A two-for-one mini field report:
 

GNO Peer Pressure

In the 15 years that I have known my wife, she has not read a single book. That includes the books on pregnancy that I ultimately had to summarize for her. Yes, I had enabled this behavior, but that's not the point of this field report.
 
She had a GNO with other moms from a fitness class that she attended. It was dinner and live jazz music. For you paranoid guys, there was no riding of cocks. It wasn't that kind of place.
 
The following morning, she mentioned that all the other moms had signed up for some free parenting classes offered by the city. Delving further into the topic, it seems that the other moms also liked to read books about parenting. They were discussing their theories, successes, and failures. She described some of the theories. I mentioned that those theories fit with my approach, gave some examples of how she had seen me apply them, and mentioned that I had recently read a book that suggested similar ideas. She hadn't realized before that I continue to read about these things.
 
Her: “I feel like I should be reading more about parenting. I used to read a lot.”
Me, in a teasing tone: “Mommy blogs don't count.”
Her: “I'd like to read some books on parenting.”
 
GNO with good quality friends led to peer pressure, seeing what I was doing, and choosing to make herself better. If I had placated her (“you're an excellent mother”) then no progress would have been made.
 

The Mother in Law

My mother in law is a self-centered, anxious, borderline abusive person. She has been sick for over a month, including a recent ER visit and several tests and doctor visits since then. My father in law wasn't feeling well either. My wife had told them that she would make some food and bring it to them, but she was dragging her heels.
 
Her: “Am I a selfish person? I feel no inclination to help them right now.”
Me: “Your mother thinks and acts like a child sometimes, and your dad behaves like a helpless victim. Right now you are parenting them.”
 
She was already aware that her behavior in that moment was selfish, so I didn't need to reinforce it. Instead of placating her and enabling shitty behavior (“no honey, you're not selfish”) I gave a non-answer that made her feel a bit better in general, but didn't ease her guilt. She made the food for her parents, and has been a bit nicer to everyone in the day after.
 

Summary

It's okay for her to feel bad. If she's a decent human being with any insight, then she will feel bad when she does something shitty. Don't placate or enable the shitty behavior. It's okay for her to feel bad. It's an opportunity for her to improve herself. You don't need to rub it in - just let it simmer.
 
 
Edit: formatting