Is there any hope for me?

Saitschik · 2019-11-27T00:39:50+00:00

Sure it is possible. Lose weight, get an education and treat yourself with dignity. The woman who recently snatched Jeff Bezos is in her 50s... it's never too late to level up. Especially when you are deliberately childfree age doesn't matter.

But for attracting a high value man you have to take care of yourself first.

frugaholic1201 · 2019-11-27T00:44:49+00:00

[deleted]

frugaholic1201 · 2019-11-27T02:02:11+00:00

I just wanted to say, you girls are a hell of an inspiration. THANK YOU for all the kind words and encouragement you guys gave me. What an amazing group this is. I’m so lucky to have found all of you, queens! ❤️🥰

Inez_Honeyfox · 2019-11-27T00:51:11+00:00

Of course it’s not too late! I separated from my ex-husband with very similar circumstances, except with a 12 year old I was keeping with me and I was 34. I worked two jobs, retail at a mall and a food truck. I eventually found a cocktail waitressing job so I could get my foot in the door with bartending, and now (I’m about to turn 41) I run the place. It’s the most successful business model of its type in the Pacific Northwest. I’m still single, but it’s by choice because I don’t need it anymore. If I partner up in the future, it will not be for any reason except it brings me some joy.

olivetree08 · 2019-11-27T00:45:53+00:00

Oh sister I’m in similar shoes (36F). I got sober (now six months!) after an entire adult life of drinking. My fiancé of 8 years left me high and dry without a house or car, and I was in grad school at the time so no job or income of my own. We broke up 8 months ago. I felt fat, unattractive, like I’d never date again, who would want to date an old fat woman. Well, those are all lies and symptoms of low self esteem (and the pain of rejection a breakup can bring, so don’t beat yourself up, it’s normal.) I can tell you - it gets better! 💪 ☀️ Time will help as long as you work hard on self love, compassion, and begin a healthy workout and eating routine. I lost 40 lbs, started yoga teacher training, made new friends - got out of my comfort zone, told people about my situation and that I was working on making new friends, and strangers started reaching out to me who are now my friends. From my perspective, my experience, I can recommend taking care of YOU first - no dating for at least six months. I need to love who I am, be proud of my assets, accomplishments, and beauty before I let a man in. I don’t want to need to be validated by someone else thinking I’m pretty or interesting or whatever. I want to feel whole first. I recently got on dating sites and I’m seriously considering getting off and taking more time. This isn’t the first time you’ll here this but - YOU ARE YOUNG. You have time to turn this ship around. Don’t fill up your self esteem by getting a man. Fill up your own cup first. I hope something I wrote helps. You’re not alone! You can do this! It’s hard as hell right now but it won’t always be this way, I promise. Work on you. Take time to grieve while making steps toward your goals. For me, the very first kernels of self esteem came from steadily losing 2 lbs a week. Do you, babe 🌈 💕 💪

TheLastUBender · 2019-11-27T06:31:57+00:00

You can lose the weight in a year and study / build a career in about 5. That would still make you younger than Meghan Markle when she married Prince Harry.

JuddHerpatow · 2019-11-27T03:28:29+00:00

Hi. I'm starting over in life and I'm ten plus years on you. So, I can totally relate. The glaring issue is that you think that your *age* is what makes you high value. I understand that ageism is for real in this country, but being 21 does not make you a high value woman. I have to constantly deprogram myself from that lie. Men want you to think that you have no value at 31. It's a lie. Get your degree. Get your money and crush.

meri_cherri · 2019-11-27T00:49:27+00:00

Omg 31 is the new 21. You have already started just by the sheer fact that you are willing to be hvw. Congratulations

CSQUITO · 2019-11-27T02:05:53+00:00

First of all - I’ll keep saying this so as many people see it. A high value woman is not something objective. You only need to be of high value to yourself.

A high value man is also not objective - he only needs to be of high value to you.

