How do I learn to trust men?

Devastration · 2016-07-14T06:50:30+00:00

The suspicion with these kinds of posts is that you're gathering material to slander MRAs: "I asked them a sincere question, and within seven minutes they were calling me a slut and asking what about teh menz". Bzzzz! Game over!

There might be some interesting conversations to be had, but I don't think they're going to happen here...

The Helen Gurley Brown school of feminism promised young women that they could sow their wild oats like men. That promise having been delivered, young women don't seem to be entirely happy with the hookup culture. The you-go-girl feminist explanation is that men are shitheel losers. Another theory is that "sexual liberation and radical feminism unleashed the current mess by misunderstanding male and female nature"
You might be a female analog of the dreaded quote-unquote nice guy. The nice guy offers emotional support with the hope/expectation of a future sexual relationship. You offered sex with the hope/expectation of future emotionally intimate relationship. In both cases, the giver imagines that the other person has signed up to an unspoken covert contract, and feels used when there's no reciprocation.

civilsaint · 2016-07-14T06:33:36+00:00

It's really hard to give advice for such things. If you're looking for dating advice, you probably won't get help here.

From your comment about an emotional relationship, you could find some good links in here about how men express emotions differently, and how they are supposed to 'be a man' and the effect it has on men.

I posted a link about '44 reasons it sucks to be a man' the other day. That will give you an understanding of why it may be harder for you to connect with a man.

As for the sex side, only do that if that's what you want. If a guy wants to get to know you, he'll still be interested even if you don't have sex.

Hope this helps.

Krissam · 2016-07-14T11:29:20+00:00

Take responsibility for your own actions. Stop thinking that you've been used to sex, instead think of it as you having had sex with someone and was surpriced at what happened after.

Hesitant_Observer · 2016-07-14T11:01:25+00:00

Well judging all men and being distrustful of them because of your past is called misandry, so doing that is being a bigot. flipping the script a bit, a man has no obligation to return your sexual favors with an emotional connection, and you just need to accept that. You decide who to have sex with. It is not men's fault as a collective that you have not been happy with your choices. You could definitely try celibacy until someone gives you that emotional connection you are looking for. Fact is, it takes two to tango.

Leinadro · 2016-07-14T13:23:36+00:00

I would say be mindful of which guys you're interested in.

And I mean that. When a guy asks a similar question he is quickly told to reevaluate the kind of women he goes for and I think that holds true for women too.

Lumberingfeather · 2016-07-14T13:46:49+00:00

They do it to you before you do it to them.

Men lose nearly everything when they get divorced, so it makes sense for men to keep women at arm's length emotionally, to prevent them being hurt emotionally and financially down the line.

barbiergeorges · 2016-07-14T13:47:59+00:00

Ok, I appreciate your thoughtful responses, and I understand that this group is not a dating advice site. I guess I just wanted to understand from people who have spent a lot of time working to understand the male perspective.

I am not begrudging any hook ups or one night stands that I have had in the past. What is hard for me to get around is I feel like I am very upfront about who I am and what I want. And then 2, 4, 6 months later, I am surprised to hear this guy knew from day one he never actually saw a future with me. I know can't blame all men, but the more it happens the harder it is to be enthusiastic about meeting the next person.

Somethingaboutagoat · 2016-07-14T19:46:02+00:00

That one guy who is your super close friend? Maybe give him a shot.

furchfur · 2016-07-14T07:13:45+00:00

A one post wander! I will not even bother!

FFXIV_Machinist · 2016-07-14T16:46:10+00:00

the primary motivator of the human condition is reproduction. wanting to have sex with someone is a perfectly normal response to interactions with people. if you meet someone, and feel sexually attracted to them, it is ok to act on that. there is no magical length of time that someone should have to wait to engage in sexual activity with a person they share a mutual attraction with.

many women are brainwashed from birth that sex is some kind of stigmatic action that is reprehensible and should be avoided at all costs. these notions are remnants from archaic practices from WAY before the invention of vaccines, anti-biotics, contraceptives and abortions, meant to scare women into avoiding sex. in the modern day these notions have little meaning. by avoiding teaching Pubescent children about sex in great detail, and encouraging the idea that it is not ok to do, we consistently terrify them, until adulthood, and wind up having men who are taught that sex is awesome, and women who are taught to fear it. Sex is fun- have it with whoever you want to.

MRA-automatron-2kb · 2016-07-14T18:46:58+00:00

Men are mocked if they show their emotions so that is why they hold them in.

Read up on MRM issues and ask how he feels about it.

Also date a man who has hobbies or something you can do together rather than sit down dates.

Title	How do I learn to trust men?
Author	barbiergeorges
Upvotes	0
Comments	13
Date	July 14, 2016 5:53 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4srq46/how_do_i_learn_to_trust_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-do-i-learn-to-trust-men.945579 https://theredarchive.com/post/945579

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