Is there such a thing as being too "in control"?

2020-07-31T12:14:17+00:00

You've discovered the happiness that comes from within.

Those that enjoy their life being controlled by others also tend to receive their happiness from others as well.

CuriousIncel2 · 2020-07-31T13:15:48+00:00

Has anyone else ever encountered criticism that he's too egoistic?

Yes, not willing to let others control you is selfish. How dare you?

mark2517 · 2020-07-31T12:19:22+00:00

What you talk a out is the only sane way to look at your life. It is only your choice where to set your boundries. Those are YOUR boundries. It's up yo you to set and protect them. This is quintessence of freedom and if you as me.

Freedom is the highest value there can ever be for a human being. I strongly believe it is your duty to protect your freedom with vigilance and at any cost.

GreekMoses · 2020-07-31T13:35:34+00:00

Can relate. My whole life I felt like I was not in control of anything and now that I'm older and stronger I take control a lot more seriously

DangZagnut · 2020-07-31T12:59:58+00:00

Nope. The only time when being “out of control” has value is when you hire someone to do something you can’t do, like a surgeon or a lawyer.

red-tea-rex · 2020-07-31T14:02:25+00:00

There's no such thing as being too in control as long as it's in your own best interest. As others have said, know when it's best to seek the advice and services of the experts. And know when it starts to get in your own way: while taking ownership of everything you do frees you from the need to be dependent on others (for happiness, achievement, need and desire fulfillment), and earns you deserved pride for jobs well done, in times of struggle or failure it can play on your mind. Watch your self talk. I had to practice staying positive because I was going down the road of anxiety and self criticism. Also in the realm of women and dating, I've noticed there was always a struggle for control with the women in my life. If I refused I got tremendous grief over it and if I surrendered it they were unhappy, because in the end they didn't want control, they just wanted to shit test to ensure I could maintain it for their own sense of security and reassurance. Exhausting.

self-improvement76 · 2020-07-31T14:15:41+00:00

Yea, it's called ultimate freedom and happiness.

Solo_and_Simple · 2020-07-31T15:06:14+00:00

Yeah, I am the same way. I think of it as a need for self-determination. People can differ dramatically on how much they like to steer their own ship and call their own shots. I have a high need for self-determination, and it bugs me whenever anything or anyone tries to control me.

That's one reason I avoid relationships with women. I want to be able to control my life. It's my life, and I have every right to call the shots, rather than hand that power over to someone else. Some guys may be happy to hand that power over to their wives or girlfriends (or to other entities, like corporations or the state), but not me. I want to determine my own choices.

As for criticism, notice that it is being done by people who want to control you. They are accusing you of being controlling, while attempting to manipulate you with guilt and accusations of "selfishness." They are trying to control you while criticizing you for being controlling. It's projection and hypocrisy.

In my opinion, the only valid criticism of being "too controlling" is when you are attempting to impose your will on other people. That is being "too controlling," and it is not good. But if you are just in control of your own life -- of the things that are within your control and thus your responsibility -- then that is not a bad or "selfish" thing, that is your right, and I completely agree with your decision. I'm the same way.

I think of self-determination as evidence of the ability to think for yourself, make your own decisions, take responsibility for your own life. It's a good thing. Many men (most?) avoid it by submerging their independence in work, marriage, religion, etc.

akihonj · 2020-07-31T15:37:07+00:00

The criticism is just another one of those shaming thingies, don't worry about it and just laugh at them.

It's the last desperate attempt to gain some form of control over you when everything else they have tried had failed and that's the last move of the desperate.

Now three years in and used to get it often, the last time was when I was dating somebody who I said I would not get married again. A few months in strated the talk about marriage and I didn't change my view, queue the how can you be so immature, egotistical and narcissistic to think that you can be a playboy for the rest of your life.

I have no intention of being said playboy, I think she meant player, she could have actually meant the magazine I don't know.

Either way it was her last ditch attempt to cow me into agreeing with her and going along with something I didn't want.

Now because of my money, my status, my life I get from a few other quarters too, just laugh it away because when you start laughing about it they actually learn they have no power over you, they have nothing to offer and you know that too, they have nothing that they can take from you and they know that too.

Genderless_peep · 2020-07-31T16:08:18+00:00

It all depends on the individual's preferences, which are a result of their beliefs and values.

You choose to be in control, so you're the only person in charge of your life taking care of yourself. Whereas someone who operates under a slave-morality value, your lifestyle would be absolute hell for them, since they wouldn't be living their lives for someone else and find meaning in that.

I also don't push my values onto others, lost a bunch of friends that way. Now I go live my life the way I want to and let others life their lives as well.

BobbingForBunions · 2020-07-31T16:46:52+00:00

You're doing it right, OP.

The moment you decide to abandon the pursuit of external validation is the moment you realize that others' criticisms mean fuck all.

The exception is when you're trying to perfect a skill (cooking, playing chess, etc.). Then, take experts' criticisms to heart.

Yami-no-Kami · 2020-07-31T18:05:42+00:00

I'm totally with you. As long as you live alone and your walls are so soundproof, that your neighbors don't get disturbed by anything you do, it's only your business how you go through your days and nights. Why should it be other people's business in the first place, if they don't get disturbed by you? It's your life and you alone know what life suits you the best.

Just don't give a single shit about other people's options and live your life how it makes you happy. Keep rocking!

GlobalAsshat · 2020-08-01T19:10:08+00:00

Maintaining a certain amount of flexibility will keep you sane because you can't change other people so it's pointless to try and getting upset if everyone doesn't bend to your will just harms you in the long run.

We live in an insane world so it's best to adopt a certain level of acceptance to circumstances outside your direct control.

deyyg · 2020-07-31T14:26:29+00:00

Being too “in control” usually means play it safe. Nothing bad. Simply risk-aversive.

SkidNutz · 2020-07-31T14:37:38+00:00

People who say this to you are just mad that they can't manipulate you.

RandomReeditUser · 2020-07-31T15:01:08+00:00

No. I think many who you may interact with are so used to having no control or choosing not to exert control over their own lives will always compare in a way that makes us seem as if we are control freaks.

ConvergenceMan · 2020-07-31T19:30:54+00:00

"Too in control"

I've been accused of this many times in life, almost always from someone would much prefer if he or she had control over me

BananaWilly · 2020-07-31T20:48:24+00:00

Never bend a knee to anyone. Period.

victor_knight · 2020-08-01T01:01:54+00:00

Sounds very practical to me.

PatnarDannesman · 2020-08-01T01:04:04+00:00

That's what a functioning adult should do.

catsoncows · 2020-08-01T06:21:25+00:00

EZ Zi

SPI-MGTOW · 2020-08-05T19:54:00+00:00

This is me to a 'T'.

It's not about being selfish - it's about being a Self-Pioritized Individual. Why should you live your life to please others? What do you owe them?

Title	Is there such a thing as being too "in control"?
Author	sispirospero
Upvotes	1
Comments	23
Date	July 31, 2020 11:54 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/i167je/is_there_such_a_thing_as_being_too_in_control/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/is-there-such-a-thing-as-being-too-in-control.806545 https://theredarchive.com/post/806545

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