends on social media or scrolling through news doesn't act as protective of his phone. If you really need to look for proof to confirm your suspicion, do it and then dump him without long drawn out discussions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 11:32 AM
21

What a charmer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 07:54 AM
2

Agree 100 %.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 07:11 PM
6

Troll? Troll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 06:06 PM
26

Never let a person negotiate after you say no. Applies to all areas of life, not just dating. You don't owe people a reason, and a-holes will use any reason that you do give as an invitation to negotiate. No is a complete sentence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:28 PM
18

I do not understand this thought process at all. It's usually an older guy who may have some harebrained idea that he wants to 'cheer you up' or considers that an acceptable form of flirting, but it makes me homicidal. See also (coming from old habituallysexist coworker): you're wearing your hair down, you should do that more often! Me: It gets in my face. But I've often wondered why you won't do anything with your beard for us, maybe some braids..?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:18 PM
28

Watched 90 day Fiancé for a bit (it was great brainless entertainment) and had to stop because I couldn't take another second of Nicole's gormless face as she made excuses for Azan while teaching her daughter to call him 'Daddy'. Looking at the American half of the couples, you'd never ask yourself why they couldn't find someone closer to home. I admit it was probably also clever casting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:08 PM
2

My experience too (never divorced, but father is a lawyer. If you were middle class / poor-ish espcially with children before, you end up struggling after divorce, esp. with the lawyer bills + increased cost for two households)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 06:18 AM
3

Isn't that worse? You spent time with a loser and he still ditched you. You can't protect yourself from the pain of a potential breakup either way, but you'd definitely have a better time with someone you can respect. And I mean, either way you should feel that you'd be fine on your own, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:49 AM
5

when he finds someone better or just breaks up with me I will be left pretty screwed, You seem to have fairly low self esteem. If you date someone now who you don't respect as much and he 'just breaks up with you', isn't that just as bad or worse? If you like this guy, go for it, but don't put him on a pedestal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:21 AM
7

You don't need a second person to validate your experience. You don't need to prove this to anyone to engage in proper self care. You do that because you are worth it. Therapy is good because you might want a person who is unequivocally in your corner to work through this. Be nice to yourself. Take some time away from dating until your mental health is better. You can do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:10 AM
1

Dance classes can help to develop better body language. Did a few burlesque workshops (no nudity, all female classes) since my job made me feel pretty un-feminine, and it helped me change my self image. Don't know if you'd consider that, but it was fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 11:30 PM
59

Amoral dinner stealing thot should be a flair, lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:03 PM
31

He has said he still wants to look for someone better. I should've ended it at that, really. Oh no. That right there. Print it out and put it on your fridge if you must. That's why you end it and block him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:54 PM
3

If you are not in a relationship yet, I wouldn't (unless you would enjoy moving there anyway). If you are in an LDR, I think the only rule about who moves for whom is figuring out which version is more painless and mutually beneficial. My partner moved for me, but it was bc I had the better job and was in an economically more affluent area at the time. Edit: as other commenters have said, we knew that he'd make more money after the move and wouldn't be negatively affected in terms of his career,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:46 PM
9

And here's me joining FDS to find a #SisterWife...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:42 PM
238

'Women with options and self esteem reject low effort fuckbois'. There. You cracked the code. You're welcome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:38 PM
32

In my opinion, online communities amplify every bad opinion and every negative impulse that men have towards women. Some asshole got rejected on tinder and goes on reddit to write the vilest things about women, with a million other idiots piling on. Particularly lonely, sexually frustrated teenage boys that follow people like Stephan Molyneux to fuel their ludicrous persecution complex. I can only recommend limiting your interaction with keyboard misogynists, it really doesn't help. It's like sp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:35 PM
2

I feel so sorry for that woman. Imagine him getting divorced and her still being used for sex with no thought of them ever being official.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 08:06 PM
4

I wouldn't. He probably didn't even spend a lot of time thinking about it. He clearly had no respect for either of you, and asking this loser for his 'motivation' to treat you like dirt, as if you were asking Michelangelo for his inspiration for a masterpiece, is a waste of precious breath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 07:11 PM
7

Good job. You don't have time to waste on people who aren't available, not attractive to you or don't have anything to offer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 06:44 PM
17

Wooow. I get depressed thinking that tactic may have worked on someone. That time she spent on him is the kind of time I want refunded at the end of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 02:27 PM
15

Last guy she met irl asked her to piss on him within a couple days. Romance isn't dead, lol. My new milestone for 'amazing relationship' is the post I found elsewhere on reddit where a woman complained that her live-in boyfriend found fault with how she washed the dishes, yelled at her, finally whipped his d** out and pissed all over them***. I've yet to see a story of a woman who can compete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 02:24 PM
16

Oh fuck, that makes me so angry. I hope she wakes up to what he's doing. Dad of the year as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 02:22 PM
11

There are good guys out there, just also a lot of trash. It hurts me to see young women give up their best years because they are afraid to have higher standards. The low effort dudes are not worth dating, being single is definitely better than trying to drag / push / shove dead weight physically, financially or emotionally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 02:18 PM
4

I cringe when I see young women make the same mistakes I did in my first relationships - definitely lost time that way. But at the same time, we can still enjoy the present, right? You're not old at all and you deserve to build a life that YOU enjoy, regardless of whether you share it with a man or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 02:11 PM
37

Leaving college to marry? Giving up being able to care for yourself and your kids and live in the shadow of your husband? Yeah, always a bad, bad idea. But she obviously started out on the back foot with an abusive family that wouldn't have provided good guidance or support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 11:09 PM
7

