thinking about divorce

shadowhawk113144 · 2018-11-03T19:06:23+00:00

Divorce is gonna ruin you. But divorce at this early stage will be a shot in the foot, and staying with her will be like having cancer and aids. Get out now before it gets worse.

Sneakybobo · 2018-11-03T19:28:29+00:00

She infatuated you for a long time and now you are slowly waking up only to the realization that you are stuck in her spiderweb and you lost your freedom. You must think of an exit strategy before you are eaten alive. You can still make it alive but it'll cost you.

My only advice is: be quiet. The monster must not have any suspicion that you are planning a move, or it'll turn to attack mode.

Doogie76 · 2018-11-03T22:58:44+00:00

If you have no kids GTFO ASAP. Married for 2 years will be no next to no alimony if any. If you knock her up that's 1000 per month for 20 years....

Curthurley · 2018-11-03T18:59:55+00:00

I have to ask, why didnt you talk about all this with her before getting married? I mean any time someone has a kid, male or female, its going to really change things. A better question is, are you sure you want kids?

SanPedroLover_ · 2018-11-03T19:20:23+00:00

Run Forest, run!

user_miki · 2018-11-03T19:15:55+00:00

Better divorce now, then with children you have to pay child support, and divorced.

I see she wants to do nothing while you take care of child.If you are the provider make money for house,and she is a stay home mom she should take care of children.

You should clarify these things now not after child comes in.What pisses me off is that she already planned your future life, without consulting with you, that is a big red flag.Like she already decided for you.Women are manipulative they put child in the front to get what they want.In this case the child you don't have yet.

Any decision about your life should come from you not from her.Be very clear about that.

antifeminist435 · 2018-11-03T20:32:50+00:00

ou haven't said what the plans are when the kid[s] are born. Most common is the mother takes time off and stops working. I will proceed assuming this is the case. If she's going to do that and expect you to have no life in addition to you working full time, that is a very biased situation. Child care isn't 40 hours a week. A newborn sleeps 23.5 hours per day. A newborn needs to be attended to on its own schedule. That's the main issue. If she's at home, she should cook clean and take care of the baby and that still not the equivalent of a full time job. Tell her that. If she disagrees and insists you do 'more', this means she is so biased that she still wants you to do a disproportionate amount of work. Do not buy into her claims it will be more work that 40 hrs per week. Not true. If she still insists, then is she trying to control you by implying it is required? Then get out now. This means she is trying to use the kid to manipulate you and her demands will only get worse with time.

I wrote the above before looking at your profile. You said this:

"she is very dominant and very possessive about me, I had to sacrifice a lot of friends for her and unfortunately have no leisure of my own anymore but do everything together ... have practically no spare time left for me but have to torture myself to do things with her if I don't want to."

She is clearly controlling. When you say "you can't discuss well with her because she quickly gets angry or freaks out"--this is a manipulation tactic to get her way. In a constructive relationship, discussion takes place. But because she is dominant and you are not assertive, she uses her anger to get her way.

It is clear that, by your own admission, she is dominating you and manipulating you to get her own way, and therefore will continue to do so. I expect more demands will be placed on you in the future, since she has been successful in the past. Not only should you not have kids with her unless this is sorted out, be aware that a woman with a manipulative personality like this might try to get intentionally pregnant to keep you if she feels the marriage is in trouble.

Does this sound like your situation but with you as the victim?

You need to discuss this with her, set boundaries. An example is to get new friends, and she must not insist on you not doing that. If she objects to you spending time with your friends, this is more controlling behavior. You haven't said it, but I think what is bothering you is her excessive control. Since it is getting to the point that you are considering leaving her, I will call it abusive.

You must set boundaries and she must respect them. By your own admission, she is dominant and therefore your personality is more submissive and easier to control. She may have chosen you partially for this reason.

My main concern is that, even if you discuss this and she agrees to change, that she will continue to push you and you will give in, considering this is what has happened in the past. This will make you miserable, which is no way to live your life. I am concerned you will be unable to be assertive, and her ability to control you will make you miserable. You will have to decide if you will stay (be miserable the rest of your life), or leave (be miserable, mourn, move on and hopefully recovery).

"...have to torture myself to do things with her if I don't want to". You are starting to resent her because of her excessive control. Her excessive control must stop. You resentment is reasonable under the circumstance, but left unaddressed it will contribute to the deterioration of your relationship. It must be addressed. Address the cause--her behavior. Do not let her shift the blame you. Her behavior is not your fault. If she attempts to do this, this is maladaptive toxic behavior that will continue to the deterioration of your relationship.

I would leave, but then again I would never have let her control me so much in the first place. You have a decision to make, but the status quo of doing nothing on your part will only make her more controlling and you more miserable.

Consider marriage counseling. However, only you can be assertive so that she is not excessively controlling you. The counselor cannot make you assertive. Stand up, but assertive, but if you can't save yourself and leave (assuming you can recovery from that) if you can't be assertive.

Good luck.

underrated_kawasaki · 2018-11-03T20:46:47+00:00

First get a good divorce lawyer that can make up a great story so that the divorce court doesn’t take half your shit. Don’t let her know you want a divorce yet until the lawyer has already got your case nice and ready. Hit her with that shit outta the blue and get a restraining order on her so that she can’t get within 50 feet of your house and destroy your car or something along the lines of that. Once you have successfully completed that, NEVER get with another woman again and if you wanna fuck, go to a brothel or find a nice escort service. Don’t let your dick DICKtate your life.

Ron-Don-Volante · 2018-11-04T01:10:42+00:00

No children? No problem!

Gbobby101 · 2018-11-04T05:32:54+00:00

Based on what you described, she is judging and pre-judging every aspect of the relationship and ruling in her favor.

Title	thinking about divorce
Author	makilino123
Upvotes	2
Comments	15
Date	November 3, 2018 6:53 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/9twn3u/thinking_about_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/thinking-about-divorce.465223 https://theredarchive.com/post/465223

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