Defining (female) violence

Technical_Joke7180 · 2025-11-07T09:39:37+00:00

Their strength is in social media and the government not their arms

Oh and their crocodile tears.

I have an online group stalking me because of an allegation from over a decade ago and there's nothing I can do

nebulousrealist · 2025-11-07T11:18:15+00:00

I dunno, I don't think quantifying non-physical violence by making it a physical scale would work in practice. Its more about validating the emotional as just as meaningful, if not more as the physical.

More needs to be done to acknowledge all forms of abuse and I do think strides are being made, such as coercive control being legally recognised in the UK.

There's a growing body of research about male victims, but little action. I feel its the action, the research is there, some of it has even been synthesised.

Seems barely anyone is cross pollinating research realms, for example; trauma studies and neuroscience are making waves in the physiological side effects of non-pysical harms.

It feels there needs to be a logical, scientifically grounded lobbying for male focused DV services, peer led by men with lived experience and to take up more space in the sector.

Again, working in DV, the acknowledgement of men is slowly improving, but safe passage for them is exceptionally difficult.

Vast_Revenue5545 · 2025-11-07T17:11:39+00:00

If a woman has a big social media following, then there's no point in even fighting; she has more popularity in social media, bigger influence, then she'll have her army of followers/subscribers backing her up.

Pretend-Storm4566 · 2025-11-08T04:17:42+00:00

Emotional abuse is a thing, use that phrase instead.

ElisaSKy · 2025-11-07T10:41:20+00:00

I believe our dear Ancapistani friends have come up with interesting ideas that could be useful for our purposes.

Talk to Ancaps, and a moral principle most of them hold is called "voluntarism". If two people voluntarily engage in some interaction, it can be assumed this voluntary action benefits both. If both parties benefit when they voluntarily interact, then voluntary interaction is an easy path to maximize overall benefit. Else, one (or both) of the parties would be liable to do literally anything else. As an example... One day, I buy some food from the bakery. As someone whom is not a baker, clearly it's easier for me to cough up some coin than to bake my own fougasse. Whatever the baker buys with my coin, clearly they'll get it done easier than doing it themselves. On my way out of the bakery, I see a homeless man. I split my fougasse in two, give him half. He gets food he needs, I get to feel good about myself. An abstract benefit on my end, sure, but clearly I must have valued feeling good about myself more than I valued half of a delicious piece of oiled bread stuffed with olives.

We've been talking about voluntary interactions, so the eagle-eyed among you will have figured I'm about to talk about interactions that are not voluntary. A good word for that is "coercion". Coercion could be defined as the act of deliberately forcing, tricking, or otherwise imposing unwilling interactions on people. If I steal your wallet, clearly that interaction was coercive. If I use social pressure to demand your seat OR ELSE on the basis that I have lived through an arbitrary number of birthdays instead of politely asking, I coerced you into giving me your seat. (Yes, old people, if you ask "Hey u/ElisaSKy , can I have your seat please?" my answer will be "sure, here you go!", but if you scream in my face that I owe you my seat, I'll flip you the birb. Just because you're old, doesn't mean you get to be aggressive jerks.). The act of deliberately lying to trick you into an interaction you would have otherwise refused is called "fraud" and YES, it IS coercion of you're wondering.

Clearly, some methods of coercion are worse than others (worse to club you and take your wallet than to threaten you and take your wallet than to swipe your wallet while you're not looking), and clearly the bigger the interaction I coerce out of you, the worse coercion is (coercing me into giving you my seat on the bus is less bad than coercing me into handing you my life savings).

And with that idea, we can have a simple way to define (female) coercion.

This excludes agreed upon violence like martial arts sparring or spanking with a paddle during a consensual BDSM moment. This excludes accidental interactions (if you fall on me when the bus suddenly brakes, I might tell you to hold on more tightly next time, but I'm not gonna yell at you for "assaulting" me) which are, by definition, not intentional. This excludes self-defense from the equation, because, when you start an interaction with someone else they did not volunteer for, you have no rights to complain that they engaged in it.

We can boil it down to two components:

Severity of coercion.

Scale of coerced interaction.

fatsqrl_treehugr · 2025-11-07T13:08:03+00:00

Pain is subjective though. And who culturally does society tell to STFU about their pain and F our feelings? Rhymes with sin. Conversely who is encouraged to express their pain ad nauseum and how they perceived they've been wronged.

Lastly. Even physical violence coming from a female is largely accepted; if your a man, you hit back, you're going to jail. I think one of the most dangerous points in a man's life is when he's hit by a female. Either because he'll hit back (and suffer legal consequences) or from a counter false accusations. Given our culture today of "believe her", if she's hitting f it. I have no other choice but to walk away. It's over.

The key to rescuing yourself (and make no mistake, you are on your own) is being resolved to leave, and make it clear why you are leaving. I.e. "I can no longer be with you because I can't be with someone who is physically abusive.". If you give it any time before walking away they will make it about something else - or try and fabricate BS that never happened. Ask me how I know.

Wylanderuk · 2025-11-08T00:55:13+00:00

Hmmm I don't buy into the entire "words are violence" line, perhaps reframe it as aggression or abuse.

Instead of trying to widen the definition of violence sub characterise the definition of abuse.

Title	Defining (female) violence
Author	EmptyImagination4
Upvotes	36
Comments	43
Date	November 7, 2025 9:29 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1oqpyj3/defining_female_violence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/defining-female-violence.1565939 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565939

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