A simple question.

Collective82 · 2012-05-12T14:55:42+00:00

Because we aren't supposed to be weak and show our feelings. Society expects us to stand stoically by as the world around us crumbles gather the last bits we can and rebuild. Guys are supposed to be able to shrug anything off. But we aren't. We live in the box society put us in and we do the best we can. When all hope is lost, I remember to wait for the "zombie apocalypse" and my chance to start over ones all the other boneheads are gone. Just hold on till then and you will see its going to be a lot better. Sounds crazy but it keeps me going when shit gets bad.

qronick · 2012-05-12T17:17:21+00:00

Hi Anthony,

There is no why, it is a simple fact, and 'twas ever thus. But you have identified one of our society's long term hypocrisies. In its modern incarnation it is perhaps because it is inconvenient for the departing woman to have to recognize that she leaves behind any detritus in her wake as she ploughs indomitably through life. There must be no negative consequences for the modern woman's activities and especially no responsibility. If you think this is a pathology, you would be entirely right. An adult takes responsibility for his or her actions and tries at least to minimize the pain that he or she causes. The obvious conclusion is that women today are not required to be adults.

Try to take this as a step onward in your own process of maturing. Use it as a lesson in the vicissitudes of life. Write off your ex, and be all the more wary of the next. Get back on the horse? When and only when you are ready. Not all women are like that? Maybe not, but next time require evidence, and even then be cautious because the human animal will get away with what it can, women are no saints no matter what they would like you to believe and getting away with bad behavior is central to the modern woman's ethos. Take your time, select for intrinsic value not superficial characteristics and remind yourself constantly that if you find yourself with another woman it is only for the moment and commitment is not required of her. No matter how much her gender complain about men's supposed fear of commitment - it isn't fear, it's simple prudence.

EDIT: missing "no".

TracyMorganFreeman · 2012-05-12T09:38:06+00:00

Primarily, men invest most of their emotional support structure in the partner, while women cultivate a networked support structure of friends and family to a greater degree.

When a break up occurs, women have several options to turn to, while men have fewer.

In general, men have fewer options in dealing with the shittiness of life. Maybe that's why they comprise such a large portion of suicides.

twokidsinamansuit · 2012-05-12T08:29:27+00:00

When you find the answer, let me know. It's been over 6 months since I was dumped, she expected me to disappear quietly while she was being fine and moved out. I'm in "our" flat with all her shit and slowly losing my mind. She's happy and fucking other people, I'm all alone and miserable.

But maybe it's got less to do with our genders and more to do with who we are as people.

Truth be told, I don't ever want to be in a serious relationship anymore. It just doesn't pay off and is utterly and completely a waste of time and effort. I've been used and it fucking hurts.

People take what they want from you and never give back, regardless of gender.

rightsbot · 2012-05-12T08:10:17+00:00

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RC_5213 · 2012-05-12T16:05:26+00:00

Because men are expected to be units of maximum utility. There is very little difference between society's idealized "alpha" and the sociopath in American Psycho.

Feminism has encouraged women to be hyperemotional creatures but has reinforced the expectation of men as emotionless monsters.

Google "dark triad traits." That is what women want.

2012-05-12T19:37:16+00:00

From one man to another, those 'supportive' words are correct, in a sense. This is an opportunity for you. It may not seem like it, but you've got an incredible chance to get out, meet people and just enjoy your life. You're pretty emotional right now, that's understandable. The fact that you're emotional means something in the first place. Eventually, you'll use that emotion to hopefully do something. Do something you've never done before. Make changes in your life you've always wanted to make. Be the man you want to be.

WildfireMP · 2012-05-12T18:30:42+00:00

If a response from a sister is acceptable, it can, as mentioned earlier, depend on your support structure of friends and family and if they know you need/want the support. I have a close friend who was cheated on by his long-time S/O and went through a nasty breakup. We have a close-knit group of friends and know him to be very passionate and feel both positive and negative emotions strongly. We all reached out to him in one way or another over the course of a few weeks, whether taking him out for a few beers and a listening ear as my partner and I did, or providing distractions and positive experiences with friends. I'd optimistically like to think that we're a typical group of twenty-something young adults, but we probably do have a greater than normal level of equality in that we're all pretty open with our emotions, positive and negative, with no clear distinction by gender or sex. It's not an easy thing to decide to seek out, but such groups do exist.

celibacy4life · 2012-05-13T16:42:55+00:00

Our worth as men is not tied to how many partners we have in the wake of a nasty break up. We aren't in some sort of "arms race" to have as many partners as possible. Anyone telling you to ignore the pain and agony is bereft of any practical knowledge of the emotional devastation a nasty break up entails. I went through one of these and I still haven't bounced back. Nor do I desire to. If no one else in your life is being supportive, know that I, an anonymous internet comment poster, understand.

wwwhistler · 2012-05-12T21:42:30+00:00

because while there are no true stereotypes for women, all stereotypes for men are unequivocally true. § if you have any doubt, ask a feminist.

Title	A simple question.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	29
Comments	51
Date	May 12, 2012 8:08 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/tjfzh/a_simple_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-simple-question.1021973 https://theredarchive.com/post/1021973

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