Sometimes I struggle

captainsaveahoe69 · 2017-11-18T19:13:16+00:00

You are going your own way. There is no defined path. Not even people on here can tell you what is best for you. I love the company of women and still date them/have sex with them. But I simply avoid any kind of commitment or getting involved with them emotionally.

tribalbandit · 2017-11-18T19:26:53+00:00

Have you considered taking up projects that would transform you into being like the men you admire?

Unexpecter · 2017-11-18T19:49:43+00:00

I can relate very much man. I'm 32 and often I think about if this misserable empty red pill life is any better than blue pill illusion. This whole life is just an illusion anyway. It's only now I can fully understand Cypher from The Matrix and how he was sick of the "real world". I know why men here go their own way, but I was never screwed by woman as much as some folks here, simply because I've never allowed it (guess I had some concept of TRP in my head long before I even knew about TRP). Sometimes I just want to take a bite of the steak. Ignorance is bliss.

tw1g007 · 2017-11-18T20:23:07+00:00

At times like this I remember that if I was in a relationship I'd want to have my freedom. It's like you think of how bad it could be at the worst case scenario and suddenly being alone isn't so bad after all. Besides being in a relationship now without cohabitation, wouldn't it be a headache constantly thinking your woman is being plowed by someone else? Is it really worth it with what you know about red pill knowledge?

BookusRecommendicus · 2017-11-18T21:11:01+00:00

"You are free, and that is why you are lost."

Kafka

Jarwanator · 2017-11-19T00:06:26+00:00

I can't help much but I had a stretch of about 15 years between my relationships. When I was in a relationship I wanted to be single. I craved solitude. I work FT and my work is draining so on my days off I wanted to simply relax, watch TV and not do much but my ex had other plans and had to fill up every empty space with things we had to do together.

When I was single I craved for companionship and felt lonely, it doesn't help the fact that everywhere you look, companionship meant being with a woman but that is not entirely true for me now. I get my emotional support and recharge from the bromance with my highschool buddies. We meet up once or twice a week, play cards and simply talk about our problems and thoughts.

I realised the only thing that my girlfriend offered was sex and even that was too painful for her (allegedly) so I barely got any. I could never speak about my problems to her. At times I felt like one of her accessories, like a new purse she had bought. Looking back in hindsight, I could pin point the moments she was destroying my character. Women are hardwired to seek out men they think need taming and then proceed to chip away at them like waves hitting a cliff until we finally crumble and when we do, she dropped me like a sack of shit.

Men make better companions. There is genuine friendship and understanding, respect and camaraderie.

yoamloco · 2017-11-18T21:14:03+00:00

You need to appreciate yourself of who YOU are. Sometimes, things don't fall into place and you have to remember that life is about learning and experiencing the good and bad. Never look for your other half because if you need someone to fulfill the empty part of your life then you are destined to be miserable. You need to look yourself in the mirror and see the person right in front of you, but don't stop right there, look deeper behind your reflection and see who truly is the person you see, YOU. When you are seeking someone to spend your time with, your looking for a person who will make you a better individual. Don't take your friends, family, and hell even your pet dog for granted because they have been part of your life just as you have been to them. No one wants be alone in this world and sometimes, having someone who understands you is what you will ever need but most importantly, cares about you.

owninfools007 · 2017-11-18T21:33:23+00:00

I know what you mean. I get like this during last my nights of drinking alone/casual late night thoughts. I always just get over it the next day. I cut off all my social media and work 12-14 hour days to keep me busy (mind entertained). We both know the way to go, but the urge to bond is strong. One day at a time! Then again I always think of my possible outcomes if I had a gf. It would never work because it’s my way or the high way! Plus they wouldn’t be able to join me on my travels cause they’d be broke so...

firesparxx · 2017-11-19T00:10:35+00:00

I agree that those substitutes are not equal to a relationship - they’re better.

A dog that you treat well will love unconditionally. Say it with me - unconditionally. You can be the biggest asshole in the world, a criminal even, whatever, it doesn’t matter. Your dog will be there for you to provide joy and companionship, no matter what.

