I’m a very shy person with ASD and other mental illnesses, so it is difficult for me to ask men out. I have no luck with men in real life or on dating apps talking to me first, texting me first, or initiating any dates with me. I obviously get creepy PMs from LVM once in a while, but guys in real life just ignore me. It seems impossible to get any guy interested in me, based off of my experiences in the past. As an 18 year old girl I’m already invisible to the male gaze.

I am a self-identified former femcel; I blamed the lack of male interest on my unkempt frumpy appearance for a long time. But now I look decently feminine since I started to take better care of myself and improved my makeup game. I feel frustrated because improving looks could only do so much.

I am a university student studying finance and art. All my classes are online currently bc of COVID-19. I am mentally capable of doing great things, so I know am not too disabled to date a guy.

So my only solution is to build up my confidence and start approaching guys first, since they don’t approach me. Seems practical, right?

Then I scroll here for advice, since this sub overlaps with other subs I am active in. I see posts actively discouraging women from asking men out on dates, texting them first, showing enthusiasm and interest in a guy, or initiating any relationship activities first because “it’s the mans job to show interest in you sis”. I even saw one post that encourages women to not be friendly to men they date! I understand the gist of not letting your guard down because there’s a risk of getting taken advantage of, but the FDS gospel seems to limit my chances of going out on a date even more. I’d feel lucky if a guy my age even asks me out for coffee or boba first.

TL;DR. I am invisible to men but I want to date. How do I take initiative like texting first and starting dates without being a desperate pickmeshia who gets undervalued and played?