Hello ! 27/f here. I’ve been going through a break up for about a year now. The relationship was on and off for 8 years. Basically, we became more of ourselves as the years went by and grew apart, stopped having the same values. I’m struggling with actually staying away from my low value ex? How do y’all do it? Are there any words of wisdom or mantras that y’all have that helped?

If you’re interested in the details: I’m fully aware this man consistently lies to me, when I express my emotions he labels them as “back and forth shit”, he says things like “I don’t care if this was the last time I ever saw you”, and in a particularly heated argument, he actually pulled out a gun and shot it in the air near my face. I feel stupid for still contacting him a few weeks after that. I know now that I had low self esteem and would reach out to him when I got lonely. I’m working on that.

Now he’s telling me all about how he’ll do great things for his next partner and that he’ll marry whoever she is by the end of the year if he can. I doubt it because he has horrible views on women. I remember us watching a crime show where a lady got raped at the party and him saying, “oh well she shouldn’t have put herself in that situation”. He’s the kinda of guy who rants about women wearing too much make up. The kind of guy who blatantly eye fucks other women in front of his gf and then says “I’m a mAN, I CaNt HeLp iT. itS NatUrAL”

Mentally, I KNOW he is a literal garbage can shit show of a man, yet I still allow him to be “friends” w me. I want this shit to end today. I need y’alls help so badly. Women with higher standards would have left, but here I am after years and years of being manipulating and belittled.

TL:DR Where and how did you find the motivation, inspiration, discipline, and gumption to finally stop giving your time to your toxic ex?