~ archived since 2018 ~

I truly feel like killing myself

October 25, 2021
21 upvotes

I’m so done with everything. I hate this world so much. Everything sucks, everything is garbage. I hate my parents for making me alive, if there’s a god I hate them for making the world.

I get so angry, I actually take pleasure in imagining that my death will make everyone around me suffer. I want to hurt as many people as possible with my suicide. I feel like everyone is my enemy, that everyone has wronged me, and I want revenge, and I don’t care if that comes in the form of my own death. My mother will be upset? Good. I hope so. I hope that everyone I know gets to feel the powerlessness and worthlessness and unhappiness that I have to feel every fucking day. I genuinely take pleasure in that idea. A final revenge.

The amount of hate and invalidation that I see towards men - it’s enraging. These pieces of shit, these smug, stuck-up, insufferable neoliberals with their lecturing on fairness and equality - these people cannot bring themselves to see men as human, let alone worthy of compassion. And conservatives? Well, you may get the human part, but still no compassion.

I’ve gotten close to trying before. I’m so close now. And I don’t have anything else to live for. My existence is torment. I would give anything to have never been born at all.

None of this matters, anyway. Just go ahead and call me a school shooter in the making, like everyone else I’ve ever trusted has. Just like the kids in elementary school who said they were afraid of me. It’s just gonna make hate everyone even more, and give me another reason to finally free myself from this intolerable life.

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Post Information
Title I truly feel like killing myself
Author thatbruh123
Upvotes 21
Comments 8
Date October 25, 2021 3:30 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/i-truly-feel-like-killing-myself.1081984
https://theredarchive.com/post/1081984
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/qf825q/i_truly_feel_like_killing_myself/
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Comments

[–]Cazorla_Goat 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know you probably aren't interested in hearing any of the "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and "Most peopl who attempt actually regret it" and " More people care about you than you think, they would be devastated" platitudes. Don't worry, I'm not gonna say that. I hate those too.

It's true. You're one hundred percent right. The world IS a horrible place. Horrible things DO happen. Young people die of disease, people are callous and self-centered with no regard for others. The world sucks and horrible things happen.

The goal isn't to be happy in the face of all of that. That would just be disingenuous. What’s the point of being happy in a world with so much misery and suffering? You'd be right if you said there isn’t one. The goal is to feel the horrible stuff, let yourself know about all the bad things, and know that you're not gonna die from those feelings. To know that those feelings aren't gonna overtake your life or kill you.

You need to find a way to cope with those feelings, those emotions. I don't know you personally, but I would want to ask whether you have ever had any hobbies, any goals, any desires? Depression is a horrible illness, but you will go nowhere if you don't take steps to treat it. Go for a walk, or cook your own dinner one day. It's not gonna cure you. But you have to start with baby steps. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

[–]happygloaming 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These problems can be worked through but first you must step back from the edge. You need to seek professional help, help to learn how to be in your skin and help to understand and grapple with the world around you. The minutiae and machinations of how neoliberalism and our new anti male world can be addressed, but first you need help. There are deep systemic issues that must be recognised and teased from the cultural filibuster in order to make a difference, but being dead won't help address this.

One of my siblings killed themselves and my last message from them was not unlike yours. Do not do this, stay your hand and allow yourself to suffer the burden of ignorance and powerlessness. There are powerful and fulfilled men that emerge from dark places, their suffering can be harnessed and leveraged, the world can be altered by their decision to grapple with their scars and wear them. I encourage you to try this first. I could write you a long report on why things are the way they are, but one thing at a time. First you must decide, decide to permit yourself the strength to just be, then demand of yourself the strength to learn the world around you. Do these things and then you may be able to speak to these problems we all face, and alter them.

[–]OverSavior 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stay strong, brother. I know how it feels when there's seemingly not a single human you could trust and when you're just not able to easily change the situation or environment. For all of those people who hurt you, breaking you is the goal of their actions and insults. Unfortunately that's the reality we live in, even our own death doesn't have enough weight for someone to care for us, with the exception of our parents maybe.

What I propose to you is, take pride in how far I've come already. Take even more pride in that you can last a day more. Forge yourself as unbreakable. Don't validate those people's insults by being offended by them. Those people are no less miserable than they attempt to call you if this is how they treat others. Few people are strong enough to not give in to the natural temptation to no shit on others and treat others with kindness and compassion.

It's kind of a general phrase, but life does indeed change. Sometimes there are just opportunities you don't notice because you're not looking for them, sometimes they pop up on their own. Pleasing others will not make you happy, you can only be happy if you do what you want, if your life is fulfilling and meaningful in your own eyes.