Secondly - by no means are you too old. It’s never too late to start. Make a short 5 year plan, and map out where you want to be, where your interests are, how much money you want to earn, whether you want to be remarried or have kids etc. Write it all down, and then break it down into months. Research what opportunities are available to you, and whether your goals are realistic. Then just o for it. Put yourself out there, enjoy life as much as possible

sigmahat · 2019-11-27T09:31:43+00:00

Childfree means there's no damn hurry. Lose the weight and get in shape, certainly, but the most important thing to get done is establishing solid financial independence.

You can still work the appearance a bit, of course. You said it's only about 15 pounds, that's really not a big deal, you could lose that without even any major lifestyle changes in a year- I bet just using a food scale and tracking honestly would trim 150 calories a day, most people overeat a bit without knowing and you'll pick healthier options if you have to log it. If you add in exercise (and don't eat it back) you'll look incredible in 6 months.

I think a lot of beauty just comes from nice skin and hair and being a healthy weight, but if you want to wear makeup, drugstore brands have come a long way in the last ten years, so you can pick a feature or two to enhance for very little money. For clothes- thrift wisely and get a few nice pieces tailored. You'll be able to mix in inexpensive clothes and still look stylish.

But really, your main efforts should be going to getting a decent job and ensuring that you don't need anyone else. Get therapy if you need it. Any neediness in any part of your life attracts losers. If you concentrate on becoming your best self, I'll be shocked if you're still single at 35- and your spouse will add to your life, not suck you dry like your ex. If you concentrate on catching a man, you'll probably still be disappointed with your life, and you'll probably be on red pill loser #2.

Deadgirl1888 · 2019-11-27T06:15:04+00:00

I met a lot of people in my classes who didn't start college until their mid thirties. It's never too late for an education!

alivebut-justbarely · 2019-11-27T05:41:22+00:00

Yes! I was in your exact position a few years ago. I'm 33 now. I've spent the last few years losing weight, landing a job I love, making new friends, and developing new interests and hobbies. And now I'm dating several high value men who regularly tell me they're very impressed by me.

Work on yourself! You have time! I know there's that panicky feeling we get in our 30s that it is too late for us, but it isn't true! I get hit on, checked out, and asked it more now than I did in my 20s.

Ask yourself where you want to be in a few years and create a beautiful life for YOU. You owe it to yourself and you can do it. It helped me to create a vision board. Remember that it is a process. It will take time. And it is a lot of work but so worth it when you wake up one day and realize that your life is awesome and fulfilling. You got this!!❤️

UKFeminst38 · 2019-11-27T12:49:25+00:00

Hun, I'm 36 and was left for a 20 year old in April. Well, I left, actually, as the ex wanted to stay, "living together as friends," while he moved the side bit into our marital home and I continued paying for all the amenities he'd become accustomed to. He was a POS, totally LVM I'd honestly wanted to leave for a long time, but he always threatened to kill himself every time I brought up the fact that we were completely incompatible, and gaslighted me something chronic about how we were, "destined to stay together," and, "could get through anything." Yeah, that was bollocks he spewed until he found someone else.

Anyway, 8 months later, I'm better than I've ever been! All the confidence the ex stripped away has come back, and I'm living my life for ME! Attracting a HVM, while in the back of my mind (although, as a bisexual woman, I'm not altogether sure I want to date men again) is not a priority. What I'm doing I'm doing g for my own physical and mental health. Running into another relationship really isn't what I want, and probably isn't what you need, either.

Work on yourself. Definitely don't start camming, as I noticed someone else suggested, that's liberal feminist bullshit that benefits men, not us. You'll feel so much better just working on yourself, picking up old hobbies you neglected or starting new ones. I've found Meetup to be great for getting to know new people with no ulterior agenda.

Kudos on the childfree front, that's me too. Honestly, I think having kids is the biggest trap a woman can fall into. If she's going to do it, I reckon a spermicide bank is the way to go rather than tethering herself to some douchemoose for life.

