Scared of getting into a relationship

7102a · 2020-06-28T18:44:47+00:00

Idk if this is FDS or not, but my personal opinion is that it's a toxic cultural expectation that we are supposed to find one life partner and stay by their side until death do us part. It's ok to not stay together forever. People change and grow. The man who is right for you now may no longer be right for you in 10 years, and that's ok. That is not a failure on your part or his part, that's just being human. So I'd say the first step to overcoming your fear is overcoming the cultural expectation that the only good relationship is the one that lasts forever.

Chantelmorris345 · 2020-06-28T18:02:00+00:00

Wow i thought i was the only one that felt this way! Honestly the best thing you can do is find a man that loves you more than you love him. He will continue to chase you and pursue you and you grow to love him,rather than you love him more and he loves you on his own terms.

SavvyInNYC · 2020-06-29T00:45:28+00:00

Sis, I feel like you’ve been listening and internalizing a very misogynistic narrative.

Women do NOT have an expiration date. Yes, if you want to birth biological children, you have a window of fertility. But so do men.. the older they get the more their sperm degrades, causing possible disabilities and deformities in their children. Just because they CAN impregnate a woman doesn’t mean the fetus is viable.

And yes.. Men cheat. Women cheat. It’s a character flaw, sadly. While we do have biological urges, we are not slaves to them. Thanks to evolution we have flown straight past the “must spread my seed/must have lots and lots of babies!!” It’s evidenced every day in the fact that record numbers of women are choosing to not have children.

That whole line of “men must spread their seed” is just another heaping spoonful of bullshit LVMs try feeding women as a way to avoid responsibility for their actions and giving themselves a free pass. And frankly, it sounds like you’ve swallowed it hook, line and sinker.

I can’t recommend to you enough to fix your mindset before venturing into the dating world. Because if you have these ideas and beliefs in the forefront of your mind, I fear this is exactly the type of men you’re going to find. Maybe even subconsciously to prove to yourself that men are (can be) shit. I feel like you don’t want a relationship and you might seek out the wrong men as a way to say “See! I was right! All men cheat!” and thereby giving yourself a pass to not have to be in a relationship. You’ll be able to say you tried and you were right all along. You don’t have to put yourself thru that, btw.

Anyway, I wish you luck.

sadcello · 2020-06-28T19:08:32+00:00

Don't date if you still think you're not good enough, having that mindset while in a relationship never ends well.

You're in mid 20s but never had a relationship, by that time men your age that are not virgins are already expert at lying and manipulation needed to fuck women either physically or emotionally. Combined with your mindset you'll end up being taken advantage of.

The advantage of starting to date in your age is that men's brain have stopped developing, they done changing, take them as who they are, if you don't like something about him, leave, never expect him to change.

You're good enough, it's men who are not worth it, find ways to instill this belief inside you. And if you still want to try, learn more about relationship before you even try.

veruscka · 2020-06-28T19:40:30+00:00

If you’re with someone who genuinely likes you for you, they won’t just suddenly get bored and leave. It’s totally okay to not want a relationship but avoiding one because your scared of being hurt isn’t a good idea. People are diverse in their desires, some men will never be monogamous no matter how great you are but that doesn’t mean all men are like that. Instead of worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet, I would consider trying to find someone who you simply enjoy spending time with.

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