When I see the patriarchy being blamed, I feel marginalised as a man. I also feel that however patriarchy is defined, some men did bad things, many men did good things, built society, lost their lives, sacrificed themselves for the benefit of others, and it saddens me that all this is wiped, and we are instead defined by the bad and imperfect. When I hear men being stigmatised as oppressors, I feel stereotyped. When I hear people say I am privileged therefore I am showing my aggrieved entitlement, I feel minimised as a person. When I hear people talk about bad qualities associated with men, or use masculinity as a negative, I feel personally vilified.

When you attack symbols of my identity, I feel devalued as a person. When you see me as privileged without knowing me and my life, and without recognising the privileges in other identities, I feel judged, and unsafe, that I can be stereotyped into your box, so that you can devalue me. When you attack men, whites, Christians, middle aged, etc, you are attacking me. I take it personally. I feel it. I don't intend on taking it personally but these are parts of my identity and I am not ashamed of who I am.

I choose not to be treated as disposable; to shut off my feelings and pretend I don't feel pain. You may say I am angry because I am an entitled white man, and to you I say, who are you to judge me and who are you to show your sexist racist stereotyping. That hurts when you say that. I did not attack you or your group. Sexism hurts you. Guess what. It hurts me too! Why attack me and my group?

I can be angry. I can feel offended. I can feel judged. I can feel sad and demoralised. I can feel hurt. I am a man and not a creature to be despised and devalued. I will not accept or tolerate that.

I invite men to sense how you feel when people criticise us. Let them know the impact on you personally. Give them arguments they will give you their rationalisations. They think men are heartless and invulnerable - that we have no feelings, powerful, and that we can take constant criticism. They rely on this myth to keep us disposable. Give them your truth - how you really feel, how it impacts you personally. They may criticise your expressed vulnerability but they will they will leave as the bully, not the virtuous.

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