All the best chick, YOUR life starts now and shit to anyone else, especially the ex.

pokersnob · 2019-11-27T13:04:30+00:00

A diamond in the garbage is still a diamond.

Make a list of goals and kill them all silently

abicus4343 · 2019-11-27T18:58:09+00:00

Number one....stop giving two fucks if you are high value to some loser or not. Number two....its never too late, ever. Be your best self for yourself. Get up and get going, do whatever it takes to make your life and yourself into the best it can be. Fuck men. I'm 49, I look fantastic, feel fantastic, have men at my feet and I dont give a fuck. There is no wall, if you are attractive there will always be men available at any age, whether you want them or not is the issue, not whether they want you. My partner is 13 years younger then me and we look the same age.

Work on yourself, your health, your appearance, your spirituality, your social circles, your hobbies, your career, there is so much to focus on, dont waste an ounce of your energy focusing on men, they will always be there. Self love and self care first, the body follows the mind, get the mind right and the body will follow, I highly recommend meditation. You are only 31, you still have lifetimes to live, make your life count!

gggemma · 2019-11-27T06:52:06+00:00

Theres hope for all of us. Im 34f, no kids Im starting over also. My last two relationships deeply affected my mental health, I’ve barely left the house for the past year except to go to my dead end job. I have no friends and have let myself go. Im starting school in Jan, im working on my mental health and I know slowly things will get better. Think about yourself not another man.

haveanicedaytoo · 2019-11-27T10:27:23+00:00

I'm 40 and in the best shape of my life. I do pilates, weight lifting, and cardio, and also eat clean and healthy. You have no idea what a boost in self esteem it will be for you once you start losing weight, getting in shape and feel your body getting stronger and healthier. You will exude a self-confident energy because you love what you see in the mirror, and you will love knowing what your body is capable of, and it will give you a high value woman aura/energy that will be palpable to others, even when you aren't consciously thinking about it.

You haven't wasted any time, you've learned valuable life lessons and now you're embarking on the next chapter.

CoolMelonade · 2019-11-27T00:37:36+00:00

It’s okay love - of course you can. You will just have to do the self work to raise yourself where you want to be. You’re never “too old” to be treated well.

2019-11-27T00:47:09+00:00

It's never too late, you can start working towards being the woman of your dreams now and enjoy it the whole way through ♥️

driver_picks_music · 2019-11-27T12:24:55+00:00

statistically you have like 45-55 more years ahead of you... i am pretty sure that is plenty of time for anything you wan to achieve/ change :)

It is also a frightening, nightmarish long time to sit passively and be afraid for it to be „too late“. It js longer than you have even been alive!!

You just need to start doing it. Noone says you need to be fully done by March2020. In fact, you have enough time to start all over again at least 3 more times in your life.

It is all about perspective!!

goatismycopilot · 2019-11-27T00:49:11+00:00

Yes. It is all very possible as long as you want to be a HV for yourself.

MoonlightRumor · 2019-11-27T04:45:04+00:00

Its never too late and your never too old! The 45 year old female director of the Avengers movie married the 25-year old actor. There is an 85 year old bodybuilder woman on YouTube who is ripped as hell and she started in her fifties. I know a guy who started medical school in his fifties. As long as your still breathing there is hope. Feel free to message me anytime sis!

leadsinlight1 · 2019-11-27T04:04:37+00:00

I’m a 31 f going through the same thing with my partner. Your not alone in how u feel. It is very hard to start over and be independent but you can do it! I don’t have any children yet either. It’s scary and can feel like a lot! But have hope

frugaholic1201 · 2019-11-27T08:53:45+00:00

[removed]

Title	Is there any hope for me?
Author	frugaholic1201
Upvotes	63
Comments	48
Date	November 27, 2019 12:33 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e27mi0/is_there_any_hope_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-there-any-hope-for-me.723969 https://theredarchive.com/post/723969

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