Advice sought

RPAlternate42 · 2015-07-09T23:05:03+00:00

Brad Pitt Never Gets the Starfish

I'm going to assume, from this point forward, that all references to unenthusiastic sex means "starfish sex."

She can act a little flippant, a little cold, and basically act like she's not into it.

If a woman wants to fuck you, she will. The takeaway is that if she doesn't fuck you, she probably doesn't want to. You didn't state it, but if she is saying things like, "It's not that important to me..." or, "I'm not in the mood..." or "I can't just turn on like you..." know that she is bull-shitting you.

We have a trope we throw around in here known as "The Brad Pitt Effect." Basically, if Brad Pitt (or whomever celebrity tickles her fancy) were to walk in the room and say, "let's fuck," she would in a heartbeat. The problem is that you are not Brad Pitt. He has established pre-selection and social proof and is basically doing nothing for it; at this point, just being alive pays dividends to him in both.

You can emulate things though, and while you are not Brad Pitt, you are real and you are already hers so you need only throw the balance in your favor:

Lift more. Achieve the Brad-Pitt-in-every-movie body.
Leave the house. Hang out with friends. Meet women and game them. No need to sleep with them, just practice gaming women and find out that your partner isn't the only show in town.

Women Control the Sex, But Men Control the Relationship

For her it's a bit of a power play.

This is only a power play as long as she thinks she has the power... and she does. A surrendered wife (or in this case, "partner" will concede power, especially sexual power, to her husband (or in this case, "partner.") Power plays only come into the scene when she doesn't respect you as a strong man.

I would guarantee that if she saw you flirting with women regularly, spending time with unknown (to her) people regularly, she would see that the level of power she yields is only as far as her pussy reaches (and that isn't far at all.) Pussy that throws itself at you will always be more powerful (in her eyes) than her own is playing stupid "power plays" with you. She's a woman and she's well aware that a flippant, uninterested, and boring pussy will never be as valuable to a man as one that basically drips from talking to you.

The Only Sex You Will Enjoy is the Sex You Want to Have

She knows she has to perform for our relationship to continue, so I feel as though this is a small act of rebellion.

This is no small rebellion. This is an established rebel force that has figured out your weak points and is working them as much as possible: 3x a week + 2 BJs. She found the happy medium where she can have the sex with as little effort as possible. I'd bet if you didn't do anything about it she'd trickle it to 2x/week and 1 blow job and then trickle some more until you complained. AWALT as far as this goes.

You are allowing her to do this... not through action, but through what you aren't doing. Game her during the day. Make everything sexual in some way. Flirt with her, touch her, kiss her. Walk up behind her, cup her tits, rub your groin on her ass, say something dirty, and then walk away. Do shit like this all day and then be more dominant in the bedroom.

Tell her to do things in, "Do this" and "do that" statements (not "I want," or "I'd like," or "It'd be nice..." statements) The latter are neutral statements that she can simply say "okay" to and not do anything; no risk of rejecting you, no need to actually do them. The former makes her have to say no if she doesn't want to. Now she's the one rejecting you.

You Can't Negotiate Desire...

I have thought about just saying 'if you act that way during sex I'll find someone who actually wants it' but as we know you can't negotiate desire and that just sounds butthurt.

You already recognize that pleading, begging, talking through, or whining are all fast tracks to a pussy desert. Instead of saying if you act that way during sex I'll find someone who actually wants it, just don't have sex with a starfish. Get up and leave the room... go do something else.

She acts this way because she knows you are thirsty for sex. She knows you are thirsty and she controls the spigot. As long as she controls the flow and you are thirsty, she owns you. She owns you because you are more invested and thus are in less control.

The solution is to not be thirsty. Realize that there is ~~water~~ pussy literally everywhere and hers is one.

Do things that imply you don't need her which is basically anything that doesn't involve her. The less you are around, the faster the Hamster runs. The faster he runs, the more desire she will end up having for you.

...But You Can Negotiate Enthusiasm. Sort Of

Still, I don't enjoy it as I want to feel desired.

