Please be nicer to pick-me's

snootdidanoot · 2021-02-27T07:14:04+00:00

[deleted]

aiodklnr · 2021-02-27T07:32:52+00:00

Thank you for bringing this up. I have noticed it a lot and honestly, it is part of the reason why I lurked on this sub for so long before finally joining in conversations.

As women, we already have half the world's population constantly telling us how stupid, inferior, and illogical we are. Every corner of society teaches us to cater ourselves to men and their needs. I don't think we need more of that tone towards fellow women here.

I especially hate reading comments that conflate individual actions with personhood (for example, "she's stupid" vs. "that is a stupid action to take").

I agree that discussions should speak about women's own responsibility for their actions and how it keeps them in bad situations. I think it is possible to do so in a way that alerts a woman to her agency, without tearing her down.

2021-02-27T07:27:40+00:00

I don't see anyone being "torn to shreds" except men on this subreddit. But I do notice that there's a lot of women on here that will blame women for men's behavior and say their "telling the truth" especially when it comes to abusive relationships. I don't believe in tough love either when people say that it's just an excuse to be a dick.

They say their for woman empowerment and get on other women for being pick mes, but in the same breath are male identified. I do believe in being blunt and honest when it comes to giving advice, but not writing a whole two paragraph essay about how a woman is stupid for "tolerating" a man's behaviour like a man can't control himself being abusive or not. That's too much and women that do that need to go hang out with men because that's what they sound like.

I will start to insult a women if their putting other women and kids in danger though by pandering to men, otherwise I'm not doing all of that.

ScrotonimoStilton · 2021-02-27T07:35:50+00:00

I will shame pickmeism when other women or children are in danger because of their behavior that they REFUSE to change despite being aware.

asoww · 2021-02-27T07:23:01+00:00

I agree with you. I have a big issue with pick me hate on this sub. Why so harsh ? We don't want to look like LVM, LVM stupidly lack of empathy and depth. We want to be better than that, I think.

Alpha_Aries · 2021-02-27T07:05:25+00:00

i totally understand your view, but want to offer an alternate one.

i'm a vegan... this is something people say to vegans all the time. be nicer to meat eaters, or they won't go vegan.

there's actually no evidence this works. in fact, in my experience, learning the facts and feeling guilt made me change.

so i think there's a place for kindness and understanding, and there's a place for ruthlessness. i think the apologists and the militants need each other in a movement. kindness doesn't work for everyone.

tallwomenneedlovetoo · 2021-02-27T07:33:26+00:00

I wasn’t expecting to see tone policing here. I would think that at least here, women are allowed to freely express their disappointment and frustration with common state of things without having to mince our words. If someone doesn’t like the message or the way it’s being communicated, nobody is holding a gun to their head and forcing them to read OR agree with us.

And like in the case of white moderates who are complicit in black and brown oppression, I don’t owe any kind of positive or uplifting tone to someone who actively participates in a system that negatively affects people (in FDS’s case, women. In the white patriarchy, black and brown folk) who look like me.

All that aside, nobody calls pick-mes out of their name. We just discuss the ramifications of her behavior and why her actions are futile/useless/problematic.

snootdidanoot · 2021-02-27T07:22:08+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Please be nicer to pick-me's
Author	snootdidanoot
Upvotes	45
Comments	17
Date	February 27, 2021 6:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ltih4i/please_be_nicer_to_pickmes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/please-be-nicer-to-pick-mes.749928 https://theredarchive.com/post/749928

Comments