I do wanna thank all the guys on here that responded to my previous post. But anyway, back to the topic at hand. The online friend I talked about, finally emailed me again after being absent for 4 days. She has made assumptions that either I was really unwell or just plain mad at her to the point where I didn't wanna talk to her. Many times it can be either or or both. She left this long email but her reasoning for why she was absent was that because of her health problems and her schedule, she was busy and tired and out of it. This happens a lot, if not all the time. She always says I'm sorry when stuff like this happens. She didn't want me to feel like she ignored me or abandoned me which she told me before that happened a lot in previous relationships and friendships. And it made her cry and everything. I kinda said before that I wouldn't do that but I know if/when I do break it off with her, she will think of me the same way and that I did the same thing. I tried talking about how I felt about her before and it never ended well. And the frustration with me built up to this breaking point I guess.

Still, I wish it didn't have to be this way. And, I'm not bashing the support on here, but it just feels like.....the case with guys is that they are forced to be this island. To be alone. To keep everything in. To be on guard. To not show emotion. And to be "tough". And that you're not allowed to be vulnerable because if you do get vulnerable, others won't care or something bad will happen to you if you are. And from what I observed in the world, women don't have to be emotionally mature, be forced into this social isolation and get this female privilege that men don't have. I have to state that it does not mean that I hate women (if anything, I'm kinda afraid of women). It's that I view women differently now and men too sometimes. The world in general and our human psychology. It makes me sick if I think about it too much. That's why one of the things that turned me off from my online friend was the fact that she was a feminist. On top of her being untrustworthy and unavailable for me.

That is what is on my mind at the moment. You may think I look like an idiot or a fool for typing this out. But again I guess I kinda learned that keeping all of this bottled in isn't gonna help either way. So.....here it is.