I lurk here regularly ever since I saw The Red Pill by Cassie Jaye. I have to say overall I agree with the Mens' Rights Movement.

But I've seen enough crap here, too, that I think you all need to take a second look at.

First, it is a false equivalence to compare FGM to circumcision. FGM removes a woman's ability to enjoy sex completely as well as the possibility of other medical issues.

Circumcision is not that. There is the threat of possible medical issues from circumcision. I wish I had not had my son circumcised, honestly, because I didn't know the history or procedure at the time.

But to tell people who earnestly believe that this is an important part of their lives (e.g. Jews) that this is a hill for the MRM to die on is to disinvite them. Allowing for the possibility that there are legitimate cases for it. Since it is not the removal of sexual pleasure it is up to the people, i.e. the parents and the individual.

Second, a man accused of sexual assault should not immediately be defended. Nor should he be discarded. And just because a case comes up in the midst of a toxic moment (#metoo) doesn't mean that it is part of it. I am in a relationship with a woman who was attacked, abused, and ignored throughout most of her life whether by babysitters, boyfriends, or bosses. And not all of them were men, either! And she has never tried to do anything legally against any of them. But I can tell you that if any of them were running for public office she would be certain to bring it up. She's not holding onto it to wait for her moment of prime revenge. At this point, though she deals with the trauma of it to this day, the fear of reprisal and "being put on blast" keeps her quiet. All I can do is put her at ease and encourage her when the time is right. It takes gentleness, especially so that I'm not seeming like I forcing her to act on the fact that she was forced upon. It takes patience and gentleness that is admittedly difficult.

The point is that if you really want people to see that you are standing up for equal rights between men and women you need to take each case on its own merit. You can't lump them together. Whether they are accusing Kavanaugh, Weinstein, you, or me they need to be given the chance to be right.

This, to me, is an important part of equal rights. Every person who has a grievance against another has the chance to be right. Every person against whom a grievance is brought has a chance to be right. I think this image from r/libertarian sums it up pretty well. The only change I would make is to have the don't-believe side also shouting with the guy looking at both with the same face. Innocent until proven guilty. That means that the accused is to be given a proper chance to defend themselves. It also means that a proper investigation should be given to every reasonable accusation.

With that in mind, I have seen no one on here actually addressing the concerns of Dr. Blasey Ford and her testimony, merely coming to the defense of Kavanaugh. While I honestly haven't watched the whole hearing, the portions I have seen show her to be a forthright and generally honest woman and highly intelligent. Meanwhile Kavanaugh's interviews and testimony are enough to say that I don't trust him at all. He wavered on his high school drinking *while having documentation showing that he was a member of "100 Kegs or Bust." The (extended) portions of his testimony that I have seen show that he was trying to operate on a script and when pressed for something more he stammered and repeated himself in a way that was honestly embarrassing. And then he had the gall to get angry about it!

Third, and probably most importantly, the MRM is supposed to be non-partisan. I despise anything blatantly partisan and most of the posts I've seen here are nearly explicitly partisan. I cannot be a liberal: I think there is too much anarchy in it. I cannot be conservative: I think there is too much constraint in it. I sure as hell can't be a party member of anything except, maybe, the Pirate Party, but they aren't in my area. If the MRM is going to show itself to be what it claims to be it needs to back off of those terms. Do not support anyone, anywhere, "because they are my party." Instead support whomever you will, wherever you are, "because I agree with them," or, more likely if you are honest, "because I agree with them more than I do with their opponent, though I reserve the right to rescind my support."

I want more than anything an end to both feminism and the MRM because they are no longer needed. But as long as you are drawing lines that are unwavering you will never win the hearts of your opponents. Only if you win their hearts will you see real change. That has been how feminism and gay rights and civil rights and other such movements of the past decades have been successful - not with gnashing of teeth but gentleness of heart.

So I ask you to stand up and do work like a man: The hardest work of all is to keep yourself in check. Fight yourself, fight your assumptions, fight your biases, and fight your easy answers. None of them help. No law is going to do it for you. No partnership of women is going to put you right. Show the world that you are serious about equal rights and, in time, they will join you.

If we as men can show the rest of the world what masculine dignity looks like, that the privileges that we may enjoy (some are legitimate) come with weightier responsibility that we are keeping off the shoulders of the rest, then we may yet win what most of us truly want: simple equality. Equal sentences for equal crimes. Equal rights in all realms. Equal pay for equal work. Equal risk for equal reward.