I'm sorry, this sucks. But you did the right thing by not wasting more time on him. If you want more than an FWB type situation (and it sounds like you'd just get your feelings hurt), don't settle for less. You deserve better. You can find something better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 10:37 PM
13

I think the biggest problem in society is still the gender disparity in terms of socioeconomic and political power. All other problems stem from that. Laws and most forms of public media are still made by and for men. Lately, we've gone backwards in terms of gender equality in an economic sense. What I hate most is how unnecessarily gendered toys for children have become. We're still sending young children a message that only boys are supposed to be inventors, engineers and scientists, and that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 07:36 PM
6

Yeah, the byyyyye stuff is pretty immature, that's where I was with OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 06:15 PM
21

I don't know. I'm an introvert + pretty protective of my own time, so a guy saying that he wanted a 'me day' wouldn't strike me as a red flag as long as he regularly made time for a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 06:12 PM
26

I'm shocked the woman who wanted to be his side chick didn't have the decency to be a good housewife. She surely owed this gent a nice roast dinner, a cute apron and sex on tap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 04:43 PM
11

I work in IT, so I get it, had that experience. Being coldly polite with a-holes and good at the job got me respect with most of them in the end. It's hard when you are in your early 20s because some sexist guys just see you as free entertainment. It's BS. Tbh I'd never involve HR unless I'm ready and willing to walk out of that job. If you can't resolve the issue with the team, it's not worth staying. Talking things over with people that are more committed to covering the company's butt is only…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 03:25 PM
3

That is so disappointing. Women pretending like their cheating bf / husband has no agency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 03:13 PM
22

This man has outlived his usefulness in your life. He makes you feel bad about yourself. You can see he doesn't value the relationship or respect you (or his wife, for that matter). Since having a spine is hard: end it via text and block / delete him on every platform. Block the social media platform itself if you have to. Plan something else to distract yourself on your birthday, go see a movie / go for food by yourself if necessary. You can do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 02:02 PM
28

Agree with the people telling you to cool it. You're new in the job. Focus on doing a good job yourself, learn as much as you can. Keep your head down. At the same time, don't laugh along with sexist jokes and be coolly polite to people that try to give you shit. If you act professionally at all times, you may not be liked, but you will keep your job. Hold off on talking to the supervisor until you have some seniority in your role and people trust and respect you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:59 PM
2

Do it! I think it makes such a difference if you know you are moving towards something, even if it is a small step. Like even a list of things you know you have to do to move you closer to what you want. Hang on to your sanity. It gets better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:46 PM
4

This. The one thing I agree with is to talk about the future in a way that shows your partner that you have a game plan that doesn't necessarily include him. Desperation is a bad look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:44 PM
10

It's the internet and the rise of women's / LGBTQ rights. A lot of these guys have to hear "backchat" from social minorities (women, LGBTQ people, ethnic minorities) for the very first time and don't like it. All of a sudden, especially on the internet, they have to hear back from people that wouldn't have felt comfortable speaking up IRL for the longest time. And they might even see people in these groups getting promoted before they do. Let them whine. It means we're making progress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:42 PM
12

There was a post on here about the demographics on a popular incel forum. Mostly white guys from the US / EU, between the ages of 18-30, majority with only HS / college education, living at home with their parents. Seems like a lot of them have bad mental health and are doing fuck all to address the real problems in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:38 PM
9

I don't think rigid timelines work (do X dates before you commit to Y), but I dislike what he said: On our second date he mentioned that he’s only talking to me and wants me to do the same. That sounds insecure and a bit controlling, not good. Wouldn't commit to it. If you both felt head over heels in love, this would happen organically and without either party making a demand to get off the apps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:34 PM
2

That's really tough. How old are the kids? I think wanting to separate from your husband is fine, the question is if you could realistically share custody in a way that would work with your current job. I think you sort of have to game it all out in your head: could you transfer to a different position that would make a 50 / 50 custody split feasible? How many more years will the kids need an adult babysitter when you are gone for work? I think the constant travel is also bad for your social lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:30 PM
6

That's a very good point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:18 PM
33

Isn't it basically the same, without the contraception issues? You'd look for someone who holds themselves to a high standard and is willing to invest time and effort in you. At least match what you are willing to give. Like, if you are looking for a committed relationship, don't settle for someone who sees you as a fuckbuddy and is still in their party phase. If you have a good social life and career, don't settle for an underemployed pot head with 7 flatmates. I guess it's harder because the d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 01:14 PM
12

The 'unfair' line of argument gives me the willies. You are not allowed to withhold consent since unfair mommy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 11:11 AM
44

You want to read the comments on newspaper articles about school. There are always at least 10 butthurt guys who pretend that schools favour girls and that 'real boys' aren't allowed to succeed since school is a female dominated space. Girls score better on tests? That's a problem. That can't measure 'real achievement', just 'diligence'. (For the record: the staff in my husband's school is 70% female, the manaement at any level is 80% male somehow)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 11:05 AM
20

Disgusting. Hope she gets out of there and moves to a country where she's treated like a human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 10:50 AM
1

Meanwhile society in general is very compassionate towards women, even ugly ones. Citation needed. You fabricate a world in which people fall over themselves to be nice to unattractive women. Absolutely not the case. They're bullied at worst, invisible at best. You just *really* need to believe you have it the worst.
/r/seduction30/11/19 07:41 PM
1

There are people (both male and female) on the far end of the bell curve that are objectively hard to 'fix'. I agree with what you said in general, most people can at least improve to the point where they are dateable, but I do feel really sorry for the people that have lost the genetic lottery and are handed generic feel good advice. Mind you, I've seen a few youtubers that were a collection of all the 'worst' traits (too short, very chubby, broadly unattractive features...) and somehow managed…
/r/seduction30/11/19 07:38 PM
2

