My previous breakup was with someone I sort of grew up with. About 95% of my friends were also her friends. I was your classic blue-pilled simp. I ignored all of the red flags. Since we were friends, she told me all about her “encounters” with other men, including some during the time she was in a relationship with another classic blue-pilled cuck. I even ignored the voice my head telling me this woman was bad news. I was in a rough place and I was desperate, so I went head-first into a relationship with her. We moved in together just a couple of months after we started dating (I know I was an idiot. I thought I knew her since I had known her for 25 years). Needless to say, it all went to shit very quickly after that. She showed her true colours when we were living together. The relationship imploded, but I was generally thankful that it wasn’t a divorce, as at some point I actually thought of buying the ring. Fun fact: at some point, she even gave me not-so-subtle hint about how much the ring should cost. So so glad I didn’t do it.
However, after we broke up, she started going around telling people all sorts of lies about me. I’m generally a private person, so I don’t really air my laundry for the world to see. That gives her perfect opportunity to say whatever the fuck she wants. And of course, the world buys her version. After all, she is charming and pretty on the outside. I was fooled once myself. Most of my friends started turning their back against me. At first I tried to explain the situation to a couple of them, but because I was angry, I came off as petty and small-minded. No one was having my back when I needed it the most, even though I treated all of them with nothing but respect all my life.
I once despised the red pill and subsequently mgtow as the rest of the world. But throughout it all, this is the only place on earth that was willing to believe that I was telling the truth and that she might be lying. It meant a lot to me.
Now as I am better — a lot better, in fact — and generally gmow, I think a bit more about friendship and how fragile it is. I see a lot of people here saying they can’t convince their friends to see through women’s bullshit and reflect on my own experience. I think this is a losing battle and you will just become a casualty if you decide to fight it. Friends come and go. They are all blinded until they are fucked over themselves. So don’t take it personally and gyow. You might meet new friends who accept your version of reality.
I wish y’all good friends in your life.
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You'll start to see there's a trend that guys never accept this way of life, or will even attack it until they themselves have gone through exactly what you describe.
You can lay out all of the evidence in front of their eyes and they'll refuse to believe it. You can show them statistics, relate to them stories of how each and every one of us have been there, done that, had the same experience, and they'll call you every name in the book. They'll trash the MGTOW philosophy, lash out at it, and refuse to believe it can ever happen to them.
And then it does.
When it happens, you'll be so blind sided you won't know what to do. You'll go from being so fucking happy in your ideal relationship, being with that one you thought was your unicorn, to suddenly being labelled as an abusive asshole to any and everybody that will listen. You'll find that guys who might have said "I've got your back" suddenly don't have your back, and are spreading the very shit she's telling them about you.
Before long, your character has been assassinated. And for what purpose? Because she needs to save face. She needs everyone to know that SHE was the one that left YOU. That YOU were the problem, so that her social status doesn't take any sort of hit and she can immediately go back on the market and secure the next sucker.
Because if the narrative is anything less than that, if anyone so much as even questions why the two of you departed, it could potentially tarnish her social status. And even a minuscule amount of degradation in that department is unacceptable, because it might impact what caliber of man she ends up with next. If a guy hears something negative about her, she may have to lower her standards a bit in order to find someone else.
So the lies, manipulation, and reputation destruction begin.
As you said, if you're relatively private with your affairs, people won't have anything else to compare to. If they haven't heard of anything that happened in your relationship, they'll only have the one side to judge. Even if they do know the other side, they'll likely still believe her anyway -because people tend to believe the woes of a crying woman over that of an angry man every time.
So when you hear that you've been sabotaged, and you understandably get upset about it.... what you don't realize in that exact moment, is you getting pissed is part of her plan as well. You play right into her trap by getting emotional and pissed off, trying to set the record straight. Which is what most normal dudes who get accused of something they aren't guilty of will do.
If you get blindsided with being accused of some ridiculous bullshit that isn't even remotely true, most guys will understandably get pissed and shout "WTF!", but what they don't realize is the manipulation that's going on. She is banking on that reaction.
It's only after the fact.. after you've experienced this first hand, been through this sort of affair, that you understand... TRULY understand how to survive such a thing. You can't learn it any other way. You can be told a million times by other guys to not get emotional about it, to take it clear and level headed, and to just rise above it... But until you've actually been through it and seen it in the rear view mirror, you won't understand it.
Now you do.
Now you can understand how this all unfolded. You can see now that had you just calmly not let any of her shit talking effect you, and when your friends thought poorly of you or even repeated her bad mouthing.... if you'd have just smiled in amusement and not tried to fight back against it.... if you'd just let them know you understand they're hearing things, and trust they'll form their own conclusions -then you'd have had an entirely different outcome.
You see, you've learned a very valuable life lesson here. One that you should be able to hold onto for the rest of your life.
When someone begins badmouthing you like this, and attempts to destroy your character and reputation.... It's because they are a toxic as fuck person who has been controlling and manipulating you all along, and you didn't see it... and for whatever reason, you started to wise up to it. Maybe you didn't consciously realize you woke up, but when you did, this person was no longer able to control you. And when they are no longer able to control you, they attempt to control how others see you and what they think about you.
The only thing you can control at that point is how you react. If you react poorly and lash out angrily, you will essentially confirm for everyone what this toxic person is saying. "He's abusive and angry, he says shitty things". They'll tailor what they say about you so that your expected reaction will confirm it.
If you react properly, by rising above it and proving with your actions and your words that you are not the person they claim you to be.... you might suffer a short duration of cold shoulders, you may lose a small group of friends (but were those even truly your friends?) -but in the end, the people who are genuine and really matter will see the truth for what it is.
You have to rise above it and trust that the truth always prevails, but only if you allow it to. Once you've done that, and allow people to see this toxic person for what they are?
It's fucking beautiful to sit back and watch the self-destruction they go through. I promise you. Everything you want to "get back at them" for will come to fruition, only by their own devices. You won't have to even lift a finger.
Just rise above their toxicity, focus on being a good person and not getting stuck in their mud... and it will drive them fucking insane that they aren't able to control or hurt you. And in doing so, they will spiral so far out of control, they'll destroy their own life in pursuit of trying to destroy yours.
Often times you'll even be able to see physical manifestations of their misery. They'll change their appearance (this one is especially true if you've gone 100% ghost to them, in effort to get you to notice them and give them ANY sort of attention)... they'll go through a string of relationships in rapid succession... They'll go through a phase of passive aggressive social media posts... They'll become sleep deprived and will have bags under their eyes... they'll put on or lose weight... They'll start abusing alcohol/drugs... They'll destroy other relationships... they'll lose jobs/get kicked out of school...
And then, at the end of it all... When they've failed to get your attention, when they've failed to elicit the reaction out of you they wanted... when they've failed to hurt you and see you in pain....
They'll reach out. After weeks, months or even a year or more, they'll reach out trying to figure out just what the fuck they need to do in order to hurt you. This could be an offer of getting back together. An offer of sex, or just going for coffee.
And when this happens?
You simply do not respond. This is even more powerful if you haven't blocked their number. If they see that their message has been delivered, that you've seen it, and have chosen to not reply?
You've successfully learned how to deal with a toxic person. You forget about them and move on with your life, focusing on becoming a better person.
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