Several months ago I posted here about an "etiquette for men at night" in South Korea from 2012, warning men that their presence can be inherently threatening and should not share elevators with women at night, although it also had many reasonable points like going home if you are intoxicated and not picking fights. I pointed out that it is important that etiquette be universally applied, not specific to any one gender.
So here is what I brainstormed to help people be cognizant of how they might want to ease people's concerns regardless of demographic, in a way that does not involve inconvenience:
Understand:
- At night, people are likely to be especially vigilant when walking alone
- Everyone is entitled to their opinions; what they do in regards to it is another story
- Feelings can conflict with crime statistics; partly as a result of socialization
- Just as you have the right to be on a public sidewalk, others have the right to cross the street; you are not owed their presence
Therefore:
- Do not startle anyone
- Do not make lewd or offensive comments or gestures
- Always take no for an answer without argument
- Do not follow someone close behind; attempt to overtake them without surprise if you need to go the same direction
- Maintain your speed or slow down if a person in front speeds up away from you, so it is clear you are not pursuing them on purpose
- Consider checking your phone so it is clear you are minding your business
- Go home if you are under the influence (not driving obviously)
- Report broken streetlights if convenient
The following is not etiquette, but law:
- Hands to yourself
- Pants up
- No picking fights or making threats or otherwise harassing anyone
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Now, here's the flip side of the coin. There should also be etiquette to prevent people's fear of crime from causing issues for innocent, law-abiding pedestrians. Again, demographics are to be irrelevant.
Understand:
- It is very distressing for people to be in a position where they are at the mercy of how others interpret their actions
- Everyone is innocent until proven guilty
- Everyone has the right to be on a public sidewalk
- While you have the right not to be harassed, the law does not protect your comfort entirely
- Nobody has the obligation to inconvenience themselves to placate your concerns
- While you are always allowed to cross the street if it makes you feel safer, bear in mind that it could be the result of prejudice
Therefore:
- Do not notify law enforcement unless you are truly being harassed or threatened
- Try to give people the benefit of the doubt as best as you can; if they're walking in the same direction, it may just be a coincidence
- Do not criticize people who refuse to cross the street or otherwise bear the burden of your concerns
The following is not etiquette, but law:
- Never, ever threaten or use violence against someone except in absolute self-defense
- Never make false accusations
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What would you add or subtract?
It's a far cry from this: https://goodguysguide.co.uk/
I was also brainstorming a similar thing for street photography, balancing the right to take pictures with empathy for those who ask to stop. Would this sub be the right place for that? I figure it's loosely tied into LWMA because of the stigma of men taking pictures of children, and how there should be some courtesy in a way that causes minimal inconvenience while not letting parents' irrational fears create a chilling effect on the art form.
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