Found myself at a Christmas function with old friends who all have kids and are married, they are so "different"

DangZagnut · 2018-12-25T04:19:37+00:00

There were over 12 kids!

yeah that shit is boring. I stopped going to that kind of party. Parties are supposed to be fun, not a baby shower and coo-ing over iPhone pics.

it's like I'm reminded that I'm a "SOCIAL" failure.

You stop that shit. Don't make me use the clap emoji.

There are no failures, there are preferences and solitude. Fuck that noise.

Social figure to who? A particular social circle? You hang out with a bunch fo people that will be all broken up in a few years, and that social circle will shrink as those "bonds" fall apart and people split friend groups.

I didn't shack up and start a family and buy a house.

Is that even hard to do?

I'm still hurting from the divorce

You're not hurting, you're better, you just don't realize that yet.

And I just feel absolutely rotten.

Why? Do you think their brains can take reality? Of course not. They'll be exposed to it soon enough. The statistics show their lives will most likely not be happy. Especially the ones that started early.

And at the same time I can't tell people I'm MGTOW.

Meh, sometimes friends and family can only handle certain realities. Someone not wanting to commit past mistakes is a space alien.

Can anyone relate???

Try this.

DWShimoda · 2018-12-25T08:35:17+00:00

I've never felt so out of place in my life, but what really surprised me was the sensation of "I don't belong here - I'm a failure, I didn't make it."

Wait a few more years, around about the time the kids become mid to late teens...

Then all of that seemingly idyllic "joyful 'cute' kids unwrapping presents around a Christmas tree" scene comes to a screeching halt.

What follows is rarely "pretty" and far from some "idyllic" kidstuff... Statistically speaking, out of any given dozen kids...

Most likely (probably a 50/50 chance) at least one of those kids will be in some major accident -- drunk driving and/or out joyriding (need I mention at excess speeds?) wrapping the family SUV around a tree, or worse into some other vehicle.
Similarly (again something like a 50/50 probability) another one of those kids will probably have committed (or been accused of committing) some major crime -- anything from burglary to sexual assault, to dealing drugs.
Another one or two of the kids (yet again probably 50/50 on this) will have problems with drugs, and/or some "major medical issue" (which story may or may not be cover for drugs, and/or suicide attempts, etc).
Yet another one or two or even three (YMMV) will either be pregnant, have gotten someone pregnant... and/or have some other similar shit going on (gay/lesbo, goth/furry, trans whatever... a decade from now who the hell knows what the "freakshow" will have become {Who would have predicted the present "transgender" shit a decade ago? Get the point?}).

And of course that's just the kiddoes... then there's the parents (your friends) and all of the "soap opera" drama THEY themselves create* the cheating & divorce stuff... the marital property & custody fights, the (almost inevitable given the previous) various DV & parental child-abuse accusations, etc etc etc.

Point is around about that time, if you have another such gathering, you will again think: "I don't belong here..."

But it will have a different coda: "Damn! Did I dodge a shitload of bullets! My life is a wonderful SUCCESS -- especially compared to these poor bastards! -- I have peace & quiet & generally a fun life, probably retiring soon... they have drama, pain & suffering, and a couple more decades of slavery just to get back to decent life."

* And it's a "chicken & egg" thing whether the parents' shitfest causes the kiddoes shitfest, or vice versa -- probably a bit of both will be true, with the degree varying in one case vs another.

RDMgardy · 2018-12-25T04:17:08+00:00

Yep. I don't attend too many of those functions. I love my alone time and getting used to feeling out of place.

891986zar · 2018-12-25T04:13:21+00:00

I can fully relate. I’m 32 years old. Single. Childfree. I even got a vasectomy to ensure I never cause any accidental pregnancies. I feel like I don’t fit in with ANYONE. All my “friends” have turned into betas. They’re all parents. They’re stressed. Most have no money and no time. I don’t desire their life AT ALL but it’s depressing for me to think about the fact that so many seem to desire that sort of life. Why are we considered the outcasts for not getting married and falling in line with what society says we should do? It’s almost like they think my life is subpar to theirs which I don’t think is the case at all. I guess I just miss the people they were prior to getting married and having kids.

badmanahgwanso · 2018-12-25T04:38:19+00:00

My advice would be to nope out on these kinds of gatherings in the future. While you don't need to swear off every last gathering that could possibly involve children of friends, what you're describing is a psychic load you shouldn't have to bear for anyone except family (and even then only if they're not toxic assholes).

