Hello everyone.

I just wanted to share a technique that I came up with that has helped me a lot to:

  1. Identify shit test more quicly
  2. Hold frame during shit tests

It works not only dealing with your wife/SO but with everybody. The trick is to condition yourself to be aware when you get angry and change your reflex reaction. Just like boxers and martial artists change their natural flinch reflex for a slip and punch reflex, you will condition and reprogram yourself to react cool and resourceful in the face of shit tests instead of exploding/yelling/DEERing.

  1. When you start to practice this, you will realize you were angry/yelling/DEERing too late and you will fail the shit test. When that happens, just go somewhere and LAUGH. Laughing at your anger will help you changing your state and start conditioning yourself to be cool in the face of anger.

  2. Everytime you practice this you will detect your anger/yelling/DEERing sooner, to the point that you will finnaly be able to STFU on time.

  3. Once you have the trigger really sinked in and becomes second nature, you can replace the anger/yelling/DEERing with some geniune laughter/A&A/AM.

This little technique has worked wonders for me. I have a long way to go and I'm currently in stage 3 like in 50% of the situations, and the other 50% are still stage 2. Anyway this is A LOT BETTER than it was 6 months ago. I never loose my cool anymore and start the yelling battle.

It has also helped me to stop getting angry with my son when he breaks something or misbehaves wich is really great because I really hate to discipline my boy while angry. I think you get a lot more respect when you just give them "that look" and they just get it.

Hope this can help someone as it has helped me.