Translation: this also happens to the half of humanity that actually matters. IT EVEN HAPPENS TO THE MEEEEENZ.
/r/seduction30/11/19 07:34 PM
4

Depends. Life happens. I think the current instability doesn't matter as much as his track record and attitude. Is he good with money, has some savings, has a track record of pulling his weight job-wise, and is currently between jobs with a good game plan? Not an issue, the end is probably in sight. I'd be more careful in the early stages of a relationship if that track record has not been established. Edit: I'd want to know what his next steps are and verify that they make sense to me. Is he ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 05:49 PM
5

You're totally right. You established a boundary, he violated it repeatedly under the guise of continuing the friendship. Don't feel bad for cutting contact for a good long while, or even tell him you'd rather stop hanging out with him since he clearly wants a romantic relationship. You don't even have to make it explicit, just don't make time for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 04:40 PM
11

We have a saying where I'm from that reminded me of OP - 'you can't reach into a naked man's pocket'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 04:30 PM
27

As if he could. He'll leave the mother and the state to deal with it. Poor child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 04:20 PM
49

Oh ffs. "There's no way I'm about to be a Dad" who did he assume would shoulder the risk if he's out looking for a fuckbuddy? It's not a consequence-free activity by definition. That's why you don't give people like him the time of day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 03:43 PM
53

Yeah, and the author clearly didn't even want to include any female characters. There are like 4 in the entire book with a combined 2 pages of dialogue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 03:20 PM
142

What a complete asshole. Newsflash, guys, you are not entitled to let the woman shoulder the entire burden of contraception and be this kind of a dick about it. Hope he stays single for life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 02:55 PM
138

Aww. I had a crush on book-Faramir. Yep, the soyboy c$ck whose brother Boromir was all toxic masculinity and arrows. He is amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 11:15 AM
62

Ahh, steroids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 08:08 AM
4

Thanks for the reminder. I still get dragged into these circular discussions even though I know the outcome. It's a stupid habit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 05:21 PM
4

Great link, that's really useful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 05:16 PM
14

Yes. If they truly want to go back to the era of 'sex is strictly for reproduction', let's see how long it takes for men to rethink these laws.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 05:15 PM
10

It is sort of a slow moving Darwin award for the entire state because I can imagine you wouldn't be the only one to go elsewhere if you have the option. Even if the legislation doesn't pass, it is such a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 04:20 PM
8

The line about the curtains made me laugh. Too true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 10:08 AM
23

Ignore the butthurt comments. These guys have no empathy, they have no idea what it is like to be in that situation as a woman. Every woman I know has been at the very least hit on and then cussed out by creepy, scary guys. I had a knife pulled on me. I had people yell in my face. I had a bus driver grope me and refuse to open the doors until I repeatedly threatened to call the police. Fuck their fee fees.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 09:06 AM
37

Yep, gross. Makes you sound like a brood mare or a fembot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 09:03 AM
3

No. Thanks for asking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 06:45 AM
9

Shit, I'm suffering flashbacks. I can't believe this excuse for a man still got off scot free. With a position on the supreme court.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 06:42 AM
2

Adulting is hard. Don't choose the easy way because you are afraid to fail. It's worth taking a risk or two in life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 09:25 PM
19

Happened to me. My now husband spent his last money as a starving student to go see me at a meetup in a neighbouring country, then moved country to upgrade an LDR to a 'real' relationship. And we weren't even living together straight away. Can't believe my luck. Point is, if they *want* to put in the effort, they will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 09:04 PM
21

Homewrecker! He'll never love you like he loves me!!! Brb getting more roughage
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 12:29 PM
21

A ratty white hoodie AND he's into anal smileyface?? Sign me UP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 12:04 PM
6

Not to mention that this divorce rape stuff is way overblown. I hold everybody that gets married to the same standard - if you get married, YOU are responsible for choosing another human being that is reasonably rational and intelligent, has empathy, has compatible values and can and will hold down a job. (nothing against stay at home parents of either gender, but you still want to choose a person who COULD stand in for you if anything happened to your own ability to make money) These guys clear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 08:25 AM
7

Let's not boost the incoherent wailing of a 16 year old kid on reddit. If that guy is not 16, he has the emotional maturity of a teenager.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/19 11:12 PM
9

You can lose the weight in a year and study / build a career in about 5. That would still make you younger than Meghan Markle when she married Prince Harry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/19 06:31 AM
14

Also known as the 'cock carousel'. Taken from the incel set of beliefs that young women (with their infinite sexual power) are hyper promiscuous with every 'chad' they meet until they realize they are aging and settle down for a shlubby guy who isn't as attractive, but pays their bills (beta provider). Yes, I know I made great use of my time on this earth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 08:29 PM
6

Maintaining respect for yourself in a marriage is important. I second the 'maintain your hobbies and interests' line of thinking. Have regular evenings away from each other where you do your thing. Don't neglect your own needs, whatever they are - sleep, exercise, good diet, quiet time, time with friends - and don't be passive aggressive about what you want and need in a routine. Pull your weight in terms of chores and finances and have a clear agreement with him about both, don't just mother hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 07:03 AM
11

I agree. I think the point about having manners is quite well taken, to me, wanting a man to see you as a trophy doesn't mean you hold yourself to a lower standard even in terms of manners.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 04:32 PM
3

Don't hold on to hate for him, block this idiot and take care of yourself. The best revenge is a life well lived and it won't make you look crazy to anyone else you care about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 04:01 PM
5

I walked across the street to the cinema and watched Deadpool 2 by myself Well done! Much better than providing that oxygen thief with a captive audience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 12:23 PM
4

