Ready to take steps

53Pirate · 2014-09-13T15:21:44+00:00

(Married for 12 years here).

Personally, I don't encourage a lot of communication in this area. Be vague and keep it to basics, like, "I'm working on a few things, doing some thinking". She'll go nuts, but that's kind of the point. The more details you communicate, the more chance there is of you establishing a feedback loop where you submit your plans for her approval or veto. It sets you both up for frustration. Women love to know what's going on, but honestly, she'll be better off not knowing anything in much detail. Don't be vague as in wishy-washy, though. Be vague as in giving short, accurate answers without explaining in detail.

She may ask if you're having an affair and you should definitely deny that one. She may ask if you still love her and you can answer that however you like, depending on your previous level of stated affection. She may ask if you're planning on divorcing her and you can reply that it's not what you're planning. Don't give her reason to panic or do anything rash, but do allow her to keep wondering. Keep a positive overall vibe and don't get her anxious, but be relatively obscure about what you're doing. The point is that you need to be doing this as your own man, without her approval or help.

The main thing is your attraction, though. This must come first. So, there doesn't even need to be a high level of communication for a while, because it will be a slow change. I definitely do not advocate going all Red Pill on her ass overnight. You must increase your attraction first or she'll become totally annoyed and resentful.

Self-improvement first, with lifting, how you dress and present yourself, self-confidence, social status, financial security, etc.

Only after those are obviously improved can you truly get underway with the dominance in your household. However, you can start shutting down the shit/fitness tests right away. But don't overcompensate and go overboard. Shut down the obvious ones at first. And do not explain why. Come back with examples if you want specific feedback.

jamieoneal82 · 2014-09-13T13:00:11+00:00

Have you read the book Married Man Sex Life? If not, I recommend starting there. Then get No More Mr Nice Guy and read that.

53Pirate · 2014-09-13T15:55:53+00:00

TRP Hard-Mode (aka: Married TRP) is a lot different than regular dating Red Pill, "plates", and a lot of stuff they talk about on the main TRP sub. That's why this valuable sub exists.

There's a lot of history to overcome & it's not as easy to dread the "nuclear option" with a wife you've been with for years as it is for a young guy with a girlfriend he met two months ago (no kids, no shared assets, no entangled finances, no family and social circle implications.) You can't dread the "nuclear option" in TRP Hard Mode unless you're actually willing to go there or you won't be credible. And she will know instinctively if you are actually willing to follow through or not or if it's an empty threat ... so you can't go there unless you really are at the point you will follow through and accept all the consequences that will come with that.

You're changing behaviors she's become accustomed over years & years to expect from you - and changing those perceptions won't happen overnight.

So to answer your question ... I think small steps at first* - until the hamster starts getting used to the idea that "some things are changing" ... but you don't want to drag that incremental approach out for too long. Soon as the idea gets instilled in her head that "some things are changing" in the relationship ... then you gotta ramp it up. I would say on average 4 to 6 months AT MOST!

It's a process ... and you need to be in charge of the process. Deep down, she wants you to be. Because you're the man.

imspunkticus · 2014-09-14T06:48:06+00:00

I was in the same position last year, so I'm already deep in the process. My strategy involved all the things you've said, but I'm going to go against some other comments here. I did actually state my intentions to my wife, including the nuclear option, and what I expected of her. But after that I kept my mouth shut! I feel this is just a manifest difference between a plate and a wife.

In fact, this post and a few others recently (pregnancy, porn, cheating, the ten-year itch) have struck such a chord with my situation I may make a separate post.

En_sigma · 2014-09-15T13:08:23+00:00

Read up on frame, and the difference between fitness and shyt tests. Because that will be your life for a while. And the test really never go away. But if your frame is something like "I am leading, you are coming with me," then stick with that no matter if she refuses at first. Her refusing at first is almost certain and when that happens, you may (initially) spend part of your time without her, but if you hold frame she will eventually come along with you on whatever physical/financial/familial journey you choose.

As for what to do with yourself, I can suggest a few things - foremost, do not get comfortable. Have hobbies outside of the house. If you have kids, take one/both/all of them with you and do whatever it is YOU choose to do. Teach them to throw a football/baseball or batting practice or perfecting the fade-away shot on the court. If you are the outdoorsman I am, take them hunting/fishing, or putting up stands, toodling about the lake or just ridding the 4 wheeler. If the kids don't want to go, then go anyway. All of them have to realize that if you want time with Dad/Dear Husband you have to go and do what he is doing.

I have been married almost 23 years and the red pill did not exist in it's distilled form when I married. When I first read about Game on Vox's site, it all clicked and while I had to adjust to what I could now recognize as test, all the red pill did for me was make me realize I was not crazy.

Make good decisions and stick with them.

UEMcGill · 2014-09-15T14:16:49+00:00

One bit of advice I haven't seen yet. To truly be an integrated male, someone who is the epitome of Alpha, you need to be willing to walk away. This is contrary to the reason you are here but, ironically, what will save you.

A woman doesn't really want a man who will give up everything for her. She wants a man that will stop at nothing to meet his purpose. If you are constantly cowtowing to her shit tests and the like, she loses respect for you, because you are letting her shift you from your purpose.

When you approach this whole journey from a position of abundance, you'll make logical and good decisions. When your wife is behaving poorly you'll step back and go "I can find another woman who's better than this" and make the right decision for her behavior. This goes for all the relationships in your life.

So when you say "I'm not looking to end a 20+ year commitment" you need to let that go. Its a sunk cost fallacy. Accept that your wife may not be able to give you the love you want. That's ok, because frankly, there's a million women who would.

You can't come in here hoping to pick up some game tips, maybe squash a couple of shit tests and all of the sudden have a wife who will fuck you at the drop of a hat.

Until you're willing to walk away, it will never get better.

Title	Ready to take steps
Author	MarriedAsFuck
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	September 13, 2014 12:16 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2ga7s9/ready_to_take_steps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/ready-to-take-steps.202995 https://theredarchive.com/post/202995

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