Brief history for context:

M41, W40, 2 kids aged 5 and 9 months, married 13 years together 17, DB 14 of them. I find it hard to classify myself as beta, but I was way too ready to live happily ever after and made it my mission to settle from a young age. Before marriage, with prior girlfriends, this lead to frantic sex initially and quickly DB followed by her cheating and us breaking up. Wife somehow stayed true although We became room mates and I walked on egg shells.

2.5 yeas ago I found MMSLP and it revolutionised my life. I did MAP hard and found my dignity. I stopped orbiting, seeking validation, complaining, negotiating, seeking sympathy, you name it, it stopped. Lifting started. Athol does not do Dread, but from MAP alone sex went from once or twice a year to once or twice a week and although basic, it was fun and engaged. More importantly my confidence returned, work improved and younger, hotter versions of my wife give a lot of IOI.

Then kid number 2 arrives and I owned my shit and did what needed to be done. Sex vanished entirely during pregnancy and sort of never came back. It was a hard pregnancy and my wife was in significant discomfort so I stopped initiating and didn't complain or discuss. When she was nursing, I never really engaged and when I have, she had gotten comfortable in the lifestyle where I own my shit and she doesn't need to have sex, because, well, she hasn't and I am still here, owning my shit.

MMSL Forum closed and I found this place and the MRP approach really resonated with me. I have read the side bar and up'ed my efforts elsewhere. I have been passing shit tests for years and had no fear of confrontation, but MRP enabled me to take more risks and have more fun.

So where I am today:

I laid out a plan to get to DL5 and then reconsider my options based on progress. Given the baby and genuine sleep deprivation and stress, I am going slowly and don't want to go beyond level 5 until after my daughter is 12-14 months old and life is more balanced. So far sex has been great on weekends-away and vacations, so I do feel that the baby and associated stress is somewhat a contributor - but I am the capitain and need to control steering my ship back on track in my time

I am now on DL3 and very busy building a life apart from my wife. This is easy, I elect what nights I will be home and control my schedule. No problems. I have many interests.

DL4 is about conditioning time based on treatment. So, this is the step whereby you start getting active and it will cause disruption, which is great - disruption causes change and I have found that with good frame, changes are almost always positive.

The questions I have are:

  • Am I better off waiting until sleep and tiredness is less of an issue until I ratchet this up?

  • given I have many things I can do on any given night, I have read DL4 to mean that if she is denying sex for a few days, I just go do my thing and am busy for a while before re-engaging like nothing happened. Is my assumption that abruptly walking out, ghosting her, being passive aggressive etc is not the right approach at this stage?