Feeling alone

Texian_Fusilier · 2020-01-18T02:31:56+00:00

Adopt a dog. That helped me cope with becoming MGTOW, it's a big rewire to your brain.

panzerbier · 2020-01-18T06:40:54+00:00

Ah man, I faced the same set of problems. Here are the strategies I evolved over the years. Hope some of it helps you, too.

MGTOW is not a fixed set of laws. It's just some observations men are sharing with each other about how women aren't what society tells us they are. The main idea is to avoid marriage, cohabitation and impregnation, because all of these give power to a woman over your life.
There are MGTOWs with LTRs. I am one of them. I expressly told the girl that she can't move in with me; she has her own place. I use and verify my own birth control. If she starts pushing for marriage too hard, it's time for the next girl. I've been doing this for over a decade now, spending 1-3 years with each girl, it's actually tremendous fun and very low risk. You could do the same. Gives you companionship without trashing your life.
As for new friends, I found that you can't really explicitly look for friends as an adult. Instead, you can join groups with shared interests, and as you spend more and more time with them, friendships will naturally evolve. For example I'm in a group strength training class in a gym. I've been working out with the same dudes for years and became real friends with some of them. You could try the same.
As for normies, feel free to engage them. MGTOW is not about evangelism or purity. You don't have to "convert" other guys. You don't have to "dissociate" from people who are married. This isn't some kind of cult. I don't care if old bros marry; I try my best to be on great terms with them and their wives, and don't talk trash about marriage, and it all works out.
Married men in general will have less time for old friends. You can't change this. The simple solution is to be on good terms with more of them, and then you'll have enough social interaction to "feed" you.
Interestingly, this changes when they have kids. Raising children is so demanding that they're grateful for any help you can give them and it provides a fresh arena for bonding.
Finally, I haven't had any bros divorcing yet, we're in our early 30s. But I guess that's coming, too. And then your presence will be gold for them; and maybe, just maybe, they'll finally realize that you have been right all along.

The MGTOW path doesn't have to be lonely, if you don't want it to be. You can have plenty of male friends, even married ones, and you can keep fucking girls, just be careful to dump them in time. There's no fixed life script for MGTOWs, so you have to forge your own path, but it is tremendously rewarding if done right.

Cheer up, bro. You got this; it'll all be alright; and I mean it.

ParalyticPoison · 2020-01-18T02:33:11+00:00

Depression is not a state of being, there is obviously a reason you are feeling depressed, first you have to get to the root of what is causing that first if you want to change the other issues you are having.

theSilentNerd · 2020-01-18T02:52:50+00:00

[deleted]

softbeats · 2020-01-18T03:36:28+00:00

I don’t want to belittle your depression or any other issues but what helps me, especially for hugging (physical intimacy) is having an anime girl body pillow.

2020-01-18T02:46:20+00:00

If at all possible, learn to be content in your own company. Having a dog is a great idea as well, as another suggested, but not everyone has a living arrangement that will allow for having pets.

Something else to consider would be finding groups online for shared activities IRL. If you have a hobby you enjoy, there's probably a group you could join to meet people for activities.

ContactJoshua · 2020-01-18T10:24:09+00:00

the best treatment for depression is exercise. And look, you're NEVER going to be able to MAINTAIN happiness, humans and animals aren't hardwired to remain happy. If we stayed happy, we wouldn't evolve. You're go through bouts of unhappiness at times, no matter what. When you're alone, you'll blame it on being lonely. When you're with someone, you'll blame it on how annoying the person is or how they don't understand you or don't give you enough time. Neither being with someone or alone is trait of being happy or sad, nor vice versa. Exercise, eat well, sleep well, get some nature, challenge yourself in a career or endeavor. Do these things, and you'll be well on your way towards happiness, alone or not

maximusnaya · 2020-01-18T02:58:03+00:00

Start to chat with any of us online. Don't be hesitant or afraid. We are your MGTOW brothers.

