Hey ladies. I (23F) have done the right thing and left my now ex boyfriend (27M) because he projected his love for me in very abusive ways (even though it may not have been entirely intentional). I often made excuses for his actions because I felt as though they were always just a poor reflection of his love for me and fear of losing me -- for example, he would often accuse me of cheating or no longer loving him, he would get very cold, resentful and distant because he truly felt I didnt want him anymore, etc. This is what makes it so hard... the thought that he wasnt an evil person at heart... he just had a lot of insecurities which made him abusive even though he may not have wanted to be.

My issue here is that, the way I broke up with him was very very sudden. He upset me by intentionally trying to make me insecure and jealous (because he wasnt feeling very secure in the relationship at the time) and it made me fed up. I didn't even formally break up with him. I just blocked him on everything. He reached out two times on two different IG accounts trying to sincerely apologize and deeply express how much I hurt him and shocked him but I didnt reply and blocked him because:

  1. The damage was already done.
  2. He has done so much damage prior... it was a build up of things so I was done.

Now I bare the guilt of hurting him and it's getting so bad I feel like crying. I want to apologize for breaking up with him so harshly and suddenly but I dont want to open up communication because I know he may pull me back in. I don't want to be with him anymore but I also wish I never ended it so harshly because he is going through so much already and I know what I did hurt... I didnt want to hurt him but he made me so upset and hurt that that was the way my heart reacted at the time.

What do I do to get rid of this guilt? Please help me ladies. :(