Hello guys, i (19M) am currently in a phase in my life where everyone that i knew has betrayed me including my parents. As a kid I've been expelled from school due to my dysfunctional family. Went to another one which was like a concentration camp, all my life everyone just expects me to be churning out results regardless of how i feel or how much I'm capable or what I'm capable of. Classic Asian parents i guess. They would show up on my achievements, and if i faltered or failed I was rewarded with a brutal beatings, not hands but actual weapons, like canes, bats, i have been beaten up with a shoe, was very humiliating.

the school that i went to was a liberal cuckfest, filled to the brim with rich kids, everyone hated the sight of me, because i would act out and look depressed because of my dysfunctional family, My father has an affair with another woman (2008-present), and parents would always have fights at home over it sometimes physical, sometimes verbal.

He and the woman ended up getting married and had a son , they are trying to push me and my mum on to the curb and take all our property, and give us no money aka leave us to die on the streets. They specifically have some sort of hatred towards me.

I had been lurking here before but, my father's and that woman's actions have redpilled me intensely, along with day to day interactions with people in general.

I basically have no one to look up to, a mother that is my responsibility, no inheritance, nothing. I am mentally at the darkest place i have ever been, living like a husk, taking care of my mother's emotional outbursts, and what breaks me the most is being compared to my father and belittled for not meeting my mother's expectations or not giving her attention.

i don't feel emotions anymore, i can't enjoy or find motivation to do the things i used to like before, all i do is study and martial arts. martial arts is the reason i bother to not end myself. it feels like i can see through the matrix and that kills my motivation, any suggestions on how to overcome this. Don't see any reason to stay alive anymore, should i just end it. i don't even feel pain like i used to , i literally feel nothing, no motivation, NOTHING. it's like i have no soul.