Self actualization, i.e. finding a hobby that you truly enjoy and become really good at it. Eventually this will give you an incredible sense of mastery and accomplishment. Nothing that can happen in any “romantic” type of relationship can come even close to comparing with that feeling.

Lastly, start reading classic philosophy. This is not some bullshit bro science we are talking about now, but the works of people who are considered some of the greatest thinkers in the history of mankind. Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Sokrates are some good authors to start with.

Original_Username7 · 2017-11-19T02:29:26+00:00

Dude! Totally know what you're talking about! Here's what's helped me: - Listening to podcasts and books on tape, seriously has been shown to light up the social parts of your brain like human interaction can. - I regularly hang out with guy friends and family, a couple times a week, HUGE help - I'm always pushing myself, as much I can, keeping so busy I hardly notice. My ambitions are my company. - adjusted my thinking, I had to realize that (at least for me) this concept of "loneliness" was largely a societally programmed system of worrying about being solo, but that ACTUALLY being solo was really quite enjoyable to me. I give myself permission to stop worrying and actually live in the moment. Stoicism is great for changing your perspective of your situation, which is what really affects you, not the actual situation. - I hang out with couples a lot and have learned to actually have fun being the third wheel. - I've found the often when I'm feeling lonely, it almost always due to needing to whack off (ALWAYS helps!!) or that I'm simply bored, and finding something fun to do suddenly makes me feel less lonely. - I regularly remind myself about how shitty all the past relationships I've had were, what a toll they took on me, whether I actually think I'd be better off in them again (HELL NO!), how alone I felt in those relationship, how horrible women have always turned out to be, how all of the relationship options I have just simply don't seem worth it to me. I remind myself that I am single because I choose to be single, and I remind myself of why I have and continue to choose to be single (THERE ARE HUGE REASONS!)

coryandtrevorforever · 2017-11-19T03:43:59+00:00

I know where you're coming from. The smartest part of the brain is the frontal lobe. This is the part of your brain that understands MGTOW and knows why it is a good program. The frontal lobe tells you to pay your bills on time and change your oil. But, the biggest, loudest part of your brain(the prehistoric caveman part) has no idea about MGTOW. This big, loud part of your brain only knows what you want and how you feel. This is the part of your brain that tells you to eat unhealthy food, to be lazy, to drink too much beer, that sort of thing. So, a big section of your brain is telling you you feel good with a woman and you feel lonely without one. So, your inclination is to go out and do what it says so you will feel good and be happy(supposedly). Successful people are really good at listening to the frontal lobe and making the choices that put off rewards. You get the better rewards later, you just have to live without something you want immediately and wait for the payout later. Once I understood this, I could get a handle on those feelings that I needed a girlfriend because I was feeling lonely. It was just my caveman brain telling me what I was feeling, my frontal lobe knew where I would get the best results in living though. I hope that helps for you too.

TheOldEskimo · 2017-11-19T04:55:24+00:00

I feel the same way OP. Feels bad man.

Why can't one of them just love me and be loyal? Why is that so hard?

I was in love once -- really in love. Dated for three years and I hoped we'd get married back then.

Like you, the relationship ended in infidelity and she left me for another man following that.

I don't know man. Life's just... So shitty sometimes.

All I ever really wanted was one partner to spend my life with -- one that genuinely valued and respected me and who would be loyal just a decent human being.

My standards aren't even high and it's as though it's literally impossible to have that. I wonder if things were always this bad for men.

I've given up hope of ever finding a partner like that. Gave up a long time ago, but it still hurts.

I hear you OP.

letsriseup · 2017-11-19T02:58:22+00:00

I think you're still holding onto the fantasy in some way.

I heard this all the time growing up, "life without sharing it with someone isn't as enjoyable" or some variation of that. I didn't really espouse that & still don't.

I've been in relationships before where we didn't share the same interests. I KNOW I would have been better off enjoying my hobby by myself.