If there's anyone in this group that you consider a close friend, you should be able to meet them for a drink one-on-one, once or twice a year---even if they have kids.

ppdeny · 2018-12-25T09:28:46+00:00

You are so different than me. I tend to come up with a good excuse to avoid those kid events unless the parents are good friends.

Still enjoy myself as I don't judge myself and actually think I am lucky to be single. God knows how many events I was suckered into with ex-GF and thousands wasted on events/ buying gifts for people I didn't know or didnt care for.

I still have good stories to throw out about my single life. Show pics of girls I hooked up with to my buddies when their SO is away and they love to live vicariously through me or hear about the crazy girl that caused a scene or my bachelor life stuff (eg. Joke about having to dress up like responsible people, sleeping in and mucking about all weekend while they slaved for the kids activities/bsbysitting).

Have you thought of learning to be a stoic ( r/stoicism)? Never measure yourself against others and focus on your goals, objectives, interests.

William_A_Bishop · 2018-12-25T04:35:20+00:00

[deleted]

dravenaus · 2018-12-25T10:48:33+00:00

Hey man, don't feel bad for feeling out of place all of a sudden. This happens to many MGTOW, myself included. After all, society wants to impose certain attitudes and choices towards everyone. You will feel out of place with your comrades, esp. those that shun or dismiss the red pill. It's society's intention to make it seem that in order to make it in life you should reproduce, have a 9-5 job, have multiple debts and to maintain the cycle. I frequently saw in Fakebook (misspell intended) the typical vacation/family pictures and the whole pseudo celebrity attitudes of some of my friends and I used to feel like a failure for not going with the flow. Now I know it's all a simple facade to make your life seem much more productive and entertaining than it is. In fact, many of these "friends" (some of them even from childhood) I no longer consider as such due to their jerk behavior. Anyways, my advice is to keep on reading MGTOW material and to talk about this to your most purple pill friend. Eventually you'll e more in sync with leaving the plantation.

ChadwickSlickdick · 2018-12-25T15:05:51+00:00

Dude, I feel you. I have been having a lot of those same feelings, but I am doing my best to rationalize them as well. I am no longer monk, but I am doing that because I like sex and women generally find me attractive, so that’s a me problem that I have to sort through.

I did spent these last few days completely alone, and there were times that surely sucked, but I worked out twice a day, reduced calories and slammed beer at night, because fuck it, I can.

See, this is really what it’s about. When I am struggling with being on our side of the matrix, I try to focus 100% on me and remind myself of the good things like: no debts, no liabilities, excess cash, nice truck, nice things, quality male friends, etc.

Bottom line: you are winning! You just need to remind yourself of that and it gets better

RevolutionaryGround7 · 2018-12-25T15:23:32+00:00

Who gives a monkeys whether these people think you are a social failure. Men get a shit deal when they are social "sucesses" anyway so why worry about being called a failure by these idiots and their controllers (wives). Stay away from these gatherings enjoy going your own way, don't worry about how other people are doing.

tramese · 2018-12-25T17:53:17+00:00

but now it's like I'm an imposter to the third degree... And I just feel absolutely rotten.

female's secret weapon...shaming and making you feel below society's standards. cut that bullshit out. it's all in your head.

Title	Found myself at a Christmas function with old friends who all have kids and are married, they are so "different"
Author	Frogkaboo
Upvotes	40
Comments	30
Date	December 25, 2018 4:01 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/a9bs9m/found_myself_at_a_christmas_function_with_old/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/found-myself-at-a-christmas-function-with-old.436636 https://theredarchive.com/post/436636

Comments

Wait a few more years, around about the time the kids become mid to late teens...