No, but close.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 08:29 AM
28

Not to be ridiculous, but I miss him so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 06:32 AM
4

Good guy TM Where is r/goodguys?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/19 10:37 PM
7

A guy like that isn't worth your time. He shouldn't have friends that validate his life choices if he habitually uses other people and thinks nothing of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/19 07:06 PM
9

I know little to no Asian women but you’re far more human and flawed than the delicate, vacant androids I imagined them to be Cringe!! Nailed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/19 06:24 AM
36

This. To me, this is sort of a US-centric, middle class type of assumption. Not sure we are from the same place, but you'd definitely end up single (or with a very skewed subset of the male population, weird hard line conservatives) if you think you won't split the bill over here. Don't really care, I enjoy this sub for now and won't have any hard feelings if I'm asked to move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 11:14 PM
7

I once responded to a post about recurrent sexual assault and the OP was asking if AMALT. I listed a whole lot of sick things men have done to me over my life. It was difficult to write, but I felt it was revelent enough to make the effort. People were kind and supportive for the most part. Then some lowlife scummy moid decided to chime and tell me that I was lying and if all of that had happened, then obviously it was my fault because I was the common denominator. He said it was unfair to women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 10:49 PM
20

Weight, shmeight. Lose 200 lbs of ugly fat in an instant by dumping that guy. PS - get the eye stye looked at by an ophtalmologist but don't worry too much. They completely disappear, it just sucks for a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 04:08 PM
2

There's no such thing as bad publicity. But don't give that video views or comments, he'll get off on that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 02:29 PM
5

I could see that working if it were sort of an fwb situation and this was more or less a game between the two of you. But this seems more serious. You could expose yourself to big problems if he is a vengeful ex and this gets out. It would nuke your career from orbit. Not to mention, risk of catching stds if he is in the habit of hiring escorts. I'd pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 08:46 PM
5

How long does this go on for? I understand needing a day or so to cool off, but it shouldn't be days and weeks of pouting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 08:08 PM
10

Good job. Actions have consequences. I hope this reputation follows him. I couldn't believe what he did to you. Pissed all over the dishes to make a point? Wow. Can't even fathom the mental gymnastics it takes to justify that type of behaviour to yourself. "I was going through a rough phase at the time, so I peed all over the dishes".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 02:10 PM
12

how so many of them feel the innate right to shit on us... it’s hard as fuck to not be bitter. Can relate, the entitlement gets me as well. I don't think it's wrong to let yourself feel angry about it for a bit, and realize that the game is stacked against you in a sense. It's good to have a space to vent. I still have a lot of compassion for men though. Not in the dating scene specifically, but I'm one of those 'the patriarchy hurts everyone' feminists. Because it is obvious that the expectatio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 02:06 PM
9

Might be more trouble than it's worth. I think you always have to weigh up the infringement on your free time, the aggravation of explaining all this to police, etc against the potential benefit. If you think it's safe, let him know it was messed up to do this to you at 14 and scare him. Maybe that's enough to make him think twice before doing that ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 01:43 PM
8

I am so sorry! What the f is wrong with these guys. It's not as if they don't have asses. How dim or callous do you have to be to understand that people don't want to be anally raped without so much as a prior discussion?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 01:08 PM
1

If he tries to use guilt/ love/ force/ passive aggressive ways/ revenge/ isolation etc. to manipulate you into doing something you're not comfortable with, dump his ass right away. Wish that were taught in schools. I know they are now doing a better job of teaching consent, but young women are still often too afraid to say no when they're not comfortable. No is always an acceptable answer and you don't owe people a reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 01:04 PM
9

I'm in the same boat. I dated a ridiculously tall guy for a while, walking around with him was like driving an articulated lorry when you're normally driving a Fiat punto, he took up so much space. Taking a shower with him was like grooming a horse, lol. Most men are taller than me anyway so that's never been a huge selling point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 01:01 PM
3

wish I could upvote this more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 01:12 PM
13

You choose to mate with women who do nothing bc its "male preference" then you're mad the state requires you to pay to keep what you did alive? Women are evil because despite you requiring a decade of physical investment, she cant compete in the job market with no experience... but u got raped? This. I feel very little sympathy for guys in this position because, as you said, they chose this person. I fully support men having high standards as well. I think no one should go into a long term relat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 12:56 PM
7

OP, this guy doesn't respect you. He calls you bitchy if you have a normal discussion, he shames you for asking him to help out, and you have clearly been conditioned to find fault with yourself. Stop apologizing for reasonable behaviour, like having a difference of opinion or asking another adult to pull his weight. If he can't handle mild disagreement or a request to pick up after himself, who is the sensitive one?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 12:48 PM
11

That was my first thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 12:45 PM
2

Is he comfortable talking about his family? Are there any signs that point to inherited money? That was my first anyway, I also thought he was one of those people whose family own a lot of real estate, so they don't have to work all that much. Or, yes, he's up to something illegal. Can't say which it is, in either case it would be somewhat normal not to tell you too soon what is going on. Be careful, keep your eyes open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 06:45 AM
2

Yeah, I've met a good few students, but I think it is most popular with people in their 30s (or even older) that move someplace else for work and are looking to make new friends. I suppose the students go to university specific clubs and societies, that's what I did anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 09:05 PM
1

Oh, sorry. NGL, you also get plenty of dysfunctional relationship patterns modelled for you by more or less happily married parents. Never underestimate the amount of BS other families have going on...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 05:14 PM
5

I think this has a totally different dynamic than a tinder date because you already know and like each other. So him cooking for you is not that low effort / netflix and chill-ish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 04:08 PM
3

I'd say good, committed fathers in a stable relationship model the qualities that you need to make a marriage work, if that is what you are looking for. It's difficult to expect warmth from someone who hasn't received any from his own parents. People from broken homes can learn these skills, but it's a tossup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 04:06 PM
14