I've realized I'm a walking mass of organic matter among many others & love is a bunch of evolutionary chemicals before finding MGTOW. So I realized the fantasy was dead before even finding MGTOW. MGTOW just solidified it further in multi-perspective ways.

viggyman · 2017-11-19T03:59:09+00:00

Love was considered to be an illness in the early Greek. The need for companionship is seen as a weakness among the stoics who believe "All we need is inside of us". The most directly related Stoic writing is Seneca's Letter 9. The whole letter is worth reading, but I'll highlight this section:

"The wise man is self-sufficient." This phrase, my dear Lucilius, is incorrectly explained by many; for they withdraw the wise man from the world, and force him to dwell within his own skin. But we must mark with care what this sentence signifies and how far it applies; the wise man is sufficient unto himself for a happy existence, but not for mere existence. For he needs many helps towards mere existence; but for a happy existence he needs only a sound and upright soul, one that despises Fortune. I should like also to state to you one of the distinctions of Chrysippus,[8] who declares that the wise man is in want of nothing, and yet needs many things.[9] "On the other hand," he says, "nothing is needed by the fool, for he does not understand how to use anything, but he is in want of everything." The wise man needs hands, eyes, and many things that are necessary for his daily use; but he is in want of nothing. For want implies a necessity, and nothing is necessary to the wise man. 15. Therefore, although he is self-sufficient, yet he has need of friends. He craves as many friends as possible, not, however, that he may live happily; for he will live happily even without friends. The Supreme Good calls for no practical aids from outside; it is developed at home, and arises entirely within itself. If the good seeks any portion of itself from without, it begins to be subject to the play of Fortune. People may say: "But what sort of existence will the wise man have, if he be left friendless when thrown into prison, or when stranded in some foreign nation, or when delayed on a long voyage, or when out upon a lonely shore?" His life will be like that of Jupiter, who, amid the dissolution of the world, when the gods are confounded together and Nature rests for a space from her work, can retire into himself and give himself over to his own thoughts.[10] In some such way as this the sage will act; he will retreat into himself, and live with himself. 17. As long as he is allowed to order his affairs according to his judgment, he is self-sufficient – and marries a wife; he is self-sufficient – and brings up children; he is self-sufficient – and yet could not live if he had to live without the society of man. Natural promptings, and not his own selfish needs, draw him into Friendships. For just as other things have for us an inherent attractiveness, so has friendship. As we hate solitude and crave society, as nature draws men to each other, so in this matter also there is an attraction which makes us desirous of friendship. 18. Nevertheless, though the sage may love his friends dearly, often comparing them with himself, and putting them ahead of himself, yet all the good will be limited to his own being, and he will speak the words which were spoken by the very Stilbo[11] whom Epicurus criticizes in his letter. For Stilbo, after his country was captured and his children and his wife lost, as he emerged from the general desolation alone and yet happy, spoke as follows to Demetrius, called Sacker of Cities because of the destruction he brought upon them, in answer to the question whether he had lost anything: "I have all my goods with me!" 19. There is a brave and stout-hearted man for you! The enemy conquered, but Stilbo conquered his conqueror. "I have lost nothing!" Aye, he forced Demetrius to wonder whether he himself had conquered after all. "My goods are all with me!" In other words, he deemed nothing that might be taken from him to be a good.

Keep in mind what Seneca is referring to as the "wise man" here: the Stoic sage. The self-sufficiency described here is not something thought to be easily attainable, but rather an extraordinarily high ideal, worked toward (and almost certainly never completely attained) over years of dedicated effort.

stryfedafantam · 2017-11-19T05:14:38+00:00

Sometimes Sometimes I think about this one new years eve I spent with an ex that I was so in love with. We lived together and were just so in love. But in reality, the relationship was about average (shitty). And it was a pretty shitty night really. The only good moment I remember from that night was while I was staring out the window wishing I was anywhere else but there with her, I happened to see some fireworks far off in the distance.