I myself has been dealing with mentally abusive parents and environment for a long while, and with time I learned to just not care. I retreat into my own world of hobbies I don't have to share with anyone, and nobody can hurt me there. I take pleasure in going against others' expectations when I think they're wrong. I indulge myself in art, I read books and study different cultures, I study martial arts for the sake of their phylosophy, I adjust my life for my own benefit. But I stay human and still try to be kind to people if they respond with kindness in return.

I hope my little rang could help you in some way. Feel free to DM me anytime if you feel like venting, man. I won't judge.

[–]Cyb3rd31ic_Citiz3n 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey dude, seen you common on LWMA a few times. Just wondering if you want to talk about what's going on in your life to make you feel and think this way? Must be pretty brutal.

I'm no expert - just a guy really. But I care, and I think everyone else here cares what happens to you too. So if you're at the end of your rope you might as well give us a try. Perhaps we've been where you are now and could offer real help.

[–]cravin_mor 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am right now only in fear that any word out of my fingertips could make it worse, so please read my text with love in mind, ya?

I would love to have the ability to talk like the others in here right now, but when I read your text, I just got sad. I dont exaggerate, when I tell you that I feel you bro, I really cant find words right now while starting to cry. I dont know if any of this is reaching you, but please dont kill yourself.... I dont know why I started crying, I guess I can really relate to that from my own past.

I just took a little break, because I wasn't able to write anymore, my vision got blurry....

And now I again started to cry.....

Please try to find a little bit of peace, for god sake, fake your death and start a new life or something else, but dont end it. Those who go through the worst will be the best humans, if they stay strong. I think I would only continue talking without getting to a specific point, so I stop here.

If you ever feel the need to vent/talk with someone, pls feel free to DM me, I am not online every day, but I will keep an eye out for you. (and I really mean it, it is not a saying for me, like people use: "how are you".) Pls DM me, if you feel the need, We are and I am there for you buddy, even if it is just listening! I hope to hear from ya!

edit:

I forgot to mention that I am really glad, that you reached out to us. There is still something left in you, lets build on that!

[–]SaracensFlanker 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man, I think I commented on a previous post of yours here and I'm sorry that you're not feeling any better since then. It must be a really rough time for you.

What I would say with respect to "final revenge" is that suicide isn't really the way to achieve that. I tend to agree with Albert Camus that suicide is a "confession" that life has become too much, that all the suffering is pointless, etc. In short, it is the ultimate admission of weakness, notwithstanding a type of courage required to override one's survival instincts. And, if you've observed how quickly most humans move on from the deaths of people they supposedly love, it is not really a long-lasting or persistent form of revenge.

If that is your goal, then, while I don't particularly support doing this, you should go no or low contact with the people who have hurt you if you have not done so already, and live your best life: get fitter/stronger, get more resilient, sort yourself out mentally if you can, keep learning (retain what is useful and discard what is not) etc.

I get how infuriating all the shit being dumped on "men" is at the moment: where I live there have been calls for men to be unable to go out at night in the name of "women's safety". But remember you can only control what is in your control.

You can't control the insufferable liberals with their (incorrect) luxury beliefs about the sexes; you can't control whether other people love/respect you. You can only control being the best version of yourself that you can be in YOUR eyes. When you make progress, and you can look at yourself in the mirror having done so, believe me there is a satisfaction that NO-ONE can take away from you. That is the best form of revenge possible, if you can get there.

[–]SgtRinzler 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need help, man, and not just professional help. You need to help yourself. You talk about all this anger you feel towards all the unjustness in the world. You know what? It is unjust. The world has never been fair,and it never will be. This is a fact that each of us has to come to terms with in our own way.

I don't know you. I don't know your story, or what you've been through. But getting your "revenge" on everyone you love by taking your life is not the answer. You know how you can get revenge on the world for being unfair? Be successful. Better yourself in spite of the odds that are stacked against you. Stand up straight, with your shoulders back, and tell the world you don't give a fuck about what it thinks about you.

Also get off social media, at least temporarily. Go experience the beauty of the world. It's out there.

[–]kewlaz 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey Mate,

I am sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.

everything sucks I am not going to sugar coat it for you. People are selfish even when you reach to someone you thought might help and they don't.

You need to focus on your dash. Be the best possible version of yourself you can be.

We all can see that world around us is changing and not for the better. When it does implode in on itself it is going to need strong capable men to rebuild it. Get fit, set goals and achieve them. you will be needed.

If you really want to payback people in your life then create a life that makes them envious of you every time you post pictures of your new flashy car, boat or villa in the South of France you didn't invite them too.

Stay safe Brother

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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