Most manosphere guys are conservatives and most of them seem to want a 2 dimensional version of Barbie with no piercings, tattoos, etc. To my great shame, I find myself in agreement with them on septum piercings specifically. I think you need to have a near-perfect nose (not even slightly curved, not too broad) to pull it off and even then I usually find people cuter without them. Not as bad as flesh loop earrings, but I can't get used to them. I'll see myself out...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 03:41 PM
3

Baby steps. At least he is your ex. Don't let a guy treat you like that ever again, you deserve much better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 02:52 PM
8

That's sad. How does she call this guy her 'boyfriend'? Unbelievably selfish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 02:49 PM
3

I need to ask - what did you reply, if anything? What a clown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 08:05 AM
8

I know the type you mean. Tbf, PhD students live some sort of cursed half-life among the undergraduates and don't really belong in the student or the grown up camp, but they are also looking at 3-5 very tough years with very little money and uncertain job prospects. Also not a fan of fraternities. This probably varies by locality, but our fraternities attract ultra conservative oddballs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 07:57 AM
5

Yeah, I can't with that type of guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:46 PM
4

Fair. I do have a bit of a hangup about divorced men. Marriage is hard, two people have to really be invested and work at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:37 PM
11

His response is that he’s around too many insecure people, and when he’s around the “right” people, they’ll understand him and not find it harsh . Suuuure. I find it especially idiotic that he tries to 'neg' you whenever you say something less than positive about him. Not good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:34 PM
4

Hmm, are you sure you want to? He was too old for you then and already had a shot at marriage. Maybe he's splitting up with the wife for another woman? Don't you want someone your age? Negativity aside, a FB / Instagram add is not too weird. I quite often add people from the past just because they popped up in suggested contacts. I don't suppose you want to start hanging out in the starbucks closest to his office...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:21 PM
1

If you allow me to say one last thing on this - I absolutely hate the way this debate is currently going on social media. Not between the two of us specifically, in a wider sense. From the pro-trans side: I vehemently disagree with painting these people aas bunch of LARPing pervs chancing their arms to get into the women's bathroom. Whatever happened during their development left them with an issue that legitimately 'stranded' them between genders, and that deserves a better societal response th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 01:45 PM
1

I can't guarantee that. No one can. But I disagree with the way you characterize transgender people, and I think it isn't fair. I think you should read up on their experiences - not necessarily because someone should force you to accept them in female spaces, but because it is both interesting and quite sad. It is still not fully understood how a small subsection of the population ends up with such a complete disconnect and horror of all the markers of their own gender, and how to address the ge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 12:36 PM
1

I am not saying at all that rape victims 'slept around'. That's a total overreaction and not a fair representation of what I said. I said something that is common knowledge: you are far more likely to be raped by a boyfriend, a friend-of-a-friend at a party or even a relative than a total stranger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 12:26 PM
8

Have you met any trans women? Most of them are obsessed with 'passing' as a cis women, especially in the early stage of transitioning. It gives them a lot of anxiety about their voice and appearance. I've spoken to a few both in person and on discord servers. 0.2 %: was off by 0.4, as it happens, but I know transgender people are less than 1 % of the population: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/how-many-adults-identify-as-transgender-in-the-united-states/ A random sex offender wea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 12:23 PM
8

This may sound harsh, but: you don't love yourself enough, yet. And need external validation. It sucks but it gets better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 10:34 AM
2

Yep, okay, we part ways here. While I understand that colonialism definitely exposed women from native cultures (whatever yours is) to rape and slavery, I highly doubt that there was ever a human society where some men didn't take advantage of their physical strength to rape or beat women. That would be abnormal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:33 AM
2

This. Most people on this sub had bad experiences with cis men that they went home with off their own accord. That's how it typically happens. Mind you, I sympathize with rape survivors that are scared at the idea of anything-with-a -penis in a female space like a public change room (although I personally don't mind). But I also agree with you that trans people are a) a tiny minority b) far, FAAAR, FAAAAAAR less likely to assault a woman than any cis dude on public transport.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:25 AM
4

For what it's worth, I agree with RadioactiveJoy here. I think it is okay if there are spaces like these that discuss primarily the concerns of cis women. Our upbringing and concerns related to reproductive biology set (most of) us apart from trans women, and to my mind, that's fine. There are some issues that are specific to cis women, so I agree with having a space just for us. I don't think it is necessary or okay to label trans women potential sex offenders. I have met a few (okay, anecdotal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:07 AM
6

Or, I'm not sure if any of this is your thing, anything with a self improvement vibe - music / art / language classes, free lectures, even something like improv groups. Anything on meetup that requires brains and an active interest in something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 09:00 AM
3

They sound like they deserve each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 08:19 AM
18

I am so angry for you in hindsight. Particularly the negging and revenge porn threats on top of all the monumental bullshit he put you through. What a psycho. I hope he is 300lbs and living alone in a dumpster now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 08:05 AM
9

I don't think you necessarily will. I think it also depends on the type of men you are attracted to, based on your upbringing or other factors. Any shittiness I've experienced was much more predictable and low key. Harmless losers with commitment issues, essentially. It's just good to know what to watch out for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 08:02 AM
12

Unbelievable. Yeah, how 'unfair'. What a monster you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 07:08 AM
7

What's that quote - you become the 5 people you spent most time with? I would see that as a very negative signal. If he had more than one friend who considers 'feminist' a slur and (!) think it's appropriate to go out of their way to insult you online, that is a bad sign for your friend. And he thinks it's funny? Nah, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 07:04 AM
12