c4engineer · 2017-11-19T06:22:07+00:00

List of things to be excited/happy about . . -sexbots

Fazee_CS · 2017-11-19T16:13:57+00:00

Here's what I believe.. women are a huge waste of time. Now, if you're just going to waste your time laying around or doing nothing then maybe a relationship is better for you. Just know that you will be serving a woman if you choose that path

If you choose mgtow, here are my recommendations: get a pet, figure out things you are interested in or find a greater purpose (a way to impact society. This could be research in various fields, robotics, AI, mathematics, physics, chemistry, engineering, medical, etc), you could donate money somewhere or help people out who need help, learn new skills like an instrument, make music, explore, start a business. There are really lots of things to do. You could spend some money, he'll you would be spending it in a relationship anyway.

My point is, after you are dead you can say "i made a positive impact on the world however small at least i tried". I believe that is honorworthy

cashmoney_x · 2017-11-19T17:36:24+00:00

I can't say I know this for sure but the time of year being a factor may be a clue that it's not external things causing the internal but rather internal stuff causing you to extrapolate and look for an external cause.

What do I mean by internal stuff? Hormone levels. Neurotransmitter levels. If you go from getting sun, going on hikes, running, biking, walking, etc to hiding inside and not seeing the sun for months you're gonna downslide into depression. I know this as a fellow Canadian.

What I do is the following:

1) Vitamin D3 supplementation starting in October and ending in April.

2) Keep getting outside for activity no matter the weather (dress in as many layers as you need to).

3) If temperatures are even slightly above freezing (celcius) and there is sun out (like today) I'll wear three or four tshirts and a thin hoodie with the sleeves rolled up over some shorts and no hat on my head and then I go outside and soak in an hour or two of sun. If there's not a crazy wind and the sun stays out you can actually tolerate the temp in shorts fairly well (need the layers up top though; one tshirt is just not enough).

4) For windy days, if you have a garage or a room in your house that gets a lot of sun you can sit in indoors with an open door or window and soak up the sun while avoiding the wind. For me my garage faces the sun in the morning/early afternoon and I have privacy in my yard so I can just strip down and chill in the garage for a while feeling somewhat like its summer (sun constantly on you) while avoiding the raging winds.

Also, for year round, and this goes for all guys, if you can get privacy and sunshine at once, expose your "boys" to the sun at least 10 minutes a day (I aim for 20). Sun exposure on the genitals stimulates male hormone production.

orphancrippla · 2017-11-19T23:20:02+00:00

Why would you be sad about being excited for something you like? You only feel sad because you've let others determine what is ok and not ok to enjoy and be excited about, which is why you're feeling bad about wanting this Punisher series. You need to divorce your sense of worth from what society thinks and determine your own worth. Really all that matters is your happiness, your comfort, and your interests, no matter how mundane or "lame" others may think they are. If you're happy being a couch potato who loves capeshit and being alone then who is to say that's wrong? If you truly find you don't like it without accounting for the societal influence, then make a change.

For a while I felt bad that I wasn't dating, that I only have one friend in town, and that I spend most nights alone reading, playing video games, or watching cartoons. Then, I realized I only felt bad because I was letting society label me as a "loser" for not being social and trying to fuck lots of loose women. Now I'm at peace with who I am, and I've picked up some artistic hobbies like drawing (I'm still terrible) and copper sculptures because I wanted to, not because others said I needed to do them. Don't let society or even other MGTOW determine what it is you have to do or should do. The whole purpose of this philosophy is self determination, and if you let other determine it then you're breaking the one fucking rule. So do some soul searching and figure out what it is you want, then take the steps necessary to obtain that. If you want to stay at home and watch the Punisher then do it. If you want something else, then do it.

Title	Sometimes I struggle
Author	CanadaCurt
Upvotes	23
Comments	27
Date	November 18, 2017 7:07 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/7duz2r/sometimes_i_struggle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/sometimes-i-struggle.534186 https://theredarchive.com/post/534186

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