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It seems like loneliness affects us guys more than anything. How do you survive like that?

BlackoutWalksAlone
March 23, 2022
38 upvotes
/r/MenSupportMen

I deal with being lonely and isolated all the time. I'm not sure how I got this far.

Most guys keep it to themselves. Or they stay distracted through hobbies or through a ton of work. Or through some other means.

That loneliness and emotional pain really does tear you up (physically and mentally). And unfortunately there's no real means of support. There's therapy and journaling but even that can do so much.

I do know that most people (at least most of the people I found) are unreliable or untrustworthy (whether they have good intentions or not) so....I just make it from one day to the next as best as I can.

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Post Information
Title It seems like loneliness affects us guys more than anything. How do you survive like that?
Author BlackoutWalksAlone
Upvotes 38
Comments 18
Date March 23, 2022 8:12 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/it-seems-like-loneliness-affects-us-guys-more-than.1107883
https://theredarchive.com/post/1107883
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/tlc27k/it_seems_like_loneliness_affects_us_guys_more/
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Comments

[–]Gpda0074 15 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Once I figured out that being alone is better than being lonely with someone right next to you, it became much easier.

[–]JetpacksSuck 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I needed that today, thank you

[–]TenOfZero 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I need that reminder too as well sometimes, thanks

[–]Suddenly_Sisyphus42 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally agree with this sentiment. The only thing worse than being alone is feeling alone with other people, or having other people make you wish you were alone.

[–]happygloaming 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the correct answer.

[–]shit-zen-giggles 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly my experience.

What I found out as well is that when you open up to people (after some vetting of course), they typically open up as well.

I think for guys, more often than not, it's more of a game of chicken, like "who is going there first" and in the end everyone loses, because nobody dares to break through that outer shell.

[–]lmea14 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, people can be annoying. You can't be alone 100% of the time, but being able to do whatever you want without worrying if the other person is enjoying themselves is very liberating.

[–]SoundProofHead 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's the difference between being alone and being lonely. Op is lonely.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think I'm just lonely though. I do know most of the time I am alone, especially with the way I'm forced to live.

[–]BitsAndBobs304 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Im autistic people hate or dislike me so i have no friends and im always alone and also too ugly and autistic to have a partner

[–]surrealstrength 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lately I've been keeping to myself. I stay busy most of the time and in my free time i keep to myself. I feel tired to go out and socialize. This comes with feeling lonely as well. But yeah days go by and honestly i think that loneliness subsides and becomes just being alone.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you're lonely and isolated, maybe you can find some clubs or activities in your neighborhood that is done in groups. Maybe hiking, running, cycling, computer gaming, arts/crafts, etc... If you pick an activity that you like, there's a better chance of connecting with other like minded people.

[–]Suddenly_Sisyphus42 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I feel lonely sometimes, but mostly prefer to be alone. It helps to have a pet and at least one good friend. I mostly try to keep myself busy with my hobbies and leisure activities. Often, I feel like the only time I can be my authentic self is when I am alone, so I'm grow pretty comfortable with my solitude.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well the saying is true: "You can only be yourself when you're by yourself"

[–]michaelpaoli 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

  • Practice. Practice, practice, practice
  • think of / get used to it as the norm, not the exception

distracted through

Yep, that's a (generally) useful one.

loneliness and emotional pain really does tear you up (physically and mentally)

It'll only cut about a decade off your life.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sadly loneliness is a very common thing for men but I don't think it just generally cuts up a decade off your life.

For some it can go on most of if not their whole lives. Because simply there are some things about loneliness in general that you might never get used to. At least for me.

[–]FatherOfLights88 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's 'loneliness', and then there's 'intractable loneliness'.

The former can be softened/resolved by a myurqd of things, such as therapy, socializing, reaching out when in need, etc...

The latter is what's left when all of the options above have been exhausted.

I have one single thread that keeps me moving forward. It's a future that I could never have imagined, but can now see clearly. In this future, I see the spouse I currently don't have. Regardless of what's going on right now, my curiosity over watching this future approach is the sole factor that mitigates my loneliness.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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