Yep. You are not a charity and you don't owe random men your time. Particularly not if they act entitled to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 07:01 AM
17

Muggles going their own way...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 09:37 PM
4

Yeah. Plus, people can't time travel and most people aren't superhumanly good at lying. In a close relationship, you always know more or less where your partner is, and you can tell if something is off - bad mood, good mood, putting more or less effort into their appearance, and so forth. In the case of those men that have an entire second family for years, I always wonder if their partner did not take much of an interest in their work at all. And what if anything these people ever talked about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 09:34 PM
1

Ironically in the context of this thread, I needed it and I learned that from one man who had longer hair and had a dislike for frizzy / wiry hair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 08:35 PM
14

Can get on board with the pickyness, but can we not out -TRP TRP and use references to 'alphas' and 'the animal kingdom'? Please? Because then we go down a road of boring arguments about how the studies on alpha wolves only applied to wolves in captivity, and whether monogamy is natural (b..but pidgeons..but also male lions...), and how male penguins and sea horses are great Dads, and then I might have to fire myself into the sun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 05:08 PM
20

Relevant quote from Guardian columnist Marina Hyde: Of course, the thing about incels (metaphorical and otherwise) is that while a huge part of their self-mythology is claiming they represent the unheard, the reality is that people really listen to their shit. Consider the case of the man accused of driving a van into pedestrians in Toronto last year, killing 10 people, who warned in a police video (released on Friday) that he’d start an incel uprising with it all. Nine days – nine days! – after…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 03:35 PM
3

Fingers crossed for you! I hope you get through it fine and come out with your sanity intact. You deserve it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 11:19 AM
5

Maybe not what the majority here will say, but two words: med school. I know people that went through it and the pressure is immense. If he makes time for you regularly and you get along well, this isn't a red flag to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 11:17 AM
2

My vote is yes, but for me it was sort of an acquired taste. Penetration can be both uncomfortable and really good depending on who you are with, at what point in your cycle you are, and obviously and most importantly, depending on whether you have a partner that you are attracted to and who you trust. Took me a long time to figure it out as well, I don't think it's rare at all for women not to get the hang of it until they are in their late 20s / early 30s and more comfortable in their own bodi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 10:26 AM
6

"no labels" is often a cover for commitment-phobia and assorted BS. I understand that some people don't want to get married, but then you have to be open about it and find someone who shares your opinion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 10:16 AM
3

Yeah, me neither. I unfortunately ended up on a 'lookism' forum a couple of years ago ( tbh, I was fascinated by the amount of insane obsession these men had for their wrists, facial bone structure, etc) and these guys swore blind that there were no 'looksmatched' couples. I made my poor bf look at couples when we were walking somewhere and confirm that I wasn't insane and that there were, in fact, any number of mediocre looking people in relationships and that the better looking one could be of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 10:14 AM
1

Not okay, at all. Pull him up on it. If he is really concerned about how much the two of you are spending when you go on trips, he should discuss budgets in a mature way, not couch it in a passive aggressive joke. That's what I'd tell him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 10:11 AM
2

Plenty of conventionally unattractive people have perfectly fine relationships and a fulfilling life, even though (or maybe because) the masses don't notice them. I can only imagine a reality intrusion alarm went off at incels.me or wherever they hang out these days as you wrote that. NO INCEL TIER MAN CAN EVER FIND LOVE WITH A WOMAN! NO SUB-CHAD EVER GETS TO GO OUT WITH HIS LOOKSMATCH! It's oooooogre.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 10:09 AM
3

This is great and it's very encouraging that more kids arenow taught they have a right to their own physical boundaries. We were definitely not brought up with that. Every kid and every adult should know this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 10:06 AM
2

I dated the inverse of deodorant man - a guy that was very afraid of BO and would shower multiple times a day, but hated deodorant to the point that he preferred to live with sweat patches. I would have to change my name and move if people saw me wandering around with sweat patches outside the gym.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 10:01 AM
3

I think that's solid advice. If you are your own person with some money of your own, you won't make a desperate dysfunctional choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 07:52 AM
10

The guy lives in his parents' house and actively resists any idea that he could be doing more than sit on his backside and browse the internet. of course 'it's over' if you are not doing anything, goddamnit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 07:51 AM
4

Same here, I have to know more about people to find them attractive and my first impressions often change. I've only ever been attracted to guys that are smart and accomplished, most of them didn't have a chad physique. I think it is very hard to find that on Tinder, because most of the conventionally attractive guys had hobbies that made it obvious to me that we likely wouldn't be compatible, and what I liked in men in person wouldn't translate in a photo. So meeting people in person through yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 07:46 AM
12

You are brave. I also feel tempted to read those sorts of books but then usually don't because I don't want to give the idiot more money and annoy myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 07:33 AM
4

Maya Angelou: When you know better, you do better. Unfortunately, you have to make certain mistakes and have certain negative experiences before you learn that certain behaviours hurt you. I'm nearly 100 % certain that I wouldn't have followed other people's advice at 18-22. Plenty of people told me then that the person I was with wasn't worth my time, or at least hinted as much (my parents were wise enough to know that I wasn't going to listen). You have to be compassionate with yourself, like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 11:33 PM
12

Wowzers. They l337 hackz0red the matrix. Thanks for the neat writeup, I would have probably tried to engage with that stupid concept myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 08:49 PM
45

Yes, don't give people like that your time at all, show them they don't matter and you don't have time for their BS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 08:46 PM
5

That made me laugh so hard
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 04:19 PM
3

Dandruff cushion is 10 points.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 04:08 PM
5

heh, I'm probably in a 'high risk' group for borderline slobs since I prefer a clean-but-somewhat-scruffy guy to a guy that is fastidious about his clothes and pedantic about his surroundings. That's how I met Mr Wardrobes are Optional, Also What's a Wallet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 04:07 PM
4