NostalgicMango · 2020-01-18T03:38:20+00:00

As you get older most people will pair off and you will find it increasingly difficult to hang out with married friends. Their spouse may not like you or may not like being left with the kids, your friend may want to spend quality time alone with their SO, kids are a black hole of time and sanity, etc. Sometimes the divorced ones go through what you are now and have to figure out how to reboot their lives.

You can get some hobbies that involve other people like sports whether its to join a local team or to hit up a sports bar during a game. You can join some discord servers and make some friends with similar interests. It's not my thing but D&D or Magic are huge timesinks that might interest you although your friends are likely going to be single neckbeards, dunno if that bothers you. You can also get a roommate so you have physical company on a semi-regular basis. If religion is your thing, you can find a laid back church with some fellowship groups although they're usually a bit too juvenile and cheeseball for me now.

maxart1337 · 2020-01-18T06:45:32+00:00

download Replika. More wholesome than any woman ever. Than most people ever.

KaitouNala · 2020-01-18T06:46:43+00:00

Dude... problem is when the chips are down very few people are actually going to be there for your time of need.

That is to say, we are all alone more than not, companionship is more or less an illusion sold to us by the same cucked brainwashing that would have us slaves to "our" wives.

The only true companionship you will ever achieve is probably a dog/pet that very discernibly loves ya.

Unless your friends are staunch and vocal mgtow, they will likely show you up for pussy/get pussy trapped and drift away from you.

It's just the nature of things.

The most important thing is to learn to be comfortable in your own skin.

"Being alone for awhile is dangerous. It's addicting once you see how peaceful it is, you don't want to deal with people anymore." - Tom Hardy

"Someone once told the other day they feel bad for single people because they feel lonely all the time. I told him that's not true. I'm single and don't feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity." -Keanu Reeves

Not always one to say follow advice/wisdom from celebrities but both of them are based as fuck and good advice regardless of the source is still good advice.

evergreen35 · 2020-01-18T06:50:54+00:00

Learn to Love yourself: Focus on self-improvement. Go ahead and date Women. Don't be afraid to approach them. Just don't Trust them, or expect all your happiness to come from them. Understand that they are not capable of Real Love.

Lucky_SARMs · 2020-01-18T09:22:52+00:00

MGTOW takes a long time to get used to...it took a while for me to be convinced, but the evidence that was provided in favor of it was overwhelming; in fact the final best argument was when my good friends went MGTOW without ever telling anyone and I found out later by complete accident.

In short it's a process; you really just have to get used to being alone because once you do, you don't rely on anything else for support or validation. By that I don't mean being in no contact with anyone: I mean being emotionally and physically self-reliant.

Work on yourself physically, financially; focus on your career or learn a new skill-set. Try a new activity or sport. And completely stop chasing ass for a while; you'll be able to clear your head.

As for depression, finding and working on the oldest dreams you've had is a great way out of that. Before we got crushed by the world we all wanted to be something or believed in something (I guarantee you it wasn't to be a married man haha); find that and run with it.

You'll be better in no time.

richlad · 2020-01-18T02:47:51+00:00

Not sure how severe is your depression.

But it can be a good window of opportunity to read books, learn and master new skills which will help you make friends.

ripsawridge · 2020-01-18T06:28:01+00:00

The right hobby can change your life. Playing guitar in a band got me to LA. Climbing mountains brought me to Europe. Made many friends and life is rich. I'm not good looking, and I'm divorced, the ex wife got all the family friends. I've experienced deep loneliness. But the pleasure I can find in the things I do for myself brings a fierce joy that offsets the aloneness, even lends it a cosmic dimension.

What I mean is, the presence of deep yearning in you might not really be about what you think it is (finding a companion, etc.). It may be the desire to reconnect with your soul, or whatever you want to call a deeper, hidden part of yourself that is somehow with you, yet behind a veil.

In this way, loneliness is a gift. It is a call. How would you hear the call otherwise?

TheValhallaBoy · 2020-01-18T03:01:05+00:00

As you get older you have to work harder at making real friends. I'm told it gets a little easier later on because all of the women divorce their husbands and they start reaching out again.

