Help - advice needed

homo_homini_lupus · 2014-10-28T19:47:37+00:00

There isnt a particle of redpill advice here. Shes not shit testing you, she has zero regard for or respect for you at all. You should have taken the water coolers you told her NOT to buy and returned them or thrown them out. When she says you are just roomates you should agreee and say you will start seeing other people. This woman is a shrew with your balls in her purse. All of this advice to talk, talk, talk, talk, is NOT RP it's NOT found in MMSL and might as well be coming from /r/askwomenadvice

exbp · 2014-10-23T11:47:25+00:00

This definitely her challenging for control. Do you run the finances or does she? You need to handle the bills, especially if it's mostly your money. Assuming you do, you need her to understand that controlling spending is necessary for your family's survival. If you have debts, let her know how much those weigh on you and how you're trying to get out from under them. Finally tell her she needs to return that pointless purchase. If she refuses then tell her you might have to take steps to protect the family from bad spending. Tell her that keeping a handle on finances is as important as locking the doors at night, and that you consider it your duty.

If your hamster is like mine, this is when the shit will start. I dropped it at this point and let her consider it for a few days.

In my marriage this is an important thing, my wife tries to seize control of anything she thinks I've neglected. Our current setup is that most of what she spends is money she makes from her own part time job (about 10% of our income).

IWillHandleIt · 2014-10-23T07:06:18+00:00

because she hasn't headed for the door and initiated a divorce, i'd say take this as a shit test. smile, let the woman vent about her strong feelings in that moment, and defuse it like you're talking to your bratty sister.

"dear, we really need to discuss your addiction to buying water coolers. it's getting out of control! TLC is coming over tomorrow to film a special on water cooler hoarders." etc.

don't make the mistake of believing what your wife says she's mad about is really the cause of her emotions. just be unshakeable for her, stand firm while she implodes, and show her you love her... passionately and dominantly. after you sex her good and she's soft as butter, tell her to return the water coolers tomorrow.

Jessie_James · 2014-10-23T13:36:46+00:00

Me: Married 10 years, 2 kids, I'm 45 and she is 32 and SAHM.

Here's my take, I have some questions:

So today she calls up and tells me she was going to buy 2 water coolers - I tell her not to because we have several at home., hang up everything is fine.

How much did these cost, and what is the reason why she wanted them?

When I get home I see the coolers and I'm like, why did you buy them......

What did she say?

She starts rambling that she is sick and tired of me controlling her spending , which I do not do,

Explain your financial situation a little, if you don't mind. For example, my wife and I share a "Main" checking account for all expenses, like groceries, gas, eating out, clothes, etc. We also have a "Bill" account where we stick money for the mortgage, car payments, bills, etc., which we don't use otherwise. Then she also has a "Wife" account where I put $150 per pay period and she can spend it however she wants.

and that things between us are falling apart. That we have different priorities and that we don't fit our needs.

This is a red flag to me, and one that is very, very serious. You don't need to be red pill here, you need to sit down very carefully, acting like a father figure/husband/head of household and treat this like a problem that needs to be fixed, but you need to gather a lot more information.

I'll try to be brief, and say that what she is saying is likely the tip of the iceberg, and what she is saying is a hint that you need to dig a lot deeper and find the root cause. You'll have to say "So what is bothering you?" and let her talk about it, and if it doesn't sound like a legitimate issue, you need to tell her "Ok, I understand, but that issue doesn't seem to be serious enough to warrant your level of upset. Could there be something else bothering you? What else could it be?" (The last part is the most important - you want to address the fact that something deeper and more important is probably the issue). Then shut up and see what OTHER thing she brings up. You may have to repeat this 10-20 times before you get to the root cause.

What could it be? Maybe she thinks you do not appreciate her (an issue I ran into with my wife). You remedy this by offering to take the kids ALL WEEKEND and do EVERYTHING she does. And you'll hate it, and it'll be hard, and you'll fail. Then on Monday you tell her "Damn, I never realized how much work you do, I couldn't do that!" Then when she does something like make dinner, you can tell her "Wow, I can't believe you did everything you normally do and made dinner tonight. You're amazing." And she'll tease you that you couldn't do this, and you'll agree, but then tease her that some day she should try your job (maintaining you're also contributing with a job she can't do) but it's great you are a team.

I stood ground , told her if she has issues I would gladly discuss them as adults - she replied saying that it's always the same story - we talk but nothing changes - which is not true.

Don't stand your ground here, address the issue. Don't tell her you'll discuss as adults ... DO discuss it!

Then find the root cause, address it, and adjust as needed. There should be some give and take. She wants you to do X, but you want her to do Y. It's should be somewhat equal, but frankly at this point I'd give a little to show you care about her, the marriage, and improving this.

The worst part of the shit test is when she said that we are just roommates ... That we just have to live together.

That's a big red flag.

Have you checked out the required reading in the sidebar? I'd recommend you look at No More Mr Nice Guy and Married Man Sex Life Primer ASAP, in that order. You may also want to find a therapist for YOU (alone) who can help you quickly - but that may be hard, and I'd recommend you see a male therapist and shop around for a guy who gives you advice you can immediately put into play and have immediate good results.

[deleted] · 2014-10-28T15:01:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

En_sigma · 2014-10-24T15:00:56+00:00

SSSSSHHAAAAAAATTTTT TEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSTTTTTTT

Just in case, pin that on your man wall. When they give you that much attitude THAT is the time to act.

Control your spending? This is when you look at the clock, and if there is time, tell her we are going to the bank to get separate accounts right now. When she squawks out that getting her own account means she would have to go to work, you tell her that is right and you better make as much as me because as of right now you don't touch my money. And you owe me for the coolers since I told you no.

Now, she may or may not back peddle some, but you make clear that this is YOUR money that you are making. I can't tell you how many guys I know that had their wife give them the" I want to stay home speech" after child birth. Don't get me wrong, mine has been home with the kids for 7 years now, but she understands that Dad works his but off so that he can support the family. I've said it before, I share my stuff, anything I have the wife and kids can use, but if they misuse it, then I take it away from them. Taking my stuff and telling me I have no right to it is a problem. Money is the same situation.

BE READY TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. If she smells a bluff she will stomp a hole in you. Yes, it is life changing, but understand that this is a huge test. She is telling you that you have no right to the money you are working your nuts off for. What kind of rights do you think you have left after that? Go big on destroying the test so that you don't have to worry about this anymore.

Had sex last week? Was that a joke? You posted that Wednesday and I had it that morning. And Monday night. I am surprised she is not charging you rent for storing your nuts in her purse. Because, believe me when I say this, that is where she thinks your nuts are.

Title	Help - advice needed
Author	pinkievodka
Upvotes	7
Comments	14
Date	October 23, 2014 3:05 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2k28jm/help_advice_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/help-advice-needed.202922 https://theredarchive.com/post/202922

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