Woah. That's not a throwaway remark or two. That was a calculated move to lower your self esteem and make you feel like you had no better options. Feel really angry at that guy. Congratulations on leaving him, don't let that happen to you again. Edit: probably projection - felt bad about himself and took it out on you, more likely than not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 03:40 PM
3

Yeah, fair point. Not really acceptable once you are out of college.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 02:20 PM
5

Lol! The tiny spanner made it for me, I could picture it perfectly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 02:01 PM
9

Lol! The floor mattress. Those all sound familiar. And the one with the trash can is somewhat understandable for a bachelor, but so so awful if you run into the problem. Should have added: Collection of old toilet paper rolls on bathroom floor (2) Clearly a common visual impairment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 02:00 PM
1

You are clearly looking to pick a fight over nothing. Of course it could be from someone other than a Russian speaker, but it's a reasonable default assumption. I also implied no disrespect to people from that part of the world other than the disrespect the quoted comment so richly deserved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 10:19 AM
1

Sure. The quoted post just sounded like it came from a Russian speaker (who drops the articles).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 10:02 AM
3

It is a bit depressing how many guys cite 'studies' without having the first idea how to assess the validity of a study, even by just looking at simple things like sample size and using basic statistics to understand the findings better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 07:25 AM
5

Sorry to hear that. I'm not going to tell you to break up or anything, but I think he needs to be more considerate about how he handles his mental health. Can you tell him nicely that he needs more help than you can provide? If he is not already in therapy, he really should be. I'm no stranger to panic attacks myself and I understand that they make you really needy when they happen, but that's also the reason that he needs to look into whatever he can do to minimize this issue , namely: therapy,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 09:42 PM
9

That's true. My LDR who turned into my husband always made time for me, we (nearly) always wanted to communicate at the end of the day. It really is a question of whether you want to make the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 07:56 PM
9

Yeah, that's pretty much an unemployed loser somewhere in Siberia posting hate fantasies about girls online. He doesn't need exposure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 07:47 PM
5

I got a kick out of the spelling errors. Petty little scrotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 07:45 PM
3

This so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 12:37 PM
5

A bit of awkward texting seems fine, but if you are genuinely not interested in talking to him, I don't see how this would be much better in person. I've only ever been attracted to men that were engaging / funny in writing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 11:21 AM
11

Err yeah. Big red flag. I mean I wouldn't accept that a partner of mine goes after anyone else to begin with, but an 18 year old? Borderline pedo. If he is only / mostly attracted to very immature young girls at that age, something is wrong with that man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 11:19 AM
6

I had zero difficulty picturing that. That dude is not alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 09:57 AM
17

That's it precisely. They are offended at women that have the audacity to not conform to their beauty standards and still dare to exist / even be in the public eye. It is bizarre. It's like shouting at the clouds because Danny de Vito is on the TV. B..but she doesn't even make my penis hard! How does she get to have an opinion?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 09:55 AM
38

Cheapskates. I was a bit triggered by the reddit story about the dude who went on a rant about buying his gf a $2 punnet of chips "because he had already paid for the gas". I split expenses very fairly in a relationship, but wouldn't stay with someone who argues over small expenses / whose turn it is to pick up the tab.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 09:39 AM
10

It's still mostly his ego that is hurt and he can't stop trash talking her. Well done that girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 08:57 AM
24

Some men can't handle the idea that anything (your outfit, a movie, your hairstyle, a female standup comedian) is not made for them. It's pretty hateable. Most content is geared towards a white male audience as the default, so obviously other content shouldn't even exist. Just look how (some) gamers reacted when video games companies chose to add female PoV characters in their favourite games. Somehow, letting other people enjoy an option that they might not want was already too much for these p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/19 11:03 PM
2

That doesn't make the 'outspoken conservative' dude more dateable. If we don't have compatible values, that would bug me far more than the dude not paying for super fancy meals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 08:47 PM
1

My vote is no because I think political values say a lot about what you value in terms of ethics, and that will also affect your everyday life with this person. Obviously no one can expect a perfect match, but having similar political values has been a huge benefit to my relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 08:45 PM
2

Ain't that the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 05:45 PM
2

People are just annoyed because this type of post sort of perpetuates the idea that men's feelings (from the moment he shows even the most minor bit of remorse) are worth more than those of the women whose feelings he hurt and abused. I understand that we can look at both of these issues individually, but I am also sceptical about him posting this type of public apology. Let's not have people attack each other over this difference of opinion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 05:35 PM
1

Well spotted, actually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 05:29 PM
2

That is the saddest thing I have ever heard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 05:22 PM
1

I think the advice about waiting until you trust him somewhat is spot on. I think you can build a pretty good overall picture of a guy by how he treats you and others in public, how he talks (if he talks) about former relationships, his parents, etc. If he doesn't seem resentful, doesn't have anger issues, isn't disrespectful to the people around you, doesn't come across as overly eager to get you into bed ASAP and can voice a difference of opinion in a positive way, you can trust him in your be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 04:55 PM
2

Definitely second game nights. Board games clubs attract other interesting introverts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 04:25 PM
1

I recommend the hobby route. I made some friends through meetup groups and a dance course I am taking since I moved cities. I also do Toastmasters (look it up) - especially if you are anxious about how you sound it might be a good idea to build your confidence. It's a very 'structured interaction' as well, which works well for me as an introvert. You find out a lot of things about the other people in attendance via their speeches, which serves as an easy conversation starter when you hang out wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 04:24 PM
6