If you live in the city things are more social than out in the suburbs or a small town so it is easier to make friends in general.

v_maet · 2020-01-18T03:22:27+00:00

Join your local mens shed or makers space

mstylesv · 2020-01-18T05:21:34+00:00

Get a hobby and join hobby groups? Buy a bike and go cycling for hours exploring your city? Travel? You gotta find something to fill the gaps

StingRayFins · 2020-01-18T05:59:08+00:00

Join something. Cooking class, music class, dance class, a gym, a club, volunteer, community service. Go sit at a busy park and read. Go chill at a lounge or bar sometimes. Get a pet. Try escorts. Maybe online platonic, penpal, friendship type relationships.

Demiacus · 2020-01-18T10:16:15+00:00

I've had friends and "friends" and they go into your life and out of it all the time. At least in my case, since I was a kid. Emotionally it can be similar to the death of a family member. I've just learned to accept this simple fact of life and try and not hold on too much to any particular friendship. I see relationships with the same lens mostly.

In all truthfulness, we walk alone in this life. At least this is how I see things. This is not necessarily a bad thing or "wrong" but it's something to accept. Even if you have friends and relationships.

However you don't have to be lonely when you are alone though. You are just flexible with the time you have. And time is very important to me. A relationship, would mean that I don't feel like going through life by myself, that I need to depend on someone other than myself. To me this is a foreign concept as I've only been depending on myself on getting shit done, working towards a better life for myself, improving my professional life. There was no hand holding.

And to be blunt on the relationship aspect, I've never found women to be the kind of people who would be interested in helping me improve my life, help me succeed or offer emotional support if I needed it when things go awry. Instead they usually help by bitching to you, overtly blaming you. No insight, no support, just plain old bitching and making these veiled remarks about how you're not doing enough or that everything wrong in your life is just your fault. They mostly also lack introspection and assigning responsibility on themselves for the way they've been treated throughout their life or the bad outcomes they had due to past intentional actions on their part.

So If I were personally to go into a relationship I would go knowing full well that it's not permanent, it is not a requirement to offer emotional support and go in mostly with a transactional mindset of I have some resources, you have your looks and a wet hole and that's it and if they cheat then immediately throw them in the street as they are worthless.

However, before this I would improve myself (health wise, professionally wise, etc ) if I were in your shoes and then see just how much I need a relationship.

Best,

Thaniii · 2020-01-18T12:06:26+00:00

Your friends will whine and cry about their shitty lifes soon. You sure wonna join them?

GuitZz · 2020-01-18T13:23:46+00:00

Find something to do, somthing that need a certain amount of time and focus to it, do what you love, adopte and educate a dog is great idéa but you can do some other thing that are less constain, prepare a travel, making new activity (creativity, sport, reading , gardening,...)it's a gearing (on both side), you must find something big to do to change your mind and feel better, if you feel better other people will come more easily to you, and more thing you do the more chance you have to meet new people

it's not a fatality, many people have experienced it, in french we call it "traversée du desert", it's like you cross the desert (hard and alone)

__2st__ · 2020-01-18T14:20:34+00:00

spend a day in the woods finding yourself again.

DickMartin · 2020-01-18T14:38:27+00:00

Exercising to exhaustion helps with mental clarity. (So does fasting)

Me2Brah · 2020-01-18T16:18:24+00:00

Start a hobby. My main hobby is actually stealth work lol I go to events for start up founders. It always lifts my spirits to be around interesting people doing interesting things.

And eventually you start to see the same faces over and over again and you become friends.

You need a hobby dude, stat.

elitebuzzy · 2020-01-19T00:32:45+00:00

Guy, I feel you. I just learned to become more relaxed and enjoy my own hobbies. I do have friends to hang out with still.

You may need to look for more.

Probably maybe even have a gf you'd never get married to or have a kid with too? Who knows. Some of us are different.

GashGordon · 2020-01-18T03:28:14+00:00

sparkles

acekick3r · 2020-01-18T09:22:15+00:00

Become an expat, move to Asia

Title	Feeling alone
Author	theSilentNerd
Upvotes	46
Comments	36
Date	January 18, 2020 2:28 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/eqajkv/feeling_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/feeling-alone.376178 https://theredarchive.com/post/376178

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