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I’m at a loss with dating

September 25, 2022

I’m 19 and just started college and I honestly have been considering becoming abstinent and completely removing myself from dating, there hasn’t been a single girlfriend I’ve had that hasn’t cheated on me. And The last one really left me in a dark place, that was over a year ago and I tried getting back into it but I just couldn’t, I don’t have the motivation to play their stupid games. People I’ve talked to always tell me Il find a good one eventually, which sure I might but I really don’t see how it’s worth the effort. The only issue is that well, I get very lonely at times. Anyone else feel this way about dating now ?

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Post Information
Title I’m at a loss with dating
Author EfficientCow2644
Upvotes 32
Comments 14
Date September 25, 2022 1:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]a-man-from-earth 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are definitely not alone, and this is a very common experience especially for young men nowadays. I've had my dry spells as well, but dynamics have changed quite a bit with people being terminally online and dating apps bringing out the worst in people.

You might be interested in this discussion as well:

[–]leelbeach 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey man, sorry that you've been dealing with these cheating women, I can't imagine how that feels. I wouldn't give up though as there are so many good women out there that will be faithful and respectful to you. Your still young and as you grow older, women should be more mature and cheat less.

[–]Oncefa2 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah college isn't necessarily the time to find a "perfect" someone for the rest of your life.

It's ok to play around yourself.

Don't cheat obviously but don't take it as seriously, either.

Ironically if you have less of a serious attitude towards it, you might end up finding someone anyway.

On a personal note to OP, are you inclined to black and white thinking? This is a hallmark of BPD which can have devastating effects on people's social and romantic lives (when untreated).

[–]Peptocoptr 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

God, you're not alone. I have a very strong suspicion my ex cheated on me with a friend of mine in high school, but I can't fucking prove it, and even my best friend didn't believe me, so I keep it to myself and I have no idea what I'll do if I meet either of them again.

Just that was enough for me to never really initiate dating again, so I can't imagine how you feel. Do you no longer feel you can trust women or do you feel like you can't trust yourself to trust someone else (at that intimate level, at least)? Either way, I'm so fucking sorry this happened to you.

[–]EfficientCow2644[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don’t think I could connect intimately, at least not for a long time, I think I’ve learned to almost expect it from my partner

[–]Peptocoptr 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Then you're a bit like me. I can't garantee you everything is gonna work out in the end, because I don't know you, but I know we can make it. I haven't lost all hope, and neither should you.

[–]UnHope20 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hi sorry to hear that you've gone through this. I've been in relationships where the other person was unfaithful too. I've also been in situations where women who were in relationships tried to cheat on their partners with me.

It's brutal out here and it's totally ok to choose abstinence (Even if only temporarily) if you feel that is what is best for you.

I took time off before meeting my current partner and it worked well for me. Good luck in whatever you choose. We have your back either way.

[–]pandejopanda 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Focus on yourself bro. Make your bag and protect it. Do things for yourself, not to impress women. Lift, fix up and eat healthy for your own benefit. It's so much better for your mental health. Women have been taught to be unfaithful, you're not gonna change that. Get on with your life. You WILL eventually find one that's good, but stop looking. It's a waste of time. Be your best self instead, and do it for you.

[–]ZulutheZebra 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man, little bit late to the party but still wanted to put my .02 in. I hate seeing endless posts always proclaiming it’s mens fault when a girl cheats but it’s WWIII if a guy does the same. What I would say though, in the kindest way I can, is to be careful about who you let in your life. Considering it’s multiple women in a row that have cheated on you, you may have some buried trauma or insecurity that is causing you to choose that type of woman as a partner. Maybe just try hookups for a while before you get into your next LTR. Either way I wish you the best man, sincerely hope your next relationship works out better.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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