Have platonic male friends at work who I used to be very loyal to, but they close to 100 % do not have my back in return. I feel used for validation and entertainment by them, so I'm no longer as close even though we still hang out. My best female friend at work totally has my back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 04:15 PM
3

He can bus me to a spa day, I'd vote anyway but will take any free spa days going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 12:59 PM
2

I think that sounds like a good strategy. You're doing all the right things. Hope you continue to do great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/19 06:32 PM
1

That's how I feel. Also if the income disparity is not that great and there is a fair-ish split of chores (I say fair-ish, because - OF COURSE - I still do more housework), it's not that much of an issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/19 06:29 PM
5

I think you saved yourself a lot of heartache in the long run, honestly. If he genuinely agrees with those guys, that would have negative consequences for your relationship with him, inevitably so. Move out, cut your losses. Edit: Looking at your username, I think this is a troll post. Has to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 02:55 PM
8

Can relate. One word of advice, never look up gamergate. Ignorance is bliss, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 02:44 PM
1

I feel so bad because I'm not 90% woman. Nor younger woman. Or even wonder woman. Thanks, kind stranger, you opened my eyes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 01:50 PM
7

You tell them kindly but firmly how many days you would ideally want to spend with them, and ask the guy how they feel about it. I think that's not an asshole move at all, it just has to be a negotiation. I'm an introvert and need a lot of alone time, I thankfully have a partner that is the same. It's always far better to speak up and say how you feel rather than put up with something until you get resentful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 01:06 PM
3

Checks out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 12:56 PM
7

This. I unfortunately have a feeling that those who need to hear it the most will never come across this post. It was truly disturbing to me to see some of my friends from university (most of them smart, capable women in male dominated professions) change when their sons were born. Think no pink toys from the day the son was born - as if anything girly would be distressing to a male infant - and making excuses for aggressive behaviour from male toddlers. Society really does enforce and reinforce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/19 07:54 AM
6

Yeah, I'd also like to amend my earlier reply to 'lose his number'. What a douche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/19 10:34 AM
3

Hey, I think you shouldn't over-interpret what he says, but I would also be put off by him expecting you to be 'on call' for the same night. Feels a bit like another tinder date cancelled and now he's trying to hit you up as a replacement. Put your foot down and say that you don't like and never accept spontaneous invites, but you are happy to go out with him again if he gives you a few days' notice. You'll be able to tell from his reaction if he is willing to put in the effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/19 10:33 AM
10

Yeah, this. It's also not that gendered in my view (although more commonly encountered in men, because lots of guys have more fragile egos). Don't settle for someone who drags you down and don't try to make yourself small so as not to make some guy feel bad. Ideally, you should both build each other up and support each other in your endeavours. One caveat, I think 'dating down' in terms of salary doesn't have to be a bad strategy if they guy is smart, together and supportive. I have several fema…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/19 10:30 AM
24

God, that's cheap. I personally don't mind going dutch or just going for drinks, but texting you *after the date* to split the bill retroactively? Nah. I'd be tempted to just ghost him. Also tell mutual friend what happened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/19 10:08 AM
12

I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in dating you. Done. Don't try and 'let him down easy', it does more harm then good. And don't say you see them as a friend if you really don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/19 09:49 PM
23

Don't make yourself small to spare a man's ego. You probably don't need that advice, but I struggled with that when my then bf didn't pass his exams - I even blamed myself for 'distracting' him from his studies. Don't be afraid to end it. (It's even mildly narcissistic to assume that your partner won't be okay without you - he will). You don't owe anyone a) your time b) your attention c) sex. Never judge yourself by a man's opinion of you, no matter how old, smart or attractive he is. If it feel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/19 06:55 PM
25

That's a form of mental illness. See also: 'Black Mormons', 'Hispanics for Trump', 'Dalmatians for Cruella'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/19 06:36 PM
14

I feel like many of them want to LARP as trad women Bingo. What gets me the most is that women with that preference tend to dress this up as 'natural' and 'more feminine' and put down women that, like, consider other career options besides soulmate & helpmate to some shlub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/19 05:47 PM
18

I find myself agreeing with that, unfortunately. I'm in a very loving marriage with a great, supportive husband, but virtually every man or male friend that I know has some buried misogynist attitudes. Example: a friend of mine at work got upset when a recently hired woman took time off for pregnancy and hissed at me that she 'ought to have known'. A year later, of course, his wife took maternity leave from her new job. The disconnect between the two statements never got through to him. Both my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/19 07:29 AM
7

You got shafted during the divorce not because of laws and evil women, but because you thought with your dick when you got married. Very much agree with this and pretty much everything else you said. It annoys me too. I find the preponderance of misogynist fora on the internet (in combination with Trump and similar movements elsewhere) pretty threatening. Have you looked into gamergate, and all the misogynist BS it spawned? I'm not really a gamer and heard about it 2 years after the event. It wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/19 10:13 PM
1

Woman here. You are right - online platforms are harder for men because men are overwhelmingly more in the market for casual sex and all you really have to go on, with a platform like tinder, is somebody's looks. Ergo, online dating rewards girls and the men with the best looks. That doesn't mean an average looking guy can't get a gf though. This sounds like trite advice but: socialize more. Join clubs / associations where you could meet girls your age. Go out with friends in a group. Socialize …
/r/askTRP22/09/19 12:39 PM
1

Lol. I don't think there is a formal definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/19 10:05 AM
-1

PUAs are sad man children. If a woman falls for someone like that, she is seriously dense. There's also nothing alpha about being a fuckboy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/19 08:53 AM
2

Ayup. I think you have to take on the lion's share of responsibility for your own issues whatever they are. You can support someone in helping themselves, but you can't drag them along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/19 02:19 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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