AMA request? Someone's who's ACTUALLY done what top comment always suggests in bad divorce self posts: Left the country. Is there anyone who's actually done it?

Sasha_ · 2013-08-01T10:04:23+00:00

I did it, but sort of did it by accident if you get my drift. Divorce and all the horrors that go with it; I was depressed, I'd endured 2+ years of really bad verbal and emotional abuse from my wife after I'd been made redundant and taken three months to find another job.

Anyway, I was right at rock bottom, broke, wouldn't let me see the boys (11, 9, 6 at the time etc.) when I just thought 'fuck this'. Went online, applied for a job in Dubai.

Went out four years back. Tax-free salary, good fucking luck enforcing child support (there's just none of that out there, it doesn't exist, neither does tax, so there's literally no-one for the UK authorities to even write to). Then I just bribed my ex to see the kids - I don't get to see the boys, you don't get any fucking cash. Worked a treat.

I have to say that I didn't really 'settle' in Dubai. But if you're an expatriate and you're an American or European, then you're the top of the pecking order, everyone speaks English, it's very, very safe and it's a great lifestyle. A lot of people get sucked into it, but I kept my head down, focused on making money and squirrelling it away. I wasn't throwing it around on champagne and cars. It's up to you want you to do though.

There's no certainty there though. As an non-Emirati you can't get a mortgage, or own freehold property. You're essentially there on sufferance, though it's difficult to see under what circumstances the UAE would ever throw out westerners. Still, it means everything's got a sort of temporary feeling. Even people who've been there for years and own restaurants and suchlike all plan to move back to where they're from when they retire.

In the end I couldn't really stick it. It just wasn't my kind of place. It was like living in a high-end shopping mall, and the people are a bit superficial, and you've got none of your friends and family nearby; it's not as easy as it sounds.

Having said that, if you can get a 12-18 month gig somewhere abroad, and cut yourself a reasonably good deal, live frugally, then I don't think it's a bad way to get your head clear. I will say that of all the places you could possibly go, then Abu Dhabi/Dubai/possibly Qatar offer lots of job opportunities at all levels and trades, safe environment (if anything, a bit too antiseptic), tax-free living and easy connections to rest of the world. If you were planning to do this I'd put them as my first choice destination.

Quarkster · 2013-08-01T06:06:57+00:00

We had someone a few months ago who seemed to actually move to China. I don't remember any child support or alimony details.

2013-08-01T10:01:04+00:00

Not a divorce, but a bad break up you could say. Yes, I booked a flight and left(after getting help with respect to a job).

Probably got raped/tricked into fathering a child.
Learning it was probably planned.
Just not going to take it in the ass like that while the state keeps me bent over. I said fuck it, I'm out.
Different culture, hard to adapt and I don't earn anywhere near as well as I used to.
I've had to go through frankly humiliating ordeals with my employer here involving his daughter. Though I did it and he now treats me like a son. At least you get your reward in proper cultures. In America basically you get neutered and have to listen to cunts about how you're the cause of all ills. I got great help extending my temporary work visa to a prolonged one year one. I'll get citizenship sorted out too I believe.
I had some initial in the moment regrets, but as I think about how I would have been treated at home and feel the rage I feel no regrets. Things are improving and I'm feeling better every day. Considering the situation I made the best decision I could have.

rightsbot · 2013-08-01T06:06:17+00:00

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Hirudin · 2013-08-01T14:17:54+00:00

It's a pretty lengthy process to expatriate in the US. The IRS keeps track (and taxes) all of your income that you earn, regardless of where you earn it.

Funcuz · 2013-08-01T17:13:31+00:00

Yup...moved to China. Should be pointed out however that I didn't come here to escape a bad divorce , child support payments , or anything like that.

I came here so as to avoid any of that ever happening. Seriously. I looked around and all I saw were these fat pigs with major entitlement issues and thought to myself "People actually expect me to commit to one these things ? Even if I could actually find any of them attractive (and of course there are still plenty of attractive women walking the streets) or only care about "what's on the inside" it wouldn't make any difference in the end. No matter how it turned out , I'd be screwed.

So why risk it ? I mean , if you ever actually want to get married and have a family , who says you have to take on %100 of the risk ? I mean , sure , if you get married in the U.S. , Canada , Western Europe , and so on (basically the developed world) you're pretty much signing up for an eventual ass-plunging in the end. So why do it there ?

Women in the rest of the world are no different really. There are two huge crucial differences to consider though : Firstly , in most of the world , there is no feminism that has turned the courts against men. Mind you , that's because in a lot of the world the courts are against women. Nevertheless , I'm not a woman so I'm not interested in what their issues would be in regards to marriage (what concerns ? really) I don't believe in unfairness one way or the other but in places without feminism , nobody has wasted time and money with the social experiment that is feminism. They've got popcorn...they've watched and want none of it.

Secondly , the culture in the rest of the world is that marriage and family are TRULY first. Not just "I pay the bills , fix the place , take the kids to school , and occasionally head out to the lake with the family." No. Absolutely EVERY decision you make is made solely on the basis of what's best for your family. From lunch to the colour of your socks (if it somehow preserves family harmony). That's why these guys tend to get seriously pissed when they find out they've been cheated on. It's more than just "You fucked that asshole/bitch ! I hate your guts." It's more like "You've just destroyed your entire family right on up to the recently deceased and now you will be hated and ostracized by every person we ever knew in common. Every person."

What I'm saying is that they take marriage seriously. If it means putting on a facade of mutual respect for the next thirty years , that's what happens to keep the clan intact. It means she isn't going to walk out on you because she's bored or wants to "find herself" because you're both under intense pressure to keep your shit wired tight.

Edit : Oh , and P.S. - You have no clue how much better looking women in the rest of the world are. They don't just complain about their weight , they actually do something about it. The minute I stepped off the plane I was amazed at how many beautiful women I saw who dressed sexy (not like sluts) and kept themselves fit. Go to another country and see for yourself. Latin America , Eastern Europe , Asia , Africa...anywhere else. You'll understand why Western women resent all the other women of the world so much. Western women have absolutely nothing on their counterparts in the developing world.

Pecanpig · 2013-08-01T20:04:39+00:00

I haven't, but my logic supporting that action is simply that it's the only choice.

Prison/life in poverty vs a chance at prison/life in poverty.

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