How do you cope?

Dronterz · 2023-01-04T23:03:02+00:00

Yes of course I want to, but it's hard to find people that support you...

-smeagole · 2023-01-04T23:54:59+00:00

I’m 20 and all of the men including myself who face hardships don’t talk about it. They force it down deep inside. Than they move on like nothing happened. I believe this is natural. Most fathers and men don’t show emotion.

I believe men do have a desire to talk about their problems. We just have no outlets to do so. Or we don’t know how to express our emotions.

We can’t talk about it with women we’re dating because they will think of you differently. Most of your friends will make fun of your problems unless you know them very well. Even when men talk about their problems/feelings between each other it usually doesn’t last long.

While women may cry when they get emotional. For men it turns into anger/aggression.

The most common way I’ve seen men cope with their hardships is through drugs and alcohol. We also take out our aggression on other people.

Men have to work their way out of their own problems, a lot of times with no guidance.

ElisaSKy · 2023-01-05T00:48:06+00:00

Well, I often want to talk about shit I go through, not just for venting but also as "rubber duck debuggint" as it were. I'm always afraid on some level (because I have dealt with it often enough) that people will either openly be dismissive or worse, accuse me of lying, of being delusional (to the point that not just family, but also actual mental "health" professional could have an open admission from my "mother" that she saw nothing wrong with "asking" (I know what happens when I say "no") me to touch her down there and still say I'm the problem. After all, why did I accept, and when I mention that I accepted only because I got locked up in a psych ward for two days over saying her "no", well obviously I should have told her "yes" back then and I was the problem for telling her "no". I can't tell her "no", but I can't tell her "yes" either...)...

And the funny-not-funny thing is people who tell me "hey, if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to!". It's not that I don't want to. I do want to. I'm just scared to!

shit-zen-giggles · 2023-01-05T02:51:59+00:00

The basics first:

sleep as regularly as possible. If you can't find sleep just lay down and zone out, relax your muscles, don't get worked up about not being able to sleep but rather take the time to relax.

eat right. Learn about the physical substances your body needs and get them. If your biological machinery doesn't get it's required stuff, everything else will fail. You don't need to eat a ton of supplements or become a healthy living guru, 80/20 rule.

some exercise. This clears stress hormones from the body and helps you keeping your head clear. The relaxation & energy I've denied myself out of inertia and lazyness is nothing I'm proud of. My motto now is: I exercise because of the feeling I have get afterwards, rather than any other goal I might have persued in the past.

If you get those big 3 right, you're already on a pretty good track. Getting them right will also help a great deal with respect to cutting back on unhealthy coping mechanisms, simply because you'll have less need for them.

Also, don't beat yourself up mentally. Think of Jordan Peterson what you want, but 'Treat yourself, like you're someone worth helping.' is a really good paradigm.

Big-Bit-3253 · 2023-01-05T09:05:21+00:00

I just play video games, namely fire emblem (At least digital girls dont accuse you for anythin)

bigbabe_310 · 2023-01-05T02:12:57+00:00

Started therapy to unpack all the past shit, mostly now I walk, find a quiet place to sit and zone out or write

lemons7472 · 2023-01-05T21:09:06+00:00

Honestly I don’t know if it would benefit or not but I’ve never really told live people about certain things or past to current problems. I realize that do get silently frustrated at certain past things, I like past harassment or off sexist comments against men that I may have heard at school (hell I even today I heard one and got mocked, which triggered me back to this sub), or a past assault, but even If I do feel like I wanna bring up those topics, I either think that there is just no point, or I will just make family members feel angry for me unnecessarily with the harassment part since that said moment has past so it’s no use, plus I wanna deal with my own situations anyways in the moment, but at the same time I just might not think it’s a big enough deal to say anything about it to other live people or authority figures. Other times I just don’t wanna bring up those topics of what xyz sexist comment I heard or saw or even other issues similar to that, i feel like it’s just not a good idea to bring up those topics. Even other issues that are not sexism/assault related I still just simply don’t talk about those issues anyways. Hell, for the former stuff I already mentioned, I wouldn’t know where to start anyways with speaking to a person about those experiences.

The internet is probably the only place I occasionally vent to others about that stuff, and even then it’s with internet strangers rather than internet friends, which I haven’t spoken to in a while anyways. I just think it’s better to be introverted and spend time by myself to cope I guess. Play video games, and watch YouTube videos.

rahsoft · 2023-01-07T23:59:03+00:00

i think a majority of men would like to talk about issues that are on their mind( i would), but the problem is finding a non-judgemental person( even if it's one you are not connected to ). Its not quite the old idea that a small community always had an older wiser person, you could confide in( and yes you had the priests).I've been on the other side ( not deliberately) listening to people who felt they could approach and ask me to listen to them, its hard.

it would appear that society is in a very big mess and in dire need of listening to disenfranchised people going through what Peterson called " a terrible life"

if you find a solution , let us know eh?

Title	How do you cope?
Author	jessi387
Upvotes	9
Comments	13
Date	January 4, 2023 10:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/103h3sb/how_do_you_cope/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-do-you-cope.1147018 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147018

Comments