You can't control what she feels. Her feelings, even her desire for you, are none of your business. If she doesn't desire you, that's her loss and not yours. You can't make her desire you, you can simply cultivate an environment wherein you don't worry about her desire anymore, wherein you only worry about your desire.

That could be desire for hobbies, desire for alone time, desire for friends' company, or desire for conversation with other women. Worry about your own desires -your own happiness- and she will fall in line.

Maybe you even have a desire to fuck her like you are the porn star and you just cover her in cum and walk away. I did this early on due to her lack of enthusiasm; treated her like a cum receptacle. I fucked her doggy style so she couldn't see me, made a mess on her, pushed her away from me, and left the room saying nothing. The change was almost instant. I treated her with the same disinterest she had been treating me, only when I do it to her it has the added effect of making her feel like a used whore. Me, I'm just bored when she does it to me.

I haven't had pre-RP lack of enthusiasm since then and I found something out after that... something RP has known for years: women like being treated like sluts and even see the men who do treat them like sluts as intrinsic signs that they are someone important.

A woman who respects her man and sees him as high value inevitably ties her emotional state to his. If he is lazy in bed, she will be lazy in bed. If he is a dominant slut-fucking beast, she will be the beast-fucked slut. If he is happy, she will be happy. Going back to the top of the reply: if she isn't acting in accordance with your expectations then you are likely not meeting hers.

Be a Better Man

Don't ever think for one second that any of this is her fault and that she is fixable in anyway. You can't concede that she doesn't give a shit until you've become a man so good that you sit in the top 20% of the pool. Once you are "fixed" can you be in a position to decide if she is broken or not.

RP isn't about getting your partner to be a sex kitten. It's about you being better. If she doesn't want to fuck you like you want, then maybe you should think if you are someone that should be fucked like you want. In the beginning you may have to fake it until you make it, but while you do you need to be honestly improving yourself to be someone that others want to be with.

A woman fills the container she's given. This means you need to be a better container.

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-07-09T18:28:14+00:00

Are you a dude? Calling her your partner has me a little confused, but I'll treat this as if you are.

Do you look good naked? Does she grab your shoulders, arms, abs and squeal like a fucking teen catching a glimpse of Bieber's ass?

If the answer is no, start there.

MRP Rule #1 Lift

MRP Question #1 Do you even Lift?

EDIT

To add to this, are you just going missionary?

Pick her up, flip her over, carry her to another room, talk nasty to her, role play, spice the shit up - she may just be bored and going through the motions.

marxistbacon · 2015-07-09T19:09:07+00:00

The good news is that's she's still willing enough/invested enough to be having the sex to begin with. The attitude probably reflects a lack of underlying lust for you. I'm not sure I'd call it a power play if it's just the case that she doesn't find you generating that raw excitement hormonal response. Those come from being "hawt" (lift, eat right, etc) and being The Man: able to keep your frame and actually be confident, collected, awesome, and in charge.

Redneck001 · 2015-07-09T19:12:42+00:00

Your situation is similar to mine. My wife was similar (except for the BJs, good job!). Willing to do it, just wasn't enthusiastic.

So I started doing all the stuff in sidebar, passing tests, being dominant, making decisions, leading. Flirted with her, seduced her, talked filthy to her. And took my lifting serious. Took my bodyfat percentage down to a current 8-9%.

Now I'm married to a pornstar that will do anything to please me.

theultmatecad · 2015-07-10T02:43:07+00:00

I wrote a post..said no to the starfish..It's a few months old under this username

Title	Advice sought
Author	JDRP29_2015
Upvotes	5
Comments	25
Date	July 9, 2015 6:24 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3cpdf3/advice_sought/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/advice-sought.201503 https://theredarchive.com/post/201503

Comments

Brad Pitt Never Gets the Starfish

Women Control the Sex, But Men Control the Relationship

The Only Sex You Will Enjoy is the Sex You Want to Have

You Can't Negotiate Desire...

...But You Can Negotiate Enthusiasm. Sort Of

Be a Better Man

Be a Better Man