Please help (19M)

CunningHamSlawedYou · 2021-09-22T15:46:45+00:00

As a guy who pulls a lot of women, I'm mostly just crunching numbers. I get rejected by most. Even if I had top game one night, there are so many reasons for being rejected that are outside of my control, so I try to not make a deal about it. Even if everything about me is absolutely 10/10 I'd still get no more times than yes.

Also, try to forget about getting laid/finding companionship. Your self-worth does not stem from dating.

Sorry to hear girls were mean to you. They're a lot crueler when they're young.

Skirt_Douglas · 2021-09-22T16:18:40+00:00

Probably these girls you’re talking about are immature and have never needed to approach a guy they like in their lives. So they can’t even imagine what that must be like let alone empathize with how it feels to be rejected with cruelty. Combine that with today’s cultural climate where girls are being told that being asked out by a guy they aren’t thrilled about is tantamount to harassment and you end up with a bunch of self-absorbed women who think they are entitled to kick a man when he is down just for yucks.

It’s gross, but alas, this is not how all women are, and think of it this way; she revealed herself to you by showing her cruelty, did you really want to be with someone like that anyway? If you ask a woman out and they reveal themselves to be awful, then them rejecting you is you dodging that bullet.

It’s not the best advice to tell a guy to be emotionally numb, but at the end of the day it is still men who need to risk their self-esteem by making the approaches toward women, and so that warrants we take on a more “fuck it” sort of attitude, and do our best to not let the cruelty be of assholes bring us down. There will always be assholes, I think it is better that they reveal themselves early on so you can avoid them, rather than end up in an abusive relationship with a self-absorbed unempathetic prat.

BloomingBrains · 2021-09-22T22:23:48+00:00

I have always had the same problem and like you I used to try understand it. I don't know that its something that can even be understood, though. What helped me get over was realizing that in doing something immature and insulting like giving our a fake number, ghosting, etc. they have failed your test. That's not the kind of person you wanted to be with anyway, right? In other words, you dodged a bullet.

Those guys "pulling girls I could only dream of" aren't something to envy, IMO. Most pick up artists readily admit that they go through just as many rejections. They're just playing a numbers game and are willing to do whatever they have to do to get laid, no matter how debasing. Do you really want to be the guy that goes out to the bar and systematically asks out every girl there, just to go to the next one, rinse and repeat? Do you want to be completely fake and just say whatever makes you sound "alpha" or whatever nonsense? Or would you rather refuse to play a game where you're not valued and only engage it on your terms? Assuming what you want is a genuine relationship based on mutual connection, of course.

I choose the latter because putting yourself through the emotional battery of that many rejections just to get some cheap hookups isn't worth it to me. Any woman you'd want to be with would feel the same way, and PUA tactics wouldn't work on her.

I take 100% responsibility for everything that happens to me and my lack of results in the dating department

I would be careful about that servile kind of attitude if I were you. I may be wrong, but it comes off like you're just trying to head off accusations of being an incel. Except it isn't healthy to think that way because you're subconsciously admitting that it IS your fault and you don't have good characteristics. Which is actually counterproductive to any chance you might have of romantic success. People love to say "be confident" and "love yourself" but the moment you're a lonely virgin, it becomes all about how you must be a creep, a loser, etc. You seem to have a positive view of yourself, so use that. Don't let people bully you with the threat of being called an incel and hold your chin high.

If people tell you you're trash because you don't have a girl in your life, then cut those people off. They have truly small minds indeed if the only unit of value they can see in a person is whether they've been deemed worthy by the hookup cult.

Dangerous_Ship_238 · 2021-09-22T15:02:14+00:00

This kinds of thing happen, you can't do a thing about it. Best is to hope for the best and expect for the worst. Also to note that the guys who are playboys, get rejected a lot.

Olav_The_Destroyer · 2021-09-22T17:37:30+00:00

I’m 33 and I stopped dating about 2 years ago and my life is way more serene. I mostly only have guy friends that I hang out with regularly. It can be lonely at times not having a good woman in my life but I’ll take periodic loneliness over futile pursuits or nasty people any day. The women I’ve met who actually care about other people are unavailable for dating. It’s a bummer, but it’s how things are. There’s nothing to be done about it. I would encourage you to cultivate your hobbies and do whatever you want to do with your life and don’t worry about finding a woman. Even if you found one, you would probably go on a few dates and then break up. And the period of dating might not be all that pleasant either.

charedj · 2021-09-22T16:14:58+00:00

Damn, I remember days like this. Life can be pretty hard as you get into adulthood, I know it was for me.

My advice to you is this:

The best friends and partners I met, even ones I only knew for a night, seemed to come when I was most comfortable with myself. Not neccessarilly in a fully comfortable situation, but one where I was enjoying myself.

You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, and you don't need to. Do things that make you happy, say yes more often, scare yourself sometimes by doing something you'd never think to do, instead of asking what you're doing wrong.

The friends, and partners, will come through that.

You're young, my dude. Whole life ahead of ya, I mean it, you can do anything. Take it from someone who has done more than a lifetime's worth and I feel like I've only just started.

Title	Please help (19M)
Author	Swimming-Direction70
Upvotes	23
Comments	9
Date	September 22, 2021 2:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/pt99tx/please_help_19m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/please-help-19m.1074960 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074960

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